Is My Cheating Spouse Worth the Help??

I know I have to eventually make a decision about what to do with my cheating spouse and my marriage, but right now I am just trying not to think about it all. Unfortunately, it keeps popping up.

My husband and I still live in the same house. Deep down, I really want to be a nuclear family. I see how much it means to our kids, and I don’t want to hurt them (See post Cheating and kids for more details). I know that my cheating husband and I can’t live like this forever. My husband annoys the hell out of me sometimes and does things that piss me off. But I stay for the kids, and financially stability. I am also petrified at the thought of raising my two kids alone without family living close by. Maybe we can live as roommates under the same roof?

One of my girlfriends told me I have to make a choice and see if the “help” is worth the frustration. For instance, my husband tries to be affectionate at times, and I am not feeling it. It actually really angers me that he thinks we can just kiss and make up from his acts of adultery. My husband also tries to monitor my activities, because he thinks that I’m going to cheat on him. Every time I go somewhere, he makes an issue of it. Unbelievable!

Ladies, I know I cannot live like this forever. I feel like I am sacrificing myself for the kids and slowly killing myself in the process. I just wish I could wish it all away, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do right now, but I do know one thing for sure: Things will get better, I will get stronger, and I will recover.

6 thoughts on “Is My Cheating Spouse Worth the Help??”

  1. i also know what you feel i have a husband that is abusive he says things and do things to make you feel worthless i see a therapist and he makes me feel like i shouldn’t waste my time yeah i cheated on him when he was locked up but he left me alone cuz he went to see his ex and she locked him up if he would have stayed at home nothing would happen and what made it worst is I found i was pregnant. Yes, I had the baby he wanted to raise her and wanted me to give her his name i said no. He will never be there for her. He has never bought her anything during xmas, not even a dollar. I found his myspace and he was cheating on me now it’s to the point that he doesn’t live with me. If you want more on the story, email me.

    1. It really is sad when men are abusive verbally and/or physically. Although my husband never outright put me down or hit me (lol..he just cheated), my previous boyfriend did and it was horrid and that really messed me up. Then I met my husband. Sometimes, I wonder if since I never really dealt with the abuse from the past relationship how it may of effected the current one. I am glad that you are raising your little one, that must be tough with no support. Best of luck in your situation, I wish the best for you and I know that in time you will make the choice that is right for you and your daughter.

  2. Oh Gosh, this blog just talked about me perfectly! I feel the same way! stuck!!!!
    We are “roomated” right now. Mostly for the kids sake, but for financial reasons along with the slight fact that there may still be hope for us yet? IDK….ugh!!!!
    But I hear ya! My kids know, they know the truth just no details. My 13 years old hates him and my 9 years old has unconditional love through and through. We are trying to live a “normal” life but it is still a knife in my heart. He doesn’t get why some days I am fine and others I don’t wanna be in the same room with him. I think he thinks we can just “kiss and make up” as well! And that is oh so frustrating to me! He still swears to this date (this has been going on since Feb that I knew and since Dec when they started to talk) that there has NEVER been a physical raltionship ( there probaly was)!! However I only have proof of them talking and texting (he has never been un accounted for).

    But like your husband he is a great “helper” and does a ton around the house (always has).
    he is an amazinf father (the best I have ever known. I just don’t know if I can recover.

  3. Yes, I feel you!! I never knew what to actually call our situation, now I know we are ‘roommates’. I actually don’t understand why husbands think this is a simple fix, it is so complicated and emotional, there is no kiss and make up. And the kids, isn’t is just heartbreaking to even think about the fact that your kids might not see daddy as much? My heart goes out to you. I hope that you and your husband consider marriage therapy, if both of you are willing. Take care…..

  4. k,
    I realize it has been two years since your post but just wondering what the final outcome was.
    Reading your post seemed to parallel mine to a good degree.
    1. He states it was an EA and not a PA. But how do I know? I have no access to phone records (her number was on his work cell phone and I don’t want to air this dirty laundry to the company he works for) and she no longer works at the local store he met her at and she has moved out of the area. I don’t have a last name for her either.
    2. The time frame was almost the same, close to a year and by the time I found out about the EA, it had been over for a year.
    3. He loves his children and had always been a good, caring dad. (but I ask, what dad does this b/c this affects EVERYONE)
    4. He didn’t have unaccounted for time, a very routined typed, a big homebody so it would have been noticed if he was out and not coming home or gone for an unusual period of time.
    But the questions for me remains……how do you believe him saying it wasn’t PA when he has already overstepped a huge boundary? He wants me to believe he didn’t make calls to her and his explanation of why her number was in his work cell. But how do you believe someone that already overstepped a huge boundary? He wants me to believe that she was ever only a friend, but this is where my most common sense comes in…..he sent her flowers twice, once on Feb. 22 and again in Oct. Married men do NOT send ‘just a friend’ $100.00 bouquets and hide the friend from wife and hide the receipts.
    Stuck. I should have taken that as my user name!!!!!

  5. I’m not sure why you think men and women think so differently. I am a man and dealing with a cheating wife. Trying to make it work as roommates for the kids and she makes romantic advances that I have to rebuff constantly. It’s actually a lack of empathy which is probably why she cheated on the first place (she still has not given me a reason of why other than “it just seemed like it would be fun”). In this instance, the marriage is done. But I will sacrifice my optimized happiness for my kids and live with a person that I cannot be intimate (emotionally or physically) with…but it’s actually quite easy to be friends.

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