After the Affair – YOU Time

I want to remind everyone recovering from a husband’s affair to make sure you take care of yourself. Not for the marriage, not for the kids, not for your husband, but for YOU. So often we put ourselves, our needs, our desires, and our dreams last, saying we will wait until the kids get older, or wait until the job settles down or our marriage gets better.

The reality is, of course, that there is always something going on that we can use as an excuse not to care for ourselves. For example, I personally feel I have deprived myself for years, always saying I will treat myself next year when my life calms down, then next year comes and it’s even more hectic than the year before. I am writing today to tell you do not wait until next year, next year is not promised.

It’s especially important to make “you time” if you have kids. In my case, I never really saw my mom treat herself to anything. She never went to the spa, bought new clothes, got her nails done, or took a vacation that wasn’t to visit family. While parents may think they’re teaching their kids responsibility and how to work hard when they do this, this actually isn’t the case. I subconsciously feel a little strange treating myself to nice things and taking time for myself because I didn’t see my parents do it (Ironically now that I am older, my mom is treating herself to nice things and traveling for fun!).

Life is a great teacher, if we are willing to become a student. My drive to make time for me came after my husband cheated. After that experience, I realized I was putting my life and my desires on hold for no good reason.

Nothing is promised, as we all know when we learn that our husbands have cheated on us. So make time for YOU no matter what. Teaching your kids by example to treat themselves to nice things and to take care of their emotional health can be one of the greatest lessons they will ever learn. If they can learn how to treat themselves well, they will never have to depend on anybody else.

Many women are so depressed after their husbands’ affairs they don’t even think about treating themselves to nice, restful, and relaxing things. But doing so is essential to your personal recovery.

3 thoughts on “After the Affair – YOU Time”

  1. I just wanted to post a wonderful success story from Stefanie that explains this topic better than I ever could!!

    I am also almost 2 years after my husband cheated on me. My husband cheated on me on our 8 year anniversary with one of his (much younger) employees while I waited for him to come home. He had been treating me terribly for months while he was having his affair… I chose not to see any of it and to be honest him cheating was the last thing on my mind, not my husband… NEVER.
    I also sacrificed who I was for him and our child. I lived for my family and trusted him to do the right thing for both of us. The woman who he cheated on me with was young and very pretty. I was overweight and never put myself first. I was devastated. I had a complete breakdown…He made it clear he no longer wanted to be with me and even said he never really wanted me, he said horrible things to me which he now claims was because of his feelings towards himself and his actions.
    I had to take a good long look at myself. I had to find myself again. I started to put myself first and love myself. I lost 80lbs and I did it sticky for me and my health. Above all I came to love me… for the first time ever.
    In the end, after much counseling my husband and I worked things out. I would like to say he is everything I have ever wanted him to be… but I still hold onto what he did. He traded in our lives together and our son’s life as he knew it, not to mention his job for a quick fleeting affair with a woman who had already broke up 2 marriages before ours (yes he knew all of this when he did it). I still hurt. I no longer think about it everyday… and that is a big step.
    In closing… I now know I can live without him. I now know I don’t need to give all I am to him. Above all.. I know I can make it. It is possible to get over an affair. Its not easy… especially when you stay. You cant be any good to your children if you are not good to yourself.

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