I always tell my husband that it wasn’t the sex that has me so upset, it is everything else that comes with infidelity. For example, my spouse was supposed to be the protector, the one who makes sure the door is locked and that nobody messes with his wife. And in an ironic twist of fate, the same person that is supposed to protect me hurt me the most.
His plan was very smooth. I was pregnant, so he knew I was not going to want to go out late at night and be around smoke. So when he went out to a ‘friend party’ at 10:30 pm, he would always invite me, because he knew I would say no, and that is exactly what I did every time. Pisses me off that he was playing these games.
And then when I would go to networking functions, he would ask a million questions, as to imply that I was doing something. And in order to make him feel more secure, I actually went out less, even though I enjoy meeting new people. I am angry that I sacrificed a part of my happiness to make him feel more secure, while all along he was committing adultery.
My husband controlled me subtly during our marriage, but he doesn’t anymore. I will not put my happiness on hold to make him feel better about himself or to help him cheat. If I go out with girlfriends and we want to stay out late, we stay out late. If I go to a function, I will not look at the clock every 10 minutes and run home to feed his insecurity because it’s not my job and should never have been my job to validate his feelings by not doing things I liked. I am tired of being questioned and controlled. I am angry I put my life on hold.
The worst of it is, even though my partner had an affair, he still feels entitled to make me feel bad for going out. Not anymore. I will be so happy when I move out and do not have to answer to anybody. I haven’t even talked about the actual affair and I am already mad at his actions. I hope one day he understands how devastating this is for me.