When I first found out about the affair, my ex-husband said he wanted to work things out. I believed him. But in time, his actions were not adding up to the words that were coming out of his mouth. All talk – no action. I was driving the affair recovery even though he cheated!
Part II of this post (View Part I here) is about action after the affair.
Ask your husband to take action and drive the recovery efforts. And if he doesn’t know what to do, it is ok to work with him, some effort is much better than no effort.
Words have little value after an affair because most cheaters lie and keep secrets during the affair. Once you are a considered a liar in the marriage, your words hold little value. Trust has to be earned after an affair.
If your husband cheated, tell him that you are going to evaluate his actions for the next couple of weeks to see if he is really committed to working things out. There are many things he can do, he can purchase some books on relationships, set up counseling meetings, set up time for both of you to talk.
The biggest obstacle is that some men are often uncomfortable with therapy and do not want to sit and talk about cheating. But a husband that is willing to be a little uncomfortable and humble himself in order to help the marriage shows he is serious about working on the marriage.
Watch his actions, not his words.