The moment I decided that my marriage was over last year, I became less stressed. At that time, I was very attentive to my husband’s issues and took them on as my own. When he didn’t pay a bill, I was stressed. When he was running late for work, I was stressed. When he wanted something that he didn’t get, I was stressed.
Now he never asked me to take on the burden of worrying and stressing about him, but I did. And now that the marriage is over, I don’t have as much to worry about. Yes, my finances are a mess, I don’t know where I am going to live, and my kids still have to deal with mommy and daddy no longer being together, but I am less stressed. I think I feel this way because even though the road ahead will be rough, that road will be in my control. I don’t have to beg and hope that my husband will get it together; the future is mostly left up to my efforts. And I know I can do this without a man validating me—or stressing me out, as has been the case lately!
I know I’ve got my work cut out for me over the next two years, but I am putting a plan in place that can and will work. I also know that I’m not overwhelmed yet because I am not at the point of making major decisions (like hiring a divorce lawyer or moving the kids out of the house), but for me it is okay to be in this state temporarily. I think sometimes we move too fast, thinking we have to do something now. But in this moment I am living according to my schedule, and that is good enough for me.