Life After the Affair – Now what?

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life after the affair, affair

How do I function with life after the affair? I find myself spending and embarrassing amount of time thinking to myself “should I stay or should I leave?”. Should I stay for the kids or should I leave and break up the family?  This is what a cheating man does to a woman, makes her question herself constantly.  I feel like every option is the wrong option in affair recovery. And life as I know it will never be the same.

  • k June 7, 2010, 3:26 AM

    I HAVE TEARS FILLING MY EYES AFTER READING THIS! MY GOD WHY DOES THIS SUCK SO BAD? SOME DAYS I AM GEARING TOWARD WORKING THROUGH THIS AND OTHERS I CAN FIND A TON OF REASONS TO LEAVE AND CALL IT QUITS, THEN I TURN AND SEE MY KIDS FACES. WHEN WILL I KNOW THE RIGHT ROAD TO TAKE??? MAYBE NEVER! THIS WHOLE THING JUST SUCKS AND IT IS CONSUING ME! I THOUGHT I WOULD BE STRONGER IF THIS HAPPENED TO ME. MY MOTO WAS ALWAYS WELL IF HE IS GONNA CHEAT HE IS GONNA CHEAT ….NOTHING I CAN DO STOP HIM AND IF HE MAKES THAT CHOICE THEN HE LEAVES!!!
    BUT NOW BEING IN THE MIDST OF IT FOR REAL….THE REALITY IS…. IT IS JUST NOT THAT EASY TO CUT PERSONAL TIES WITH HIM! SSIIIGGGHHHHH =(

  • Jewels June 7, 2010, 8:57 PM

    Oh my gosh – I thought the same thing – if my husband cheats, it won’t be that bad – boy was I wrong!! That is really why I created this site. No one understands the pain unless you experience it. But I will tell you this, I am determined to get out of this situation a stronger person. And you will as well, no matter what, you will come out stronger and happier, I believe it for you as I believe it for myself.

  • T February 9, 2011, 3:07 PM

    This is the EXACT same motto I always had. I have been with my husband since our sophomore year in high school – 20 years together, 24 years married when I found out he’d cheated on me for the first time. And you are both right! When it happens to you everything goes out the window. All your beliefs, trust, even your past goes out the window. Everything you once believed WAS, no longer is, even your memories are changed.

    • Jewels February 9, 2011, 11:00 PM

      Thanks for your comment, sorry to hear about your husband cheating after all those years. One of the worst parts is what this does to your beliefs and self-esteem. Our husbands have NO idea how traumatic this is, they really don’t. Take care, I wish you the best.

  • K January 22, 2012, 3:38 PM

    I have just stumbled across your site (this one) and thank you!

    My husband had a one night thing with a family friend 7 months ago while I was away for a wedding with my 9 month old son and I only found out about it 2 months ago.

    It has given me a double blow as she was a family friend and they both have betrayed my trust and also that of my extended family

    To make things worse, he told my younger sister (maybe to ease his conscious?) and she (out of protection for me) told him not to tell me. HE involved my family, so when it all came out my family took it as a personal attack toward them. Not only do I feel betrayed by him & her but also my family as they weren’t as supportive as I thought they would be.

    Obviously I was shattered when I found out (he did not tell me but my own mother did) but after two months of mixed emotions I have decided to stay. It was a one time thing… It was not a long term relationship. There was no love…. To me It was just sex. But if it was to happen again I am out the door with my son in a second!

    We have started marriage counselling and it has opened up a lot of communication issues that I did not think we had but apparently did. So baby steps. It gets hard and almost every post you have written Jewels touches me! I understand!!

    At the moment we are going through the sex issue. We had a fabulous sex life and because of that I never thought he would stray but apparently I cannot leave him alone for very long with alcohol either! Our sex life now is boring… But I cannot do anything exciting right now because I get flashes…. I start to cry and I am always thinking and never can relax. Maybe I am purposely doing it to punish him?

    Anyway, thank you so much! Xx

  • lagale March 5, 2012, 10:11 AM

    wow its been 12 years of marriage, 19 years we have been together with 3 kids just found out again that he was cheating found pictures of him and the woman on facebook for the world to see not having his married ring on kike he was not married and a pictures say a thousand words he has a smile on his face that i cant get from him it as been years of him being unfaithfully im at a point now that i dont know what doi love him but i cant deal with the cheating and its like he cant stop he always say hes sorry and he is going to change but never does i need help can u help me i am so angry and always cry please i need your help

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