Husband Had An Affair and You Need Some Encouragement?

Here’s something I tell myself whenever I’m feeling awful about my husband’s infidelity. My husband committed the act of adultery, not me. He decided to go outside our marriage. He had many other options to address the problems we were having, but he choose the option which has left me hurt but not depressed, disappointed but not defeated, weak but not empty. I am a survivor. I know that everything in life happens for the purpose of teaching me a lesson that will help me be a better person in the long run. My husband’s cheating will not defeat me. I am too strong, too smart, and have too much going for me to let this situation become all that I am. I have a long road ahead but I will get on it. I will not be a passenger in life due to my circumstances. I will survive and I will recover. And years from now when I look back at this moment, I will hold my head up high and say, “Wow, look how I far I have come. I survived after the affair.”

5 thoughts on “Husband Had An Affair and You Need Some Encouragement?”

  1. I am so happy I found this site.
    I was RE-married in November of 2007 to my “soulmate”. We each had a young child to bring into the marriage. Life would be grand.
    Feb of 2009, I was blindsided with knowledge of him cheating with my cleaning lady, who had cleaned my house weekly for 7 years. I will call her S. I couldn’t control myself. All I could do was scream. I am close to my family, and I brought everyone to tears. This woman approached MY FAMILY with this information. It devastated me.
    Sparing all the details, I took a leap of faith and decided to look ahead, not behind. I decided that I would give it another go. He convinced me that he loved me, and he wanted to be with my, and only me. For the past 1 1/2 years, life has been painful, as I am constantly reminded of his disloyalties. S wouldn’t go away. She constanly reached out to my family, still sent occasional emails to him, posted things on FB to my sister, etc. S isn’t quite normal, but regardless, he cheated, and he created this.

    I am now 5 months pregnant. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, and I was scared to death, but God did this, so he must have a reason for me to be pregnant.
    S emailed my husband last Friday and said “Congrats new father”. I smelled something was up, so I started to poke around. I know once the psycho had any contact with my husband, she undoubtly was trying to reach out to my family as well. I found out that she had been contacting my family. When I approached them, they admitted it, and told me that S contacted them and that she had been in contact with my husband and vice versa. They were trying to protect me from it, until they could figure out what to do. My emotions haven’t been up to par lately, I am over 40, 5 months pregnant, and just exhausted with life, my son, my career, and the pregnancy with a man they know cheated on me.

    Obviously, I immediately approached my husband. He swears he would never have talked to her. I drove to her house (can you believe it??), she wasn’t there, but I left her a note to call me. She called me last night, and I asked for her to help me, and, if it was true, to please show me the emails or the phone calls, tell me when this new episode started, etc… she refused.
    I had my husband call her from a cell phone. When she heard it was him, she hung up.

    How can I possibly believe him? YET, how can I possibly separate from the father of my second child? Is it fair that I take S’s word for it…..she says they have been in contact, but has no proof to share?? Is she just angry that she found out that I am pregant and wants to hurt us again? Am I a stupid naive female? God help me. The uncertainty of my life isn’t putting me in a good place. The thought of having to share a second child with a second man hurts me to no end.

    Anyone out there that can share some words of wisdom?

  2. Hello Anastasia,

    I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can feel through your words that you are so stressed, my concern is that you have been so stressed for so long, plus you have a little one on the way. A few things to keep in mind as you go into your journey….

    I know you considered your husband your soul mate. After the affair, have the both of you had any really good happy moments since you found out about the affair? The reason I ask is because if you can’t seem to think of some really good moments that the two of you shared in the past year and a half, I would take serious note.

    Your emotional health is very important at this time. I really want you to focus on doing things that make you happy, as hard as it may be, divert your attention away from the drama because the more you go towards it, the more that it consumes you, and I want you to be in the best emotional state for you and your child.

    There is no way to tell if your husband is still talking to this other woman. But I can tell that you still have some trust issues. I highly suggest that if you want your marriage to work (and if he is willing) to seek professional counseling as a couple.

    Lastly, because you are at a point where your still unsure of the marriage, start to think about your life holistically and make sure it is balanced (meaning your whole life isn’t centered around your husband). I really want you to focus on relaxing and know that whatever is done in the dark comes to light, if he is still talking to her, you will find out. Ironically, sometimes, when a woman ‘takes an emotional break’ from searching for the truth, that is when they get the answers they need. Take care, please do something for YOU so that you can rest emotionally, and once the baby is born, let me know your status, and we can discuss next steps for you. Take care!!

  3. I have been through hell in the hands of my husband I know how you feel you just have to be strong in my case I would see comdoms in hidden in our car, nude photos of him and his mistress in his phone as if that was not enough he went on to create a fake facebook account using a fake name so that he can look for girls to sleep with on facebook I suffered depression I was hurt but time heals everything

    1. Hi Sal,

      That is alot to go through with your husband, I know you said time heals everything, curious to know are you still with him?

  4. Hie am still with him my dear nowadays he is acting as if he has changed he apologised recently but u know what I don’t even trust him I don’t no if he has changed for real honestly its hard to believe after all I have been through please help me should I trust him again

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