After infidelity – how I got out of the limbo stage

Affair recovery can be challenging in many ways. There are so many considerations and decisions to make, and it is overwhelming. I remember thinking to myself, I have to work on the marriage, I have to work on myself, I don’t want the kids impacted, if I leave where will I go, does my husband really want to work this out, did he ever love me?

I can go on an on, my mind was in overdrive, I even had trouble sleeping because I could not seem to lower the chatter in my head. During that time, I was in the limbo stage, I felt like I was running in circles, and I was.

After months of confusion and pain, and realizing I had made no progress. I decided I had to do something different or else I could end up in the limbo stage for years ***Side note – it is very common by the way to be in the limbo stage for years, many are embarrassed to talk about it because people can be so judgmental about the situation, but it is more common than you think, so if you have been in limbo for a while, you are not alone.

I made a decision to do something simple, yet that simple choice changed my life.

I decided to stop thinking and focusing on all the issues, and just tackle one. One issue. My brain could not handle anymore than one issue. And when I was done with 1 issue, I moved on to the next.

I started with me – because I had total control of me. I started with one emotion – why do I feel stuck? I stopped thinking about love, my husband, the kids, finances, friends, embarrassment. I just focused on the 1 question and it took me over two weeks to work that out within myself. By focusing, I put all my attention into one emotion, I went deep with that emotion, I questioned that emotion, I broke down that emotion —– until I understood it. And once I understood that I felt stuck because being a single mom was unknown to me, and I didn’t feel I could handle it, I tackled that emotion. I googled single mom, I studied how people live with one income, I read positive stories on single moms that go on and have great lives. I studied that emotion until, I did not feel unstuck.

And I didn’t focus on any other problem. One issue at a time. You can’t run out of recovery, you have to take baby steps. And it starts with your own feelings. Break it down, 1 issue at a time.

What I have found is that if you try to tackle everything, you tackle nothing, and you look back at the progress and get disappointed. I was amazed at the level of progress I made once I committed to 1 issue. After a couple of months, you look back and realize you have made some real progress. I thought that by ignoring all the other issues they would get worse, but they didn’t (and yes those other issues were still waiting for me when it was time for me to address it).

Tackle one affair recovery issue/emotion at a time. One. If what you are currently doing is not working, try this out, you have nothing to lose. Wishing you the best!

1 thought on “After infidelity – how I got out of the limbo stage”

  1. thank you – I am in limbo, stuck, he won’t move out as he can’t afford to, he won’t jsut move into her place as he will miss his kids, I am overwhelmed and sick of taking responsiblity for everything. If I move out, that means he never will, so I am not doing thta. I can’t sell the house as it is half-renovated (by him) = unsellable.

    But just now I think I need to stop rowing (trying), just put down the oars and sit back. He always says I am impatient. Maybe his silence is him weighing up how to proceed. But my gut tells me he wants his cake and eat it. She is no doubt texting and phoning him constantly pressuring him to leave me (or just to see her), and I am pressuring him to talk. He feels trapped and yesterday he had googled marine jobs (on ships)! So he can escape us both!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *