7 Reasons Why the Other Woman Knows Your Husband Is Married and Continues To Cheat

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7 Reasons Why the Other Woman Knows Your Husband Is Married and Continues To Cheat post image

Photo courtesy of Ged Carroll https://www.flickr.com/photos/renaissancechambara/

Ladies, today I would like to shed some insight into the topic of the other woman (OW). As wives, we are often shocked that another woman would have an affair with our husband without a care in the world. What type of woman would do that? The hard core truth is that it is very easy to become the other woman. I understand that sometimes the OW will honestly not know the man she is dating is married. But often the OW is aware of the situation and will continue to cheat. Below are 7 reasons why:

1) Your husband constantly feeds her lies. He will tell the OW that he is separated, going through a divorce or that he is living with his wife for the sake of the kids. He will portray the wife as a low-life that he never should have married. Why? Because the OW wants to make herself feel better about cheating, and the more horribly the wife is portrayed, the better the OW feels about the situation.

2) The lies become her story, and she wants to believe them, so she chooses to observe what benefits her story. Instead of focusing on sleeping with a married man, she focuses on the lies that the husband tells her. And because she likes your husband’s company, she doesn’t push the buttons since she would rather not know the truth.

3) Because of the lies that she is being told by the husband, she has been set up to believe that she is ‘helping’ the marriage. She is fulfilling the husband’s desires so he doesn’t get frustrated and ‘just leave’.

4) She tells herself that the issues concerning the husband and the marriage are not ‘her’ issues because she is not married. She didn’t make the commitment, he did.

5) She wants a part time man. She is too busy (work, kids) to really entertain a full time relationship, so going out occasionally with a married man is the perfect solution. She doesn’t really care about the husband or the husband’s family. She wants to enjoy herself and have a good time, and if it happens to be with a married man, oh well. As long as she has a good time, she doesn’t care.

6) The husband treats the OW better than most other men would. The husband will buy her gifts, take her out to nice places, and make her feel special. And if she is not used to this type of treatment, she is not going to want to stop engaging with the husband; she enjoys the gifts and attention.

7) ‘Not my fault’ – many times the other woman will say that if your husband is straying. It’s not her fault that you are not making your husband happy and that someone else can. You should be a better wife.

I know some of this may be hard to read as the wife, but it’s important for me to shed some light on this perspective so that you can get an understanding of how another woman would knowingly sleep with your husband. Unfortunately, this mindset that I talk about above is very popular. And of course, when the OW realizes that she has been told a bunch of lies, she gets angry and often engages the wife to inform her of the affair.

  • susan April 15, 2014, 11:30 AM

    Hi Jewels!
    I wished you would have spoken about the other woman who is also married and the games she is playing on so many fronts. It’s getting to be a much more prevalent occurrence and they seem to protect their husband and go after the wife.

    • Jewels April 15, 2014, 11:39 AM

      Hi Susan,

      Yes – married women cheating is very common, as you said I am seeing more and more stories with this dynamic. I think that deserves a post of it’s own I promise I will write on this topic! Hugs to you!!

  • Sylvia April 22, 2014, 12:17 PM

    This is a good list! I’ve heard of another reason more and more as well: the “we’re soulmates” excuse. Or “twin flames” or whatever. That what the OW and MM are experiencing is “true love” and that pesky marriage is getting in the way. Nah. It’s really that chemicals and bad choices have addled their brains!

    • Jewels April 23, 2014, 5:51 AM

      Hi Sylvia, yes the old life partner line, I think like you said often they mistake lust and just excitement (lol chemicals) of someone new with ‘soul mate’. I would think that if it is your true soul mate that you would not get together on such circumstances where you are cheating on your wife. Thanks for sharing.

  • susan April 25, 2014, 2:23 PM

    It really is amazing how these women feel so comfortable destroying families. I still see the former OW and she looks shocked but certainly not remorseful in anyway. That arrogance and self entitlement/lack of conscience still shines through. I don’t want her to talk to me but it still amazes me to see her true character and think that my H at one point found her so attractive. She protected her husband thru it all but would bombard me with texts, calls pleas to let him go. In my code I truly believe that women shouldn’t treat other women like that. She is a wretched person that obviously has no conscience or goodness in her soul. I think infidelity is getting even more common and more married women are becoming much to willing to engage in this awful and destructive behavior. It’s interesting to see the commonality that they attack the wife and that family and protect their own. Shameful to say the least. Jewels, I think you addressing the anger issue is an excellent idea. I can still get so angry not only over my situation but infidelity in general. Take care Laura

  • jan May 13, 2014, 1:22 PM

    Found out he was cheating 2 1/2wks ago for 8-9 months w/our neighbors and his best friends daughter. A semi-recovering alkie and druggie. I’d seen the guys she’s “dated” all druggies. She always flirted w/my boyfriend of 14 years. Never thought anything of it she does it w/all males. Because of her sleeping around and drugs I got drug tested. Results came today, herpes 2. Great the f***ers. It has put me back into anxiety and panic attack mode. I had decided to try to make it work w/him. Now not so frickin sure I want it. Thanks for letting me vent.

    • Jewels May 19, 2014, 7:04 PM

      Hi Jan,
      Sorry to hear about this. Drugs, cheating and alcohol don’t mix. Unfortunately I know many women who have contacted an STD through their husband’s cheating. It seems like he has to get himself together (which is not your job). And now you have to get yourself together as well so that you are able to recover. His actions don’t deserve to put you in anxiety and panic mode. If you are able to get some therapy for yourself that might help. If not, remind yourself that your husband has a condition and needs help, BUT that will only happen when he decides to do so, not you. At the end of the day, we can only really control our actions, and our reactions. Take care.

  • Just because May 25, 2014, 11:17 AM

    The OW well I feel they have no self esteem. They are happy being in the shadows and some will wait forever. I really did not know those women existed. Wait for years. Mine OW waited for 10 yrs. That type if infidelity is hard to get over. What’s a wife to do? The affair lasted 10 years! We have been together for many years with a lot of shared experiences..How do you throw all that away? Can I forgive? Will I get over it? I will never forget. The OW well she has to deal with her own issues.

    • Jewels May 29, 2014, 5:59 AM

      Just because,

      I agree, and even wrote a post about the lack of self-esteem being central to many of the OW’s. Ironically the same goes for the husband, lack of self-esteem causes him to seek attention outside the marriage. 10 years is a long time and my heart goes out to you.

  • Josephine October 3, 2014, 7:22 PM

    Excellent list. I might add one more and it is the one that my husband had both (that I know of) affairs with: some Other women intentionally set out looking specifically for married men. They get a power trip over pulling these men away from not just their wives, but their children and friends too. Their motive is to take something away from another woman. They are usually very good at flattering a man’ s ego, morphing in to whatever personality they perceive will be most attractive.

    If the husband leaves his wife for this type of Other Woman, she will dump him not long afterwards as the game has been won. If the affair is discovered during the affair and the husband chooses to stay with the wife, the Other woman will not be heart broken, but instead quite furious that she has lost the game..

    • Jewels October 4, 2014, 1:10 AM

      Wow Josephine,

      Great observation and yes, unfortunately, for some women it’s all a game. What’s also interesting is typically the profile of a women who does this type of thing is one that has been hurt or abused herself, and takes out revenge on other innocent women. Its sad to think that there are women that purposely target married men for the thrill. Eventually everything catches up to you.

  • Justintime November 20, 2014, 12:33 AM

    Found out 4 months ago about an affair my husband had over a period of time. I’m stuck on this female because I didn’t trust her from the beginning, 5 children wih multiple fathers and never had a husband.. My husband coached her kid and I believed then that she was looking for a daddy for her kids! Anyway, it got very nasty with her when I found out. She loved every minute of the turmoil it caused! No remorse or empathy for myself or my kids. As of today, she has landed another DAddy nd getting married this weekend! Is this typical of the other women?

    • Jewels November 28, 2014, 4:49 PM

      Justintime,

      There are different types of the ‘OW’ and all of them are a different mindset than one of the wife, which is why it’s hard to imagine at times. Often it’s very centered around what they can get. They often will think ‘It’s not my commitment, I am not married so it’s not my issue.’ And yes some could care less about the impact, actually what I think happens is that they don’t even think about it. If she has 5 kids with multiple fathers then in her mind she might think this is the only type of relationship she is get is to be the OW. Sometimes they get very crazy as well, so it’s actually a good think she landed another person to be engaged with.

  • Shame November 21, 2014, 9:44 PM

    My H cheated on me when I was 4 months preggo, with my brother inlaws friends girlfriend. They all still hang out knowing what happened, my H never admitted to what happened exactly but she sent him semi nude pics. It’s been 5.5 years and I did slap the OW and I have made her cry, yet I can’t get a full confession as she told me she is “happy” with her BF and that they’re getting married and told me I don’t know my husband. Through these years he has heard so much about her that it is disgusting, I have distanced myself from my brother in law and his GF because they hang out. My brother in law also cheated on his GF when she was 3 months preggo and my nephew is now 7 months old. I threw the girl out of my house in just her bikini and My brother in law begged me not to say anything, I kicked the girl out because I thought about what happened to me, but when I hear that they’re all going out as a group, it makes me so mad that I want to tell on him badly because they all know what I went thru since my brother in law and his girlfriend lived with us.

    • Jewels November 28, 2014, 5:08 PM

      Hi Shame,

      I think I understand the situation but not sure. It seems like this girl was living with you and your husband, which is a red flag. I understand helping family ect but anytime another women is in your home (what is she doing in a bikini?), it’s trouble. They still hang out..hopefully not your husband. Your brother and GF seem kinda messy with all the cheating, I would steer clear. I personally would focus on you and your husband at this point, engaging back with the drama is just going to cause more drama and more opportunity for more engagement. I know it’s family, but as much as you can, avoid, and your husband should certainly not engage with the GF.

  • kris December 11, 2014, 4:15 PM

    Thanks so much for all of ur posts jewel…they r helping me understand so much more, esp since im getting nothing but lies from the man i have been married to for 16 yrs but have been with for 22yrs & have 3 kids (ages 20, 15 & 12) in common with. This is not the 1st but 8th time that i have caught him cheating, always taking him back. the OW in my case happens to be 10 years younger than my 40 year old husband & the way they met was in the psychiatric ward They were both in (for 2wks) he was there to treat his depression and alcoholism, she was there for depression and detox from methadone & xanax. even though i already know and have confronted him with it, he tells me that he loves ME and wants to be with ME. Yet still calls, mgs and even goes to her house WHILE HER HUSBAND OF 15 YRS IS AT WORK & HER SON, WHO IS IN MY DAUGHTERS CLASS, IS IN SCHOOL! He will lie n say hes other places when he is really with her, ill say i know ur with her n he will deny it. Has even told her he loves her after 1 MONTH! He also told her that im not goin anywhere & he has told her that he lies to me telling me he’s at Walmart xcetera when he’s with her so she knows that she’s keeping her secret from me yet still believe the lies that I’m crazy and the marriage has been over for a while and he really wants to be with her. I told him i was going to go to her house and let her husband know what was going on my husband said go ahead you can go there but I’m not talking to her anymore when in reality he had just left there. Her husband of 16yrs is aware that they have been talking and is threatening divorce she has done this to him 5 times with other men and he’s always taken her back. because I messaged him on Facebook. I found where she lived witnessed him leaving her house and once he left her house I proceeded to engage in a physical altercaTion with her, when it was over I began to talk to her and apologize for the altercation and she admitted to deserving it aNd Said she was done and not going to talk to him anymore and yet found him on the phone with her this morning. Prior to this he was telling me that it was over with her it wasn’t nothing now he’s telling me he’s done with me because I’m crazy and need to seek help yet takes no responsibility for why I’m acting crazy even though I’ve explained to him when my marriage and my family are being threatened this is what happens and try to express to him to put himself in my place if the shoe were on the other foot. he tell me im crazy n that if i dont get help no guy will ever put up with me. I wanna leave to stay with a friend hoping he will wake up n realize what he has but im scared that will just give him more freedom to do with her what hes sneaking to do already. any advise is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

  • Michelle January 6, 2015, 12:42 PM

    It’s been a 1 year since I found out. I took him back after I found out about an emotional affair with his co worker. Reading your site has helped me not feel so alone. I still have triggers and feel anger even though he has made a complete turn around. I feel like I lost my self respect and always have that doubt in the back of head. It’s not all the time but lately it’s been popping in my head. I still hate this girl too. I wonder if I should even stay married if I’m going to feel this way…..

  • Jessica February 24, 2015, 4:13 PM

    A couple of year ago, a popular guy from high school contacted me via social network after I posted something intelligent on a mutual friend’s page. We had friends in common but he didn’t remember me from HS (it’s been almost 20 years), but he saw my pictures and lavished me with compliments on how beautiful I am, what a beautiful body I have (I have become a BBW) and he couldn’t figure out why guys aren’t busting down my door down. I am a single career woman with no kids and no plans for it either and for the most part, I have my shit together. I told him that I’m not interested in whatever it is he’s selling because he’s got a ring on his finger and a couple of kids. I told him that I was fine talking to him about life in general, but my boundaries were that it was to go no further. We occasionally would check-in to say hi and he was respecting my boundaries. On a side note, ten years ago, I caught my brother-in-law cheating on my sister and saw what pain it caused her so I wasn’t interested in doing that to another woman or family. A couple weeks ago, after no contact in over a year, he sent me a message while on a business trip away from his family inquiring about how I was doing, boundaries were still up and it was just general talk, but we touched upon a common hobby and he said he wanted to send me a gift. He said he regretted never knowing me in HS and we started playing a game of “what if” and boundaries came down resulting in some serious sexting for the last couple of weeks. Last week, I put the breaks on and told him in an email that he needs to work on his marriage and that this is unhealthy for both of us and I don’t want to be a part of this collateral damage. Later that night, he contacted me, depressed, saying that he was took my advice trying to be more attentive to his wife but that it erupted into a huge fight about sex and that they just don’t communicate. He had previously told me about what a horrible state his marriage is in, but then added that he and his wife rarely have sex and that she doesn’t want him to touch her except to put his penis in or see her naked. I told him to work on non-sexual intimacy, but he wanted to sext with me. The next day I sent him an email with links to a marriage counseling website (www.poweroftwomarriage.com) and told him I was going away for a few days. Last night I checked-in with him (and because I can’t stop thinking about him) on how things were going and then boundaries came back down. I know this is feeding something emotional deep inside of me, which is related to self-worth. Another side note, Last fall I got involved with a man (who was single) briefly who came onto me heavily but then when we finally consummated after a couple of months, he told me that I was too fat for him and that to keep him I needed to lose weight (I let him go), but it hurt because I felt so used. So, I know what my part is in this sexting game going on with this married guy because it is feeding my insecurity, but I’m still being used. I know that he’s not really interested in getting to know me, but he’s more interested in sexting with me, but it is exciting for me that a man wants me so badly and is willing to fly across the country to see me (which I’ve told him NO). My gut tells me that he’s feeding me lies about his sex life with his wife and his wife in general. He told me that he thinks his wife is gay, which is why she doesn’t want him to touch her. I know she’s a good person and that she busts her ass for her family. After reading the posts by women on this site, I unfriended him on the social network and I’m going to stop communicating with him altogether. How unfortunate is it that this website makes me distrust men and their manipulative games so much. Sorry to all my fellow women for all of your pain both to the cheated upon and the OW’s. We’re both being used by men and for what purpose? I see it as them wanting to take our power away from us. We live in a society that has taught us that we and our bodies are an extension of men and that men are entitled to us which we believe and then allow the cycle to continue. The thing is that these ties that bind women are the same ties that bind men. Women have to stand up for one another and not tear each other down and to stop believing the lies we’ve been told as if we thought them up ourselves. Peace.

  • Mary November 26, 2016, 7:21 AM

    I just found out my H of 16 years was cheating on me on and offf for 3 years. The OW was following me on social media for years and I had no idea. A month ago my husband and I returned from a family vacation the I shared on my Snapchat story. The day we arrived home she sent me pictures of them together and informed me that “he was eating her pu****y everyday for lunch.” I was shocked I had no idea. Apparently my husband had broken it off months before and she became angry after seeing our family trip. I didn’t argue with her as she wanted me too I simply asked questions… she was very angry at me (I could not understand why) anyway fast forward I am trying to work it out with him. My H has been really remorseful and open and for the most part honest about the details of the affair I don’t think that he is completely honest in efforts to protect my feelings. At this point I want to move on… but I can’t get those images of them together out of my head. I am no longer on social media it became to overwhelming as she posted pictures of them together on her page. I have days when I am sad but I do love my H. I know that he didn’t love her it was just something that he was doing that was extremely wrong and disrespectful he would have never left me for that. Am I a fool?

    • Jewels November 27, 2016, 6:24 PM

      Hi Mary,

      Hi Mary, no you are not a fool. The OW did something very similar with me, got mad that I was still with him (my now ex-husband) and decided to let me know everything. But my OW was not as vulgar as yours, I am sure your husband is completely embarrassed. She is angry because she believed all of the lies your husband told her about being together with her. Once he realized she was crazy and/or did not want to continue, she acts the way she is now. She probably really believed they had something. As far as you, take it one day at a time, this type of betrayal is not something you can decide in a day – but ultimately – you decide. Those images are similar to a traumatic mental experience and 3 years is a long time of betrayal. You might want to consider enlisting the help of a therapist or professional to help you work through it. Hugs to you in your recovery.

  • Mary November 27, 2016, 7:32 PM

    Hi Jewels,

    Thank you for the kind words… I am mentally drained and yes we are in need of therapy. I still love him but I need to make a logical decision. Love can be blinding. I need to take a break from talking about it with him for my own sanity. Especially with the holidays. Yes tithe OW really turned out to be a real class act. I just don’t get why she is angry at me… I am the victim. Thank you for letting me vent!

  • Debbie March 1, 2017, 3:15 AM

    Hi I’ve been seeing a married man for the last 7 months and have struggled with my decisions to keep seeing on a daily basis as I have never been in this situation before so was truly baffled how u can be married and happy and want someone else. Fast forward 6 months of constant confrontations with him about where we are headed and says at this stage things can’t change, I kind of knew he was full of shit but couldn’t stop seeing him as I fell in love with him or at least I thought.

    Last Friday he showed me his phone to see a picture and I quickly checked his apps that were opened and saw that he’s on a dating website. I nearly fell over as I said to him you have a wife you have a mistress and your still not content I said enjoy it and I’ve not spoken to him since. I am disgusted that I believed anything he said to me I was never comfortable with the fact he was married and very naive to believe I was his first affair as he reckons he’s never cheated before and they’ve been together 23 years. His behaviour kind of told me as he never said that much and wasn’t as giving as men that shower gifts etc and honestly I never thought of what I could get out of him I only wanted him.

    I’m absolutely shattered and feel like a fool for pouring my heart out to this man and he just didn’t give a dam about me and as much as in not a home wrecker I can’t work out if I should tell his wife as that poor woman has 2 small kids that need her but I don’t want him to get away with it as he will surely do this to another woman if not more.

  • Mary March 13, 2017, 8:26 AM

    Update.. I have been finding out things about the OW along the way apparently she has be stalking me for years… she has my address, cell number and a host of other private information about me. Also I found out that my husband had a secret cell phone. This is the phone she used to call him. She never had his real cell phone number which is why I never seen a text or missed call from her. She still follows my social media even though it’s private. She posts videos about me on her page saying how I am stupid, ugly and that he doesn’t love me he loves her. Frankly it’s crazy… I don’t understand why she is so upset with me??? I had nothing to do with his decision to leave her I had no idea the affair was even happing. So strange! I stopped looking st her social media it is all staged for me to see clearly she wants to hurt me.

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