Cheating Spouse Just Something Else I Am Pissed About

I always tell my husband that it wasn’t the sex that has me so upset, it is everything else that comes with infidelity. For example, my spouse was supposed to be the protector, the one who makes sure the door is locked and that nobody messes with his wife. And in an ironic twist of fate, the same person that is supposed to protect me hurt me the most.

His plan was very smooth. I was pregnant, so he knew I was not going to want to go out late at night and be around smoke. So when he went out to a ‘friend party’ at 10:30 pm, he would always invite me, because he knew I would say no, and that is exactly what I did every time. Pisses me off that he was playing these games.

And then when I would go to networking functions, he would ask a million questions, as to imply that I was doing something. And in order to make him feel more secure, I actually went out less, even though I enjoy meeting new people. I am angry that I sacrificed a part of my happiness to make him feel more secure, while all along he was committing adultery.

My husband controlled me subtly during our marriage, but he doesn’t anymore. I will not put my happiness on hold to make him feel better about himself or to help him cheat. If I go out with girlfriends and we want to stay out late, we stay out late. If I go to a function, I will not look at the clock every 10 minutes and run home to feed his insecurity because it’s not my job and should never have been my job to validate his feelings by not doing things I liked. I am tired of being questioned and controlled. I am angry I put my life on hold.

The worst of it is, even though my partner had an affair, he still feels entitled to make me feel bad for going out. Not anymore. I will be so happy when I move out and do not have to answer to anybody. I haven’t even talked about the actual affair and I am already mad at his actions. I hope one day he understands how devastating this is for me.

2 thoughts on “Cheating Spouse Just Something Else I Am Pissed About”

  1. I just felt the need to comment on this one. My husband lets me do whatever I want with no questions or negative comments. He just tells me to have fun! I’ve always told him the same..little did I know what kind of fun he was having with his “cousin Jason”. Here I thought I was being the awesome wife he never had before by letting him have all the “guy time” he needed only to find out that Jason was really Rachel. He really does have a cousin named Jason, but he was not such good friends with him as he had me believing. So the “cool” husbands cheat too. I just found out 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I’m struggling bad with staying vs. kicking him out (my mother owns the home we live in). I have no job, but I am looking. I’ve been reading your posts today because I feel so alone. None of my friends have ever been married so I have no one to talk to. I told my mother, and she says it’s my decision to make. I will say that he has never blamed me for what he did. He has accepted full responsibility for his choices. He says he’s 110% committed to making us work. He doesn’t keep his phone on him at all times anymore so I can “look whenever I want to”. He is willing to do whatever it takes to build my trust in him for as long as it takes. We’ll see. I did marry him for better or worse. I believe in that vow, and have decided to try to make this work. There is a small part of me that at times I tell myself that as soon as I can afford to kick him out..I will. Who knows..I just take it 1 day at a time. Thank you for doing this blog..for yourself and all of us good women out there.

    1. Hello Dana,
      It’s interested, I wasn’t sure where the ‘Jason’ thing was going, I for sure thought you were going to tell me your husband was gay. So… husbands cheat as well? Darn!!!!!

      In any event, you mentioned you are thinking about staying or leaving. You are so early into finding out, be easy on yourself. No one is forcing you to make a decision by next week. Now if you contact me a year from now still going back and forth on what to do, then I would push for you to choose.

      Things seem promising for you and your husband. The fact that he takes full responsibility – HUGE plus. The fact that he is open with his phone, HUGE. I think you have a good shot at making it work. Just remember that finding out about an affair is a traumatic situation, so I think it would be good for both of you to get some marriage counseling to work through recovery, don’t try to do it alone unless you have to, especially since he is so open and willing to work on recovery. Best of luck – keep me posted!

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