The days following an infidelity within the marriage is always critical. Emotions and feelings are high, and you are literally trying to make sense of each day.
As women, we typically go into ‘fix it’ mode, trying to save the marriage after cheating. Through the tears, anger, and hurt, we try to figure out what we need to do in order to make the marriage whole again.
I started reading books and articles on saving the marriage. I constantly asked myself, what can I do now to fix this situation?
What I have found is that you can do all the work in the world to try to repair the marriage, but your husband has to be in fix it mode as well.
I often interact with women who are working hard to save the marriage, while the cheating husband is not taking any action. The marriage can not heal in this manner.
The most ideal situation after infidelity is when the person that has cheated leads the recovery effort. It’s really the first step in saying I’m sorry. Words do not count after affairs, only action, and if your husband is taking charge and leading the path towards healing the marriage, it is a good sign.
I know some of you (well most of you) might be reading this thinking, my husband is just not the type. That is fine, my ex-husband was not the type either. If this is the case, hold him accountable for small actions. Meaning if I recommend a couple of books that will help aid the recovery, my husband should be willing to go to the bookstore or order the books. Cheating husbands have to put in action after the affair if they want a fighting chance of saving the marriage. If your husband is not taking action, observe his behavior. Do not try to overcompensate for his lack of trying, that is not your job. Watch and observe his actions, they will lead you towards the next course of action for yourself and within the marriage.