Recovery from infidelity is exhausting. Today was just a really draining day dealing with my cheating husband. I have a huge lack of energy. I have allowed myself to be upset by my husband’s words. I hate when I let him get to me. It doesn’t make sense and I do it over and over again. My cheating husband wants to do things his way and just doesn’t take time to listen to what I am trying to say. This was even before the affair, before the lying. I really feel like my failure in this whole thing was my inability to be confident enough to know what I want and know what I don’t want. I told myself that the good outweighed the bad in our marriage, even though secretly I knew something wasn’t right, the connection wasn’t 100%. But I told myself, no one has 100% connection, just take what you can. But over time the things that I ‘ignored’ became bigger and bigger. The one little lie turned into more. The times he neglected to tell me one thing turned into many things. And now, I am drained. I am emotionally drained. My energy was so high this week, and because of 3 conversations with my cheating husband, I have no energy. The conversations to try to repair and recover from the affair are going nowhere and it’s leaving me angry and depressed at the same time. I am so mad that he has this effect on me, and I am determined to get to the point where he does not do this to me. I have an energy and spirit that is so much more positive than this, but I allowed him to get to me. I say allow because ultimately I choose how I feel, and even though he made me feel like this today, trust me, I WILL RECOVER. I want to be strong like Jenny – Cheating Spouse Recovery Woman. We are more than our cheating husbands.
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I am in counseling with my husband who cheated on me and I’m so exhausted, angry, sad, mad, drained…I don’t know what to do. I can’t get the images of him cheating of me out of my mind!!!
Kristy, It will take time, and the images will dissipate but not go away completely. Because something will happen and you will remember it all over again. What is so hard for us is we believed the happliy ever after stories. There are really no such things when you look at it.
You will get through this we all did one way or another. You don’t have to make a decision to stay or go until you are ready. Try to redirect the pain and anger away from you. It’s not easy but everyday take a little part of it and put it away. Start writing a journal, boy that really helped me vent my feelings. Some days I even thought of suicide because I just wanted the pain and anger and exhaustion to go away. But my kids needed me and I couldn’t do that to them or my parents. All this takes TIME to get through. Vent through us if you need too.
Kristy from TN, It’s been about a month for me. I’m exhausted, nauseated and have images coming and going too. I’ve read, on the web, some things about tools for coping with anxiety and unwanted images and it helps sometimes. I’m relying heavily on my family doctor. Don’t know if that is an option for you. I’m in Canada and have free health care. My husband works for a company that has an employee assistance program that I can access if I want. They keep everything anonymous. It’s an American company, by the way. I’m trying to use every resource I can find, including this site.
Ladies I have had these same feelings. You are all right, the images fade with time, and you do get over that draining feeling as life starts to feel normal again. So much of our energy is spent on the affair – trying to process the hurt and betrayl, making decisions on what to do, trying to keep ourselves sane enough to function through just another day. My advice and what has worked for me is– Get out and do something that has nothing to do with the affair. Something you have always wanted to do but didn’t have time for- make the time now. You need an energy boost- you need a new focus- you need to put some positive energy out into the universe and stop focusing on the negative energy that surrounds an affiar. For me it was yoga– Yoga is working for me- it has had a two-fold effect. 1. I was doing something for myself, and in the early stages of recovery that is what I have needed. It is something we don’t even acknowledge the need for – we are too busy dealing with the pain to understand how important it is to put ourselves first for once. 2. yoga has allowed me to focus on healing my body, mind, and soul for me — not for him or us– but for me! I feel energized, peaceful, and have met some really great people. It also gives me time away from kids, phones, work, and especially the affiar…. I recommend yoga to everyone- but if that is not your thing- try a painting class, a book club at a local library, anything to feed your soul and regain some of that energy for YOU–
I just wonder how do you let a husband who has traveled and continues to do so for work. How do give him trust? He cheated on me for years and I am having quite the time of letting go. I worry!! I am afraid to be one searching his phone or emails but how do know he can be trusted? He tells me he is sorry, he can not maintain 2 lives, he say’s he loves me. How do I believe that is the truth? I am so scared!!
Hello Carrie,
As a husband, he should be super super sensitive to the way you feel when he travels. He should make sure he answers your calls, txt messages, ect., it is extremely important. You ask how can he be trusted? He can’t because trust is something that is build through acts (like answering his phone when he is away) and listening to your needs. Also listen to your intuition, if it is telling you something is not right, probably true. He is not going to be able to calm you down with his words, it is only through his actions at this time that he can give you any type of comfort while away.
Hi Carrie,
I am in the same position as you are. My husband was traveling when he cheated on me, told me about it, now says he is sorry and promises he will not do it again. But how do you you trust….I am not really sure. I have checked phone records — I don’t have access to his emails. It is really difficult. We are in marriage counseling and we are working on communication and trust. I continue to check phone records and he is aware of this. It does give me some sense of security when I think I know he is not calling or texting other women. It has made me very insecure in our marriage. He needs to continue to re assure me that this won’t happen again.
Hi Kristy!
It is nice to hear from someone who knows how I feel…unfortunetly because you are feeling the same pain. All the truth came out in small doses beginning in late Sept. w/full truth by late Oct. and life rolling over and over. I knew I loved my husband and our 30yr marriage had been taken for granted. But instead of trying to fix it w/me he made himself happy. Until his life on the road and home began to collide. I spent the holiday season trying to mend what I could, protect what was mine and begin to try and heal our marriage. I now believe I began working on all that and the holidays, I never grieved. This week he traveled (first time since all was revealed) and I feel like I just heard again! I do not want to live my life checking phones and emails (like he can’t get a seperate one I don’t know of??!) so I can only believe him. I do…I think?! He assures me it is over and he too can not live a double life anymore. But will WE ever know?? I never thought this would happen in the first place! Wow, this is such a deep pain,fear,heartbreak BLA…how do WE handle this??! I am here for you as I know you are there. But I too do not know what to do. Counseling…but it can not convince you to trust when you did, and now that is broken and you can not fix it!! Hang on, as right now thats all we can do!!