Right now I am living with my husband (aka cheating spouse), for the sake of living together. There is no sex, and communication is only because of our kids. I have expressed to him that it is over because of his affair and the fact that I cannot get over his behavior, and that is ok for me to feel that way. Of course he wants to get back, but I still think it is to save face.
The thing that surprises me is, we don’t have sex at all anymore, and I love it!!! There is such anger and resentment towards him, that when he even tries to come toward me in a sexual manner, I want to either throw up or throw something at him. Our sex life is over. And the funny thing is, I am less stressed. I don’t have to think about if he is or isn’t going to come on to me. I don’t have to stress about feeling bad that I don’t have sex with him anymore. I don’t have to stress about birth control or pregnancy. The world is just a little bit simplified by the fact that I refuse and can’t emotionally have sex with him anymore. Someone (of course a guy) said, don’t do that (meaning now have sex), you’re going to drive him away. Oh well, I will not sacrifice my own happiness and emotional stability to try to please a cheating spouse who has hurt me so much. I really have to give it to those women who choose and want to stay by their man, which is a very difficult thing to do. I am unfortunately not in that category. And I am slowly starting to realize that getting a divorce is much longer and much more of a headache than I ever imagined. So I better get use to the lack of sex. Ladies, I would rather not have sex than to have sex and regret it or not feel good afterwards!! Till next time.
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