Yesterday I Cried For Hours

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Yesterday I Cried For Hours post image

Photo courtesy of Christopher Sessums https://www.flickr.com/photos/csessums/

As you all know, overcoming an affair can be tough. I have made tremendous progress over the last year, but I still have my days.

Yesterday was tough for me. I am moving out of the house within the next two months, and I had bottled up some really deep pain over leaving. Our financial problems are getting to be overwhelming. I wanted to stay at the house until I got my life in order, but I can not fully move on living with my husband. We both know it’s over, he is still seeing the other woman, and that fact alone makes it hard to live with him.

It angers me that I have to leave before he leaves; I feel that as soon as I move out he is going to have her over all the time while I struggle to make it on my own. At the same time, I would not want to stay in the house, bad memories and I know she has been there; I just want to start fresh. But I am still just angry.

I feel like I have been repressing the anger over all of this for quite some time. I didn’t realize how upset I was until this weekend, when I had my first official weekend without the kids (my husband was watching them; we switch every other week now). I had a really bad Friday night, and when I started looking for an apartment the next day, I began crying and could not stop. I was crying out of frustration and crying because I had to leave the house. I was crying because of the pain leaving is going to cause my kids. I was crying because I know there is no way I can stay here and be disrespected. I was crying because as soon as I leave, she will be in the house. I was crying because I felt like he would win if I left.

I literally cried all day. Then I wiped my tears, ran several errands, came home, and went to bed at 6 p.m. (Which is unheard of for me!)

Ironically, I felt better the next day. As I go through this journey, I realize that it is okay to cry sometimes. I almost feel that I needed to release the anger I was feeling over moving out. I don’t think I have completely gotten rid of that emotion—you don’t just get rid of any emotion overnight, after all—but the crying did help release a lot of it. I try hard not to harbor anger for long periods of time, but sometimes it builds up and ends up coming out like it did this weekend.

The past few weeks have been tough, but, I have to stay positive and believe that things happen for a positive reason. I feel I am coming up on a big transition and I need to release some emotions to get through it.

Remember, ladies. Crying is sometimes a good thing—at least it was for me!

Stay safe!

  • Chanta September 19, 2010, 7:18 AM

    Hi I feel your pain and anger,I’m going throught something like this myself. I have kids too. I have to move on with my life. Email sometimes

  • Jewels September 19, 2010, 9:42 AM

    It’s crazy because I am doing well on so many levels, but cheating hits you in so many ways, you have to just fight through it. The one thing that I have going for me is that I know for a fact that I will get through this. Thanks for your support Chanta!!

  • Dawn October 6, 2011, 4:27 PM

    I am the one that cheated there were manys things he was not providing for me,like emotional,sexually,and ect.He was there finiaccly.But there was many things that were missing,I have no where to go and it feels like I have no one to go to.Thank you

    • Jewels October 9, 2011, 10:49 PM

      Hello Dawn,

      I understand that he was not there for you in many ways, but going outside the marriage might seem justifiable in your mind at the time, but the ramifications are literally devastating for all parties typically. And there are alternatives for working on a marriage when your needs are not being met (is your husband interested in therapy at this point?)Now you say that you have no where to go and it feels like no one to go to, talk to me, I am here, regardless of what you did, because you would not of posted what you did unless you really want to learn and grow from this experience. So let me know how did your husband react, are you still living together, ect. ect. Take Care.

  • downinluck April 15, 2012, 12:44 AM

    I have to be out of my house in June. My first house. My house i brought my babies home to. My house i have marked their growth on the door frame. Its going to be an awful day. I still don’t know where i am going, but i know it will not be as nice as my home. My daughter will have to change schools and leave her friends. I still sleep with the lights on since he left. So i know i will be scared living somewhere new. Man it sucks moving on.

    • Jewels April 19, 2012, 12:33 AM

      Downinluck,

      I know the unknown is very scary, but try to look at the potential. I know your child will have to leave her friends, but maybe there is a possibility that she could find new friends, even ones that are better than the one’s she had. Maybe the new place will represent a new beginning for you, one that just might end up turning out to be better than the life you have now. I know it’s hard to get into this mind frame, so I am just trying to push you a little. Hugs to you!!

  • Juney June 29, 2012, 10:40 AM

    Hi,

    I found this site and it has been such a blessing to help me get through this. I understand the crying. I just recently moved out 2 months ago because my husband is having an affair, and till this day, is still having this affair. He has denied, denied, denied and has yet to face his family.
    We have children, and I refuse to talk bad about their father, but my daughter is at an age where it is time to show her a foundation of marriage, love and family, and it is dissappointing that she sees what is going on. I continue to be a positive role model for my children, holding my head up high. I continue to pray and uplift in the Lord, because I know that He will take care of me. I dont know what His plan for me is, but I know that it will be amazing.
    But, since we have been separated for a few months, I finally told my husband that we need to move forward in the divorce. Right when I sent him that text, I had to leave work early because I started crying, sobbing, shaking. It finally hit me and became my reality that after 15 years with this man, the man I was committed to, took my vows serious, it is now over.
    I cried all day and right before I went to bed, I read my bible and prayed. This morning I woke up and felt better. Like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can finally breathe.

    Thank you for this site, it truly does give me hope.

    • Jewels June 30, 2012, 9:43 PM

      Hello Juney,

      Welcome to the site, so you understand, that is wonderful. The deep, long cry is releasing in way. I know it’s especially hard with the kids, I still struggle with raising them on my own and dealing with my ex-husband. It’s so complicated. But I am so much better than I was in the beginning. When I first moved out, I literally thought I could not handle raising the kids by myself, I did not know my own strength. I know it’s so frustrating when they deny when the evidence is right there. My husband admitted to the affair, but to this day is convinced that I cheated as well, which is very annoying. I used to let it get to me, but now I tell him if that is what you want to think, fine. I am not going to live to try to convince him of something I did not do. Take care, thank you for the kind words about the site, and I hope everything works out in your favor. Hugs to you!!

  • Cathy March 20, 2013, 9:40 AM

    Myhusband has cheated multiple times, but only a handful of times physically. He continues to “sext” a particular woman day after day although they’ve only been together in person 3 times. Over the course of 2 years, I have discovered his infidelity (and I do consider sexting to be infidelity), at least 4 times. Each time we continue to try to work things out. He is the world’s most attentive, kind husband in every way and I have NEVER doubted he loves me. That is what makes this so hard to accept. That’s why I can’t leave. We’ve had counseling but he’s never moved out for more than 4 days. I am so weak!!!! I have NO hope of trusting him ever again, but I cannot face the thought of living without him either. And financially I am ANGRY at how much we will suffer. Right now we have a good life. I have told him to get an apartment, but still dread the day it happens. I am so confused.

  • Michella March 20, 2013, 9:11 PM

    Cathy! We are living the exact same situation, thanks for letting me know that counseling does not help. I’m at a crossroad right now, and hate myself for it. Should I stay or should I go?

  • Kathy August 5, 2013, 5:17 PM

    There are so many women who go thru this awful situation of thier husbands or boyfriends cheating. When does it get better, because even when you divorce and remarry someone new it happens all over agian~!!!! Even when they cry back and beg you to work it out they lie and go back to thier problems of cheating, lying ect. Are there any good real MEN out there???? Its just not fair, women who are good and deserving of a man that should treat them like a queen should not deserve this disrespect and turmoil from a man who act like he is a teenager!!! WHY??? I just want to know if there are any good ones left.

    • Jewels August 9, 2013, 7:23 AM

      There are good ones left, when I hear from a man torn apart from the wife cheating, I know he was faithful. Then there are men outside of that who are dedicated to their wives. So even though it doesn’t look like it, there are good men out there. I think that the cheating/breakdown in relationship are more of a symptom of a bigger problem with our lack as a society in handling relationship problems, having tough conversations, and ethical/moral breakdown.

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