Affair Recovery – Strength

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Affair Recovery – Strength post image

Photo courtesy of Colleen McMahon https://www.flickr.com/photos/gatz125/

Bob Marley once said

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”

I really like this quote as it made me reflect on my own life experience. If you are faced with an affair in your marriage, it is often the most difficult time in the marriage. People always said what they will do in a situation, but until you are in it, you really don’t know what you will do. But the truth remains, that if you are dealing with an affair, it is a test of your strength, a test of how much you can endure and survive. You will utilize mental muscles that were never stretched before. You will feel emotions that were never felt. You will question life in ways that you never had prior.

And in the middle of the storm, you are developing something. Something so powerful that if you have the right perspective, it can change your life for the better. And that is strength. The day after my husband cheated someone in the family told me ‘It will be ok, you are going to be so much stronger because of this.’. I didn’t believe him, I was devastated. Stronger? Years later, he was right. Now that I have made it through that experience, I feel I can tackle more than I could before. I stand up for myself more. I do not tolerate mess.

There is a stronger person growing out of the pain, the tears, and the sadness. That is my hope for everyone that comes to read this, that they come out of the experience stronger than before. Hugs to all!!

  • Annie March 10, 2013, 2:11 PM

    I am so glad to have found this site. I have been going nuts with all kinds of emotions. This quote helps…
    My story is long so hang in there with me:
    When first married husband did the internet sex think with other women for nine months, it was hell for me. He finally stopped and promised never to do that again if I wouldnt leave. I stayed and things were fine for almost 13yrs.
    April 2011 we decided to move to the west ( I am from the West, he is southerner) to take my Mother back home (she and my dad followed me to MS) My dad had passed away and was buried in WEST.
    Anyway, I packed up almost everything in the house, especially my personal items and items I possessed before we married. (His employement was nil or close to nil. ( my Mother had been supporting me for almost a yr by then). In March of 2011 he was hurt on the job. He said he would go west when his workers comp was finished. I moved with my Mom ( had been caring for parents since Mom had stroke in 2009 then Dad passed away in 2010, Mother in my care)
    Soon after I arrived in west, my hubby tried to sell our house! Got an offer too, but when he found out I got half the money he canceled the sale!
    December 2012 he recieved a nice settlement from Workers comp, approx 9k he said he would send me a gracious 200.00 wow I was impressed, he did send 500.00 woo hoo.
    We missed each other, I missed him so much and wanted to be with him. After he got his settlement I got so excited that he was planning on coming out west to look for work! Bubble was burst two days later when he said he wasnt coming.
    So we planned for me to go home as soon as he got the money together, He started a new job in January.
    I was planning on going back SOUTH the end of Feb, first of MAR. leaving my Mother in the care of siblings.
    THEN IT HAPPENED.. I was checking the phone calls on our bill…(my hubby is a truck driver) his data was going off the roof! so I looked at the phone and data records. He was calling the Philipines all the time!
    I know this is long so I will shorten it now.
    He has proposed to three different Philippino women online. They do video sex and phone sex with him almost daily, when he stops the truck! He also sends money to them!
    Divorce is coming, but I have been a homemaker, am turning 60 this yr and with no money I am looking desparately for a job to save for the divorce. His demands are ridiculous so I need a lawyer.
    I am hurt, angry, afraid, I want revenge!! I have so many emotions floating in my very being sometimes I think I would like to crawl in a hole and just stay there.
    I know I am strong and I will get through this. In the meantime it hurts me down to my very soul.
    I would like to know how long it took to finally be able to have the finances to get a divorce. I am in the west, but must file in the south. This is not goin to be fun nor easy.
    I have been betrayed for the last time. I do hope and pray that my husband gets what he deserves.
    In the meantime I am goin to try to be brave, wise (having a problem there lolol) and strong. I am hoping this site will give me some support emotionally.
    Thanks for letting me ramble……

    • Jewels March 10, 2013, 8:20 PM

      Hi Annie,

      It seems like you both have a good amount of ‘life’ going on, your husband having some ‘extra’ life with other women. I know it’s painful, but it seems like you are at the point where you are done. I am not sure what to think of a man that cancels a house sell because you might get half, or gets a settlement for 9k, know that you don’t have much money, living with your mom, and sends a total of 700$? But has money to send overseas? Grr…. Anyways, you live and you learn and know that knowledge is power. I am not a lawyer so this isn’t legal advice, but a quick search on the internet will help you find some lawyers that give free consultations. I recommend you get a free consultation with a legal expert that can tell you how much it will cost to proceed with whatever legal action you want to take.

      *I know you want revenge, but that emotion could backfire on you and cause you more grief. Focus on you and less on him, getting your life together will be the best reward! Hugs to you!!

  • Annie March 11, 2013, 2:14 AM

    Thanks for you gracious comments. I have indeed already spoken to a wonderful Divorce lawyer in town. She was truly kind enough to not only give me a free consultation but spent an hour going over what I need to do and how to do it! Of course I can not take any action until I finally have a job and get some money saved. By then I shall have all my thoughts in order for the settlement.
    My hubby has been married 5 times, I am number 5! All other marriages ended within 3 yrs. He never once paid for a divorce!
    Yes revenge would be nice but not ethical or morally right, darn it!! LOL But I do believe he will get his dues through his own actions.
    I am trying to concentrate on ME! I want to move on though it is difficult when who knows when this divorce will take place. That is hard. But I shall concentrate on thinking good thoughts and try to stay busy until I can find that job.
    Thank you once again for this site. It is so hard when you truly love someone and you have been betrayed to explain how you feel to those who have no experienced this kind of betrayal. I am not alone and I am strong. Stubborn too sometimes! I will live through this and will learn.

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