Why? It’s the question that I can not get out of my mind, it plagues me. I finally got to talk to him without fighting to try to answer the question “Why did my husband cheat?”. He is a summary of what he said in one sentence.
My husband claims we didn’t have sex enough.
While I was glad that he was honest, I was frustrated by the response. It is true; we did not have nearly as much sex as we did before I got pregnant. But I didn’t do this on purpose or to make him angry. When you are pregnant, your hormones change, and the things that you liked before sometimes have to be adjusted, which can include sex. I just thought of it as a bad phase in our marriage, a point in time. And I knew my husband was the type of person that could weather the storm. I was really hurt when he didn’t care.
Instead of seeking to understand and working on the marriage, he committed adultery—pure laziness in my opinion. We have really turned into a society that takes the easy way out.
I get that men need sex, I really do. But here is the problem: when you’re cheating, there is no incentive to accommodate your wife’s needs. All the ideas and suggestions I had to fix our problems were met with the attitude that we’d do things his way or not at all. He never acted like this before, it use to be compromise in our relationship. But when you have someone on the side, of course you can be a little more arrogant.
I think that there are many answers to the question of “why did my husband cheat on me?”. It ultimately comes down to men wanting to feel validated, and telling themselves that another woman outside the marriage can validate them. My husband needed validation, because while I was pregnant, I didn’t have the time or energy to validate him in the ways that I did prior to pregnancy.
Infidelity is an easy way out of a problem within the marriage. I feel that those who work on their marriage or sex life will have experiences that are much deeper and more emotionally satisfying than they will by taking the easy way out through cheating. And unfortunately, the easy way out devastates families all over the world.
Regardless of why people ultimately cheat, I hope that we can support each other in the healing process.