My husband was caught cheating in March 2009, and a week later, my baby boy was born.
Want to know what just made me sick about this entire experience? I was less upset with the fact that my husband was caught cheating and more angry at his reaction when I found out. He just didn’t care that he had hurt me at all. I just knew when he saw how distraught I was, he would hold me in his arms with tears down his eyes professing his sincere apologies. Instead I got, “Well, this is your fault, you drove me away.” His reaction tore me to pieces.
I so wanted him to understand how hurt I was. How could he be so mean? How selfish could he be? How could he not be humbled by seeing me literally at the lowest point in my life? I have watched all the movies where cheating husbands are so sorry for their infidelity, but in real life my husband felt totally justified in cheating. (Read more about Why men cheat.)
After many tears and much emotional pain, I realized that I was trying to get him to give me the reaction I wanted. I wanted him to be as hurt as I was, and I never got that. And now I am at the point where I don’t need him to be. It was my own lack of confidence that was begging for him to be as hurt as I was—and even if he was, he did not show it. Although I will never fully understand his response, I am at the point where I don’t need his reaction anymore.
Ladies, you don’t need your cheating husbands’ reaction, either. Don’t look for him to react the way you want him to (or the way you see in the movies), because you will be disappointed.
Update – August – 2014 – It’s interesting years later reading this post. I was very upset by my ex-husband’s reaction. Thanks to this site, I realize that my ex-husband’s reaction is very common. I believe when a person is cheating, they justify their actions which often comes off as ‘my wife is not doing x, y, z, therefore I deserve to cheat’. So when they are caught, that same ‘I deserve to cheat’ recording goes off and into overdrive because they do not know how to react. I was so broken by his response, but knowing what I know now, if I could go back to the old me, I would probably take it as a reflection on his own character versus taking it as an nonchalant way of attacking me.
Hugs to you all!
Be positive, stay strong, and remember that you will recover.