Infidelity in the marriage – YOU always have a choice

Trapped. Alone. Stuck. No where to go. Can not leave. Does this sound like you?

After infidelity has entered the marriage, it is common to feel trapped. I remember saying to myself, ‘I can’t love my husband after he cheated, I can’t afford the house on my own, I can’t do this to the kids, I can’t pay the bills on my own, I can’t raise two small kids by myself. My hands are tied…so I thought.

I am now living on my own, raising my kids, paying my bills.

When I reflect back on the situation, I was frozen, frozen with my own fears, my own share, and my own feelings of being trapped. When I felt trapped, I could not progress in my journey to affair recovery. I was paralyzed by a fear of not feeling empowered to make a decision.

In time, I learned to let go of the feeling of entrapment. I learned that the feelings I had, was just that – a feeling. I started to force myself and fight for my right (mentally) to have a choice in the situation. I wrote a small affirmation that say ‘I have many options available to me to handle this situation.’ and would say that over and over again, until I started to feel empowered again. I started to see more choices over time, because that is what I was training my mind to do.

I started to look at life differently and realize that I might not have a choice in how others act, and although I might not be enthusiastic about the choices available, I have options. I am not trapped. And in area’s that I felt trapped, I searched for options, sometimes even months, until I saw more choices available to me.

You have more choices than you think not only in affair recovery, but life. Hugs to everyone!!

2 thoughts on “Infidelity in the marriage – YOU always have a choice”

  1. Hi Jewels, I’ve been married over 35 years and my husband started driving semi truck long haul about 6 years ago. About 3 years in he had sex with a prostitute…It has been a year now since I found out and although I can and have forgiven him fir the act itself it has done something to our marriage that I don’t think is replaceable. It has stolen the innocence that we had, it is no longer just between the two of us…I’m more upset over that than him actually having sex with another women because even if it never happens again, it will always be apart of our marriage. I don’t no whether to live this way or try again…although I have trouble believing at this point that another man would just eventually be unfaithful two…I almost think I would rather be alone than live with this…how do you ever trust anyone again??? Should I stay or go? Thanks for being here!

    1. Hi Tootles102,

      It is hard to get over, I remember thinking the same thing when my ex-husband left – sex wasn’t even the worse part, it was that someone else had him. It was the lies and the secrets and not knowing if he is telling the truth or lying, it is everything outside of cheating that is the problem, ironically.
      As far as the comment around trusting anyone again after such a disappointment…..I can only tell you this from my own experience. First, I have heard from men all over the world just as upset and devastated, and what that proves to me is that for those men to be so devastation, they must have been faithful just like us, thus, there are faithful men out there. Second, I have heard stories of infidelity all over the world, but I never lost faith in the ability for a man to be faithful. There are good men out there, but you have to have faith in it. I am dating a man now (never thought I would be saying that, it’s been over two years since I moved out, didn’t think I would date for a long time), and he is wonderful. I am approaching the relationship different. I am enjoying each day, versus expecting a lifetime. And so far, so good. If I can believe, you can as well.
      Should you stay or go? The million dollar question, have you see my post on this, it’s the most commented post, because it is the most difficult question after the affair. If you feel your husband has done everything right to rebuild the trust but it’s still eating at you, have you considered therapy? There may be something that is causing you to be angry and a good therapist will attempt to help you with that. Unfortunately, there is no single answer, you have to feel your way through it. I do know one thing, both of you should fight for your happiness, fight for that option to smile again and if you can achieve that together great, if it is just not possible, then you should really think about your current situation. Take care, I wish you the best!!

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