My Cheating Husband and Me are Over, Ironically, I Am Less Stressed

The moment I decided that my marriage was over last year, I became less stressed. At that time, I was very attentive to my husband’s issues and took them on as my own. When he didn’t pay a bill, I was stressed. When he was running late for work, I was stressed. When he wanted something that he didn’t get, I was stressed.
Now he never asked me to take on the burden of worrying and stressing about him, but I did. And now that the marriage is over, I don’t have as much to worry about. Yes, my finances are a mess, I don’t know where I am going to live, and my kids still have to deal with mommy and daddy no longer being together, but I am less stressed. I think I feel this way because even though the road ahead will be rough, that road will be in my control. I don’t have to beg and hope that my husband will get it together; the future is mostly left up to my efforts. And I know I can do this without a man validating me—or stressing me out, as has been the case lately!

I know I’ve got my work cut out for me over the next two years, but I am putting a plan in place that can and will work. I also know that I’m not overwhelmed yet because I am not at the point of making major decisions (like hiring a divorce lawyer or moving the kids out of the house), but for me it is okay to be in this state temporarily. I think sometimes we move too fast, thinking we have to do something now. But in this moment I am living according to my schedule, and that is good enough for me.

3 thoughts on “My Cheating Husband and Me are Over, Ironically, I Am Less Stressed”

  1. I found out my husband cheated about 3 months ago. We are trying to work things out. Like you did, I stress about everything. My sister came over today when I was at work to leave rent money. My husband was home alone, all I thought all day was that they were having sex. I am positive that my sister would not do this to me but the thought and doubt is there. When he talks on the phone, I immediately ask “who was that?” I try to push all these feelings aside and not bring them up, but my feelings never go away. I even thought about bugging his cell so I could hear what he is talking about and with who. He says he would never hurt me again. I love him so much and want to believe that what he did was just a huge mistake but I continue to have bad thoughts everytime he is out of my sight. I do not want to be the nagging wife asking one million questions, but I also do not want to be the dumb wife that gets cheated on again.

  2. Hello Kat,

    When your husband cheats, it impacts you at a level where you never even thought it could. It is mentally overwhelming to the point where you sometimes get mad that your being so suspicious. Your thoughts are very normal in thinking that any women in his presence could be potential for him to cheat, even if it is family. Cheating Husbands are one of the HARDEST relationship situations to deal with (only other one that tops this is domestic violence). It is hard for exact reason that you stated, you don’t want to be the fool, but you don’t want to be the nagging, paranoid wife. In your situation, I feel that you really want to help yourself deal with these thoughts. I really would recommend going to therapy as a couple. There are things that he could do to help you feel more secure, and in talking with a therapist, they could help both of you through those things. But there is one thing I want you to know from me to you, if you work hard to bridge this, and you find out he is still cheating or cheated again, you are not the dumb wife that stayed, you are the strong wife that will leave the relationship knowing you gave it your best, the only dumb one would be your husband ruining a great marriage. Once you remove that block of I have to make sure he is not cheating, you will be on your road to recovery. That mental block is very very difficult to remove, because it is basically your heart on the line. I wish you the best, let me know how things go!!

  3. Those feelings of not wanting to be fooled again are constantly nagging at me, that’s for sure! My husband says he loves me, he always has, he never stopped……and part of me melts and believes him. Then I will have another moment where I look at him and wonder are you just a freakin’ good actor / con-man and I wonder if he’s still duping me, like he did this last year? I hate this! I hate this!

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