Kids and Cheating Just Don’t Mix!

It’s really hard to have young kids in the environment of pain and sadness that cheating causes. For example, sometimes I find myself getting way too frustrated at them when really I am just frustrated at my own situation. I project my own anger onto them, and I am disappointed that I do not have more self-control. They’re so young and so innocent, I hate they have to go through this. You try to put on a fake smile and laugh a fake laugh so they won’t worry. You try to sing songs and tickle them and play with them so they won’t be able to tell what is going on.

But despite your best efforts, kids somehow know! They know when I and my cheating husband are arguing, even though we think we hide it well. They know when I am upset, even thought I smile right in front of them. And they will inadvertently say things that make you feel really bad such as, “I want Mommy and Daddy to go together..” or “Can we all go together as a family?” or “Mommy you have to be nice to Daddy.”.

Great, my 4 year old is trying to help solve a grown up issue. I haven’t even made the decision to stay or leave and it is already impacting her. This sucks. My only hope is that both of my kids will grow up having a good relationship with both Mommy and Daddy, even if it is apart.

8 thoughts on “Kids and Cheating Just Don’t Mix!”

  1. I have recently reconciled with my ex husband who cheated with several women resulting in 2 children by 2 different women in 2 different countries. We divorced and I held it together for 11 years while he played around. I continued to pay the mortgage, go to work everyday, etc with half the income since he did nothing to help me, Ironically, my problem is not with him. These women destroyed everything He had and everything We had and once they bled him dry, dumped him. NOW, they want ME to pay child support. They seduced my husband, stole his sperm which legally and in God’s eyes belonged to me, had MY baby and now want ME to pay THEM for destroying my life. I guess if they had any brains or integrity they wouldn’t be in this position in the first place but the GALL! Don’t they fear God? I am on unemployment and my husband does nothing and I am currently recovering from bankruptcy caused by this woman stealing my husband and I have a payday loan because my bills are more than my unemployment. This Whore actually told my husband I should get ANOTHER payday loan and that she has seven! Every 2 weeks she gets 7 new payday loans so I should do the same. She also has 3 kids by 3 different men and was never married to any of them. I don’t live my life like her so why would I run my finances like her? When are the courts going to give rights to the wives? The innocent victims of con women who use youth, beauty, and their ovaries to trap a man, destroy marriages, and live on child support (while their kids go hungry, there is plenty of money for booze, drugs, and smokes) I’m ready Jesus. BEAM ME UP!

    1. Hello Crystalchaos33,

      It seems like you and your ex husband reconciled meaning you are on speaking terms or you are back together? I am not a lawyer so I am not sure how child support works, but if you don’t have any money I would imagine they can not get much from you. These two kids are not your kids, they are your ex husband’s kids – and unfortunately you stated he does nothing. This is sad all the way around, you have to recover financially, he is not supporting any of his kids, and the other women are taking it to court. The only thing I can say it I hope your ex-husband see’s the impact of what he has done.

  2. crystalchaos33:

    Are you back together? Better he be a better man after this. If nothing change in him after this, he is such a disgusting man. He never grow up and would probably repeat his mistakes.

    Why aren’t your husband taking responsibility and why is he still in contact with that woman? It seems he doesn’t change at all! He should be working to help and cutting his connections to this woman. Is he so dumb as to make his life a burden to himself and others? He is so weak childish and unmanly… imagine letting his wife do all the work for him while just gives problems… and big ones at that. He should be a protector and a partner not a burden.

    And what is with that woman. Why does she interferes with your decisions. Its your decision, she does not have any rights to that! Just ignore her rants… ranting back would only give her the satisfaction that she has disturbed you and would repeat it. Who does she think she is. She is the one who brings all this problems and she has the gall to say that.

    And also bring the responsibility to your husband. He is not innocent here. He has the responsibility to right his wrongs. If he does not take responsibility to this ,better get him out of your life… at least financial life. He should learn how to be responsible.

    And there is a mystery, how is he able to cheat to many women from several countries? Where does the money came from?

    Also I have a fear that he might be a psychopath. These are the worst kind of people you’ll ever find.They might be fun to be with but they have no shame, fear, empathy and guilt. All their charms are false. They take advantage of other people. Some even are serial killer of rapist. They are the vilest people on earth.

  3. This post resonated me so much – my husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our son and we went through counseling and I decided to forgive him and try to rebuild our marriage and trust. Unfortunately, 4 years later, I found out that he was cheating again. Now, we have a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old and even though I feel heartbroken and my marriage is shattered, I’ve asked him to move out IMMEDIATELY and he still sees the kids 2-3 days a week and gets them 1 day out of the weekend.

    I’m over being mad and sad. I’m more focused on trying to do the best thing possible for our children. I want to make sure that we are the best parents to them – I’d rather be alone and co-parent with him than be in a marriage where I’m doubtful, insecure and distrusting.

    1. Hi Sue,
      As difficult situation as you are in now with the kids, you are doing the right thing. My daughter was 3 and my son was just born. But I am SO glad I left, I got my sanity back. At first we did the same thing, a couple of days a week going back and forth, and eventually, that switched to what we have now, which is he takes them once a week and every other weekend.. I needed him to take them a couple of days a week so I can regain my mental state. Fast forward a couple of years, I will admit, it is difficult at times, but at the end of the day, they see a happy mom not a miserable one, and that was important to me. You are going in the right direction.

  4. Thanks, Jewels – it’s working out okay now where he comes over 2-3 nights a week since I also am in school part-time (on top of working full-time) so I can focus on finishing my degree so he gets that with the kids. He told me that he is also seeking counseling for his addiction and last night, we filled out an agreement about our separation making clear the boundaries and what this is. I’ve also sought out counseling since it’s a free benefit from work to help me through this, as well. I also wanted to thank you for your e-book. I sat down and read it through in one sitting with tears and a glass of wine. Thank you for your courage and sharing your story.

    1. You are so welcome Sue, you and your husband are taking all the right steps, just being able to sit down and go over a separation agreement is more than most couples could do after discovering an affair – I wish you the best!

  5. Husband has been cheating with prostitutes but doesn’t want to divorce. Staying together for sake of teenage daughter. It’s really tough.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *