The Theory About Cheating Husbands that No One Wants to Talk About

I have been playing around with this theory for some time now. There are tons of reasons that husbands cheat, but this one doesn’t really get discussed a lot. The idea is this: Maybe this experience has come into my life because my husband is not ‘the one’.

I don’t think I believe in the idea that there’s a “one” person out there for everybody. I do believe that there are people that come into your life for a particular season and they are perfect for you in that time. That time could be 1 year, 5 years, or 30 years.

If I get honest with myself, there were some things about my husband that made our relationship “off” from square one. My husband was never one to take responsibility for his actions. Did not think it was a big deal, now looking back that should have been a deal breaker. We would talk, but when we talked for long periods of time, I would often get frustrated. Not sure why, but it happened. Taking responsibility and communication are instrumental in a marriage, two traits that should not be overlooked. Two traits that I overlooked, when you are in love, it is so easy to overlook undesirable traits and habits, I am sure I had my own as well.

At the same time, my husband gave me faith and hope when I was feeling down. He is a perfect gentleman, always opening doors and paying for dinners. He was interacts well with kids, and I admire him for that.

Is my husband ‘the one’? Considering the state of the marriage, I do not think so. In order to stay married, he would have to take responsibility for his actions, and we would need to communicate better – neither is happening. But, I do feel he was definitely ‘the one’ for that period of time in my life.

When you’re choosing a partner, it is difficult to find the balance between being picky and accepting anything. In my case, I tend to be more accepting and overlook things. I am the great hope – everyone can change with just a little help! What I failed to realize is that people have to want to help themselves first.

7 thoughts on “The Theory About Cheating Husbands that No One Wants to Talk About”

  1. I read your post and I wanted to share some of the things I learned. First I hear in your post a want to learn, grow and move on, which is wonderful and very insightful. I had a councillor ask me, “What does she have that you don’t have?” I sat with that question for a really long time, she was younger, thinner, blond and very beautiful. What I did learn in time was that I am fine just as I am and I had a part in my marriage ending. So, I really looked at me and where did issues in our marriage before the affair create distance and leave room for an affair. One of the issues I knew about was communication. So I decided to become the best I can be and started by working on my communication skills. Today, I feel very strong in that area and have tackled many more. I realized I am fine and did not deserve this betrayal, and I had a choice of what to do next. That was 12 years ago and I have not stopped growing or searching since. It is now my life to be aware and continue to evolve into the best human being I can be. As much as I was deeply wounded and devastated at the time. I truly feel today it launched me into becoming the person I was always meant to be. I wish you much peace love and happiness.

  2. Thanks so much Splinky!! I love to hear from women like you who have made it through the storm, it gives encouragement to us all. It seems like you took responsibility for your part, and also learned a lot about yourself along the way. I hope we all get to that place. Thanks for making me smile.

  3. found this web site yesterday,my life as a new it is not there most days i feel dead and empty i just go through doing things you do as a wife and mother i found out about my husband 11 mounths ago about my husbands sordid life i have no one to talk to my choice when i found out i dumpted all my friends and have spent the last 11 mounth trying to find out why he did it and the only answer i have come up with the act of cheating is a total selfish act they live in there onw sordid planet they look and judge there wifes to justify there own choices and when they hit planet life they see the devastation they have caused while they choose to live in there filfty sordid life when some body chooses to cheat it like droping a stone in a puddle whilst the stone is falling life is fun for the cheater but the impact of the stone hitting the water is the devastation of there choises and the ripples the stone causes in the water is the pain and grief of every one caught up in one person choices and no matter how hard they cant stop the pain and devation they have cause no matter how hard they try there act are of total selfishness there are no excuses to volate some one who loves you i have spent 11 mounths to come to this a wast of time probably but in my knowing now it was my way of dealing with the most pain full thing i have ever had to deal with and am still dealing with i do feel a bit better today because as sick as it sounds to find this site and read other peoples experiance does make make me feel as im not mad just proccing an immature retard choices so good luck to you all

  4. Hello earth angel,
    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s also the hardest thing I have ever gone through as well. I will tell you that all the thinking in the world can’t justify their selfish behaviors. It’s sad they have no idea what they put us through by their actions. You mentioned that you dumped all of your friends (I am assuming female friends) so you can focus on your marriage. It might not be a bad idea to start reconnecting with them. I had a very bad habit of surrounding myself with a problem until it’s fixed. I did that with my cheating husband, and it impacting my health until I physically couldn’t do it anymore. I think it’s time to do something for you, you deserve it for all that you have been through. If your constantly thinking about the affair, you’re doing to be in a depressed state often and that is not good for yourself of anyone around you. Best of luck with your situation, take care.

  5. Hi all, i know we are all going thru a terrible time, so glad to have found this website. I was getting very depressed at most sites saying to forgive and move forward in the marriage, i dont really think you can, trust has been broken, paranoia sets in, self esteem goes way down. In my case there was verbal abuse thru out most of the marriage, your fat, stupid, idiot etc.. i had my suspicions that he had cheated early on when i was pregnant but blindly belived him when he said he did not. That was 7 years ago, i found out last august he cheated 3 times by going to massage parlors, i had suspicions a few days prior, when he forgot to delete his history there were searches for escorts, craigslist encounters, etc.. First he lied said he didnt do anything just flirting, liked to look at the pictures, sure. 2 days later sat him down, he confessed to 3 times to the massage parlors, my whole world came crashing down. Not only had i put up with verbal and emotional abuse most of the marriage, i realized i HAD been cheated on as well. I belive most likely he had been seeing prostitiutes most of the marriage, like the say, he always accused me of cheating,red flag, lots of fault finding, another red flag, starting arguments, basically just very mean and cold. I am now 3 months in after D-day and will be leaving this summer for sure. I wanted to thank all of you for sharing your stories, advice. Has been so helpful and encouraging, i now feel i have the strength to move on, i know my worth, i have been very scared of leaving, but thanks to this website i know it has to be done. I personally feel if they cheat once, just divorce them, dont give them another minute of your time, they showed who they were, believe them! they didnt respect you! respect yourself instead you are worth it! this WILL make you stronger in the end, Love and prayers to you all, you all are beautiful!

    1. Debbie,

      What a wonderful message, I had a boyfriend once that was verbally abusive (physical at times as well) and it was horrible. And I found him on porn sites so I know exactly what you mean when you say I put up with all that, and then he cheated as well. I will tell you since that time, I left him and absolutely refused to be with anyone even remotely verbally abusive. And life is soooooo much better. You will not realize how much the verbal abuse takes a toll on you until you leave the situation. I am happy for you, you are much farther along than you think. I did the same thing where I stayed for a while with my husband knowing I was going to leave. Keep focusing on you. Get your hands on anything positive and read it. Thanks for taking the time to share your story, hugs to you!!!

  6. Just went to this because my sister-in-law has a husband who wants to be in a relationship with a friend of theirs, and I wanted to see how some are dealing with the infidelity of their husbands. I have my bachelor degree in counseling, however I feel that the best way to learn about how someone can cope, is to learn from other’s experience and what knowledge they’ve gain through the experience. I was wondering what advice I could give my sister-in-law, as she wants to stay with her husband even though he wants to have intamacy with another woman, because she’s afraid to be a single mother of 3 kids, 2 of which have special needs. I am hoping that through my research and reaching out to other’s I can give her encouraging advice and support. My heart breaks for her as she’s going through this ordeal and is having medical issues at the same time.

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