I wanted to send a quick note to give you an update into my journey.
Quick overview of the past:
My husband cheated on me in early 2009. I tried to work it out, but I found out that while I was working it out, he was still involved with the OW. I decided I was going to leave in late 2009 and did not actually move out until late 2010 with my two small kids. I didn’t start the divorce process until late 2011, and it was finalized in early 2012.
Boy, have I been on a journey. If you read some of my early posts, you can see the progression. I started out very weak and vulnerable. I didn’t know my own strength. And often we don’t until we step out in faith on what we know is the right move. I didn’t think I could handle raising the kids alone from a financial and mental standpoint, and here I am today still standing.
I am still on the journey of self-discovery and self-respect, and not ashamed one bit of the process. I created this site for one reason and one reason only – to support that one person out there in the world that may have felt they were the only one that felt like I did. That is who this site is for, to know that you are not alone. I am in a different place now than I was several years ago. Some of my views on how I felt about myself are different now; I am stronger, I am wiser.
At this time, I am working on writing a book, and have been for quite some time. At first, I was beating myself up for not being further along, but then I realized that everything has its season, the book will be finished when it is time for it to be finished. I would rather take my time and really focus on making a difference than rush. I am working on my writing skills. I plan to take a class in a couple of weeks. I have a lot to share, and some pretty interesting perspectives from talking to people all over the world on the topic of affairs and affair recovery. Unfortunately, I cannot share all that I would like in a short reply or email, so the book will go much deeper into my own healing process. I am taking the same approach with the book that is very similar to the site; if the book really makes a positive difference for one person, it would be worth the time and effort.
My kids are doing ok. I am working on being more ‘playful’. I tend to come home from work and focus on cooking, cleaning, baths and homework. I sometimes forget that they are kids and actually need me to sometimes engage with them in a way that is not ‘task’ oriented.
I am dating a guy that has been really great; it is a great feeling to know someone is in your life that loves and supports you. I have so many new perspectives and insights from my new relationship – you never really can understand if you are healed from a previous relationship until you get into another one. I thought I did all the work, but this new relationship has shown me that I am still a work in progress, which is great. As long as I am living, I want to be a work in progress, continually learning and growing.
Post-divorce communication with my ex-husband is good, but not perfect by any means. He still engages with the kids. They love Dad because he is the ‘fun’ one, and I am stuck with the association of being the ‘mean mommy’, one who is always telling them what to do. How does my four-year old learn how to say “Mommy’s mean” before “Mommy’s great”? One day, they will hopefully grow up and understand why. I thought my mom was really mean growing up, until I had my kids and now I get it!
Overall, I am happy and so grateful and fortunate for my life. Yes, I stress about finances. Yes, I still argue with my ex-husband about decisions relating to the kids. Yes, I feel overwhelmed at times. But when I think about the good versus the stress – I am winning. I am really winning. I smile and laugh often, my kids are healthy and I am able to provide them a quality life and education. I continue to strive daily to be the best mom and person I can be.
Just imagine, at one point in my journey, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. Cheers to everyone that is on their own personal journey of healing and self-empowerment. Hugs to you!