Recovering From An Affair and You Hear “Just Get Over it”

Dealing with a cheating spouse is not a walk in the park. It’s even harder when he tells you to “just get over it!” while you’re dealing with one of the most difficult situations you will ever face. I bet a million dollars they would be livid if we’d cheated on them and told them to just forget about it!

I feel that our husbands that commit adultery sometimes have no idea how their affair has literally changed the foundation of trust in the marriage forever, which isn’t something anyone can just easily “get over.” When women tell me that their husbands say that to them, I think, “Wow, he does not get it, has no idea what this does to a woman. He is not helping, he is hurting.” What we want to hear are things like, “I see you are having a difficult time coping with my infidelity. Is there anything I can do to help?” or “You seem like you are in a great deal of pain over the affair. Maybe we should talk about this more so I can help you deal with this.”

Our marriage isn’t a test we didn’t pass in high school. It is not a promotion we didn’t get or some clothes that we couldn’t afford. It is our pride and joy, our dreams, our comfort, and our lives that got shattered by the behavior of someone we trusted. So if any man who has cheated on his wife reads this, please do not tell your wife to just “get over”.

30 thoughts on “Recovering From An Affair and You Hear “Just Get Over it””

  1. I have been told by him to “get over it” as early as 3 months after finding out about his 5 years of internet dating and sex with multiple women.

    Whenever I raised the issue within the last 2 years since d-day, his reponse has always been to state the length of time since I found out (he always makes it longer than it has been), followed by “get over it”.

    Just because they can get over it and compartmentalize what they have shows they have no empathy or understanding of the devestating effects their behaviour has had.

    He has told me that I have to find a way to deal with it. I just find that such a copout. He threw this trauma into my life and says I have to find a way to deal with it. Is that uncaring or what?

    1. Hello Louise,

      I understand what you are saying, it is surprising to me that so many cheaters act this way after the affair, like we are just suppose to wake up and act as if nothing happened. They have no idea how hard it is and sometimes I wish for everyone’s sake they took time to try to understand, it would help so many relationships versus saying ‘get over it’.

  2. These men have no remorse and are irresponsible. My drama continues …trying to get this moron to understand that it will not work anymore.

    His best friend calls me up. He is trying to get me back together with my soon to be ex. We talked about the calls my husband made to these girls and email accounts, pics, etc. His BBF started talking about his marriage and how he got caught talking to this ex he had back in the day. Well his wife found out and now she is paranoid. The BBF is like she can’t forget it. I’m like your an idiot…you just compromised your trust with her….what made him think that he can continue to have a conversation with a ex girl friend. How about if your wife talked with a guy she use to know…?

    You just don’t look at him the same way. OMG…when he would call or text me…I would get so happy! My love for him was endless. Now when he calls I ignore it and I cringe each time he contacts me. Yeah let me just forget about all the wrong you have done and act like everything is wonderful!!!! Are you serious? Get over it my a**!!!

    The last girl I called up told me everything. But the last contact was special. We were fighting over a text message i found on his cell. Mind you were together at the time, but I was staying at my parents house. He asked the “girl” if they both can go out and help him find an apartment. So can you imagine how i felt?????????????????????? And I should just forget about it? Go to hell.

    A guy friend at work was telling me about how his girlfriend cheated on him with FB. He just turned his back and walked away..literally. Guys have this on and off switch. They won’t put up with your shit, but they expect you to forgive them.


    1. Hello Daisy,

      I agree, I think the hardest part to get over is looking at them the same way. It’s hard those imagines just don’t ‘go away’, they are mentally in our brain and especially when it just happens, everything seems to remind you of the betrayal. It’s hard for me to ‘get over’ some things as well. Having family help him cheat, her being in our house, it’s not something you just get over.

  3. You’re right Daisy. These guys have an on/off switch. If I had done the same thing as my husband I would have been sent packing. He even told me once if I cheated he would kick me out. Pity he doesnt think that he should be kicked out. He sees it as the woman (with the children) should be the one to leave the house.

    I just dont understand the type of man I am dealing with. I wish I could get a psychiatrist to analyse him but he is so good at lying and manipulation that they would get nothing out of him. Sorry to go off topic a bit.

  4. Talk about good manipulators. He had his BBF call me again and ask if I would give the marriage another chance. Yeah ..does it look like I want another migraine? His BFF ask my soon to be ex..what if your wife still says no, what will you do then? My soon to be ex said i will transfer my job to San Francisco (we both live currently in socal) and live there. WOWWWWWW….I’ve been asking him to change his night shift to day shift…he wouldn’t even do it for our marriage…but sure enough he has a plan to ESCAPE and let me pick up the pieces.

    WHAT A JERK…IF PLAN A DOESN’T WORK, HAVE A PLAN B. What about I love you and your my life???? Go already enjoy, I promise him he will NEVER find a girl like me…

    The day he has left my life, will be victory for me.

  5. OMG…Jewels!!!….are you serious…his family helped him to cheat? WOW…

    I lived with my soon to be ex’s mother inlaw (waiting patiently for this SOB to leave)…she covered for him …told me he was at a doctor’s appt. Bull!!!!

    I just wanna get over this embarrassing mess. I need some breathing room.

    1. Daisy,

      Yes, now not all of his family helped, some of his family has been extremely helpful in supporting me, but you always have the one. He would call and ask a family member to call the house phone so that he could act like he is talking to someone and make up and excuse to leave. He knew that I didn’t grow up around family and that it was important to me so when he would tell me a family member was in need, I fell for it. I think once they get caught up in this little fantasy affair, they will go to great lengths to protect it, using family if they have to, smh. I am so over it now, but it is crazy when I think back.

  6. My husband cheated about 4 years ago anf there is a child now his of course. He denied until the truth comes out she came to my job my home and he did nothing and I satyed. The below the belt is we never had kids and I felt he would still love me even though he has a child with someone else. Someone else has the life I wanted the baby and she brag about on the famous facebook. Now ny niece stays with and she knows what happen she hears how he speak to me he even took a trip for 4 days and lied and I am still here. I am so stresses and he is living the life he feels now since I stayed he can continue to have the cake and eat it to. My niece and him had a big argument and she told him off and now he doesnt like her and trying to kick her out of our house. She doesnt want to no where near him. And know if I leave he will balme her because she is the reason now when he cheated and kept cheating butblame everyone else. I cant sleep ,eat loosine weigh because of all the tension in the house. Married since 02 and dont know why I am still here I need to sart over and one day find someone who will love me and make me first and have all honesty and trust and welcome my neice (her mother my sister passed and he has no compassion ) She says I can do better and I know I can just scared always though this would be my home and a slut couldnt take it away from me. Now I just feel foolish and want to leave but not sure how to start I work and went back to school maybe I am just afraid of being alone and dating again but I cant stay in this for myself and my neiece it is not healty she actually hate him for the way he is treating me she is my support system and want to take that away. Ladies who left was it hard and did your survive after infidelity.

    1. Hello Cherease,

      Let’s play this out (and yes I am a little bias because it seems from your message that he is not treated you that well). Let’s say you stay, he probably will continue to be the same personality. He probably will continue to be a little disrespectful to you and may even continue to cheat. You will continue to feel miserable because of the way that he treats you. And you will continue to try to work things out, while he continues to do what he is doing. Now let’s say you leave. Yes, it will be different because it will be the first time alone in a while, but let me tell you, being lonely feels a TON better than being with someone who treats you bad. Trust me on this on. He is totally lying when he says you will have no one if you leave, he says that because he himself is scared of being alone and wants you to be scared as well, don’t believe him. You have no kids – GREAT! That means when you leave you can focus all of your attention on building your confidence up and then meet someone that treats you well, you will have time to focus on having a good time, the family will come. BUT two things must happen before all of this comes together. The #1 most important thing you must do everyday from this point on is value yourself. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve to be treated with respect. Tell yourself that you are excited about your future, get excited about the positive things that could happen. Tell yourself when you are alone, you will spend time learning how to love and respect yourself. So if you leave an you are alone for a while, that might be the greatest thing that will ever happen to you, because it will give you time to learn how to love yourself. And when you love yourself you will be alone, not lonely. Huge different. You attract to you people that have similar self-esteem as you, so it’s important to spend time building your confidence back up so you can be in a position later on to find someone that will treat you well. I know you want your marriage to work, but you can’t fight the fight alone, your husband has to be on board, and if he is not, his loss, not yours. Take Care.

  7. I have been married 25 yrs and just found out that my husband cheated on me but it was around 12yrs ago I love him very much but i just cant be happy he treats me better then he ever did says hes sorry all the time and loves me and cant live without me . We have 3 kids the youngest 11 and she loves him very much.Will it get any easier if i stay with him? I think about it all the time its about to drive me crazy plz help me!!!!!

    1. Not happy,

      I must of missed this story a few weeks ago. Your question around will it get any easier is directly based on you and your husband’s effort in repairing the marriage. If you and him and trying to move on and act like nothing happened, without really talking through your emotions, you will be feeling the same way you are now. It takes work and if you and him WORK on the marriage, you will feel progress. If you don’t work on it and act like nothing happened, your emotions will be locked in and you will still be thinking about it all the time.

  8. I know what you mean. My husband has yet to end his affair with his OW. His birthday was this past Saturday. So I set it up so he would spend it with his family and then we came back and had cake and sang. Fast forward to 8pm. He gets up and says he’s going to the OW’s house and they are “only going to watch a movie.” That is such BS. Anyway..the OW gives him a Movado watch and this card that saying, “Thank you for helping me survive 2011…I am looking forward to 2012…I Love You”. So I confronted him on it and he gets all angry at me saying that “I’m pushing him away.” and part of the reason he had this affair is cuz he felt trapped and he’s not sure if he wants to be married anymore..and my constant questioning and snooping is only make him feel more like that. I was so hurt and angry that he would turn this back on me. After everything I have been going through…I am entitled to my anger, my questions and my snooping. He’s still lying to me. That drives me crazy!

    1. Hello Tina,

      It’s just not right that he is seeing the other woman and so obvious about it. His constant lying is what is causing you to question so much. I get the feeling he thinks that you will not leave him, is this true? It is going to be extremely hard for you to be happy with a husband that is constantly lying and will not leave the OW alone, have you thought about your options?

  9. well…. my husband cheated on me with his ex girlfriend 6 weeks ago … i just gave birth to my second son … i was shocked i knew we have problems but i never thought he would cheat . the horrible part is that he wasn’t even about to apologize he was about to leave me with the kids and hit to his GF house …. let me explain my situation my husband was in the military so we met in europe … its kida hard 4 me to write english im german, i gave up everything for this man .. my family ,friends,job……i dont know why he is such a jerk off …. we’ve been together for like 3 years so far we have 2 handsome little mens 1 year and 3 month… he made me move here . well im still with him but his ex is still calling and writing … he told me he is over it and he wants to move on, and work it out with me . but i simple cand move on and get over it .. im hurt ! i dont know what to do … i love him but i think he is just here because he is scared that i take the kids and leave his ass and go back to germany …. fml

    1. Hello Cat,

      That could be the case that he doesn’t want you and the kids to leave. It’s hard to say if he is going to straighten up or not, but I would tell him, if you ever find anything else, you are moving back. Are you in a position for counseling and therapy where you live? I think marriage counseling and individual counseling for you would be a good move. 6 weeks to get over it? You are just beginning, no one recovers that quick. Take your time, and take care.

  10. last year i found out my husband was cheating with one of my “friends” i was devasted i wnt crazy threats begging him to stay wainting to just end it we have two small kids 5 and 3 i left and visited familyvin another state this was may 2011 i came back up aug 2011 and saw that he was still txting and calling her so i left got my kids in school started a new job everything then he wants another chance so i tell him i will in january i just need time to forgive him he would call and text me everyday so sweet just like when we first got married i would chk is call records her number was no where i truly believed it had stopped now its jan 2012 and im back i quit my job took my 5 yr old out of school ab to enroll him in another school but while driving up here she calls me and tells me that she had been living with him since the day i left i hurt so bad last night all i did was scream and cry i just want my husband back i want him to stop this but he says he cant im so embarresed i just want to die!!!! does the hurt ever stop???

    1. Hello Lacey,

      The second time you find out is so painful. My kids were young as well, and I felt like I couldn’t even grieve like I wanted to because I had to take care of the kids. Especially when they look you in the face, tell you they love you, tell you they want to work things out and then you realize nothing changed. I know him telling you he can’t stop really hurt, my husband did/said something similar and I remember telling myself I can not handle anymore hurt.

      But over 2 years later, I will tell you that the pain does get better. There is no way to ‘quicken’ the process of the pain you are in now, it has to go it’s course, but at the point where you really come to the realization that you can not control him or make him stay, that is where you will start to become empowered, look at the situation for what it really is, and things will start going positively in your direction. I know you feel embarrassed, but every time you feel that way, read the stories on this site, we all have been through it and dealt with the emotions. Take Care and let me know how you are doing.

  11. I wrote back in dec. We have been married 26 yrs and i found out he cheated about 12 yrs ago but it seems like yesterday.It has been 6mts since i found out i have really tried to make things work but i just cant let it go. He has been really good with me even tho i have really bad days that i want speak to him. but its getting so i really dont want anything to do with him but i really dont know how to handle the thoughts. He told me he thought he loved her but said he didnt that he loved me and would never leave me he said he told her that also.But if he loved me so much how could he have done this in the first place? Please any advice would help!!!!!!!!

  12. my husband recently cheated with a much younger woman, like a week ago he was staying at his mothers (court ordered) and got into meth and was drinking alot and found comfort in a young woman in the mix. He continued to see me and my kids and then finally confronted me and said he and her had a relationship. The next day he wanted me back saying that she was a whore and that she did not respect him then the next day he wanted to be with her and then the next day he broke down in tears and said that he was ashamed that he hurt me and that his fidelity was the only thing he had left because of his addiction. he told me that she was threatening him with pictures of him using drugs in order for him to stay so we made up a story that he was moving out of state to get her to release him. I want to forgive him and move forward but I am hurt we have been married for 13 years and this was a total shock to me I never thought ever he told me that I need to validate his feelings and spend more time with him he said he is not blaming me for his infidelity but those are some things that I was not fulfilling in for him and she listened to him and boosted his low self-esteem. I work 6 days a week and am tortured by her I just don’t know what to do. I love him and he is a good man.

  13. Fool of the year award goes to>>

    My whole story is far too long to put on here so to bring it down some >> we have been together for 5 years, lived together for 1 and been married for 3. Trouble is that I live in the UK and he is in the USA…we are working on the paperwork, which is never ending and expensive and family illnesses and health concerns in the past years have held it all up …and to cut this even shorter I can’t just travel to the USA as I please, I need a visa each time…complicated I know, but stick with me >>>So, we met, he was the most caring and gentle man I had ever met ( and I am no youngster!…been married before ! >> it all makes me think I do ‘something’ wrong ! but the last one turned out to ‘like’ womens clothing!…and err a bit more than that! I can pick them, can’t I?) In fact this one the meaning of the whole word ‘Gentleman’….we met through my friends on the internet ( all of us ex forces or attached to.).. got on well…. emailed… called… NO to camsex ( should have known then!)…he rented a place over there… I went and stayed for a while…came back… he came over here 3 times… one of which I paid for…we got engaged…all was rosy!!…until the paperwork .. I can’t go there till it’s done >> ‘red tape’….. He has been living with his parents who are elderly for the last 3 1/2 years but we have met in Canada earlier this year….and then his young 15 y/o son came to stay because the ex wife couldn’t cope …my husband ( and me via phone etc) were trying to get him on the right track….such a troubled lad….but just over a month ago he found, unlocked and loaded my husbands 45 and shot himself….I know you think this is the basis of this story, but it’s not….so, the Embassy because of the circumstances gave me a months visa to travel….ok, funeral over, we are back at his parents home and the following weekend I find a yahoo messenger on his PC ….with a ‘fun’ name… and believe me, there is NO question that it was used for other than ‘fun’ !!…I confronted him…. and I know some will say the timing was terrible and it was but !!!!…the extent of what I found took even that guilt away from me”….I did this ‘quietly’ because of his parents, they are Church goers and I KNOW they would not take it too well, they do love me and I love them and would never hurt them if I could help it….so…got him to give me the password, ( which I changed) he had NO choice, opened it and immediately got a message from one of them saying ‘thinking about you ‘…we had it out quietly enough and because of the tragic circumstances I let it ride, more or less… I thought it was a one or two off kind of thing !! silly me !…I practially monitored everything he did on the PC for the next 10 days that I had left there and he begged me not to leave him, he was sorry and he didn’t know why he did it… but…. he never met any of them, it was just online camsex and IM’s <> changed his profiles ( thing is …I assume he had gone into most of them while I was flying back and deleted the mails, but STILL he left things there !…you should see his profiles now>> ohh all these men that will be emailing lol) and before anyone asks >>> yes I DID make sure it WAS him before I did anything…I found reviews he had done for ‘massage’parlors’…explicit reviews!! I found emails and IM’s with the same words used to them as he had used to me at ‘times’.. and some that I didn’t think he DID use!! ..I found video logs/names/times/dates etc… I found pictures of himself that he had sent to them ( proper face pics)..ones I had taken of him on our Honeymoon… and he described them in his emails as ‘awful pics’…and they weren’t !! Confronted on the phone and on camera with all this he STILL insisted that he never met any of them…. and ‘forgot’ about the ‘one’ prostitute !! THEN ..I search thru his bank statements ( which I also got him to give me the passwords for cos he mustn’t have thought statements went back as long as they do) and find that 5 days before he was to meet me in Canada he booked a room at a hotel….24minutes from home….!!!!!!…confronted with that >> he couldn’t remember !! ahhh surprise surprise !… then, he ‘does’ remember… he met her at a restaurant and booked the room but then changed his mind !!! THAT was the best he could come up with…disappointed me, I’ll tell ya!!…well, we had it out… and I now have all his passwords for his emails…I have passwords for all Banks…he phones me to tell me where he is ( his work involves some travelling but only in the town where he lives and the next one ) and I phone him at the odd times in beween that…if his phone rings at night he shows me on camera who it is ( I also went tru his phone when I was there and deleted any I found suspect or he balked at telling >>> some WERE prostitutes @ $150 an hour!…no wonder we can’t afford the paperwork!!!) you should see the points he has racked up on the hotel sites that he joined !! wow!! we never stayed in THAT many to get all those…and I have his SINCERE promise that it has all stopped!!!…do I believe that ?… ‘course I bloody don’t!!! and I have told him so!…he has been arranging to meet/ meeting/ screwing/’teaching’ would you believe !! >> like they are not old enough to KNOW !! and you wouldn’t believe the age of some of them… we aren’t ‘young’ but by God these are ‘old cougars’ !! he’s been on paid/unpaid porn sites./cam sites….been to prostitutes… got some guy to send him videos of him and his wife….( I have the emails for that one)…advertised for ‘ladies’…..answered adverts….I’ve got those too….and I have so far found 5 different email addresses and I KNOW there are more….he used to wait until I went to bed ( 5 hours time difference.. with mine being ahead) then Mom and Dad would go to bed early and he would be on the net >>I have lost count of the ones I know are just online sex ( and not the same ones each time either ) and I have only some of the others, but some of them lasted months…AND they live in the same town…still he tells me he never met them !!!…I am sure I am forgetting a few things and I know it all sounds like a ‘tale’ but I swear that all this is true…I’ll prove it if any one asks….Am I still with him ? well, I am still in the UK and I doubt I will be moving anytime soon, so I am playing the big game….he will be sending me money each month as I had to spend quite a lot to get there for the funeral and while I was there and to try and get more together for the future…IF…I don’t find any ‘new’ stuff and IF I don’t get suspicious… and IF I am convinced beyond ALL doubt that he HAS behaved…then I ‘might’ proceed with moving there….depends on how long it takes my anger, shame and everything else associated with this ..this… well…. I don’t know what to call it !! I really think he is a sex addict….time will tell…and it’s not as if I am living in the same house with him at the moment…I did, obviously sleep with him while I was there and I can’t tell you how that makes me feel….he says it’s because I am 5000 miles away >>> errr I am 5000 miles away from him too…and the thought of cheating with even one person never crossed MY mind! ….the thing that saddens me most is the fact that it has taken the place of the grief I should be feeling for my step-son and I will never be able to think of him and NOT remember this…the awful thing too is that if he hadn’t done what he did then I would have never known all this and he would have (I guess) stopped it all before I got there and I would have been none the wiser…so I think that when I give myself a little more time and I think seriously on all he has done…then…I will be staying here and he can cam all he likes…with whoever he likes. One thing I haven’t said yet is his attitude to it all >>> ah!! girls… guess what it is ? >> yep!!…it’s all in the past now so forget it and lets move on !!…I had to plead with him to at least TRY and rebuild some trust … fat chance of that!..he would need a 24/7 guard on him and even then I reckon he would escape…oh and he now has his sons ipod touch >>>one that has wifi internet !!! I have downloaded icloud on my PC and am learning all I can about transfering data from one to the other…do you think this marriage is dead in the water? I do, but I am at least going to get all my money back first!!…mercenary??? damned right!! and he will get the shock of his life even IF he is good from now on….one of the people on here said that she caught hers out by arranging to meet him… well, I am doing the same thing…I made 2 different aliases and am waiting…mine tho will just be either written proof from him or if I get the chance… on camera…can you imagine THAT!!
    So…any advice from anyone? and yes, I am bitter…can’t you tell? I gave up a lot for him and this is what I get…but in some ways I do blame myself…I should have stood firmer when we married and made him come here…but. anyway….Trouble is I do love him…well, I think I do and I hope that it’s not just because we are both ‘getting on’… he’s 60 now and I’m 59… and then anger and shame come in and I think, no, he’s just a ‘dirty old man’ and I’m a tramp… I must be if I can even think I love someone who does all that… with as little or no remorse that he has shown. sorry, I think this has gotten long enough.

  14. My husband and I have been married 34 years, I recently caught one side of his conversation on his cell phone. I asked him who it was and he lied to me about who it was. Well I checked his cell phone records and it was a woman that we associate with at the golf course. She actually manages the clubhouse so we see her a lot. He had been texting and calling her and when I confronted him about it he said they just had hugged but if she would have had sex with him he probably would have. I was devastated as nothing had ever happened like this before. He says it is over and I believe him. I am just having a hard time with the trust issue. Am I being naive in staying with him? I feel like the 34 years were a big lie when he told me he loved me, etc. Plus the woman, I talked to her about it said she didn’t feel guilty about anything she did! What about that?!

    1. Hi tjpro39,

      You are normal to have trust issues after the affair, and you are not naive for staying. You are just trying to figure out what to do next. Your husband can help with the trust issues, the more transparent he is, the better it will be for you. So hopefully he is not hiding his cell phone or locking it to where you can’t get it, that will not help to rebuild trust.

      As far as the OW, one big life lesson for me was that I thought most women were like me, and feel really bad about cheating with a married man, when in reality, many women have no problems flirting with married men, and do not feel bad for doing so. They feel if they are not married, that is the husband’s problem. I know it’s wrong, but it is reality.

      In time, your emotions will more in order and you will be able to assess the situation more and slowly rebuild trust, but it takes time, longer than you think, but married couples can recovery from affairs. Take care and best of luck to you in your journey.

      ***It looks like I missed some updates from others (fool of the year award goes to, steph and not happy), if you are still active on this post, please write an update, thanks!

      RIP to the victims of the Newtown school shooting.

  15. I only found this because my girlfriend just cheated on me and told me “to just get over it.”

    I can’t stop shaking.


    1. Bob,

      There are not many words that irritate me but someone saying ‘get over it’ after cheating is one of those lines……

      I hope you are ok, I remember shaking as well when I first found out. I remember feeling that my ex-husband just did not get it. Did not get how serious this was. I wish you well, just remember it’s not your job to get her to understand why you can’t just get over it. And remember, there are plenty of women who are faithful:)). Take care…

  16. Please dont blame all men. Some us have stayed faithful! My wife cheated on me, and it still hurts me 12 yrs later.

    Women need know a good man when they see one. It seams as if they want to be hurt with who they chose to be with.

    Find a man that loves God first and wants to live a righteous life. I told my wife after the affair, if she ever wants to leave me, please do it for someone who lives for God even more then me. Someone who will better her then me. I never want to lose her, but if I do, I want better for her.

    I hope the est for you all. Marriage is hard, and takes two. Both have to see it and change. Took my wife along time but she stopped wanting to go to parties, stopped wanting to drink with friends, and most important finally saw how much I love her. She is my everything.

  17. About two years ago, I caught my husband in the midst of the affair.
    He apologized to the family and we went to counseling. Things have been better for us, but I still have trust issues. A lot of it is that the OW, in my opinion and feelings, is having an emotional affair with my husband. And I feel he is feeling the same towards her. They say that is not the case, but she texts him several times a day, and they have lunch during their break every day. They even play tennis and golf together. She accuses me of lying and often backstabs me. ( I will confess that I check his phone periodically to see what she is texting)

    I am confident that the physical part of the relationship is over, but not so sure of the emotional part. We have been married for over 40 years. How do I deal with this?

    1. Hi Pat,

      I want to make sure I understand, is the same person he had an affair with 2 years ago the same person he is having lunch with/texting daily? Thanks.

    1. Hi Pat,

      That is quite a difficult situation for you. It’s hard to go from knowing your husband is sleeping to a co-worker, to that co-worker still being engaged in this manner. The problem with them being as close as you describe is that it is such a thin line. One rough day at work and an argument at home could lead to something. And that is alot of stress on you to know that your husband is still engaging her in this way. As far as the OW, it appears she wants your husband so it is understandable why she talks badly about you. But your husband is actually the key factor in this situation. He is continuing to play into the friendship which is not good. How did it go from affair to such close friends? Have you brought up how uncomfortable this is for you? The lunch meals together and golf ect is a bit excessive with someone you previously had an affair with. Most people that are trying to work on their marriage end the affair completely. He has not completely ended it because of the level of engagement. I think you should really thing about what you want in this marriage and be confident in what you will accept or not accept, as this set up is not ideal at all. Take care.

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