Coping with Infidelity – My crazy moments

Coping with infidelity is tough, especially when you first find out. For the first month or two after I found the sexual text messages my husband had sent to the other woman, I was a daze. I couldn’t remember basic things, and I was not functioning properly. I felt as though I had lost my mind.

One particular thing I kept doing during this period was really embarrassing. One day, I took my daughter and son (who was only three months old at the time) to the store to get groceries. When I came back to the car, I noticed the door was wide open. I was nervous, wondering who had done this and if they had stolen anything. After checking and finding that everything was there, I realized that I had left my own car door open! Not just a little bit open ladies – WIDE OPEN! And this didn’t only happen once, but four times! On time four, I waited until no one was around and then walked casually over to my car, so that people wouldn’t think there was something wrong with me for not being able to close my own door. I am glad no one stole my radio or the car itself!

Another “crazy moment” happened the day I found out that he was still cheating. I came home after talking to the OW and I had never been angrier in my life. I told him that I knew he was still talking to her. He was all casual, and that pissed me off even more. Suddenly, the phone rang, and I told him not to answer because we had to talk. He did anyway, and it was his twenty-one-year-old niece. I snatched the phone out of his hand and screamed into the receiver, “I AM SORRY, LITTLE NIECE, BUT YOUR UNCLE IS F—ING ANOTHER WOMEN NAMED X. SHE IS SO YOUNG YOU MIGHT EVEN KNOW HER, SO HE CAN’T TALK ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!”

Needless to say, he was shocked! Then I said, “Well it’s out now. Since you don’t want to talk, who else should we call?” Of course, then he didn’t want to talk on the phone anymore. Looking back now, this situation is kind of funny (though it wasn’t at the time) my niece actually did know the person he was sleeping with.

I can laugh at things like this now, but at the time I thought I was going crazy. Let me know if you did anything like this. I hope I am not alone!

60 thoughts on “Coping with Infidelity – My crazy moments”

  1. Hi Jewels
    I am so glad you started this thread. I guess it is gallows humor, but I cracked up with the visual of you waiting for no one to see you closing your car door!!
    I was completely psychotic and crazy from the moment I finally had what I considered confirmation of his affair. I found a text dated 3 days prior saying “I’m sorry baby” ( I had a Doctors app’t that went way long on that day&he was with me). Isn’t that special that he was apologizing to her for taking his wife to the Doctor 😉
    So I confronted him on the text and he said he didn’t mean anything by it and then said she was a good customer and he didn’t know how to deal with her advances towards him. I then said I was going to go confront her, he said good go ahead. Sooo.. I did (first crazy thing) well I went and asked her to leave my husband alone and was very polite. She laughed at me & told me my husband didn’t feel that way and had warned her I was coming!!! I left in tears and feeling very humiliated. I then called my husband and told him to get out of my house and how could he have set me up to go confront her and then warn her. This was a Friday evening. He came over next day and I told him to tell me the truth and end it now and I would do anything to work on our marriage. He stated he wanted to tell her in person and I said HELL NO. So unbeknownst to me he faked calling her to end it. I was up for 3 days pacing the house, crying etc… She then called me saying he had faked ending it and they had spent the weekend together at my sister in laws, meanwhile he was back home telling me it was over and how sorry he was. I went ballistic to say the least. I keyed his truck, writing F’er in huge letters down the side and random scratches. He left, I then was in such a state of shock and grief I was literally out of my mind. I took my extra sharp sewing scissors and cut up ALL his clothes and then rehung them on the hangers. I cut up his precious Prada shoes, his LV bags everything and placed them all back in their boxes. I don’t know to this day how I made that decision, it wasn’t until I was done that I came out of this fog of rage. I’ve never been violent and so crazy. I must admit that my girlfriends and I plus some of his guy friends still get a chuckle over that one. He told her and she called me telling me I was psycho, I informed her that I had bought all those things and she was welcome to replace them as he had been wearing them everyday to go see her. She gasped at the dollar amount I told her that would take. That night I had left the kitchen sink running all night and the garage door open. I left water running in bathroom 3 more times that week accidentally for hours as well. CRAZY!!!
    So then I really got self destructive one week to the day after finding the text message. (keep in mind I was heavily medicated on narcotics from my neck surgeries.) he came home that Friday night raging at me that I was terrible for not forgiving him and said he was done and left. I had found out that day that he had stopped paying ALL OUR BILLS and house was in foreclosure. I sadly then attempted suicide by taking all my pain medication and don’t remember calling my BFF and telling her goodbye. Well she called 911 and they broke in the house and saved my life. All of this occurred in the first week after D-Day. To this day I don’t remember any of that until I woke up next day in Intensive Care.
    I am sharing all of this in the hopes that you all will see the clothes and keying the truck as funny and the suicide attempt as a lesson that NO MAN is worth losing our life over. I hurt my adult children and family so much by that act and he is so not worth that. I am still very depressed and at times suicidal but I hold on and will not let him take me out. If you’re feeling that way seek help and get angry at him not yourself.
    The stuff I did was insane truly insane but the clothes and truck stuff has kept me going thru many a dark day. Call me crazy but I still think it’s hilarious. His wearing all those things leaving the house everyday in them telling me he’s going to “the store” was such a slap in the face and rubbing my nose in it that I just lost it. His best friend still thinks the best part was hanging them all back up completely shredded. I cut the crotch out of every pair of pants. LOL.
    I’m not condoning or recommending any of you do those things especially the suicide attempt but am just sharing my truth and hope it helps someone.
    I had been left alone for months barely able to care for myself and was so medicated I truly lost my mind.
    My therapist says all the things like leaving the car door open or forgetting to turn off the faucet, even keying his truck and cutting up his clothes are trauma responses and some of us are more susceptible to them being extreme reactions.
    Well that’s my delusional story. I have only told a few friends, but need to be honest here as we all are sharing such deep deep wounds with each other. Hope this helps and can bring a smile or laugh to some of you.
    P.S. I’m not that crazy anymore 😉

    1. Hello Susan,

      I was dying laughing at your story!! You shredded them and hung the clothes back up, cutting the crotch out – hilarious!! You story brought up memories of my own, I did the water thing as well, I would leave the water running and forget to turn it off! Have you watched the movie Waiting to Exhale? Your story reminded me of that. If not be warned when you watch it will make you cry, but you will also laugh. I am so glad your friend called 911 and was able to save you, truly a blessing, your story and openness on the site has helped many women. I am going to update the post with another crazy moment that I had that you reminded me of. Thanks again, when I am having a rough day, I will remember this story and have a good laugh!

  2. susan
    you are not alone….i was saying “yeah” to myself when you cut the crotch out of the pants…that just topped the story! lol…on the other hand, i am glad that you see that NO man is worth your own life–ever!

    i didnt do any physical stuff to his possessions or him (since he is NEVER here) or else i think i would have but, i concocted this whole conspiracy thing where every one of his “afghanistan buddies” that were screwing around on THEIR wives would be called one by one if he did not give me the details of the affair, her name, her number, etc. He called my bluff….so at 7>00am I telephoned one of the wives and started to plant a seed in her ear (without telling her any details that i knew HER husband was doing)…..SO….then all the guys started calling me and being real nice to me saying they dont do that to THEIR wives one at a time….i had to laugh, at the time….they all were sweating bullets and i loved it….they were all in it thick, especially protecting my husband and his actions since my HUSBAND is their BOSS! My husband called after I text the first wife….and i got his attention…..then I threatened all of them with their WORK….and if the FEMALE OWNER would appreciate what goes on her very expensive computers on a daily basis, and all the lavish homes she rents for my husband ( sometimes 3 or 4 at one time) what these homes are being used for?
    (online prostitutes for all these guys–these homes are on the beach too!)….so,,,,
    husband gave up all the info on the OW not for me… save his buddies, their
    families and their work!!! He could care less about me and his daughter……I guess I proved to him i wasnt the dumb witch he thought i was….ha!

  3. Haunting_Immortal

    I am both laughing and crying while I read this. My husband of 14 years cheated on me last year twice and I just found out on December 21 so its been a whirlwind. It’s so nice to know that there are other people who have and are going through this. I love him, but I do not like him, someday I will, but not now, it’s nice to know I am not as crazy as I feel. 🙂

    1. Wanda/Haunting Immortal

      Wanda – That was a very smart move on your part, it’s funny that they started calling you very nice and considerate, they knew you had the power at that point, I guess at that point it was game over for your husband!

      Haunting Immortal – That is SO powerful what you said, I love him but I do not like him. That sums up how I felt and I am sure a ton of women feel on the site. I never thought I could feel that way, to love someone but not like them – before the affair, I would of said that statement doesn’t even make sense, how could one feel that way? Now, I totally get it that statement and I am glad someone else does as well.

  4. Haunting_Immortal

    Its hard Jewels, because for me I know that I wake up buoyant, happy, I see him and I sometimes feel the same because he looks the same, but then I remember and I sink, that’s when I have the hardest time. Its hard to know the stranger in his body, he is still the man I love, but so different, I am not sure I even CAN like him after everything he did, it was so horrible, but I do still love him and am trying. He is too or else this would not be happening. I would love to get revenge on the women he cheated with, but there is something that tells me they will get their just desserts, it may not always happen sooner, but later on in life the way they have chosen to live will catch up with them, I have seen it happen to people, so I believe in karma. I know I am the one who is the better woman here and I will prevail with or without him.

  5. I guess the biggest “crazy” that I feel happened to me is that I went into Super Spy mode! And I am stuck and cannot get out…even a little over a year later.
    I went crazy digging thru his stuff – found one of his business cards with passwords on it (for online “company” credit card, OUR Marriott hotel rewards account since he travels a lot for business, his e-mail, etc.). I hacked into them all to find 8 ‘free’ hotel rooms with our rewards points (during weekends he told he was going hunting). I ended up getting a GPS tracker; I started driving by his “bad” hang-outs (strip clubs), I always feel the need to check his phone now for texts or strange #’s.
    AND I HATE THE FEELING!! I used to trust this man 110%!…but he has killed all trust and will not do what it takes to rebuild.
    Soooo….although I moved out a couple weeks ago to my own apartment, as I go over to the house to try to clear out 25 years worth of stuff (little at a time as far as those boxes of memories, old Girl Scout crafts, closets, etc.), I still find myself checking on things! Why?! It shouldn’t matter any more; but I cannot seem to stop being ‘private detective’.
    This past weekend I was there, and his work calendar was open on the microwave. He marks in other personal notes as well. So I see he marked in January 6 “Sandy-Sue moves out”. He diets and works out off and on; and had taken a break over the holidays. On January 13 was marked in as “work-out” at the top of day, then at bottom part of day it said “1rst time”. So I think worked out for the first time….but then I notice “work out” written in 2 more times since then…with no other notation, like 2nd or 3rd time. Of course, I started thinking “First time for what?” — date with someone else (he’s hasn’t been seeing anyone, just not remorseful or rebuilding), sex with someone else….FIRST TIME FOR WHAT? But I can’t ask him…because then he knows I am still snooping.
    Also, we have a joint bank account for household bills; since property taxes are due now I have been putting in a little to help cover that cost…so even though I don’t live there any more I still check online to see “where he’s at”. I noticed mid last week that there was a pending charge to a large church in the area. So I go to that church’s website..and look around, to find out they have a DivorceCare support group starting on Mondays…workbook cost was the same amount as the pending charge.
    Last night was the first night….and this church is not far from me. So what do I do — I got in my car and drove over there to see if his car was in the parking lot! And it was!! I’m not sure how to feel about it — he never mentioned it to me, so that makes me feel like he’s still not being open & honest about thing. Shouldn’t I feel better that he’s at a church support group and not the strip clubs, OF COURSE!!….but I just feel weird about it! Not once did he ever say to me “let’s go to church and see if it will help us work things out”. I had to drag him to an “Art of Marriage” seminar last February, only to have him go to her a few days later. Although that was the last time…since she finally ripped him off and revealed her true self…all about the money!!!
    Any way — guess that’s my secret! That I am now the World’s #1 Private Detective! I don’t really like it….but I just cannot seem to stop! Even now that I have made that huge step and moved out, I continue to “check up”. I’m about a month away from turning 50, and cannot even believe that I am here at this crossroads in my life! THANKS JACKASS!

  6. Sandy Sue, I too did the spy thing when he lived here. but when I kicked him out I deleted the spyware on his laptop because I thought I didn’t want to see what he was really doing and I thought we were headed for divorce. sort of wished I didn’t but I know in the long run it freed me a little. I knew what he was doing even without that spyware. But when he came back and we were working on us I put it back on for 4 1/2yr now only because I don’t trust him and don’t want to be hurt as he lives under my roof. Men don’t tell us anything they are thinking at all. It’s like prying teeth to get info. My husband did the same thing when we were seperated went talking to divorce lawyers and order online forms but never going to church for help. He kept it all to himself, I think he was always waiting for me to file. I never did because I was still not ready to make that step.

  7. All of your stories and encouragement are keeping me afloat! Thanks for sharing. I feel crazy most days, its been 2 months since I found out. I found myself looking for release the week after d-day and I used trimming scissors to cut myself. I confess that the endorphin rush and physical pain is enough to drown out the emotional pain and I do find myself drawn to it again. On the plus side I am going to see a psychologist next week, hopefully I can resolve my depression and self-esteem issues.

    1. Isthisreal/Sandy-Sue/Haunting Immoral

      Isthisreal I am sorry to hear that you cut yourself to drown out your emotional pain. Be careful and make sure you talk to the psychologist about that, because that can quickly become a viscous cycle, and I see you already feel like doing it again. After that physical pain is gone, that emotional pain will be right there. I know the emotional pain is unbelievable, but I am so glad to hear that you are taking the initiative to see a psychologist, as you know there are so many women that are going through this, you are not alone and you are a survivor that will get through this. Make sure you keep in touch and let me know how your first session goes next week, take care!

      Sandy-Sue – I had a short stint of that detective thing as well, and like you, even though it was over, if there was something that I could read to dig and find, you bet I would not leave it, I would grab and take it as far as I can. I think once someone lies so many times to us, we don’t know what to believe, and so instead of believing it, we doubt everything, which causes us to search and search. It can become an addiction. Especially when you find new stuff, in which you have, it’s like feeding the drug. Loved the ending to your comment ‘Thanks Jackass!’ – classic!!

      Haunting Immoral – You are still new to this journey, it does take time so try not to be so hard on yourself as far as progress. So many women beat themselves up because they are not ‘over it’ during the first month or two. We are use to the quick fix, and unfortunately, this is not a quick fix type situation, but I think you are on the right track.

  8. Just found out my husband has been sexting some girl at work…and acts like hes the victim..says he just wants to know that somebody else could want him and what he has.. Forgot to mention i am 5 months pregnant and our year anniversary is in April.. Help me im going insane..

  9. Hi Sara, I know what you are going through. I found sexy texts last week too! our son is now 2 and a half and he hasn’t cheated on me since I was pregnant. I knew he was up to no good then, and found emails to craigslist escorts, credit card payments to escort agencys, and so much more… Since the birth of our son all has been great. I still didn’t trust him and periodicly looked through his phone and email. But actually felt he had changed. And he did… for the most part.
    I always knew there was this girl who had had to deal with on the phone daily at his work who really liked him. His female co-workers told me this girl was rude to them because she thought they were his wife. He told me that he flirted with her harmlessly like “annie my love” for fun. But last week I found ” I wish I was lying in a big bed naked with you for 2 days” written by my husband!!! and plans to meet for lunch.
    When confronted, he told me that she’s not his type but she had been so persistent for 2 years, that he considered sleeping with her because it felt nice to be desired by someone new.
    He has now volunteered to start sex addiction therapy.
    I’m still so hurt and lost and know in my heart I’ll never trust him.
    I’d love some advice too!

  10. Tina the texting sex thing hurts so bad! My H did this for 5yrs. Craigslist, Ashley Madison, you name it even did it right in front of me and then tried to hid his phone when I walked too close to him. I stayed in the marriage but fight my anger and triggers daily. I did forgive him but I cant forget and that what hurts me the most. I still haven’t dealt with my anger! I knew from the begining that computers where going to hurt my marriage. The first computer we ever got my husband and his friend went straight to porn sites and this was 21yrs ago. The man is now 52yrs old and still watches porn as if he was 15yrs old. Men think as long as they are not touching this OW it’s not cheating! Even his friend said this! This is just how a man thinks untill it happens to them then its considered cheating. I am glad he is going to sex addiction therapy he needs something to figure out why he does this and why he thinks this is ok.

  11. Thanx, I just thought we were past all of this. And even if he didn’t sleep with her, I can’t stop thinking “what else he’s hiding from me that I haven’t found?” He has since cleared all history form his phone and email. So am I just teaching him how to cover his ass better?
    And the biggest question in my head all of the time… I will never be enough for this man, will I?… I’ve always been so strong, but this really smothers that.
    I often think I should get out while I still have some self respect. But he’s my son’s father.

  12. Tina you can always check his cell usage on-line with whatever service you have. If you know the password to view the bill. If you go under his number and view usage you can see who he texted /called and what time he does it for everyday. I have even called some of the #s that showed up on my husband cell phone just to make sure they weren’t OW #’s. I know is not the way I want to live but I have trust issues still, and until he can prove me wrong they will stay were they are.

  13. Tina – Speaking from experience, I would say do not stay just because he’s your son’s father. While my husband did not begin to cheat until we were at the 24-year marriage mark, I was unhappy with basic marital issues — and didn’t have a lot of self respect either, due a lot to his ‘verbal abuse’.
    My husband & I both come from divorced parents and we both thought ‘better to stay together than to put our kids through that’. I even left almost 5 years ago, to have him “wake up” and beg me for counseling and telling me how I was his life and he couldn’t live without me.
    So I went home after 7 months living on my own, worked on things as the kids were graduating and becoming young adults (yet still with some problems); and after about 3 years…I finally got to that “good place” between he and I, as we became empty nesters, both got better jobs, etc……only to overhear a phone conversation several months into my ‘happy place’ and find out that he was in an all-out affair with a girl barely older than our oldest daughter! Can you say mid-life crisis??
    I was told he’d met her at a club (he used to go listen to music, so I thought one of those — I used to trust him implicity, that is all gone now)…but then found out a couple months after discovery that no, he actually met her at a strip club! (All of this info did come from him, as I kept finding some “new issue” every couple weeks). Then I googled her phone number and what popped up — ESCORT ADS!!! When I had initially googled the number at discovery (couple months earlier), there was nothing. But she had apparently been an escort a few years before, and I guess as her gravy train was running out (MY husband!), she decided to start “escorting” again.
    I guess since you mentioned the escorts as a problem your husband has…it touched home with my story a little. And since your said your son is only 2-1/2, I would just hate to see you waste so many more years simply staying together for the sake of your son.
    Although my husband is no longer seeing this girl, I know I’ve dealt with this whole cheating business (and with a stripper/escort) and the lose of what self-respect I had left (or had rebuilt) for an entire year now. He has shown very little remorse or rebuilding effort, so I finally got an apartment about a month ago — 1 year after discovery.
    I will be 50 next month, and never thought I’d be here at this stage of my life. Literally starting over! I just wish I had gone ahead and left back when I first began feeling ‘unhappy’ just with the basics. At least I wouldn’t have been put through this ultimate betrayal. And that’s why I cannot imagine you having to deal with the deception and pain and heartache and the loss of trust that comes with the discovery of the cheating.
    He’s put you through it before (while you were pregnant, no less); something is going on now with him and this co-worker; you do not trust him and are hurting. I do seriously hope that the sex addiction counseling will help him; but PLEASE put yourself first!
    Warmest regards,

  14. For me its dealing with all this anger….the anger he has caused me when I learned he was cheating on me while I was pregnant; the anger he has caused me because my whole idea of a good relationship has been tarnished. I think back when we first started dating and I question whether or not he was truthful to me then. I don’t look at him the same..I don’t look at him with LOVE; I look at him and think what the HELL ELSE could he be up to. I am suspicious of everything, and I hate that feeling that he has put upon me! I want to HIT HIM so badly so he can feel SOME of the pain he has caused me!!!!

    I am sooo angered that after all he put me through; pregnant and then finally coming clean (DUMBASS); since they both work together-she approached him the other night. Demanded to get into his car; then after EVERYTHING HE HAS ALREADY PUT ME THROUGH…he gives her a ride home. I was dumbfounded, yet I am the one causing all this drama…are you kidding me? REALLY?????? The punchline is; the girl is trash; she only works 3 days a week because she is on government assistance; she has no idea who the father of her child is; she doesnt have a CAREER…and lives at home with her parents at the age of 31, smokes pot and probably needs to save the last three brain cells left. THEN has the audascity to send me a letter on facebook ALL MAD AND BRAGGING about how she was with my man while I was a woman that is not something I would be bragging about. SADLY..the letter was pathetic because half the words if not all of them were all spelled incorrectly. PATHETIC coming from someone with 4 degrees behind her belt. HES A FOOL and SHES AN EVEN BIGGER FOOL but I cannot help being SOOOOOOOOO ANGERED!

    1. Hello Gabigirl,

      Yes it seems like anger has gotten the best of you. I would get angry just looking at my husband. Be careful with holding onto the anger, because I started to get some health problems, and it was because I was uptight, tense and angry all the time, and my body could not handle the stress.

      Him giving her a ride home – yes that would make me upset as well, not cool at all. And the part about acting like he doesn’t see a problem with it? – He is working your every nerve, that would work mine. I guess at this point you need to assess what your options are, and what would be your next step, because you can not live in anger forever and you can not keep getting your nerves worked up either, it’s not good for you as a whole.

  15. A great website…It kinda hurts to be in such state and it gets worser in the other part of the world where i stay. Where marriages are made only once and that too arranged marriages.

    My story is sickest of all because i am married to a very smart man who can cheat any one on this planet and remain as calm as he is doing no crap. He has been cheating on me and my little daughter for 5 years now and it continues. One day i hope i find the man who would take me and my daughter with all hands and then i will leave this jerk in a state of shock. I am dealing this with silence ABSOLUTE silence and I am not fighting. I withdrew from all sort of attachments. I stopped paying the house loan which we did together, bought another house and paying that loan. All i live for is just me and my daughter…Atleast her life be with some one who can be open/transparent/honest and love her with all his life and heart.. I sometimes wonder can there be ever a man with a true heart. When they all die where would GOD land them?

  16. On Frinda the 27th of January 2012, I found out that my husband is cheating. I was so confused, I think I drove around town for about 5 hours until I landed at his sisters place. I slept there and in the morning I told his sister what just happened….. the confusion felt so intense I thought I was going mad…

    I went back to my house to try and think things through, it was hard cause my husband was there and he wanted me to talk to him. That night I went on a hectic drinking spree and came back at 3 am. He was not impressed but I felt I had no one to answer to.

    We spoke on Sunday and he said he was sorry and that he told that girl not to call her ever again.

    2 days later while we were talking about his mess the same girl called again. He lied about it and said he would call her back later cause he cant talk. It felt like someone took a knife and stuck right through my gut.

    I spoke to his mother but she kept on bringing up other issues and telling me that he said he was sorry and I should forgive him if he says sorry.

    After talking to his mother I went home and he was speaking the same language that I cant just want to go home everytime I am mad but this man will give me AIDS what must I do….

    It’s been 5 days and it feels like a lifetime- the pain is so real… I get confused often, I forget to do the bed…

    He insist I should cook for him by the away not sure y cause I dont have kids with him.

    *sigh* I am HURT!

    1. Sasa/Barash


      Welcome to the devastation stage, it is pain that is unreal. The lies and secrecy come out and it’s tough to understand that your husband would do this. I know your mother means well, and I believe many times women just looked the other way in the past. But these days for several reasons, we can not just look the other way. I think you also feel in your heart that he is not telling you everything.

      He insists that you should cook for him? He seems like a very traditional man where he expects you to fulfill your ‘wife’ duties regardless of what is going on. I can’t tell you what to do in your marriage, but if I were in your shoes, I would tell him you are too weak to do that stuff right now, that you can even think straight let alone cook, you need to process.

      It’s been 5 days so the pain is still fresh, I would not make any major decisions at this time because the pain is still overwhelming to you. Try to relax, breathe and eat and once you get better you can focus on next steps.


      Thanks for the kind words about the site. 5 years is a long time to be dealing with this. It is amazing how some men act like ‘what’s wrong, I am not doing anything wrong’. It like really?? It’s seems like in your culture marriage is only once and that your peers/family will make you feel bad for leaving, which adds more pressure to everything. At the same time, I see such strength in you. The fact that you got a place, and that you are working towards ensuring a life for you and your daughter is wonderful. You ask are there any good men out there – YES YES YES!!! I know this site is full of stories of cheating, but within this site are stories of men that have been devastated by their wives cheating. And for that reason it gives me hope and understanding that their are good men out there – so keep having faith that you will get through this and meet someone that will treat you right, take care.

  17. just found out. left his email open. I’m so hurt. And he is so verbally abusive.
    I sent the mail to my email
    then like a fool i left mine open-
    he deleted what I had sent
    what can i do?

  18. I too found emails-he stated at first that they were “just friends” that it was “just a joke”. I made copies of the emails. I believe he has created new email account to use for communication with her. They are pilots and fly together-coincidence? He denies everything, then says they “set me up” because he suspected I was snooping. We have kids- how much evidence do I need before enough is enough- I have nothing more than emails stating, “I miss you, wish you were here xoxox” I am a fool. And yes, totally consumed, confused, distraught. The warning signs are there

    1. Alex – I heard that one before, “oh I wanted you to see that’, in my case, it was just a lie to get off the topic of what I found. It’s crazy because when he said that, I was so thrown for a loop, he said I wanted you to see that – what in the world!! I think you know in your heart what you saw, regardless of what he said. It’s always a tough call with kids involved, and especially hard for you, if they are traveling/working together, that must be tough.

      Kate – The concern I have is that instead of talking to you about it, he deleted it. Which means that he wants to act like nothing is going on. You know in your heart what you saw, he will try to make you seem like you are crazy, but you know what you saw. Just be careful, verbal abuse can become physical, you know your husband well, so you know how far you can take the conversation, all I will say is that you know what you saw, even if you do not see it now.

  19. me and my husband have been seperated for a year. he has moved in and out several times since then. the last time he moved out was about 3 months ago. and he wants a divorce. he is not with her anymore(so he says). the ow was calling and torturing me about details. i go to court wensday for the divorce i dont want! how do i get over him he was my best friend and i still love him. but he thinks this is for the best. any advice would help!

    1. Jamie/Robin/Jeany
      Jamie, I wish I could give you a big hug. By the time everything was over, I felt we were two different people, but in your case, he was truly your best friend. The OW calling you is insane, some of these women are really scary. I think when he says ‘it’s for the best’ I really think he means, ‘Your a great person, who deserves a great man, and since I betrayed you, I do not want to take you back and potentially hurt you again.”. If he is not with the OW,he is making the move that is painful now, but is so much less painful than taking him back and then getting hurt all over again by your best friend. He doesn’t want to do that and he is letting you go so that the right man can come into your life. Don’t let the website fool you, there are good men out there, and you will meet one. Hugs.

      Robin – Thanks so much for your comment, it made me smile.

      Jeany – Yes it seems like your husband is playing games, not sure if you are intimate, if so, make sure you use protection. I believe you are staying with your husband for the kids and because you do not want to waste money on a divorce. But be careful for your reasons, the worst type of loss is the lost of YOU, the lost of you feeling good about life, living life full of meaning, that is a bigger loss than all the money in the world. Your daughter wants you to be happy, as parents we should our kids how to live through us. So just make sure you stay for the right reasons, and do not sacrifice your own happiness for anyone. Knowing that he is doing this all the time is really eating at you. Be careful and take care of yourself.

  20. I apologize, to all of you, for reading your “Crazy” stories and finding an inexplicable sense of comfort. Not in your suffering but, for the first time since this nightmare began, I don’t feel completely alone. For that, I thank each of you. Robin

  21. I believe my story is the worst ever. If I wrote a book about it it would be a best seller. My problem is I do not want to humiliate my child by exposing the problems. My child looks upto dad as a role model. Any exposure will affect my child’s emotional well being and hence I am putting up with it and it is killing me. Met him 31 years ago and married for 28. I caught the cheating 4years ago when I found photos deleted on the computer but was still not emptied. The explanation was there was no physical contact and it was just 3 dinner meetings to get over his problems.. Then there were text messages with a young person the same age as the daughter (this is someone different) . The messages were I love you dad from the person and his response of I love you too.. Here the explanation was it was a platonic father daughter relationship etc. Text messages were many per day according to the phone log. After that lots of massage parlors, spa, ktv, night club visits. Yes these were business entertainment that had to be done for work purposes. All on business travel to Asia and living in hotels……. Yes I am the one who is crazy and do not trust him. That is what it has now come down to. I too almost believed it until the last trip. I tracked the phone. He was telling me he was at a particular place and the phone tracking obviously showed that he lied. So now I know I am not imagining and that he is lying. Worst yet signed up for a marriage counselling retreat and he walked away. Before walking away he said that he did lie but claimed he was still a good person. The reason… he lied because I was always suspcious …It was the other work colleagues who were the womanisers and were fooling around with women. He was a person of strict morals and I was lucky to be with him. Sorry for the way I am writing this since I have no energy to write it well. I am so distraught and there is a huge part of my heart that is aching and I do not know how to heal and feel better. If anyone lives in this area please let me know. It would be great to have a companion to share the secrets and get the moral support that I need. We are both catholics and hence this has shattered me in every way. After 31 years I am not sure who this man is anymore? All incidents happened in Asia but lately I believe it is happening in out of town visits too. I am a professional capable of earning and taking care of my self. Financial needs are not even an issue for me to stay in this marriage. However I do worry if I got a divorce the money would be wasted. I am not comunicating with him at all and have moved into a different room in the house. He has gone off again on a 3week business trip (aka massage excitement) to Asia. Thanks

  22. Great Site! i have been supportive of this guy – married him when he had nothing(and i mean just that – nothing) we work together with me holding the backbone of what we do while he does the sales and marketing. We’ve been married for 11yrs and i trusted him so much i was a fool.

    All the excuses the cheating men give on this site is true to me. “She doesnt mean anything to me, its you i love”, “am just fooling around”, “i felt lonely”, “we are just exchanging (sexually explicit) words”,”i am not doing anything wrong, you are just being suspicious” and more recently “since you dont trust me, i might as well do it” and so on.

    i am so frustrated and sooo angry i wish i could physically harm all his girlfriends. Anytime he’s caught he eventually apologizes and says he will not get in touch with them again. I believe him. Months later i find yet another incriminating text or chat or receipt under a different phone number/name and when i confront him he first acts as if am insane and the problem is with me, then he blames me then he says hes sorry that he is trying to stop. I believe him. Months later i find that some of the numbers actually belongs to his old girlfriends! i confront him and he first acts as though am insane, gets very angry and say i have a problem and the cycle continues.

    i am thinking of not working for him again. problem is if i stop, the business will be affected and people may lose their jobs. i also think that th only reason he eventually apologises is because he doesnt want me to stop working. i feel used and bitter, this has been going on for over 5yrs. i dont want to leave him because of my children but i dont know what to do.

    On the funny side, the crazy thing i did was i went through the presents he brought back from a trip and saw some sexy underwear that were not my size. So i called a friend and gave her the underwear as a present from me – just to find out later that a common male friend had asked him to give it to his friend!

  23. I have felt so alone and cant tell anyone as dont want to hurt anyone around me. I have just found out my husband has been cheating on my with random women (not an affair – but does this matter??), one off a dating site, the other 2 or so prostitutes, (possiblely more – his word is of course now forever questionable). I really cant believe this is happening to me. I am a nice, good person and put my children and family first, as they should be. We are only in our 4th year of marriage – so should be newly weds, and similar to one of the ladies above, this happened during my second pregnancy ( I have a 2 yr old and a 4 month old)…can you believe it? What an asshole? What is WRONG with these men? Why cant they just grow up? Things emotionally between us were pretty good, notwithstanding less intimacy during the pregnancy, but that sometimes happens right? So the weak husband cant handle not being “wanted” all the time so seeks something to satisfy his desires out of the sanctity of marriage??? Anger, hurt and humiliation and a sense of loss, mourning a relationship we once had, or I thought we had, is what I feel. Emptiness. He desperately wants to not be that person and is so sorry for all the hurt he caused me, and is seeking counselling. But I cant help but think – will I ever truly trust him again – respect him again – really want to be with him authentically again?….I am at a loss as how to move forward, and how to deal with these feelings…..

  24. liz i understand what u are going thru. and i am sorry for u! my divorce was granted yesterday. i feel like my heart has broken into tiney pieces. i loved my husband very much. i wish i could give u advice but i have not figured it out either. i stay at home and try to talk to family only. i am very depressed. if u figure out a way let me know.

  25. Undecided with 4 Kids

    My crazy moments were quite violent towards his stuff also. I cut up all his hats because he’s always complaining how he can never find any (he leaves them lying around and always points out the house is too messy and that’s why he can’t find them) I even cut out stencil words ‘Loser’ into one of them (I am crafty) I also cut up his shoes laces. I may have cut up more things, it was all a blur of rage.

    I wrote ‘Loser’ (ingeniously I might add) onto a lot of his shirts, so it wasn’t really noticeable it was part of a logo. (this was funny weeks later when a forgotten one would turn up on him) Sometime in the first week of finding out, I found a hammer, whoopee! I dented his extra parts car (that was exhilarating) I thought of smashing the windows but I wasn’t quite that far gone.

    I smashed up his bike in the back shed too. And get this, he had the nerve to say to me ‘Honey, I use that bike to rehabilitate my knee which helps me work and make money for the family.’ What! YOU’RE trying to guilt trip me? NOW!? Whoa whoa back up mister, you mean the family you just tried to break apart, possibly sending it into two different households causing us to have to pay more money. So now I’m the bad guy, I don’t care about our financial future…

    I swear he cares more about his image than what he did to me and the kids, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done, or that he made a mistake. He wishes I didn’t dent his car because when his carpool guys picked him up they saw and knew exactly what happened embarrassing him. Geez, if we’re getting it all out there, I wish you didn’t flirt with my sister… in our own home… right in front of me… sneak into her room while I was sleeping… etc etc. How did this happen? Why is my hubby acting so trashy. He’s a smart guy, I like to think we both are smart people with bright futures. In fact he’s really into self help and self image kind of books and pretends he’s always improving himself, but clearly IT’S NOT WORKING.

    It’s been three months now and the crazy is mostly done, but lately I’ve been getting so angry and I feel like smashing things. He apologizes of course and says it will never happen again, but I just don’t believe him. He’s always been a bit mean to me, I want to believe him, but I think I’m old enough now to know better. We’ve been together for 10 yrs and married for 9, we got married when I was 22. I don’t want to break up our home and have the kids go through a divorce. At the same time, I cannot be treated like this. I think this event has opened my eyes in a major way, it has shown me that I am in charge of my life, not him. It’s shown me that he is mentally/emotionally abusive, trying to control me with his words, and I’m not going to take it anymore, I see him in a totally different light now. When I’m not in pain or depressed, I am completely happy because I am free from his grip now. I am not afraid to lose him because he’s shown me there is not much to lose. I still love him, like one commentor said, but I don’t like him. He’s the father of my children, and he’s a good daddy.

    I just don’t understand how you could claim to love someone and do this to them. I just found this site and I plan to read everyone’s stories, it’s very therapeutic, thanks for reading. 🙂

    1. Undecided with 4 Kids – Hello, welcome to the site. The crafty loser hat was funny :). Men and this darn image thing, because of that it’s so hard to tell if they want to stay together because of you, or the image. I love the word you wrote below, they are so powerful and sum up my journey in recovery from this experience, thanks for sharing.

      “At the same time, I cannot be treated like this. I think this event has opened my eyes in a major way, it has shown me that I am in charge of my life, not him. It’s shown me that he is mentally/emotionally abusive, trying to control me with his words, and I’m not going to take it anymore, I see him in a totally different light now. When I’m not in pain or depressed, I am completely happy because I am free from his grip now. I am not afraid to lose him because he’s shown me there is not much to lose. I still love him, like one commenter said, but I don’t like him. He’s the father of my children, and he’s a good daddy.”

      Liz – there is no way to tell, you are going to have to listen to that voice inside of you to know if he is really taking the counseling and recovery seriously, he will let you know through his actions, and his actions will either help rebuild trust, or do the opposite.

      Jamie I am sorry you are depressed. Remember you are strong for going through with the divorce, even through all you can see is pain right now.

      bewildered – I am glad you like the site. The cycle your husband is putting you through over and over again is not right. It seems like you feel very stuck because of the business and the kids. The problem is maybe he senses that, maybe he knows you will never leave and that is why he continues to hurt you. In the next couple of weeks, search for alternatives to the situation. I do not think you have to take this kind of treatment, there has to be more options that just stay or leave, search for other options that you can explore. Take Care.

  26. This post brightened up my day since i stay home. My husband cheated on me when we were dating and I found out 6 months ago. But I’m still crazy today. He claims it was only once but what bugs me is it was his ex girlfriend. They lost their virginity together vacationed together he knows all her family he even would stop by behind my back just to hang out with her mother! I found out when i was going through his email looking for a document he needed for work. Did I tell you the “one” time he claimed he cheated she got pregnant but she got an abortion mind you I was pregnant the same time. He never took me on vacation he doesn’t even get along with my family. When I found out I keyed his car and punched him iN the face and chipped his tooth. I thought I would feel better with time but I’m still so angry I don’t know what to do. He isn’t cheating but I wish he could take it back

  27. Thanks for your kind words Jewels. Although we come from different cultures, religious beliefs, socio economic backgrounds we all share the common ground of deep hurt. This hurt brings about feelings of anger, self pity and revenge and all can occur at same or different times. How do we deal with these emotional roller coaster rides? I am trying and am trying. Some days are great but just when I feel that I am getting better I suddenly change course with my emotions and sob like hell and go right back down. Some one out there is going to give me the strength to get through this. Hopefully a year from now I will be able to give advice to others on how to deal with these emotions from hell. Especially to those who have been together for more than 20-30 years. It is easy for people to say let go of the past focus on yourself and move on. Only those who have been in this position can understand how hard it is to put those words into action. When you let go of the past you let go of all your beliefs, your principals and your morals and values. Because they become meanigless. You ask yourself what a fool you are to believe in them. As part of my revenge I signed on to a website for dating to flirt away but cannot do it. I feel guilty that I am betraying a belief that has been instilled in me from childhood. To be faithful to only one man. I want to tell the whole world that he is a cheater and show his true colors but I cannot do it he is the father of my child. I cannot hurt her. So here I am writing about my feelings and thought processes. Perhaps this is my outlet to help me feel better. Your website is an avenue to let my emotions out without revealing my identity and I am so thankful to you for giving us this support. Happy Valentines day to all and a special hug from one lonely wife to all other wives and ex wives out there.

  28. Hello everyone.

    I am active duty military and currently serving in Afghanistan. My story, in so many ways is just like everyone elses here. I found out in Oct (two months) before I was due to deploy in December that my husband (active duty military) had been cheating and had gotten his ex pregnant (civilian)…in a whole other country/state. She should of had the baby on 6 Feb. We are going through a very complicated time right now and I do plan on divorcing him. My story is really long and I would love to post it someday, but right now… I just wanted to say thank you to all of the women posting their stories here. It helps me to understand that I AM the victim and he & his lover will be held accountable by military authorities. It is not okay what he did and although he might not want to talk to me, I will not be forced or persuaded by him or anybody else to keep me from pursuing adultery charges against him. The anger is slowly leaving, but I still go in/out of emotions ranging from depression/rage/happiness/love/confusion. I have translated the anger into keeping busy with work/school/voluteer activities. I will succeed in this, even under these rough conditions that I am under in Afghanistan! I will make my family & friends proud of me! I will divorce him. I will love again and be happy and trusting in someone! I will complete my Master’s Degree by this summer and I will continue to fight for our country and those of you that believe in marriage and monogamy! Keep fighting the good fight and keep posting! Soldiers like me are using this as support:-)

    1. A6 – Thanks for sharing your story and serving our country. I could not imagine how it would feel to try and serve and deal with the pain of having your husband get someone else pregnant. I love your message in the end about getting through this, succeeding, and finding love again. I can so see that happening for you because of your faith and determination not to let the situation get the best of you and not close you off to life’s opportunities. I definitely feel the same way and your comment reminded me that I need to write about that more. I am honored that it is being used as a means of support, take care!

      Jeany – Yes it is amazing how pain crosses all cultures, ages, everything. We are bonded in that way and this site has taught me a great deal about what bonds us is so much more than what separates us. As far as your emotions, the key is not to ‘deal’ with the emotions, the key is to embrace it. What I mean by that is many women try to get rid of the pain, erase it, they just want to feel better, and in the attempt to hurry and get rid of it, they self-sabotage their own recovery. I did this for months. I held on to trying to control the outcome, trying to move the roller coaster in my direction. I had to just ride. And during the ride try to look inward at what I was feeling. Once I accepted the emotions and faced them head on, I started to understand it better. You are making progress, you do not see if because you are in the thick of it, but since I was where you were, I can see things that you can not see in yourself at this time. Keep having faith that you will get through this. And thanks for your kind words about the site, much appreciated.

      Stayhomewmn – Welcome, isn’t it funny how you think hurting him (keying the car, punching) will make you feel better but it doesn’t. part of my anger was the fact that he did not understand how painful this was! I wanted him to be angry, upset, depressed and he wasn’t and that made me go crazy!!

      Eventually you are going to have to sit down and reflect on this anger, if not, it will eat you alive, seriously. You have to question the anger, try to understand the true source of it and try to extract it because it will take on it’s own life form in your life.

  29. Another crazy moment — yes almost one year after D-Day — Called my husband at work — he goes in very early to beat the traffic….only to find his phone going to voicemail at 6:30am. He had a pattern of calling his “friends” early and since he can’t do it from his cell phone now- – my mind immediately went to that. Turns out he now has people reporting to him who mirror his early start (kissing up) — he said he was talking to one of them. I asked for this man’s extension — and my H gave it to me. He was fine with me calling. He is being a completely open book — I called it (blocked my phone number) and he answered it. Ugh — I feel so CRAZY — and got that sick to my stomach feeling all over again. Oh how I hate it. And I have never seen the OW — can’t find a picture online or anything. Maybe I don’t want to know. It’s all truly damaging – not just emotionally –but it affects us physically with a kind of stress — I truly believe it. My H claims he has snapped and would never ever be like that again — he is disgusted with how he has been — but who knows — as they say, “if it’s too good to be true — it probably is.” I just want to relax and try to find some humor. Getting a massage tomorrow to help calm me down. 🙂 Have a great day girls — we will get through it — crazy moments and all…….

  30. I’ve been married for almost 25 years and there were problems with the marriage from the very beginning. My husband has always liked to drink and for the most part was a happy funny drunk. He also liked to flirt women (very touchy feely) even though I asked him to stop because I found it disrespectful. I’m told I’m too sensitive, he’s only being friendly.

    On several occasions throughout our marriage I’ve found proof he’s been unfaithful. He’s destroyed the evidence, denied it and made me out to be paranoid. I truly loved this man with every fiber of my being and was so desperate to be loved back that I let him get away with it. I also allowed him to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse me. Just recently it became physical.

    A few years ago he had an affair with my now former friend. She taunted me about how she finally found her soul mate, and it wasn’t her husband. I caught them kissing, but I didn’t see things correctly. He’s denied and swore on our children that he’s never touched her. We did go to counseling and he denied it there to. We agreed to work on our marriage, but I did let him know that this was the last time. He swore he’s a changed man (heard it before).

    After the two year mark from counseling the drinking started again along with the verbal abuse. Ex: he came home one night drunk and I was in our bedroom drying off from the shower. I’m naked and he tells me “You’re fucking fat, you disgust me.” I went numb, paralyzed, I couldn’t move or speak. I slept on the couch and confronted him the next morning and of course he didn’t remember saying it, so therefore it didn’t happen. A couple of weeks later (Feb 15th) I got a call from a woman (blocked number) telling me “He broke up with me two weeks before Valentine’s day and I can’t understand why because you’re a fat bitch; but this isn’t over.” She hung up. I confronted him and he denied it and accused a disgruntled employee at his job. Two and a half months later he had a vasectomy without my knowledge or consent. He said he did it because he didn’t want any more children. I can’t have any more children, so what’s the problem?

    He gave me access to our cell phone bills and call records to prove to me he wasn’t cheating, but refused to give me access to email and facebook and he lived on the computer. He showed me one of his email accts, but forgot to delete an outgoing message, that was confirming a meeting for a BJ. He claims it was a joke and he never followed through. I wouldn’t know because it was scheduled during the day when he should have been working.
    Shortly after that, he began hinting to people that I was having an affair. My oldest son accused me of dressing provocatively for work to pick up men. I pointed out that I wear business suites and all of my skirts are to my knees. I wear 2 ½ inch pumps which are hardly provocative. He admitted he was reacting to comments his father was making. This was truly getting out of control.

    Then one day by luck I found an imbedded file on our computer that had screen shots from a spy program my husband installed on our home computer over 2 years ago. The spy program logged my passwords to email and facebook. He had been accessing my stuff. I truly had nothing to hide, whenever he asked me what I was doing on the computer I would tell him to come look. He would say, “No that’s okay I trust you. I wish you trusted me as much as I trust you.” Wow, isn’t stealing someone’s passwords a violation of trust?

    Well it turned out to be my lucky day, because that spy program took snap shots of all the stuff he had been doing. I found out about him contacting prostitutes on Craig’s list. Sexually explicit facebook messages to a woman I didn’t know, turned out to be a former female co-worker. He had an account with Ashley Madison (that’s a company that hooks married people up for affairs), I got to see the hateful things he wrote about me and the private conversations he had with other women about how horrible I am. He was lying to everyone. Then I found out about the missing money. He wiped out our equity acct. The savings was drained after the equity money was gone.

    He won’t agree to mediation because he insists he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s made some mistakes, but he’s a changed person and he loves me. If I wasn’t so negative and live and dwell on things that happened in the past then I could see that he’s changed, just like everyone else. I just found the proof of what has been happening for the last 2 years, but I’m not allowed to talk about it because it’s in the past.

    I feel like my life is spinning out of control.

    Thank you for listening.

    1. Sue Me – my heart goes out to you, no one should have such words said to them, you do not deserve that type of treatment. So much hiding and lies, there is a better life. You wrote the reason you stay, you said ‘so desperate to be loved back that I let him get away with it’. You love him more than you love yourself, and that is a formula for pain. If he has physically hit you, then I want you to think about seeking some professional help, a man that hits you can turn very dangerous very fast, which is why I think you might benefit from getting some professional help on how to deal with this. For the record, I did not see once once of a ‘fat’ person in your writing, I saw a beautiful women who is in alot of pain. When people say very mean things, just know it is a reflection of them, not you. Many hugs to you.

      Ella – don’t feel bad, you had a trigger event when he didn’t answer. I remember when my husband didn’t answer the phone, minutes felt like hours, sometimes I would start crying before I even found out why he couldn’t answer. So you are not alone. It’s good he is being an open book and I hope your massage was good!

  31. I am new here, but my Husband had an affair for 2 years with a co-worker. I had gotten him the job at my office because we had recently lost our business we owned. To make this long long story short, he lied about it when i confronted hom for 2 years finially after catching him in so many ways except with her, he confirmed it, of course she had left for florida by then to live , due to (supposedly) he would never leave me and he told her that so she left. We had some issues prior to the affair. I have been devasted every since. We both do not work at that place anymore but everywhere i go she had been, his car , my home, work, our other home, which is where they meet alot to have sex! It was the most horrific 2 years i have ever been through, i lost 20 lbs and was sick constantly. It has now been 2 years since it’s been over , and i now find out she is back, and she doesn’t live far away at all 7 minutes up the road). I know my Husband is not seeing her, he may not know she is back, and i haven’t said anything to him yet. The trust is totally gone and i have no one i can talk to. I don’t want to get my kids involved for they already went through all of it with us once before. They are all grown up and living their lives. I just feel like i can’t talk to people anymore because it’s over and i need to get over it, but i can’t and i am afraid because she is back and a real bit*h that she will try to contact him somehow, i know he is so over her and so sorry that it happened. I know that, but i am freakin out and my mind is back there. I don’t know what to do…..

  32. My husband confirmed to me 5 days ago (Sunday) as I returned from visit my very sick parents abroad that he is in love with a woman whom he works with and that after 15 years marriage and 2 children we have nothing in common.

    I felt as if someone had stabbed me in my heart. I cried and cried and wanted to kill myself, I still do because it hurts so much because I love my husband so much as he became my best friend.

    He told me it had only started Christmas but I could not believe it. He begged me forgiveness.

    At this time I am stressed and paranoid and cannot go to work so I hacked into his computer for the evidence because he refuse to tell me even her name. After my husband told me on Monday he has ended the relationship(and even called the woman while sitting next to me) and that the woman no longer works in his office he came home with make-up on his shirt so, I began my detective work.

    I found an email he sent her on 13 February with a UTUBE sight (Beatles Be My Baby) I then called her work and played it to her with the hope that she would run back to him to confirm my suspicions, which she did. I was and still am turn to pieces.

    He now tells me he wants to make a go of our 15 years marriage but I do not know how to trust him again although I Love him to bits. Am now on medication for my depression and is not able to sleep and continues to get suicidal thoughts.

    I have not eaten anything since Sunday and have already lost 7 pounds in body weight. I find night time to be the worst. Given that I have found all the comments comforting.

  33. My husband of 14 1/2 years was having an affair with a co worker. I was suspicious, so I started investigateing. He used to lie about meetings he was having “off site meetings,” I finally got enough evidence to confront him. including recorded conversations, Of course for the fist 20 min, he denied it. Then all he can say was I was stupid, just calling himself a bunch of names and apologizing. He still sees her eveyday at work but claims he doesn’t speak to her….I honestly don’t believe him. I told him I don’t trust him and never will, I want a seperation, and he has the nerve to say, what about the kids? Did I think about what it will do to them? My boys are 12 and 3 yrs old….I’m still living in the same house with him for the sake of our boys. I”m still hurt, devestated and so angry each day he leaves the house to go to work. I will never trust him again and cannot see a future for us together. He is trying his hardest for me to forgive him and stay But I keep thinking about the lies and the things he told her, he destroyed me and broke my heart. If I didn’t love him this wouldn’t hurt so bad.

  34. All these stories seem to have the same potential pain. It hurts me so to read all this knowing first hand what you have all gone through. I was undoubtedly “crazy” myself. But you see with all the lying these husbands do and all this crazy stuff they say “oh I love you, I wasn’t myself, I still love only you, she meant nothing, (you get it), ect.” this is what drives us crazy, even though it’s what we want to hear, but we hear these things and they do the opposite. My husband would say all this to me, he is the one that offered up the counseling bit. And even in our first visit of marriage counseling, he was told to stop all contact with the OW. Did he? Why heck no! While still texting, calling and contacting in any way this OW, he was telling me he wasn’t talking to her and that I was his one and only and he wanted to be with me and be married to me and she meant nothing, well she obviously meant something or he would have ended it. This is what drives us good women insane and makes us do these crazy things. We literly loose our minds and it’s because of their broken promises. From the affair itself, to the lying, to the manipulating, and so on. To be totally devoted to their wives again and actually mean what they say, they have to stop the contact with the OW. As long as they are still in contact even if it’s only email, they will still have resentment towards the wife and will treat her that way. My husband was horrible to me during all this but yet still telling me that I was his one and only and she was just some dumb girl that believed him when he said he was leaving me. I don’t know about any of you, but that will drive anyone insane.

  35. I have a horrible story as well and have experienced much pain as well. I recently found out my husband was cheating after 5 years of marriage. We are young, he’s 29 and I’m 26, and it has been a real slap in the face for me. My husband is a pilot who came to the States from Greece when he was 18. He works privately, meaning, he flies frequently for several different people and takes trips at least once a month for several days at a time (Greece, New York, and Colombia). The moron left his email open and I came along and found disgusting pictures of him and this other woman who happens to be from Greece herself. He admitted about the affair and was shocked that I found out because I have never questioned my husband about anything. There were sex pictures but the kissing and hugging pictures were what stuck a knife in my heart. Not to mention, the cell phones are in my name only and for the past 9 months, I have been complaining about how expensive the phone bill has been ($500 monthly average during the affair). He said he was simply calling his mom and brother who lives in Greece and that I should be more respectful about the issue even though I am helping to pay for these expensive phone bills. He has been calling that slut the whole time and making me pay for it. For some reason, I never questioned it and never checked the phone records until I found out and it didn’t take me long to figure out whose number was hers. I called her several times telling her what a homewrecking slut she was and told her I was going to expose those pictures to everyone in my husband’s family and to the mutual well-respected people that my husband and I knew. She asked me how I have gotten her number and I told her that my husband gave it to me which was a lie. She said she couldn’t believe that my husband gave me her number probably because he has told her that he plans on leaving me for her. I told my husband to call her in front of me to tell her it was over but he refused and said she has nothing to do with what is between me and him. I became crazy and started throwing his stuff out of the house which he finally accepted and left. He claims the other woman called him and told him that he and I were both nuts and that she wants nothing else to do with him. My mother-n-law also called the other woman and the other woman told her the same story. I don’t believe they are finished. I suspended my husband’s cell phone and later on that evening, I hacked into his email and facebook profile. More disgusting pictures of him and her on vacations together since May 2011. It’s now March 2011. Our marriage has not been the greatest but I didn’t expect this. In January I begged my husband for us to take vacation but his reply was “No” because we can’t get along. He then told me that he had to go to New York to work for a few days and needed a new winter jacket. I went to help him pick it out only to find him wearing it in the disgusting pictures of him and her in New York together on their vacation. The most recent vacation of him and her was him telling me this month (March) that he needed to return to Greece for the anniversary of his dad’s death only to find out that he didn’t give a shit about his dad’s death but was there only to spend time with her. My husband has been awful and verbally abusive to me for the past year to the point that his friends started telling him that his behavior was getting inappropriate. He has told me that he wanted a divorce on numerous occasions but when I put divorce papers in front of him, he refused to sign. He also went as far as to rent another house but would never stay there, instead he kept staying at my house. He admits what he has done is wrong and says he didn’t have the balls to give me a divorce. He also has such a nonchalant attitude that makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with him. After blowing up on him a second time, he says I deserved this because he wasn’t getting enough sex at home. What really torments me is that he’s not finished with her. I know that after I separate myself from him, he will be back with her. Another irritating issue is he wasn’t a US citizen when we got married. He got his citizenship in June 2011, 1 month after he started the affair. I have experienced every emotion possible and words can’t express how disappointed and pissed off I am. I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs sooner. After returning from his most recent trip from Greece of seeing her (this was supposed to be the anniversary of his dad’s death) he came home and slept with me and I F’ing initiated it. I feel so gross and betrayed. I feel more people knew about this affair than they are letting on. Also, the sick freak had the audacity to tell his friend he felt suicidal. LOL! He feels suicidal! I said “imagine how I feel, A-hole”. He called his mom and told her everything yet she feels sorry for him begging me to turn his phone back on, I said absolutely not. She is flying in from Greece today to console him. She has told me not to react suddenly to this. That he and I should talk it over. I told him I wanted a divorce and he quietly and nonchalantly says “ok”. It’s been 3 days since I found out and all he has said is “sorry”. He hasn’t made an action to redeem himself or console me. He also claims he was going to end the affair and that he doesn’t love her and loves me but feels we need to separate. I know this affair would have continued and probably has only stopped temporarily due to the “crazy” wife finding out. I am most certain it will resume. I have started changing things out of both of our names and purchased a divorce packet. I am so angry and hurt that it’s beyond repair. I work in a psych facility as a nurse and feel I should be in here myself. I beat myself up for not seeing the signs sooner and helping him fund this affair he has created. I am a smart, professional young woman who has helped him financially and stayed loyal to him even during the problems we were having. So many times my husband has traveled to New York and Greece in the past year and I’m guessing just about every time it has been to see her. She lives in Greece but from my understanding has been in New York with him twice. I really need some support as I fully intend on divorcing the SOB and getting on with my life. Any advice would be great.

  36. M,
    I, too, am getting a divorce, I filed today. I have a husband who acts the same way. He wants to cheat but expects us to not be angry about it and put it in the past. Also, never really a sincere apology and no real effort to make the marriage work. I found out about my husband’s cheating because the dumbass left facebook open and there was a chat. “He hasn’t made an action to redeem himself or console me” you said. Yes, my husband has acted the same way…basically I think they know how much they have hurt us and know they are doing a terrible thing, but aren’t man enough to own up to it. They can’t take the truth in their face, so it’s easier to give up. I loved my husband so much, but he doesn’t want to fight for what we had, even though I probably couldn’t forgive him any time soon. I too changed things out of our name at first as well…I see your husband is also playing the “poor me” card, he is suicidal and the blame card…he wasn’t getting enough sex. My husband likes to remind me that I’m not the only one who’s in pain and he’s hurting too, all the while he’s living with another woman???
    I also contacted the FIRST woman he cheated on me with via Facebook and said she was a homewrecking slut as well. It did feel good. I also posted from HIS account that he was sleeping with this woman and drinking and she’s a slut and his stuff’s gonna be out in the snow! Boy, he didn’t like that at all. I’m not proud of it but it really did get to him and all I wanted was some kind of response. I’m sorry he threw away everything, just like mine did, for god know’s what. All we can do is try to move on, since they have, (oh goody for them). Except we have emotions and real love and it is going to take a while. It’s only been two months for me, but he has shown me no hope and I’m not going to be anyone’s doormat. I hope this helps a little, I know it’s so hard.

  37. It’s only been 5 days since I found out. The first two days I was so angry I said all the horrible things which I DO NOT regret but the third day is when the depression really set in. I threw him out and he has not tried to make things right between us. He’s only said he’s sorry and that what he did wasn’t right. He’s very nonchalant which makes me even more angry. He hasn’t even tried to get me to talk about what will happen in the future. I’m in such ridiculous amounts of pain. I suspended his phone which he asked for the number so that it could be switched into his own name and account and I agreed. I asked him to meet me at a notary office to sign papers, somewhat thinking he would try to talk me out of a divorce but he met me and signed them like it was nothing ….after 5 years of marriage. I think the reason I’m in such bad shape is because I NEVER expected this. I never saw any signs of infidelity even though my husband and I were having a lot of sex problems. I just figured we would get through it eventually. It’s amazing how in one day you can lose your whole family. My husband and I don’t have kids but MY support person is gone. I always went to him. I also live in Florida where I am not originally from so I have no family here. I know deep in my heart he is still talking to her and has probably told her lies like, “Me and my wife have been separated”, or ,”See, I told you she’s crazy”. I asked my husband by text last night after we had signed divorce papers why he signed them and if he loved me and if he loved her and he said, “I never stopped loving you, I signed divorce papers because we have been killing each other, nothing has changed and I haven’t been getting what I need, No I do not love her so please don’t start.” I really didn’t want a divorce but I feel at this point my husband should be the one to try and make it right as he has NO excuse for this behavior, even if the sex was bad with me. I keep asking myself, why he didn’t divorce me before? So many times we have discussed divorce before and he never would agree to sign papers ….until I found out about the affair. Also, he had no intentions of telling me about the affair. He came back from Greece on Wednesday night after being with her. I picked him up from the airport. He and I were laughing and having a good time with each other. I initiated sex with him Thursday morning and of course he didn’t turn me down even after he knowingly knew he had been with another woman. Then comes Friday when we were laughing and having an even more good time until I saw his emails. I NEVER saw this coming. I gave him an ultimatum to either call her and tell her it’s over or get out. He didn’t do either. After 3 hours that day of trying to get him to call her, I finally got fed up and started throwing his stuff out the front door. He left and has been gone ever since. What hurts is that I truly expected him to try to get me back. Everyone knows about it now (family, friends). Everyone says the same thing to me ….leave him. I want to sooo bad but I don’t want to at the same time. The funny thing is I feel my husband is having an easier time picking up and moving on than I am. I lost my family. I am now alone and do not come from a close family. I feel like I really don’t have anyone. Nights are the worst. I know we signed divorce papers but I really don’t think I will be able to actually turn them in. I stopped eating, lost a couple of pounds. I really wonder if I should see a psychiatrist. I feel as though I haven’t gotten the explanation I need and if I do get it will it help? My husband had no intentions of divorcing me and I the same because we could have in the past, even while the affair was going on without my knowledge. I don’t understand why he now is ok with getting one. I think this is the worst pain someone could bear. My chest actually aches and I cry all the time. I cycle from being angry to depressed about 5 times a day which is so confusing. I know I would never be able to trust him again. Our marriage hasn’t always been that great. He has treated me so bad while being with her calling me horrible names and blaming me for things I shouldn’t be blamed for. I’ve been there taking care of his bills and washing him clothes. What really eats me alive is if he is still going to continue to be with her. Everyone has said that it won’t last and if they stay together, wait til they move in with each other because it will soon end. My husband hasn’t said whether he is moving back to Greece or staying in Florida. I feel he will stay but continue his long distance relationship with her. He says he has stopped talking with her. I want to believe that but can’t. I can’t imagine being with someone for a year and then suddenly stop because the wife found out. I’m so confused. I hope his relationship with her sucks from now on …I know there isn’t any thrill in it anymore as I now know. This whole thing is sick. I feel as though I should stop contacting my husband and wait on turning the divorce papers in. I feel as though I can’t handle finding out about the affair and the divorce all in one week. I know divorce will come eventually. I’m not sure if deep down I am delaying it wondering if my husband will come back. I feel he owes it to me to try and get me back. Please tell me what you think. This week I am going to go out with some friends and try to continue a “normal” life. I feel far from normal.

  38. M, I am so sorry you are going through this. I too never saw my husband’s affair coming. I had always thought he was faithful. My husband had no intentions of coming clean about the affair either. Even in counseling he said that he had been hoping for the affair to end and it never be brought up again and therefore me never knowing. He says he didn’t want to hurt me. Well duh, then you wouldn’t have had the affair. Of course thats the rationale in my head. After this OW wouldn’t stop calling or texting even my phone, I gave my husband an ultimatum as well, that he needed to cut it off or I was leaving. No he didn’t cut it off but he did call her and tell her that she was showing her age witht he text messages and phone calls and to please stop it but that was it, there wasn’t any “please leave me alone” or anything like that. I was very hurt. Everyone of my friends and family even his family also told me the same…leave him. It’s easier said than done though. And they aren’t in your situation either so sometimes it’s not good to listen to family and friends, unless they have been in your shoes. I felt alone just as you. When I had decided to stay and we started going to counseling, I lost my family and my friends. I didn’t loose them physically but I lost their respect. I felt horrible but after a while and going through counseling, I learned that I have to live my life, they don’t. If they don’t want to be my friend or family, then that’s on them. I didn’t do anything to them. I too lost so much weight during this time. I weighed 130 and in two weeks I dropped to 92lbs. WOW! My husband had me in this crazy fog that just wouldn’t let me live, and I say it was my husband because he was the one lying and manipulating, I didn’t know what to think anymore. I know what you mean when you say it’s the worst pain ever. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. You feel like you really are going to die. Still two years later and the fact that our marriage is better than it ever has been, I still only weight 100lbs. It’s like the situation really changed me totally. I’m not bitter but I am still very hurt. I also know I cannot trust him again. I am trying to and with all the counseling, yes I can still say that I may not be able to trust him again, ever, but I’m not letting it run my life. I too was blamed and talked to badly when my husband was with this OW. I think it helps them justify the pain they are causing us. And no it won’t last, once the affair turns into a REAL relationship, it never lasts. The husband just isn’t as excited for the OW after it becomes official. It’s that way with most of the stories I have read, the books I have read and ppl I have encountered. And the relationship will suck for them from now on. Revenge is the Lord’s and trust me God will get the revenge. Or karma whatever you want to call it. Please try to have a normal life. I was a nervous wreck and lost a lot of myself control and lost my mind. Anything normal would have been better. Just know one thing…you cannot change him, you can only change yourself and you only have control over your own behavior, not his.

  39. M,
    If you feel like you are not ready to file the divorce papers, then don’t! No matter if you think you are delaying the inevitable. You have so much to deal with right now that you don’t have to rush and do that. It will keep. My husband has moved on so easily as well it seems and we had a great relationship before (I thought). Dealing with a divorce and affair all in one week is huge and it is NORMAL to feel as upset as you do. It’s been 2 months and I just filed divorce papers and I still cry every day and/or get in a rage. If you are thinking about seeing a counselor, you really should if you have no one close like you said. Even if you do have someone close it’s good to have someone impartial to talk to. I did, I am still seeing one on and off and it has helped, if nothing more than to have a sounding board. Yes, your husband, just like mine, SHOULD be the one to make it right, but he isn’t. As far as answer of why he did it, this will be the thing that drives you nuts and you may never get your answer or even if you do, any closure. Mine said he didn’t know, but of course, my husband has a drinking problem, so that’s a whole different thing. I am glad you are going out with friends. You aren’t going to feel normal but doing normal things helps. Maybe just let it be for now and see what happens. Have a cooling off period. If you don’t want to contact him for a while, then don’t. I have been unable to wean myself off of talking to my husband because he was my best friend, just like you said. It’s devastating to lose your lover and friend and closest companion in the blink of an eye. Just remember you are not alone. Hang in there, keep writing about it if it helps and my thoughts and compassion are with you.

  40. Colleen,

    I’m sorry I haven’t written to you sooner. I did read your post and it really helped me a lot. Thank you. The first 3 days were the worst and nights are somewhat bad as at least I can go to sleep but now wake up around 3am with horrible anxiety. I officially filed for divorce today and feel proud of myself. I know deep down I want nothing but for my husband to come home begging for forgiveness and to take him back and be like it was before all this but that is just a dream. I know it is not fair to myself to put myself to such a low level. I still love my husband but cannot be with him or even near him at this point. I have stopped all communication with him and plan on not seeing or speaking with him until the finalizing of the divorce. I don’t know why but my mood has suddenly lifted and I’m feeling a lot better. I just want to say thank you as this has really helped me. I’m sure I will write to keep check on my progress.

  41. HA! I love your blog. I found out when i was 7 months pregnant and i left my van doors open and my front door and also backed right into my neighbors car. And its been a yr now and i am still crazy! I filed ofr divorce a yr ago and 5 days before my settlement conference. Dumbass asks for concilliation counceling. ARGH!!!!

  42. Married for 14 years together for 18. Find out that the H was texting a girl co-worker. Who is half his age… moved on from that xxx make up sex and all.. THEN find out my brother who works at the same place is getting a divorce, ( super excited hate is wife, thats a hole nother story).. so come to find out my brother is staying with this chick who was texting my husband, and then I find out that not only was he texting her he had sex with her too… after work in her car….. WTF… I am so heartbroken and have no idea what to do… im a mess

    1. Hi Bec,
      My heart goes out to you, that is a mess. Your husband and your brother sleeping with the same girl? She must be a winner. Does your brother and husband know that they slept with the same girl or is this info you only know at this point? Also how did you find all of this out, through talking or through the phone?

  43. Yeah they both know… I found out from my brother through text. Yeah we r not speaking (my brother and I) I don’t see how anyone could do that to there family…. as for my husband he is still home, he has swar this will never happen again and I am his everything… oh yes I gave it to him, believe me!!! He says the homewreaker will be getting fired from her job because of her work performance and all the drama she has caused… I gave my husband a week either she goes, you go ( find another job) or I go.

    1. Good for you for making him take some action. If you are his everything like he says, his actions will follow. Stand firm with him, I think you have already and he knows you are serious. No matter what happens, in the end, it will all be ok, take care.

  44. Last year my husband and I split, after weeks of fighting i went to my mothers to drop off my 15 year old daughter for the night, after sitting there, I decided to stay with out 2 year old. He not only called, he ripped open her locked screen door, my daughter proceeded to call the police and a restraining order was issued. Am I proud of this no, after a month, I dropped it as he stayed out of the house. We decided counseling was worth a try, 3 times we went, after which he started a huge fight and did not return. It wasn’t the counselor, it was because he was hanging out with some female. After I confronted her, she left his ass in the dust. Off and on during that summer my 33 year old niece (who was like my little sister as we were raised together 10 year difference, and I sat her most of her life) left her wife of 4 years and asked if she could stay with me. In November she told me she was pregnant, I wanted to throw up because I knew in my heart it was my husband child., yes she was living with me. During this time he also started staying at my house more often, in December he finally moved back in. Two other friends during different time asked him what was going on with them, he said nothing. I sat back and watched only telling my suspisions to my best friend who said I was crazy, as much of an ass as he was he would never stoop that low, they wouldn’t do that to me. I threw her shower, was asked to be godmother. And on my husbands 44th birthday they induced her, the baby was born at 3:17am the next morning. on several different occasions while holding my great nephew, i called him by our son’s name. In July I decided I had to know for sure, so I went to CVS and bought an over the counter DNA test (one that could have court certified documents to back it up) and swabbed our son and my great nephew. Now you might say they should be somewhat related. But my niece’s mom – my sister is only my half sister. The results came back 72.99% they were biological siblings. Again, my best friend was there when I got the results via email. I threw up in my mouth. Packed his bags, told her I knew about “them” and that they both would be gone by afternoon. He came home, I handed him the results as he asked what was going on now, and I said congratulations it’s a boy, BabyX is yours. He said what? Needless to say I thought if I went to counseling with him, he would get the help he needed, and I would have some closure, I only hurt more and he stopped going when the counselor told him to accept his responsibility for his actions, it was not my fault. I tried to wait until after Christmas to have him served, yes I lied about going to see a lawyer and having papers drawn, but in his eyes, it is my fault. Papers are being served this week… I no longer have anything to do with said niece and can barely function from the hurt, anger and betrayal., which according to him I deserved in his own twisted way for the restraining order that was dropped 6 months prior. He will be twisted when he receives papers this week, but I know it’s for the better, how do you do that to family? and someone you said you loved. I never cheated on him, I never slept with anyone while we were engaged or married….

    1. 2xloser, I am glad you are moving on, way too much drama. I have heard so many stories of ‘family’ or ‘best friends’ coming into a home and you think they are helping out. There is something with proximity that causes some sexual issues to arise. If any women lives with you and you are married, and the husband lives there, it spells trouble. As women, being the nurturing people that we are, we help fellow friends and family, but knowing what I know, I would caution against it or have very strict rules around it, this situation unfortunately is all too common. It’s not right, and you deserve better than this.

  45. Lol, I cant tell you how much reading these post have made feel! Well I posted to the other blog about men and the other women who don’t have it together. I forgot to mention how I found out my husband was cheating, I had to literally put a spy app on his phone, he would keep telling me I was crazy, so had to prove it, and I sure did, I wish I did not reveal anything to him cuz im sure I could have caught many more of his flings. But I became obsessed about checking my email, trying to catch him, man I tell u I am so numb anymore nothing surprises me, I cant believe this is the man I married, I have seen text to girls saying “I stayed away cuz I wanted to sleep with u so badly, can we do that”?, oh my god this text was sent the next day after catching him with another female and him saying he will never do that again, he is so sorry he messed up, he don’t know why he did it…..blah blah blah…bs blah blah blah… I locked myself in the bathroom for two days and cried and cried, my daughter caught me with a knife in my hand I was literally thinking about cutting myself so I did not hurt anymore, i also was considering suicide the very first time which was a year ago, I would have succeeded but the only knife in the house was so dull that it would not cut, I was in the bathtub (did not want to bleed all over the floor, lol im laughing at how i was being so considerate) and started hitting my arm with the dull knife and so hard too, The bruises on my arm were awful, and not one cut from the damn knife!
    I was so enraged the third time I caught him, Im telling you my kids think im nuts, I would just start crying out the blue, starring at the wall then I called the dumb girl, he told this home wrecking b***h that we were not together and that I was a crazy b***h, well of course I felt like one at that moment, then I text tne other girl, this girl had me so mad, telling me that I need to spruce up our sex life, etc… and you know what he was telling this dumb girl, that i was cheating in him, that i had another man! All i could think to myself is i am so obsessed on catching this jerk cheating that i dont have time to be with anyone, i guess this fool was over at her house his head all down and so hurt that i was cheating on him. Now he is lying to get in these girls pants and try to play victim, like he is me or something! I’m telling u every call that came in and still every so often i start talking crap really loud. I dont think our sex life is the problem either, he don’t please me I know I please him, he only lasts 2 minutes how could u not please a man who only lasts a couple minutes? Lol! I think he thinks he looks like he is joe cool sleeping around, if he only new. I too cut up his clothes stabbed his speakers keyed his truck, kicked his motorcycle down (only later picking it up, in fear that he might really hurt me, it was so funny, I went all the way around the apartments sneaked back check out the site to make sure no one saw me and played it off “like how could someone do that, what is wrong with people these days” lol).
    The second time I destroyed his clothes, I cut a slit in the crotch of all his new shorts (he just replaced from the first time, lol) and i hung them back up trying disguise the slit in hopes he would he would wear them in public, lol (he may have put them on and was told I don’t know but this jerk, went and got all new clothes before I came back the next day!
    I also tried to kill myself, I was hurt and blamed myself, I still go thru moments of how im not good enough, what I could I have done to make him not do this, but now after my friends boyfriend hung himself from her satellite dish cuz she would not take him back have I come to my senses, and know better. I have no family in Vegas, and pretty much dont talk to them about what I go thru with this jerk, because they would worry and I don’t want my grandmother to stress about me. Nor do I want anyone’s pity, I know I have chosen to stay in this relationship, but I did not choose to have this happen and keep happening, its so sad that if you forgive someone that it gives them the green light to do it again. I don’t think he will ever stop, I don’t think he cares about anything and likes being with different women every night. Its okay for him but god forbid I walk by a man and he looks at me (im not ugly, im not washed up either, men still turn their heads) but my husband tells me things like it is how u carry yourself, or if u would not look at them they would not look at you, and the funny thing is I have no clue what and who he is talking about!
    Now I am threatening to ruin his name by calling every number he has and telling these hoes that he has a syphilis, Claudia, and I even told the one girl that may have aids, I was so mad at him for not coming home, and not taking the kids to school. So how i call the new girl he praying on (im not trying to be mean, but my husband is not attractive, in fact one of his girlfriends told him that i am so pretty that she could not figure out why i was with him, and that’s what made her curious, and also wanting to sleep with me as well! Im not like that btw).
    When I found the condom in his truck, that was not in there a couple days before this I went in the house grabbed my purse and laptops etc yelling at him, the minute he went to shower I went into the kitchen grabbed all these knives out the knife block, proceeded to go outside and stabbed the sidewall of both his tires, only to come home to them being fixed a couple hours later. Lol man I swear, stupid things I was throwing a fit, acting out how I was feeling and even though he gets mad I did that, it made me feel great, im not going to lie I never thought I was the type to destroy property but that is how I had to deal, with the shock I guess. Thanks to this blog I am laughing at myself, I have made myself look foolish, but hey at least I did not go out cheat on my husband!

    1. Hi Niki,

      Yes, I just read your other comment that you posted as well. I am glad that you got to laugh at yourself. This topic is so serious and emotional, we deserve to look back and just laugh. The motorcycle story was funny! I said the same thing in that there were things that I did out of just pure frustration that I never have done in the past, and won’t ever do in the future. After the divorce, I made it a priority to focus on building my self esteem. When our self confidence is tied to another individual, is spells disaster. I was that way with my ex-husband, and realize it wasn’t fair for me to lock my well being into what he says or does to me, and it especially wasn’t fair to myself. You have everything it takes to be the amazing person that you are, it’s all a matter of shifting the focus from him, back to you, which is where it belongs. Take care!

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