Cheating Spouse, Divorce, Jewels Update

Hi everyone,

I wanted to send a quick note to give you an update into my journey.

Quick overview of the past:

My husband cheated on me in early 2009. I tried to work it out, but I found out that while I was working it out, he was still involved with the OW. I decided I was going to leave in late 2009 and did not actually move out until late 2010 with my two small kids. I didn’t start the divorce process until late 2011, and it was finalized in early 2012.

Boy, have I been on a journey. If you read some of my early posts, you can see the progression. I started out very weak and vulnerable. I didn’t know my own strength. And often we don’t until we step out in faith on what we know is the right move. I didn’t think I could handle raising the kids alone from a financial and mental standpoint, and here I am today still standing.

Current state:

I am still on the journey of self-discovery and self-respect, and not ashamed one bit of the process. I created this site for one reason and one reason only – to support that one person out there in the world that may have felt they were the only one that felt like I did. That is who this site is for, to know that you are not alone. I am in a different place now than I was several years ago. Some of my views on how I felt about myself are different now; I am stronger, I am wiser.

At this time, I am working on writing a book, and have been for quite some time. At first, I was beating myself up for not being further along, but then I realized that everything has its season, the book will be finished when it is time for it to be finished. I would rather take my time and really focus on making a difference than rush. I am working on my writing skills. I plan to take a class in a couple of weeks. I have a lot to share, and some pretty interesting perspectives from talking to people all over the world on the topic of affairs and affair recovery.  Unfortunately, I cannot share all that I would like in a short reply or email, so the book will go much deeper into my own healing process. I am taking the same approach with the book that is very similar to the site; if the book really makes a positive difference for one person, it would be worth the time and effort.

My kids are doing ok. I am working on being more ‘playful’. I tend to come home from work and focus on cooking, cleaning, baths and homework. I sometimes forget that they are kids and actually need me to sometimes engage with them in a way that is not ‘task’ oriented.

I am dating a guy that has been really great; it is a great feeling to know someone is in your life that loves and supports you. I have so many new perspectives and insights from my new relationship – you never really can understand if you are healed from a previous relationship until you get into another one. I thought I did all the work, but this new relationship has shown me that I am still a work in progress, which is great. As long as I am living, I want to be a work in progress, continually learning and growing.

Post-divorce communication with my ex-husband is good, but not perfect by any means. He still engages with the kids. They love Dad because he is the ‘fun’ one, and I am stuck with the association of being the ‘mean mommy’, one who is always telling them what to do. How does my four-year old learn how to say “Mommy’s mean” before “Mommy’s great”? One day, they will hopefully grow up and understand why. I thought my mom was really mean growing up, until I had my kids and now I get it!

Overall, I am happy and so grateful and fortunate for my life. Yes, I stress about finances. Yes, I still argue with my ex-husband about decisions relating to the kids. Yes, I feel overwhelmed at times. But when I think about the good versus the stress – I am winning. I am really winning. I smile and laugh often, my kids are healthy and I am able to provide them a quality life and education.  I continue to strive daily to be the best mom and person I can be.

Just imagine, at one point in my journey, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. Cheers to everyone that is on their own personal journey of healing and self-empowerment. Hugs to you!

4 thoughts on “Cheating Spouse, Divorce, Jewels Update”

  1. Glad to hear you’re doing well. I’m curious if your ex ended up with OW and if so how you handle her relationship with your kids

  2. What a truly inspiring story! I can’t wait to feel happy and well.

    There were moments I really wanted to die and still do. I even thought why wake from the surgery, but I guess was out of my control. Been to ER many times because meds are making me nauseous.
    Kudos to you for being so strong and positive!!! A true encouragement!

    1. Thank you for your kind words, you are stronger than you know. Be easy on yourself. We each have our own challenges in life and you have everything you need to handle your situation, it’s just a slight shift in mindset. You will get to a better place and feel good again.

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