Now that my spouse has cheated, I am getting a little paranoid. In some ways, I think it makes sense for me to feel this way. He kept seeing her while I was thinking we were “working on the marriage,” after all. I feel so used, and at times I feel like a fool. The lack of trust after the affair is my main issue, not the act of having sex outside the marriage. My Trust and cheating post talks more about these trust issues.
I am going crazy trying to figure out whether or not I can trust him again. Anytime he is out past 10 p.m. I get literally sick to my stomach. If he has to run an errand during the day, I think, “Is he really going to the store, or is he going to see her?” Not a day goes by where I don’t question if he is lying to me when he walks out the door. There comes a point of no return after so many lies and so many disappointments. I wanted to fight for this marriage so bad, but every sign is telling me that it’s not going to work. I believe in marriage, but I will not sacrifice my own sanity to stay married.
All of these reasons are why I have mentally checked out of this relationship. I cannot live the rest of my life in this paranoid state. It is not healthy for him or me. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to leave right now, so I feel literally stuck, as I talk about in Cheating and economy.
The way that he cheated on me angers me, and I don’t think I can get over the anger and still be with him. It’s sad to say, but now that I’ve chosen not to work on the marriage, when he leaves the house, I am not sick to my stomach as like I was when I was still dedicated to working on the marriage.
Men, when you cheat on your wives, think about how they will feel. Don’t have sex with the OW in your house; don’t trot the OW around like you are not married. We eventually find out, and it is devastating.