The rise of technology and social media has brought about a vast new platform from which men can cheat. A recent article examined just why online affairs are so popular and with statistics indicating that a whopping 57% of people use the internet to flirt, it doesn’t seem like this is something that is going to go away any time soon. Online affairs can be tricky to discover – it could be going on right under your nose and you may never know. But if you have suspicions that your husband is using the internet for cheating here are some ways you can discover betrayal and protect yourself too.
Ask yourself why you are becoming suspicious. What behavior is your partner displaying that is causing you concern? Is he distant, preoccupied and uninterested in sex? If so this may not necessarily mean an affair is happening but if he becomes secretive and dependent on his computer, tablet or cell phone then the two things could definitely be linked. At this stage you should monitor his behavior but say nothing. How long is he spending online? Does he close down his browser when you walk into the room or try and hide his computer from you? Is he creating new email/social media accounts or using passwords to protect his devices? Make a journal to log his behavior and refer back to it if necessary.
Try to see how open he is to sharing devices. You might ask for his laptop to look up something versus going upstairs to see your laptop. Is he reception or totally against the concept? If he is against it, ask why? But ask in an innocent and curious manner as most men will shut down if they feel their wife is questioning in a tone where they feel threatened. Making accusations at this stage may mean he gets defensive and refuses to let you see his technology on principal. But if he responds with hostility or refusal to a polite and sensible request then it may be a sign he has something to hide.
Rule out other options
If your partner is being distant and secretive with their computer it could mean they are cheating. But it could also mean something else is going on. Perhaps they are having issues with gambling or debt. Perhaps they are having trouble with their family or may have health worries. Think how bad you’d feel if you accused him of cheating when he was already struggling with a personal issue. Explore other options and rule out other possibilities if you want to avoid looking like the bad guy. However bear in mind that whatever the problem, he is still choosing to cut you out. This in itself could be a problem.
When all other avenues have been explored and the signs are still pointing to adultery, it’s time to confront your cheating husband. He may try to deny the claims or brush them off by suggesting ‘it’s not really cheating’ if it’s online. See how open he is about your accusations before presenting him with any hard evidence. If he continues to try and worm his way out of it then you’ll know you’re dealing with a compulsive liar. It’s important to decide just what you’re willing to tolerate before the confrontation. Can you get over an online affair? Can you accept that time, money and affection he could have spent on you have gone on faceless women on the internet? Do you have a future with someone who has exchanged illicit messages or photos with someone else even if they haven’t met up? Only you can decide. But it’s important to know your boundaries before your make the confrontation and stick to them regardless of his excuses.
As with any betrayal, you need to protect yourself emotionally and physically. He may deny that he has ever met or had physical contact with another woman but when the trust is gone this is something you can’t take for granted. Studies indicate that once someone engages in online infidelity the desire for ‘more’ gets stronger so there is every possibility he has already crossed that line. In which case, and for your own peace of mind, you should be book in for a STD test. Consider speaking to a therapist to deal with the emotional impact of his cheating. Even if there wasn’t any physical contact this is still a huge blow that can damage your trust and self-esteem. If you decide to make amends then insist you both attend relationship therapy to resolve the issue and the consequent effects together.
Why online cheating is so popular, http://www.acheatinghusband.com/3-reasons-why-online-cheating-is-so-popular/, accessed 04.15.30
What is the appeal of an online affair, http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/emotionalaffairs/f/onlineaffairs.htm, accessed 04.15.30
Webwatcher programme, http://www.webwatcher.com/?gclid=CJ2z6cP9ncUCFQgOwwodoz0A2A, accessed 04.15.30
Testing for STDS, http://www.kwikmed.org/testing-for-stds/, accessed 04.15.30
Good Therapy, http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-infidelity.html, accessed 04.15.30