Many women contact me months and sometimes years after their husband’s affair, looking for an answer to why they are still in so much pain. Common questions include: Why does the pain linger on so long after the affair? How can I start to heal?
One reason why it’s so difficult to get beyond the pain of an affair is that your spouse, the house, phone, and even your bed all can serve as reminders of the his adultery, as I talk about in the post After the affair. In order to start to heal, you have to reach for something good. Something that can make you happy, even if it is just for five minutes a day. After you learn about the affair, you can really feel as if you’re stuck in a ditch. Sometimes, you have to rely on other people to help you out, because they are not in the ditch and so they have strength that you might not have.
The pain of a cheating husband may have caused you to have an identity crisis, questioning who you are, what you believe in, and where you’re going can be very demoralizing. But in order for you to start to heal, you have to reach for a better place.
Indecisiveness about whether to say in your marriage or leave can also cause you great pain as well. You can even feel like you’re losing your mind when you jump back and forth between deciding to leave and deciding to stay. Although confusion like this is natural, a major part of healing starts once you make the decision to stay or to leave the marriage and following through on that decision.
As you go through all of this turmoil, try to reach for the things that make you laugh or make you smile, even the little things. For many of you, smiling and laughing feel like a huge stretch, but they’re essential to recovering from an affair. This is because, despite what you may think, it’s the actual reaching for that better place that is more important than getting to that better place. When you reach for a better place, you have hope. Hope can turn your life around. Hope is everything.