Self-reflection and forgiveness

Today I am going to share with you an update on the relationship between me and my ex-husband. Thanks to the site and my interactions with others, I started to realize his actions and cheating was similar to how others have been cheated on. I started to reflect deeply our marriage and as I started to understand relationships better, I eventually uncovered my own faults.

While married, I did not handle stress well. When we were dating, life was good. But pressure of being a mom, a wife, cooking, cleaning, and working full time was overwhelming, and often I took that stress out on my ex-husband. I know at times I rejected him emotionally and sexually.  And looking back I realize that the rejection along with the combination of my attitude caused problems in the marriage. I take responsibility for my part as far as issues within the marriage, but I do not take responsibility for him cheating, he had other options to deal with our problems. We have to take ownership of our own actions in our lives.

In time, I have grown to learn to handle life’s challenges better. I have realized how harmful anger and attitudes are to a relationship and I have worked hard to calm down and not get stressed out so easily. I have worked on my physical and nutritional health, as it all plays a part. I learned that most of my frustration with my ex-husband came from a deep desire to change him instead of letting him be who he is. I stopped trying to control him or get him to understand me, because in the end, you can not control anyone’s actions but your own. I learned to love myself and love being a woman. It took years, but by working on myself and changing my focus, the anger towards my ex-husband dissolved. Now that the anger is gone, I am able to listen to him, and some things that he has been had been telling me for years actually make sense now.

He is a different man than he was when we were married, and I am a different woman. We have both moved on. We still interact quite frequently because of joint commitment in raising our kids (he is a very active father which I appreciate). He knows about this website and understands the purpose is to help others, there is no drama. Trust me we have the same issues that many other divorced parents have, but without the tension and anger.

Life events often happen to show us a part of ourselves. It took me years to see my own lesson and growth through this experience, but I had to remove the cloud of anger and pain in order to see it.

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