Unless you’re really new to this site, you probably know that my husband and I are getting a divorce. He is aware of the fact that I am living in the house just until I save enough money to leave (which will be soon). At times, he wants to work things out, and sometimes he even wants to have sex. Both of these things can be hard to deal with, but the main annoyance I’m having while living here is that he is still being controlling.
For example, I am not interested in dating at this point, but if he finds out that I had lunch with a male co-worker, he gets all weird and starts the twenty questions game. He even got contact information for one of my friends and said some mean things to them, all in an attempt to control who I talk to.
Interesting enough, he was super paranoid that I was cheating before I found out he was cheating. Now that I know, I feel like ‘game over’ no need to be controlling about what I talk to and have lunch with. But clearly, he feels differently.
Today, I had to drive his car home from the shop and I found a trigger. (A trigger is basically something that reminds you of a traumatic or tragic experience—in this case, my husband’s affair). You see, when he and the other woman were together, I would find bottles of Red Bull in the house. I guess that she must like it. I haven’t seen any energy drinks there since, but I found several in his car today. Along with the fact that he is constantly in the basement having conversations on his phone, and the fact that I found another Red Bull hidden in the refrigerator, I realized that he is seeing her again. Damn, that hurts.
Now, even though I have told my husband several times that our marriage is over, I still got a little pain in the pit of my stomach. I’m disgusted because I don’t understand why he has to continue to lie to my face and sneak around now that we’re no longer together. Also, it makes me mad that he is still seeing her, but wants to control me and make sure I don’t have any support in my life.
Anyway, my initial reaction was to wait for him to come home and blast him with the news that I knew what is going on, call him a liar, and tell him if he wants to sleep around, then he should stop questioning my every move. I also wanted to tell him that I was glad to be getting divorced from such a compulsive liar.
And then I realized that this wouldn’t do me any good. All it would do is get me worked up, and for what reason? I really no longer care what he does. I am moving on and moving out.
So what did I end up saying to him? I did not say anything at all. I didn’t bring up the energy drinks or the clandestine phone conversations in the basement. I just continued searching for housing, because I know that being in the same house with a person who is constantly lying puts me in a place where I’m constantly getting blasted by bad energy. And I don’t want to deal with that.
The fact that I did not do anything represents a change in me and my attitude. It means that I am moving on and that I have the confidence to choose my battles. I am finally starting to realize that I don’t have to stoop to his level at all, unless I choose to do so. It’s taking me a long time to get here, and I still have a long way to go, but this was definitely a day that I will look back on with pride.