As you all know, overcoming an affair can be tough. I have made tremendous progress over the last year, but I still have my days.
Yesterday was tough for me. I am moving out of the house within the next two months, and I had bottled up some really deep pain over leaving. Our financial problems are getting to be overwhelming. I wanted to stay at the house until I got my life in order, but I can not fully move on living with my husband. We both know it’s over, he is still seeing the other woman, and that fact alone makes it hard to live with him.
It angers me that I have to leave before he leaves; I feel that as soon as I move out he is going to have her over all the time while I struggle to make it on my own. At the same time, I would not want to stay in the house, bad memories and I know she has been there; I just want to start fresh. But I am still just angry.
I feel like I have been repressing the anger over all of this for quite some time. I didn’t realize how upset I was until this weekend, when I had my first official weekend without the kids (my husband was watching them; we switch every other week now). I had a really bad Friday night, and when I started looking for an apartment the next day, I began crying and could not stop. I was crying out of frustration and crying because I had to leave the house. I was crying because of the pain leaving is going to cause my kids. I was crying because I know there is no way I can stay here and be disrespected. I was crying because as soon as I leave, she will be in the house. I was crying because I felt like he would win if I left.
I literally cried all day. Then I wiped my tears, ran several errands, came home, and went to bed at 6 p.m. (Which is unheard of for me!)
Ironically, I felt better the next day. As I go through this journey, I realize that it is okay to cry sometimes. I almost feel that I needed to release the anger I was feeling over moving out. I don’t think I have completely gotten rid of that emotion—you don’t just get rid of any emotion overnight, after all—but the crying did help release a lot of it. I try hard not to harbor anger for long periods of time, but sometimes it builds up and ends up coming out like it did this weekend.
The past few weeks have been tough, but, I have to stay positive and believe that things happen for a positive reason. I feel I am coming up on a big transition and I need to release some emotions to get through it.
Remember, ladies. Crying is sometimes a good thing—at least it was for me!