Recovering From An Affair – A Quote That Will Make You Smile

Recovering from an affair is not easy, and inspirational quotes have helped me along the way. I believe quotes are so powerful that they can literally give you a new perspective that can change your life. So today, I am going to share with you a quote I like, that helped me in personal recovery from my husband’s affair. I hope it will help you too.

“I believe everything happens for a reason, people change so you can let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe lies so that you will eventually trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things fall together.”

—Marilyn Monroe

I really like this quote because it touches on things that I think we are all striving to get out of this experience. The first sentence says that things happen in order for us to let go. So often we think things happen to us for negative reasons, when really they might be happening because it’s time for us let go of something (a relationship, a person, a job, etc.) and there is no other way to show us that it’s time.

The second line touches on appreciation. I really feel like when you go through a very painful relationship, the next time around (there will be either a next time or a new phase in your marriage), you will appreciate the non-painful relationship much more, whereas prior to the pain, you wouldn’t know how to appreciate that aspect of a relationship.

Next, let’s look at the part that talks about believing lies so that you learn to trust no one but yourself. This is deep. It is basically saying you should trust yourself and your instincts over anything else. Ask yourself, how many times should we believe our cheating husbands over our own feelings (especially prior to their affairs)? My interpretation of this sentence is that you should trust your instincts instead of worrying about forcing trust onto others.

Lastly, Marilyn Monroe says that sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Never underestimate the power of thinking that something good can come out of this bad experience.

As you go forth recovering from an affair, I hope this little quote gives you a glimmer of hope.

50 thoughts on “Recovering From An Affair – A Quote That Will Make You Smile”

  1. My husband cheated on me from the first year we were married. I discovered he did not used condoms because he gave me herpes 1 and 2. I will never forgive him and him and his whores I hope will reap all that they did to me.

    1. Sorry Candice to hear about your cheating husband. There are several stories of women contacting STD’s on this site from their cheating husband, and it angers me. Were you able to move on or are you still working through it?

  2. I’ve been with my husband 8 years and we have 2 kids, oldest is turning 4 this year. I found out today (Ive been asking for years) that he cheated on me 2 years into our relationship for a 2 month period. Do I forgive him?

    1. Hello Kayla,

      Interesting that he just recently admitted to an affair 6 years ago, why do you think he finally said something? Was it the guilt or did you see some evidence? The question of do I forgive him is not just a yes/no answer. it depends on many factors, many of which it is way too soon to determine since you just found out. You are what I call in the devastation period, and I do not advise women to make major decisions like ‘do i forgive him’ in this period, because your emotional state is so up and down. You also have 2 young kids, so alot to think about. I would just take some time to breathe, think about the situation, and most importantly observe your husband’s actions now that you know, the answer on what to do will come to you. Best of luck!

  3. I just found out today yes today that my husband have cheated on me! It’s weird because we both fear Gods wrath and I took my vowels very serious and to find out that he did’nt kills me! We both started our relationship because we both was in love before those people cheated on us so I thought out of all the thing that would be the last the unthinkable thing! We have a 4yo and our 6th anniversary would be on the 15th of sept. The crazy thing is we did just about everything 2gether and this is what I get:-( I can’t stop crying ( I never cry)

  4. When I told my father about my situation. He told me like a loving father would …. be strong… when one door closes several will be waiting for you to open!

    I always wonder why bad things happen to good people. I always knew that marriage was going to be challenge, but infidelity is no walk in the park. I wish i never met him, but I can’t change fate. It was meant for me to marry him and learn. Before him I was always dreaming of getting married, having a wonderful wedding, dress, house, etc. I was always sad that I couldn’t find the right man to marry. I thought my happiness would be marriage. I was soooooo wrong! I should have appreciated what I had when I was single. I was innocent, happy and at peace. I was surrounded with people that I trusted. When I met my husband…he took away my happiness and gave me a world of hurt. I mean one difficulty after another in our marriage.

    Now I know what it means to be truly happy. When you loose it all because of a bad marriage….YOU FINALLY understand the real meaning. I hate him ….so much for doing this to me. not even revenge would make me feel better about this. I just want act like it never happen, but my memories of him just won’t stop rewinding!

  5. I have recently been feeling that my husband is having an affair….not sure what to do at this point but I’m keeping my eyes and ears open.
    We’ve had our problems in the past,but seemed to get through them.Although I’ve always not completely trusted him since.I think i;m finally starting to realize that I may need to be the one to call it quits.

    I really love that quote “I believe everything happens for a reason, people change so you can let go.”

    1. Ann,

      Thanks, I love that quote as well, glad others enjoy it as much as I do. It’s such a tough call when you don’t have proof for sure that he is cheating. But I will tell you Ann from experience you are going to find out if he is cheating or not when you need to, life is funny like that. You will not have to put forth much effort, if he is cheating, the evidence will present itself when it is time for you to know. It seems like your intuition is telling you something or has been telling you something. I hope for your sake he is not cheating, if you even find out he does, you know you can always come to this site for encouragement.

  6. Its been a year now since I found out my husband cheated on me. It was the worst year of my life and the worst feeling I have ever felt. I let him know constantly that it is a situation I cannot handle and he promises to end it but doesn’t. He tells me that he has been with her for years and cannot just end it that he has to put things in place for her security. I have agreed to this and yet I see little signs of this happening very soon. We have three children and I can never think of breaking up my family so I pray to God to help me get through my pain and make this thing end soon.
    It breaks my heart every time he visits her and recently I started to despise him saying in my mind that I hate him constantly and I feel as if he breaks my heart physically every time. I am at the point of fed up. I know he loves me and our family and he is a good husband and father otherwise but I cannot understand why he cannot just let her go. I feel that he feels sorry for her as she is always putting him on a guilt trip and now I am wondering if he is not seeing my pain too. He tells me that I am well provided for so I should make myself happy. I told him that i will trade all the material things to his woman just to have all of him back as material things mean nothing if you are not happy. I feel totally fed up but I will continue to put my faith in my Creator and hope for the best.

    1. Hello Saudia,

      Welcome to the site. That is great that your husband can provide for you and the family. And you seem very strong in your faith of your Creator so continue to build on that faith. Just be careful concerning your husband. If I were in his shoes, there is nothing that prevents him from stopping to see this woman. He has got a lovely wife, good children, a nice home and a wife that is extremely family focused, every man’s dream. He also has a woman on the side. With this situation your husband has no incentive to stop seeing the other woman, I know you think he just feels sorry for the woman, but I think it has more to do with, he has no incentive to stop what he is doing. Which means that you have to dig deep within yourself to see what you are willing to accept. If family is very important to you, and you will not leave because of the kids even if he is cheating, then you make that sacrifice and be happy with the choice and lifestyle. If family is very important to you, and you will not leave because of the kids but feel miserable inside, that is not ok and you have to figure out a way to deal with those emotions because they will slowly eat at you. I wish you the best.

  7. My husband cheated on me after 1 year into our marriage. It was very difficult but I forgave him. It took many years to regain trust. Well, I just found out he is having an affair. I am so over it. I remember from the 1st experience I had such a low self esteem and even blamed myself and thought the other woman must be smarter and beautiful. Well this time around..he is not good enough for me and I sure don’t need to have a scumbag like him around. Of course he denied it. may he rot in hell!!!!

    1. Darn – he did it again! It takes so much effort to rebuild a marriage, for men to do it again is so disappointing. But in all honesty, I am happy that you already know that you can do better and you do not deserve to be treated in this way. Go Bonnie!

  8. I found out that my husband was cheating, and we have been together for 31years (married just short of our silver wedding anniversary), I will never forgive him for the way I found out and he admitted to it in front of our girls I keep seeing the pictures/underwear I found – he had been cheating for over 2 years , I was and still am in turmoil after I kicked him out 18 months ago, he will never give me any answers as to why, he just says its in the past but he still continues to do it. I have cried my last tear for that man and so have the girls – i now want to get on and experience life without all the bitterness and heartache. thank you for listening
    xx

    1. Hello Jane,

      I am glad that you said you have cried your last tear, you seem like most women, who get so caught up in the pain that they forget that there are wonderful experiences waiting for us to grab onto. You deserve to experience life. You might not ever get a why from him, because he might not really know himself. And although you might not know why, realize that in order to start focusing on living again, you don’t need anything from him. Cheers to a better life, make how you feel a priority and take care!

  9. My husband cheating on me while I was 7 months Pregnant! im not sure if I should forgive him or not? He claims it will never happen again but Im just scared! We have been together for almost 4 years and been threw alot is this another thing I should go threw? If I go threw his phone he yells at me “don’t touch my phone”. I feel broken and Let down. Im only 18 and feel like Ive given him too many chances. When I ask him questions he says ” I thought we were going to move on” or “I was drunk I dont Remember”. He says he is going to change but I dont know if I can believe anything he says.

    1. Hello Bre,

      From the brief comment this guy does not sound like a keeper. Don’t touch my phone, if you are married, there should be nothing secretive about the phone, especially knowing that you know he cheating, he should be doing the opposite, showing you everything to prove he is not cheating. How old is he? And most importantly, do you have a support system in case this does not work out? I know you feel let down, but to be honest, you are young enough to recover and find someone that will really appreciate you for who you are.

  10. I found out two weeks ago that my husband has been cheating off and on with 3 women since April of this year. 2 were “one night stands” (really two-night stands) and one was a relationship that went from August until she told on him 2 weeks ago. We were engaged at the end of June and married in September. I’m 35, and have had many cheating boyfriends in the past, so I guard my heart closely and run when anyone mentions marriage. He was different, or so I thought, and I opened up. It took us 2 years of dating for me to do so, but I did. I planned on getting married once, and I took my vows seriously. I didn’t know he was cheating even as he took those vows. One of the girls (a now former friend) was at our wedding. I am still so confused, angry, hurt, sad, betrayed, yadda yadda yadda. I guess, I just saw comments here and wanted to share my story. I never expected to be in this situation, and here I am. We have decided, for right now, to try to work it out. He seems very sincere in his desire to fix the problem(s?) that caused him to cheat. He knows he has issues in his life he’s never dealt with that most likely led him down this path. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever dated (or I wouldn’t have married him), but now I hate him so much, at the same time, I still see why I loved/love him. I’m so torn and hurt, and just hope that someday things will get better. I’m scared, because I am so slow to let people in, and because he betrayed me in such a horrible way, that I won’t ever forgive him, and we’ll never have the wonderful relationship we have had for the past 2.5 year. We’re in therapy, both personally and in marriage counseling, but I still want to lash out and hurt him as badly as he hurt me. Anyway, sorry for blabbing, I just had to let this out somewhere besides therapy, thanks for the outlet and the quote.

    1. Hello Spacey,
      Welcome to the site. That sucks that you finally open up your heart and he is cheating, literally during the vows – grr! But to be honest, it is great news that both of you are in individual counseling as well as marriage therapy – for you to do this so early into finding out is very very smart. He has to find out why he did this, it is critical because if he doesn’t have a sincere passion for really understanding his problem, he will do it again. I am hoping that his individual therapy will uncover this. If you just found this out 2 weeks ago, anger on the brain is very common. At this point I would not even try to supress it, just accept that is is there. Hurting him badly isn’t going to take your pain way like you think, I know it feels that way, but in reality the pain you feel will still feel there, and hurting him will give you a brief moment of relief. Just let yourself feel the emotions and no major decisions at this time, emotions are running too high. Take Care!

  11. Hi everyone,
    I found out 5 weeks ago that my husband cheated on me with an apparent girlfriend of mine. The funny thing ( for use of a better saying), is that she is one of the most plastic, fake, mutton done up as lamb, type people that I have ever met. She is everything that he always told me he hated.
    She would come and talk to me about her and her husbands sex life, then ask me about ours. Afterwards, I found out that she used that info in text messages to excite him. She managed to extract all this info from me, and then use it against me. She made up lies, telling him, I was cheating on him with two other men. Before all this I believed that my husband and I had the perfect relationship. We have been married for 11 years and together for 15. I nursed him through a life threatening cancer, that we beat, together. I helped him with his concreting business, doing heavy work that women shouldnt do.
    I found out through a local lady in our town, even though just that same week before I asked him if there was something going on between them, because I just had this gut feeling…………..of course, he denied it……..and then when I told him I knew the truth…….he said he was going to tell me.
    He assures me that the affair was only a sex-texting type thing with two kisses thrown in. This went on for 2 months with his text messages going from 200 per month to over 1000. The stories I could go on with are just sick, so I want bore you to tears with them, God know, enough tears have been shed.
    I see this girl everyday, in our small town, I am constantly thinking of her in his arms, I cry all day, I am grieving, but how do I move on? I need help!! I fear my marriage is over!!! Will he do this again.

  12. Betrayed, I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly. My husband cheated on me with someone that I know and was a friend of sorts also. It has been really hard because I run into her and my heart just stops- it is a horrible feeling. It sounds like you had a really strong bond with your husband and you are both experienced with handling stress and pressure together- recovery from cancer and starting a business are both so stressful and life changing. I know an affair is different, but you seem to have the foundation to work on your marriage if you want to. I know that if your husband is honest and willing to talk to you and answer your questions, be completely transparent so you can trust him again, and allow you to heal at your own pace- you can make it! You have to stop thinking about her- I did the same thing. All it did was put me in a really bad place of self doubt and low self esteem. I started putting ME first- and when I did everything changed. I got my hair cut, got a manicure, and bought a few new clothes– something I never do-spoiling myself has never been a priority or in the budget- but this is for survival and sanity. It was not only fun, relaxing, but also put me in a different frame of mind to deal with the pain, hurt, and constant reminders of the OW. I also realized at that time- it is not me that should feel ashamed or feel like I am the one that needs to hide around town- I did NOTHING wrong- she is the one that should hold her head down– of course I put the blame on my husband also- it takes two– and they both have to take full responsibility for the affair and the destruction that they caused. My husband has taken full responsiblity for his part, shows remorse, regret, is honest about everything- we are in a good place right now. If you have the ability to see a therapist -do- it helps get through this stage in the process. My husband is in therapy as well. I don’t know what will happen – no one does- but I can tell you if you start doing what YOU want and need to feel better about yourself- you will start healing – it can and will take you to a whole new place. For me it has brought me and my husband to a whole new level in our marriage of 25 years. It can be a silver lining to this awful mess if you are open to it. Good luck and peace on your journey- this blog has helped me so much and has become a big part of my healing also- you are not alone. Take care of yourself-

  13. Hello,

    I just found out yesterday that my husband of 6 months was trolling craigslist looking to have an affair. I only found out after he used my laptop and left his Facebook account up and I saw/read an email from this woman. I can’t stop crying. This is not the first time this has happened, he cheated on me before with an ex of his, ( the same woman he took with him to pick out my engagement ring in 2009) he didn’t even wait a month after getting engaged to hook up with her. Later that year she invited us over for Christmas dinner and we went. In April 2010 I found out about the affair, I felt so humiliated. I eventually forgave him and he promised to never do it again but her I sit typing this letter. I am numb.

    1. Hello Isabella,

      It always hurts more the second time. You trust what your husband says, and then he rips your heart out. We have been there, I have been there. Him saying it will never happen again doesn’t do anything, you are still numb, doesn’t work this time. I know this probably won’t make you feel much better, but it probably good you find out now, versus years later. If he is doing this so soon the second time, he has issues, especially if he is looking to have an affair. He is going to lose a great women, and you are going to find a man that loves and respects you for who you are, if you decide to leave. I know you are embarrassed, I was as well, but he is the one that is going to look like the fool in the end (actually he is looking like one now). Take Care.

  14. Isabella, I am so sorry this happen to you again! Men do not understand how much this hurst us. I always asked my husband why did he marry me if he was going to cheat? His answer was he didn’t know. But if I did this to him he wouldn’t put up with it!
    This ex of his you talk of is still hanging on to him and him to her. If he can’t decide who he wants to be with then you need to make the decision for him. 6 months is a very short time to be going off and trolling. Maybe he is trying to be single still? Who knows what he is thinking?
    You need to find your inner strength and move forward through this. It will hurt at times and feel like your world is ending but you can get through this. Talk to family and friends, sometimes talking to strangers is much easier than your family. I couldn’t tell my mother all that my husband had done but my friends I could.

  15. Betrayed from Australia

    Thanks JB,

    This blog has been so helpful and definately a part of the healing process. I have never looked at a blog like this before, (have never had the need, until now!), and firstly I am amazed at how many people cheat/betray their partners trust…………My heart goes out to all the above girls, and I pray for each of you, as well as myself, that the pain will ease, and the correct decisions will be made. I have a long road ahead, to be able to trust anyone again, let alone, the man, whom I love!!!!! He and her have changed our life forever, never to be as we have known it, but I pray also that like JB, maybe our marriage will heal and be better and stronger. One thing that I do know for sure, is that not all women in this world are like us! Some are more like the devil!!!! Good luck girls……I will read this blog on a regular basis, for support and encouragement. XXX

  16. Betrayed- You go girl!! You are right our lives are changed forever, I think we are all brave by posting here and are all trying to find the “right” way to heal from an affair. I have told Jewels several times- just how important her work here is- I am grateful that the women on this board are part of my healing and though we may never meet- I consider them all part of my journey as a woman-they are part of who I am and who I will become. I’m just glad they are here when I need them. I am so excited for you and your manicure- enjoy- relax -and feel the joy of doing something for YOU!! You are Beautiful! Have a great day in the land down under- Peace and Blessings-

  17. Thanks for your kind words. I’m so happy I’ve found this site, it is helping me through this time in my life. But today I won’t dwell on it, so Merry Christmas and I hope we all find peace and happiness in the new year!

  18. I am sorry for all of you. I am a cheating husband and feel like crap for it. I understand you are all upset, pissed, let down, betrayed and scorned. Trust that you will all get through this. Also believe me about this. Your husband knows he messed up and ruined the best thing he ever had. He is sorry for how he makes you feel. I wish you all the luck. From one of the bad guys.

    1. Thanks POS for posting, your words are really comforting. I believe everything you are saying, and you are saying things that unfortunately some wives will never hear from their husbands. They probably feel that way, but are not in the mindset to share it, so it’s good to know that there is a husband like you that ‘gets the impact’. Take Care.

  19. POS- I know you are right about our husbands knowing they messed up and have ruined the best thing they ever had- we built lives with these men and they broke our hearts and shattered our belief that somethings are sacred – like our vows! The key is these cheating men have to be able to express this to their wives. Don’t get me wrong, I know that it is more complicated than that, but when it comes down to it – they broke a promise and allowed all this chaos to take over our lives. You are right we will make it through, some marriages will make it, and others won’t. I know for me, watching my husband break down and the pain from the disappointment in himself has been hard to watch – so I know that the cheating husband is also suffering- affairs leave disaster after disaster in their paths–no one wins- that is for sure. I wish you the best- thank you for posting.

  20. POS — that’s great to hear your words. My husband has said them to me and while I feel his pain and remorse — I still don’t understand how men don’t think about how devastating it will be if it’s discovered. How does that thought process go? I can’t get any types of answers — just that he was in a bad state of mind — had stress and issues and this was a kind of escape. Despite using the L word, he claims there really weren’t any feelings. But the emails were ridiculous – like junior high. He did completely cut ties (that I know of). But I don’t know — he has lied to me before — how are we to trust that it doesn’t happen again? How do you know you won’t do this again? Just curious. It’s great to get the guy’s perspective. Any other input you have would be welcomed. It’s a horrible place for all of us. We all just want to get better and have a happy life.

  21. Hello, I posted on this site a few months ago my husband cheated on me and a child was born. I stayed because he begged me to that he was sorry it never meant to happen and it will never happen again she menat nothing after 4 years of thinking this other woman couldnt break up my marriage I decided to divorve him and move out. I loved him and in some strange way still have love forhim. He hurt me really bad ne disrepected me he believed since I stayed that he can continue to cheat with and have his cake and eat it to. It was just one thing after another the child support, just constant reminders of what he did and he stop caring about me. I mention in the earrlier post my niece stayed with us he kicked her out of the home because she was thier when he didnt come home she there when I cried when he went out of town and I know he was with her. She was my support system and he didnt like it. Our annivarsy will be here in a few days. I thought we could make it wotk but it takes two. I want someone to love and respect me and he didnt. Can say that it is easy to leave your home and to hold your head up but I am trying to put everything into perspective. I decide to leave the marriage and become whole once again and the person that I once was.I dreamed of the husband , house and kids and its time to face reality that will not happen with him. It’s time to put myself first and get the respect Ideserve along with happiness and love myself. To all the ladies going thru this I feel your pain never in a million years thought I would be starting over at this time in my life. It is up to you and only you what is best. People can tell you what you should do and they did tell me but I had to make my own choices. I will check back in a few months to let everyone know how I am. Take Care

    1. cherease – I do remember you, at the time your niece was living with you – thanks for the update. You moved out – wow, such a big move for you!!! There are such great things in store for you. I know you still have feelings for your husband, we all do. I am so glad you decided to give an update. This is a new beginning for you. Check back in and let me know how things are going, I wish you the best, hugs!

  22. RAFFO from USA

    I was browsing the internet and I found this site. After reading some of the stories all I can say is this. When a man hide his cell phone, email or use passwords for these devices there is something wrong.
    A marriage or a healthy relationship is base on trust.
    Most women try to change a man. Trust me, it will not happen. Instead of “fixing and fix his mess” do to yourself a favor and let him go.
    Please, stop saying “All men are the same” instead you have to say “All men I have dated are the same”.
    Oh! before I forget, If your ex tells you “You will not find someone like me” please tell him “That is the point”.
    Everything happen for a reason, now smile. Someone out there is looking for someone exactly like you.
    Peace and Love

  23. A few years ago my husband left me. We were raising our Granddaughter, who he left also due to his girlfriend wanting him to leave his old life. My Granddaughter was only 7, who we both been raising since birth. The women he was having affair with my best friend’s sister. Me and my granddaughter moved away hoping the pain would less if we left. She is now 11, with severe abandonment issues. I still am having issues also.
    Now, my proble,m. My best friend whom sister is with my husband continues to bring up how happy her sister is and what a nice guy he is turning out to be
    . I’ve asked her to stop talking about him but she continues. this causes memory flashback and the pain that was felt when he left. I have asked my friend to quit talking about him but she continues and it’s so hard. our friendship is going over 10 years and now I feel like I just need to end it for my own self worth. It’s very difficult hearing how happy they are and my granddaughter suffers daily as I do.
    Thank you for your articles, they really do help. I do feel that I’m not alone.

    1. Hi Natalie,

      My heart goes out to you. There is a such thing as emotional triggers. Things that remind you of painful moments. It’s unfortunate that your best friend is constantly bringing up that your sister is so happy – how painful. But let me tell you two things. People, especially in front of family – typically put up a front. Her sister has to make it seem like everything is perfect, so she can save face. And maybe things are perfect, but you and me both know your ex-husband is still the same person he is. And yes he may be happy, but I promise you that relationship has it’s challenges as well, and I bet you her sister is not going to make that known. So I would listen to that ‘blah blah my sister is happy’ and don’t really believe it all too much because your best friend does not know the true story, we often ever do.
      Second thing is that this is your best friend. You asked her once and she might not really understand how this is seriously impacting you. Have you thought about writing her a letter? It can be in the tone of I value your friendship, but this is really hurting me, and if it continues, I value myself more and have to limit any painful memories, ect. ect. Sometimes writing it to a person sinks in better than talking. If you actually decide to do that, if you want to bounce the email/letter message do me I would be happy to read it and offer my opinion. Take care, if you are in a position to get therapy, do so, it might help with some of the complicated issues you and your granddaughter are experiencing. Take care.

  24. I found out my husband cheating through his phone.. He always calls and text my son’s teacher.. He told me its over but I dont believe him.. It’s so painful whenever I go to school and I see her.. How do I recover?

  25. Whow,thanks for this site. I can relate to you ladies. I found out my hubsand has a daughter that is 37 yrs. We have been married for 42 yrs. It has been 1 1/2 yrs. I can not forgive him, i have been to therapy stopped. We reside in the same home different rooms And i go and come as i please. He doesnt want to confess to anything else that i confronted him with. I have also caught him on the phone trying to date and he didnt admit to that even when i spoke with the woman. He always has an excuse. It isnt easy being in the same home. Meditation,being grateful,my family and friends,praying have helped me get through this. Not to say i have my days. There are better things for me. This did happen for a reason and i look at the positive side and give thanks. Ladie be thankfuf for your health and move foward. Blessings

  26. I am so disappointed in my life. My husband and I are married 28 years. The first couple years there were problems with his drinking. I suspected cheating as he would not come home till 3am on several occasions the first couple years. He always said I was crazy and denied it. Then we had 2 babies and when we were married 7 years he started staying out till 2-3 am and not telling me where he was. Long story short found 3 receipts for strip clubs. Filed for divorce. Got court ordered counseling because he wanted to fight for his marriage and we had a 3 and 4 year old. Went to counseling..he cried..said he was sorry, but that he had never slept with anyone just “looked.” I stopped divorce proceedings and he moved back in with promises not to drink alcahol. It was so painful to get over that happening. I can’t even imagine an affair. We worked real hard on our marriage and I had serious low self esteem and issues with jealousy. I also had 5 years of really bad tension headaches. Then after we had reunited 6 years he admitted to a one night stand the first year of marriage! Here I had been lied to and allowed him to stop divorce proceedings based on him saying that he had not done that. Many years for me struggling with bad feelings, raising my children….working fulltime…Planned on divorcing him when my youngest graduated high school. But by then we were close again and I loved him and thought everything was great with our marriage, future etc. Fast forward 20 years and he started drinking again…but in the home. Said he could handle it. Got a DUI2 years ago. Had conversations with him that he was going to drink too much and forget he had a wife…it was all up to him if this marriage lasted or not. He denied this would happen. Now I am turning 50 this year and he was texting one day when I came home to work…unusual for him. I asked who? He said no one. I reached for the phone and he almost broke my hand grabbing it. I waited til he was asleep and searched his phone and found sexually explicit texts to his coworker in another state. This was 2 months ago.I have once again filed for divorce and I am devastated. He is saying the same things he said 20 years ago…no sex just sexting. She does not live in our state. However he travels 50% of the time and met her at a company outing a year ago. He says he turned down her request for sex…in person and said he was married. But has sexted her whenever he is drunk for a year. Most of the time when he was at home with me! I am sick to my stomach. I still love him which makes me mad. I am so angry. I start therapy on Monday by myself. It is so much worse now since I read his texts. My hands would not stop shaking for 2 days after reading them. He says he she was nothing to him and he only loves me…..but I don’t believe a word he says. He is doing everything to get me back. alcahol program, counseling trying to get me to go with him….etc. I don’t want to divorce but he has given me no choice. He made promises and lied. It is so much worse this time as the first times I had small children and had to hold it together for them…no with them grown I am crying…not cooking, forgetting to eat meals…no appetite. I have lost 20 pounds in a month and 3 weeks and am on an antidepressant. I feel like he totally destroyed my future. To make matters worse I allowed him to stay in the house while we were going through this divorce because I was worried about him! He had threatened to take his life….now he is using this time to be so sweet and considerate to me it makes me sick. I don’t even want to talk to him. I see some on here say a marriage can be better after going through this… well I did that …….but now I want out! I know we could work it out but at my expense and pain. I know the pain will still be there if we divorce….But I deserve better than a liar and a cheat.

  27. Ladies – Wishing you a Happy New Year! Scots poet Robert Burns reminds us “For the sake of old times”, we bid farewell to the old year and ring in the new, and we remember long-standing friendships. You ladies are my friends and although we have never met or spoken, you have been with me through some really tough days, weeks, months, oh my now years….

    1. Hi Everyone,

      I am just catching up to this thread, I hope everyone is in a better place.

      Blue – you have been through alot. I am glad you are in therapy, how is is working out? Remember his dysfunction is not a reflection of you. I think you have given him many opportunities, it seems like he needs therapy as well. I am glad to hear that you are focusing more on you and taking care of yourself, it’s time.

      Juanita – wow, holding that type of secret for 37 years….that is hard to imagine. But I know of other women in the same situation where they didn’t find out until years later. It seems like you are focusing on you, as much as you can at least living in the same household. And I love your words – be thankful for health – very true.

      Kathleen – I will send you a direct note, curious as to where you are in your situation.

  28. Jewels,
    My husband had an affair 13 years ago, while I was pregnant with my last child, we stayed together because we love each other and raise our children together. He has made every effort to make things right with me and I am grateful for that, but consequences of this affair ended up with a child. I cannot deal with the idea that my husband fathered a child outside of marriage. I sometimes find myself second guessing our marriage. He has no relationship with the child, to not further hurt me but I feel like the bad person, not allowing a relationship, my husband does not want to talk about the situation. But just recently my husband’s brother passed away I didn’t know he had a relationship with this child and the woman and the child showed up to the funeral. I was so angry and felt so betrayed all over again. I am just reliving all my feelings all over again. I have found myself angry and fighting with my husband. I don’t know how to desk wit it all. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

    1. Hi Anne,

      A bit behind, just read your post. Having a child outside of the marriage is very difficult. It’s unfortunate that he told you that he was not interacting with his child but in fact he was. It would of been better if he was just honest and said I have a child outside of the marriage and I want to be an active father. Then you might not of been happy with the fact that he will have to interact with the other woman, but at least you would be the one with the knowledge. You have a right to feel betrayed, as he has been keeping information from you -again. At some point, I think you are doing to have to evaluate the marriage and decide what is going to be best for you, because living in pain and hurt on a consistent basis is not and ideal situation for anyone. Take care.

  29. My husband had an affair trough out my whole pregnancy with my second child. I found out about it when i was 8months pregnant the husband of the woman he had an affair with phoned me the he came out with everything. They had sex 7times all the while he still was having sex with me to. He told her he loved her abd wanted to with her. He ended it just before i found out. Now he wants me and says he loves me. How do i get over this???? He cheated so easily not thinking or caring about our unborn son the had unprotected sex every time then he would have sex with me. It makes me sick to my stomach they did it in a field on the car. I don’t know how to get over this and move on.

    1. Hi Jacoba,

      Sorry that you are going through such pain. It’s very hard to deal with cheating and a newborn. Just my opinion, but the OW probably called you out of spite because she was mad at your husband. So do not take what she said as absolute truth, although cheating has occurred. First step is for YOU to heal and take care of the baby. This is not your fault. You are still in the stage of extreme emotion and sadness, no need to make major decision, just try and get back to some type of peace (I know it is hard). After that time, you want to see if your husband is willing to talk about the affair. What is HE willing to do to give you peace of mind that it is over? What is HE going to do to rebuild trust?

      At the end, you have the power to stay or leave – always. Think though your next step, but always remember that you will be ok. Take care.

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