Cheating Spouse – Do You Really Want to End This?

I get this question almost every day from my cheating spouse. This marriage is over, and I don’t want to be affectionate towards my husband, because then I feel I am leading him on. At the same time, I feel like I am being cold hearted towards my husband (I know he cheated but I still care about him).

I struggle with this issue of how to treat my husband after the affair. I wonder if my “being mean” (by not being affectionate) is just an effort to protect my feelings. After thinking this over for a while, I decided it’s in his best interest to present myself in a consistent manner—in this case, by sticking to not being affectionate. I personally feel the best thing to do is for us to go our separate ways, and by not behaving in a way that is consistent with this decision, I lead him on. For example, we can have a good discussion one night, followed by watching a good movie and being affectionate in bed, and the next morning he says, “Man, I am so glad we are back together.” And then I think, “No, we are not back together. A movie, good conversation, and some affectionate behavior don’t make everything better.” Sex is even worse, have sex with your husband after the affair and he thinks everything is patched up!!

After a while I realized that men and women think differently, and that maybe I was the one who needed to change my behavior. So I went cold turkey on him. I am not affectionate, and I only interact with him when I need to. We don’t do joint activities unless necessary, and when we do I am very cold to him. I tell myself it is better than leading him on. But then he still tries to be affectionate and says, “Do you really want this to end?” And I say absolutely even though honestly I am unsure.

Infidelity is tough.

2 thoughts on “Cheating Spouse – Do You Really Want to End This?”

  1. I get asked this too. After an argument usually, he says this marriage isnt worth saving, or he says he is putting the house on the market. I guess that means he really wants out as well. I think he is going to do it soon. He asked me the other night if he should start looking for a replacement for me. I guess that means he is getting the urge to be with another woman again, I dunno?

    1. He doesn’t deserve you. If he is saying those type of things, it’s time to get educated, talk to a lawyer. You don’t want to be in a position where he is making plans to exit and then he leaves you high and dry. Honestly, I would stop focusing on saving the marriage, he is telling you he wants out. Start focusing on Louisa, how Louisa can her kids can live comfortably. Start thinking of your exit plan. He wouldn’t say those things to you unless he has already started to plan them – so now you have to play catch up. Best of luck.

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