Hello Ladies,

I just added this section along with the new site design to allow all of the empowered women that have overcome the pain of an affair to share stories.  I get really excited every time I read an affair recovery story and I wanted women to have a section where they can just read positive stories and feel inspired to continue forward in their own personal recovery from the affair.

**Please Note – I will only approve comments that are actual positive success stories or comments thanking the women and men who took the time to write.  If you are writing for advice, you can contact me directly or post a comment on any other part of the site and I will respond, I want to leave this section for positive stories only.  THANKS!!

 

  • Toni Morales September 22, 2011, 2:04 AM

    Jewels,

    What an amazing and much needed website. So happy to see women supporting other women. Jewels, you are doing great things here! Creating a place of safe harbor from the storm.

    My Story:

    Well ladies its quite simple. I caught my husband cheating on me 8/17/2008. We had been together for 15 years, had been married for 10. We had two biological children from our marriage ages 8 and 1 at the time, and my stepdaughter who was 18 when he was caught. It was the most horrifying moment in my life to date. A simple txt message on his phone that said- Him: ”I’ll be there at noon, is that ok?” and her reply ”I can’t wait baby!”

    I was beyond devastated. He left his family for a 29 year old woman who welcomed him with open arms. I was 38, alone, scared, overweight with no self esteem, depressed, angry, and in a lot of denial. I did the whole begging him to come back routine, the counseling, and eventually wanted to end my life. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, why didn’t this man love me? I must be a horrible person, or why didn’t he value our family? Why was this happening to me? While he and his girlfriend were falling in love, my kids and I were falling apart. I was angry at God, the universe, I hated life. I couldn’t understand or accept that this was what my reality was. One night, after a particularly painful evening of finding and reading a love letter he had written his mistress, I lay on the floor of my living room curled in a ball wanting to die, thinking about how I could end my life. Then I screamed at the ceiling ”How am I going to get through this?” to who or what I did not know. Then a voice inside whispered faintly that I would rise above. The hits kept coming, six months later, I lost my job! My life was at Rock Bottom.

    But…..I made changes, I sought help, I made choices, small at first, but then larger in scale. Gradually, slowly, deliberately, I rose from the ashes of a life that had crashed and burned….

    It has been three years.

    I found a therapist, quit my life as it had been. I left corporate America, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I started to own the part I had played in my life. Then I moved forward. Pushing, falling, painfully agonizing some days, feeling as if a thousand knives were stabbing my body, but I got back up. I begged for mercy, and I never gave in. My life was worth more than this man and his betrayal. He would not be the end of my days.

    I founded http://www.YouRiseAbove.com an organization that helps women going through transitions in life. Navigating infidelity, Divorce, motherhood, career changes, being everything to everyone and having nothing left for yourself. We help women to overcome, to Rise Above. I wanted to help others, my passion became understanding the pain others went through, my future was crafted from the despair of my husbands infidelity.

    My life , my career is now about helping Women. I am happier then I have ever been. I am free, I am loved. I have an abundance of joy! I have been blessed to meet incredible, powerful women like Jewels along the way. Life is a gift, the infidelity was my door to a new future. I have been to hell and back, I survived. You will too. Regardless of your situation, if you trust, if you are willing to do the work, you can Rise Above. We all can. The road is long, the sorrow is deep, the pain is unbearable at times….But I swear to you all on my very existence that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and the world, your world is unfolding as it should. A greater joy, a greater love awaits, you need only open the door to let it in. You deserve to be loved, respected, cherished. It is your right, you need only believe it to be true.

    I wish all of you going through this pain, light to guide your way, and strength for the days ahead….You can Rise Above !

    Peace and Light,

    Toni

  • Kate October 21, 2011, 10:49 PM

    Hi there! I’ve been meaning to take a moment to write my positive recovery story but I’ve been slammed and in the new era of my marriage- priorities and intentionality rules.

    Since my story was recently told to a reporter from Ladies Home Journal – I can give you a link to go read it. We are now over 3 years removed from the horror that was my husband’s affair but our marriage rose from the ashes and is stronger now. In April, we celebrated our 10th anniversary in Sonoma, CA and I wouldn’t change anything. Before you go read the full story, keep this thought in mind. We are programmed and taught how to ‘act’ when this happens- and almost all those teachings miss the opportunity to reconcile. My favorite truth I held through the ordeal was this- my husband’s affair was not in any way a reflection on me or what I was or was not doing. It was a reflection of him and his values.

    Enjoy the article and pleas let us know how you feel. Much love to you all.

    http://www.lhj.com/relationships/can-this-marriage-be-saved/infidelity/he-cheated-but-he-wont-admit-it/?page=1

  • Ken Carlson November 4, 2011, 9:19 AM

    So…there is life after an affair. Not only that…there is amazing life available after an affair.

    In June of 2011, my wife of four years and partner for six years announced to me that she had been having an affair for several months and she pregnant with his baby. Now, I was absolutely crazy about her and even in that moment my instinct was to see if we could work it out. Initially, she agreed to leave him and stay with me but within a few days she left the house and never came back. Not long after that, she moved in with him.

    He’s married with three little girls so this affair has torn apart two families. I have two children from my first marriage (a 20 year old son and a 16 year old daughter).

    So June was hell. I have never experienced so much pain. Each day was an exercise in survival. Thankfully, as a life coach ( http://www.authenticdevelopment.com ) , I had an amazing support network with multiple friends to call at all times of day and night. I cried on my friends shoulders over and over again. The pain is so present and it is just unreal to believe that someone who you thought loved you more than anything would have been lying to you over and over again. It calls into question the entire relationship and I found myself questioning my decision making. How could I let this happen?

    In the process of talking to friends and seeing a therapist two or three times a week, I discovered places where I contributed to the environment that led her to choose another man. I don’t take responsibility for her choices but it helps to know the reality that she was experiencing.

    In July, life was better. The daily survival turned into having moments here and there of deep sadness but I was able to run my business again and listen to the radio without a box of kleenex. I began to move on when I began to plan my life without her. I filled a notebook with what I wanted for my life over the next year and over the next 5 years. I wrote a list of what I deserve from the next woman to enter my life.

    I was still overly nice to my wife as we worked out the details of our divorce. One of my friends asked me, “What does she have to do to prove to you that she hates you? She has done pretty much every awful thing that a woman can do to a man except burn your dog and put him on a stake.”

    I really cut the cord when I realized how much she had hurt my daughter. I had brought Rachel into my kids lives after my divorce from their mother and my 16-year old became close to her back then and although they weren’t always close–she was her step-mom and they did lots of fun stuff together over the years. I had a realization of the pain that my daughter was in as she talked to me about how she felt and my anger towards Rachel grew. How could she do this to my kids? How dare she break their hearts? I was almost OK with my heart being broken and willing to forgive her for it–but my kids? NO WAY! I shared with her during one of our meetings that I would not ever forgive her for what she did to them. I will never understand it.

    So, my focus has become my children–especially my daughter that lives with me part time.

    More than anything, you need to know that my life is amazing now. Much better than when I was with her. In the last few months, I have felt love more deeply than I have ever felt in my life. I have fallen deeply into the arms of my friends and family that love me.

    I’ve had over $10k donated to me in order for me to go to a leadership program that will help me grow my business.

    I have been given the gift of a new home by one of my friends at rock bottom rental rates so my daughter and I not only have a place to stay–but we have a place much nicer than where we were with a zen-like atmosphere that is really too good to be true.

    I’ve had a friend pay for a trip to NYC where we could be bachelors for a long weekend–and we did–and it was what I needed for my life!

    I’ve gone out looking for great conversations with women. I believe in full disclosure about where I am in my life and I’ve been rewarded with several powerful relationships and women that meet my list of what I deserve seem to show up again and again!

    I wake up every day in this amazing home, doing my dream job (helping people with life coaching), with an opportunity to live the life I want with friends companionship.

    There was a point in late June that I started changing the words I was telling myself. The first words I had uttered were that “my life ended the day Rachel left” but I turned it around and choked out the words, “my life began the day Rachel left.” I then added sentences like, “Rachel leaving is the universes way of saying that it loves me” and “I am going to have an amazing life!”

    I encourage you to stop waiting for whatever choices that they need to make and simply choose to live. Live today! Live the best life that is available to you! I am doing it and there is definitely times of pain and there is a place to grieve. But there is also a place to live!

  • Paula February 6, 2012, 3:46 PM

    Hey Jewels. I wish you all the best and thank you for a website which allows these beautiful women to vent and share their feelings. 18 months ago, using spy phone software, I discovered my loving husband of 25 years had been carrying on a 4-month affair with an escort. I was completely devastated…I thought we were best friends, SOUL MATES! I have always considered myself a strong woman, but the depths of my despair knew no bounds. After the initial shock and anger, I began to question everything about my life, my marriage, my values, my husband, etc. The affair changed how I look at EVERYTHING in life. Some for the better, some not so much. I am a much more cynical person now, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. Looking back, although it was very painful, it became a wonderful period of growth in both of our lives. I came to know myself better than I ever had and I realized that his cheating had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own low feelings of self-worth. I now stand up for myself, and I’m no longer a doormat which he can take for granted. He immediately ended his “relationship,” and after receiving very good counseling (on-going), our relationship has become the best its ever been. I think the most important indicator as to whether your relationship can work after an affair is how your husband responds to trying to make it work. My husband quit drinking & volunteered for counseling without me even having to ask. He wanted to make a statement that he was a different person. I still react to the triggers and still harbor some anger, but I’m dealing with it the best I can and he’s been wonderful and understanding through it all. Recently, I was having a bad day and I was reminding him of his deception and he said to me, “I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ anymore.” It hit me hard that he really is trying to be a different person. Now, when I have a flashback or am feeling down, I think about that comment, and it changes my mood immediately. As I said earlier, our relationship is more honest and more wonderful than its ever been.
    I’m really happy that it worked out for me, but had he not been so willing to make changes, I would have been gone.
    The other posters here have great advice to offer. You will be surprised at the strength you have inside of you. Best wishes to all.

  • Gimlet February 12, 2012, 8:50 AM

    Reading these positive stories of recovery from both men and women give me hope. Thanks to all who contribute.

  • Em February 27, 2012, 9:30 AM

    Em from usaFebruary 23, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    Hello ladies, I came across this while looking for answers on why I wasn’t good enough for my husband to have not betrayed me. I had been married for 10 years with 3 kids, nice house, seemed to be the “perfect family”. We got along great or at least I thought we did. My husband had befriended a guy that I didn’t really like or hate, there was just something about him that struck me wrong, well that was the first time that my husband had cheated at that time we were married for about 6 years. I found out and confronted him, he denied it…well I didn’t have any real hard evidence, just “hear say”. One nigh this friend asked me to have sex with him…it didn’t upset my husband, but it upset me. My husband and I fought about it over and over and he finally confronted his friend and they went their seperate ways. Not to mention my husband had develped a gambling problem duriing this time that he was hiding as well….I didn’t find out untill he was 30k in debt. Well, right before our 10 year anniversary we all went out and I was DD that night, I had left to take a sick drunk friend home, when I came back tot he bar I saw my husband kissing my son’s football coaches wife, I confronted him there and he said “I didn’t know you were coming back”…apparently. Long story short…he invited her to our house that night and she and her friends showed up…it got ugly. The next morning I did not speak to him….it took him two days to ask me if I was going to talk to him. His defense was that he didn’t remember anything because he was drunk…that was bs because he had told one of our friends about via text and I had already read it…he still denied having any knowledge of his actions. During all this the idiot told my brother that he had been texting a girl that he works with. Another long story short…I caught him via the cell phone records…then I went thru his phone early one morning…it was all right there…sexting, texting, pic’s…everything. That morning I confronted him, he said they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about and that he loves me. He looked me in the eye and straight out lied to my face. That night when I got home from work I told him what I knew and showed him my proof. He told me not to worry because he would never leave me for someone like her, he wouldn’t be caught dead in public with her. I stayed for about 6 months, that’s when I found out the OW was pregnant and due exactly 9 months from the time the affair started. I asked for a paternity test and he told me to f’off. I filed for divorce two weeks later. He kept telling me just to get over everything and we would be fine. My problem was that he would not be honest with me and was very angry and always yelling. He had made me promises of counceling, new job since they worked together, never being alone with her again (which was a lie), being a better husband adn father and putting me/us first and not his friends…that never happened. His mother and his sister came down on me for being selfish and leaving him, he made a mistake and he shouldn’t have to pay for it for the rest of his life.
    We have been divorced for about 9 months now and he has come back to me 3 different times wanting to work it out and has asked what it would take to do so. Each time I have told him the samething….give me what you promised along with a paternity test….he sasys he won’t and can’t do it any of it, I just need to put everything in the past and we will be fine. He came back again to ask to work things out and had agreed to do the things that he promised….then he met another woman about 2 weeks after our talk and has now decided that he can’t and won’t do what needs to be done to work it out with me…he has too much going on in his life now to worry about that. So, I told him that was fine and good luck with his future, I would no longer be here…I am not competing with anyone…if you truely love someone, they shouldn’t have to compete.
    I guess what I really want to say to all you ladies, is that whether its 1 time or a 1,000 times…it hurts and when you are good to someone and true to them and they blindside you with something like this…it hurts. Now, I’m still not over it and hurt on a regular basis because I now realize that I do not know who I was married to, we had been together for 17 years and I would have never imagined anythign like this and neither did any of our friends…he was living a double life. So ladies, keep your chin up and smile, love your kids with all you have, take time for yourself and hang with your girlfriends. I have a few girlsfriends that saw me stand up for myself and say I deserve better…..they are now standing up for themselves and two have left. They say that I was their example of a strong woman and that they too could survive because they have seen it with their own eyes.

  • Abby February 28, 2012, 2:26 AM

    My husband and I married in 2008, been together since 2002. Wow that’s a long time, when you put it to paper. I was offered and took a really good career job and our lives took off. However, after many months and even years, my so-called career job began to literally kill me. I complained when I got home. I cried in the bathrooms at work. It was so depressing that I seriously became sick and depressed. I began to see a doctor that eventually put me on anti-depressants. We all know what those can do to a woman. I lost my sex drive and my affection motor. In late 2009, I began to get physically ill. My doctor diagnosed me with IBS and ulcertitis. In early 2010, around February, I made a decision that would affect everything. I quit my job. I thought I would find another job pretty quickly but as the economy slipped down the mountain, it was hard. I spent the next few months trying to get better. My husband was supporting us but we were barely making it. During this time my husband and I were fighting constantly. He was so disappointed in me. The main thing he complained about was that I wasn’t affectionate and never wanted sex. It had been 8 months since we had sex, he pointed out. I was not even aware it had been that long. I didn’t even understand why I wasn’t affectionate. We fought so much over this and the financial situation. In late March of 2010, my husband and I had one of our biggest fights ever. He informed me that he needed my affection and he needed my body physically or he was going to cheat on me. Hey at least he warned me, LOL! (At least I can laugh about it now!) This is the point I didn’t know at the time. There was already a candidate in his mind. My husband had apparently been developing a friendship with a younger (by 12 years), attractive more fun female he met. Now this is where I will remind you that he never once told me about this “new” friend or offered me to meet her that I could possibly have a new friend. Hence, the very notion of cheating with her was set up before it even happened. And later I learned that this girl (Yes, I call her girl, cause she was too young), only dated married men! When you have a secret relationship or friendship with someone of the opposite sex and never tell your wife/husband about it, there are evil intentions to begin with. Now back to the story, I went back to my doctor and explained my problems. I was then put on another type of antidepressant that made me even more depressed. For the whole month of April, I was miserable. I finally just stopped taking the medication, which gave me an even more emotional roller-coaster. On May 4th, 2010, my husband and I were watching TV and I was using his iPhone to Google something (I didn’t have an iPhone yet!), As I was googling, a text message came across from “AL” and it said “I love you” with a pink heart. My heart was immediately trusted into a deep dark abyss to never return. I was speechless. I had no indication, except when he said he would cheat on me. But I didn’t believe him. I immediately confronted him. I was so disgusted by his remarks. He actually said to me “I can’t talk about that right now.” The nerve!!! I did what every woman wants to do in this situation. I started whopping his ass. No, I do not promote violence. It was wrong, dead wrong! But I swung, threw things, smashed things, you get the picture. Of course during this initial confrontation, he wouldn’t give me any answers and refused to be sorry for his actions. I wanted to kill myself. After this, anytime we would talk, we had a witness with us. Just so we didn’t get back to this physical violence anymore. My husband eventually explained that he loved me very much and wanted to be with me and even if I decided to leave him, he wouldn’t be with this OW because she was too young and immature. he blamed everything on me though. EVERYTHING! It was my fault he strayed, it was my fault we were broke. He left one night, leaving me with one of his best friends. Sometimes I think he wanted me to do something, not gonna happen! LOL! This OW still lived with her parents so my husband had to get motel rooms. I say “motel” cause it was the trashiest place ever. This night though, my husband’s friend informed me that my husband was obviously going to meet up with OW. Right then and there I was done. I tried calling him all night long, he never answered, he never even acknowledged me. This is when I tried to kill myself. Now I know some of you think I am crazy, but check this, I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger, it clicked but nothing happened. This is my life testimony, I was shocked, the bullet was still in the chamber! I am suppose to LIVE! I decided to fight. I got the OW number, not hard since pretty much everyone wanted me to know it and confront the girl. She answered of course and yes they were obviously in the motel together, cause I could hear him in the background. I will never forget her telling me “well did you know that your marriage was over?” I informed her that I didn’t know because he was telling me he wanted to work it out. She hung up on me of course. I’m sure they then had an argument. So, when I saw my husband again, I asked for a divorce. Over the next few weeks, I got many attempts from him to work out this situation, only to realize that he was still seeing her and talking to her. So he is now telling me one thing and telling her the next. CLASSIC! He even sought out help from a marriage counselor. So now we are in counseling, but all the while I am thinking to myself, this doesn’t even help, cause he won’t stop seeing this girl. We start to bring up things in counseling that we never brought to each other’s attention before. Good! A lot is starting to come out even about the affair. He begins to explain that she was/is nothing to him but sex. The first time he slept with her was April 9th, 2010, after a concert he had gone to. They were both very drunk he said and she was completely coming on to him and flirting. After months of them talking and flirting with each other, obviously the attraction had set in and they left the concert to go to the same motel to have sex. My husband began to explain the feelings of disgust he had with himself afterwards. He said that she passed out, and he just left. Left her there! He said he didn’t talk to her for about a week and ignored all her texts and calls. He said she called 30 times a day if not more, but he ignored her. He says this is when he tried to talk to me but I wasn’t available. We apparently had another fight during this week which led him to contact her again. She was very angry but obviously forgave him for leaving her there in the motel. So more things began to come out in counseling. He informed me and the counselor that this girl had already been with 2 other married men only to have them go back to their wives as well. Let me remind you this girl is only 21 years old. He also said that she had a steady boyfriend but according to her, he was abusive. (I was thinking, no she just cheats on him with married men.) During a counseling session, I learned from my husband that this girl was quite needy and was always trying to be with him, even at work. That she didn’t believe in God and we were both very much Christian. But yet he would tell me that she was more fun, she was beautiful, she was young and he could be himself with her. Many things just like that hurt me so bad and still do to this day. I will never forget him saying that she was fun, beautiful and young. It’s there in my head forever. So here we are, it’s July 2010 and he is still talking to her and manipulating me and this girl. One day, I found a text from him to her, stating this “I will always be there for you no matter what. Even if we have to chill for a bit, notice I said chill not stop. It’s all in the words baby!” OMG he is definitely playing this ridiculous game with both of us. What a liar! I was devastated. He started hiding her number in his phone under other people’s names. Even the counselor told him to STOP IT! Well you know when you have had enough and you just want revenge. That is how I felt by this time. I wanted him and her both to just die! Well God hears! I didn’t have to take any revenge. My husband lost his job! OMG! The world was over! I mean he got let go due to economy and not being able to pay him anymore. What revenge! Now he definitely had no money! Remember though he is still contacting her and she is still contacting him. The affair is beginning to dwindle. She is becoming more and more crazy he says. He even started letting me ready her crazy texts, emails and love letters. She texted him 108 times in one night while laying in bed with me. We laughed cause one of her texts said “This is the last time I am going to contact you.” Then another text came “Why are you doing this to me?” I busted out laughing as well as he, thought that was the last text. She started yelling, screaming, even threatening him. Pretty much all the things I did when I found out about her. My husband informed me in a counseling session that he had always been up front with her about being married but that he definitely lead her to believe he was leaving me and he definitely painted a picture of me being the evil one here that didn’t fulfill his needs. Finally, this OW stuck her foot in her mouth. On November 20th, 2010, this OW called my phone. My husband had obviously not contacted her and this got under her skin. She asked for my husband, what nerve! She informed me that he was still contacting her and that it was funny we were working it out considering he had dogged me out all that time. She said that he had been pursuing her the whole time. To an extent she was correct and I did believe her considering the way my husband had been acting. But the thing is, I had read all her texts, emails and love letters. Yes, love letters, telling him of how much she loved him and wanted him to decide something soon cause she was getting torn apart and that she could no longer buy a “false dream”. Her words! I finally had enough of this drama. We were getting better but she was still a little shadow lingering around. My husband finally told me that the affair had been over sexually since the day I had found out but that the devil wouldn’t let him stop communicating with her. He then confronted her about contacting me and telling me all this stuff. His words “You know you are really showing your age by all this mess you are doing. Please do not contact me again.” My husband actually changed his number and we have never heard from her again. I even asked many times after this, hoping for the truth. He gratefully said he had not seen her since early summer and had not talked to her since November 2010.

    So there is the story of what happened, now to the lessons learned here. I think Alicia Keys put it best in her song “Lesson Learned”. “Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned. Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned. My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.” I harped on many things he had initially said to me, about her being young, pretty and fun. I wanted to know everything even though I knew it would hurt so bad. A wife will never really know the full truth to the affair with the OW. Anytime two people get together and have sex, feelings become involved especially for the OW, who has been promised and programmed to believe the marriage was over and the husband is leaving the wife. The affair is and always will be a total fabrication from the start. She was lied to as well, and manipulated and casted aside. I actually felt sorry for her. She had been waiting somewhere many nights awaiting his call or text and was probably crying her eyes out. But counselor quickly reminded me this wasn’t her first rodeo and these were things she should have thought about before getting involved with a married man. She knew the outcome and still chose it. My husband was not accountable for her pain, only my pain. She is responsible for her own pain. I should not feel sorry for her nor should my husband. My husband has since apologized many times over, has made so many efforts to gain my forgiveness and doing all he can to show how this was the worst mistake of his life. He has cried in counseling, and in private with me and expressed great shame. During a session with the counselor, he explained that their whole relationship had been a fake, but he was so wrapped up in the excitement to realize it. That he told her all the good she wanted to hear and no bad. This young woman didn’t even stop to think about all these lies he had been telling her if he was lying to me.

    Trust me, my initial reaction was to divorce. But financially, I couldn’t at the time. I had no where to go and I still loved my husband. He obviously still loved me. I initially stayed out of wanting to prepare myself to leave him. But over time, in counseling and the efforts after the initial shock from my husband to rebuild the marriage, I stayed. Although I have not forgotten it, it haunts me everyday, I have forgiven him. I struggle daily with prayer to relieve my brain of such thoughts. I stayed because I made a commitment. He chose me, because he made a commitment. My husband is very thankful for my forgiveness. I don’t know the whole truth but it really doesn’t matter anymore. I realized I had forgiven him when I had wrote him a long letter explaining my understanding and my forgiveness. I worked on this letter for a long time. I wanted him to see through my eyes and my thoughts. I had to realize and understand that he had pain, guilt and confusion just as I did. I explained to him that I understood he wished that it had never happened and would just go away. I had to believe again that he truly loved me and the cheating hurt him too. I had to take responsibility for my own actions that lead up to this horrible point in my life. I began to understand that his apprehension on stopping the contact with her was great because he had developed feelings and didn’t know exactly what was going to happen with us. Obviously this meant that I was first choice and she was second. It’s better to know this and tell yourself this even if it hurts. No one wants a mistake thrown up in their face repeatedly. No one wants to look at the very thing that caused all their pain. I saw through my husband’s eyes that he viewed the whole matter as something that was over and that it didn’t mean anything to him but he didn’t know how to move on with me and without her. And that it got a lot easier to make the right decision after finally decided to stop all contact with the OW. I also could envision myself through him, wondering why I tortured myself so much and sometimes still do. We always think it’s something we did, and it may be but it’s both parts. I could see my husband asking himself “doesn’t she know I love her by now, it’s been 2 years.” But still I have always wanted him to see my reality. And until he accepted and took responsibility for the pain he caused me, I couldn’t heal. Like Dr. Phil said once “I need him to GET IT!” After all he was there, there is no detail left out of his point of view. He certainly shared the depths of our struggling marriage with her and she became invested in what he had to say. He obviously started seeking the attention he was getting from her since I wasn’t giving any. I started to understand that my husband felt torn between what was growing for her and the need to fix our marriage. My husband just wanted to feel “wanted”. And once I got that, I understood and was able to forgive. As a woman, I know what it’s like to want to be “wanted”. The weeks and weeks of manipulation and flirting were obviously building up to the sexual aspect of the affair. Saying “no” was more than likely deterred by the anticipation that built up and the need to be “wanted”. In some since I believed my husband had given up on our marriage which made the affair a lot easier on him to do. But I was unaware the marriage was over. he had a painting and he knew exactly what that painting meant to him and if he had any doubts about our marriage, at least he was carrying all the information to make a sound choice. I was left in the dark. Not knowing the truths to make a sound decision. Even though I was able to discern the meaning of certain things about the affair, I still felt I deserved to be given an opportunity to understand & accept what nearly took me out. Until I got that, I could not forgive. To assume I could have just moved on and accept everything at “HIS” face value was unrealistic. He had to be honest and answer whatever I asked no matter what. He deserved to know and I deserved to wonder right? I don’t think so. Maybe he felt that the whole picture was insignificant because in his heart he knew it was wrong and it was a mistake and it was over. But how was I to know that? On Faith? Faith had withered on me at this time and I honestly lost my faith. Would my husband have had faith in me if the tables were turned? After all, affairs can happen to anyone. Even beautiful women get cheated on. Look at Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez and Demi Moore! I wanted to believe my husband was sincere so bad but his actions at the time were saying otherwise. All I knew what my husband was going out of his way to continue some kind of relationship with this OW even after he was told to stop it. He wanted to keep her to the side while he tried to figure out what I was going to do. I can’t blame him, she was feeding his ego that I didn’t. I have maintained that all that lying, changing numbers only to give to her, texts, deleting texts and call logs, saving her number under someone else’s name in his phone, all continued my struggle to forgive and move on. He prolonged my healing process by simply not saying to her “I have to stop contacting you and being with you until I can figure out what it is I really want.” Sound simple huh? But could you imagine being the OW and hearing those words even though it’s the inevitable. I had often asked my husband why he humiliated me in such a way, only to realize he didn’t even know why. His affair and attraction to her was like being on heroin. I believe my husband now but wanted to believe him “then”! In fact instead of forgiveness, he fed my jealousy, my rage and all the evil that is stirred from the devil in these situations. It’s funny how people can’t see how they let the devil in. During the hardest time in my life all I could do was observe, there was nothing I could say that could have stopped him. He had to stop himself. Let me say just this, a thought in a wife’s mind about her husband and his affair becomes true since it is never corrected by the husband. That’s the ways of a woman’s brain in this situation. My husband’s actions after the affair was discovered, had lead me down a path of destruction in my own self worth. It would have been a lot easier for him to just be honest with me. All my efforts to get my husband to open up and talk about the affair was like peeling an onion. All my “need to know” derived from not knowing. Which is the same in most cases. My “need to know” stemmed from my need to hold our marriage together. It wasn’t from any desire to make him suffer. It would have been so much easier on both of us if I had just walked away and we got a divorce honestly. But what is marriage? It’s two people, working together to keep it going. I couldn’t leave and I still can’t. I am in love!

    One other thing I had to realize was it very well could have been me having the affair. I had opportunities. We were both not meeting each others needs. As I learned in counseling, I was struggling at work and getting very sick and my husband was NOT there for me due to having such hatred for me since I was not affectionate in 8 months. A particular man at my work, had informed all the staff that he liked me and wanted to be with me. Honestly that was nice to know, that I was “wanted”! There’s that word again. But see my maturity level wouldn’t let me hurt my husband in such a way. There are a lot of things I learned from this experience. I learned how men’s brains work and how women’s do differently. I learned the 5 love languages. Mine is “Words of Affirmation”! His is “physical touch”! I learned how to argue without a war! I learned how to communicate with each other. Communication is the key to every relationship. How is a person to know if you don’t tell them. I learned how to love again! I learned that maybe it’s not a good idea to let your friends and family in on the affair. I lost most of my friends during this time because they all wanted me to leave him. And when I didn’t they left me. Sorry for them. Not me! Your friends and family are one sided. Your Side! They also don’t like to see you destroying yourself, which is understandable. I also learned that revenge is the Lord’s and please don’t get revenge by having an affair too! You will loose! You really don’t have to take revenge, God will take it on his own. I use a popular website to read gossip about people in my local town. Earlier this year, I was reading and came across a post on this OW. She had obviously gotten with another married man and this married man’s wife isn’t so educated in this area and took revenge by posting some evil things about this OW. I swear it wasn’t me! LOL! But I died laughing, there it was, a pic of her and all the gory details of her sleeping with her boss that is married. There were many comments on this post as well, obviously from people who new this OW and people that hated her. Several mentioned she was a drug addict, several mentioned she was a tramp, one even mentioned that she would get what was coming to her, after that post, another came stating that she actually did get what was coming to her, he parents through her out over the drugs, her BF finally got a clue and left her, she lost her job over this last affair and she has no friends cause apparently (according to a post) “she forgets her friends when she gets with these married men”. So you see, you don’t need to take revenge on anyone, not even the OW. All reap what they sow. I hate to say this but my husband reaped what he sowed too until he got it through his head! He lost his job! Things were not good for him. His life was in turmoil. Revenge is God’s!

    No our life together isn’t over, but our trust is distorted. Our friendship is mangled. I no longer feel safe with him. Everyone looses in an affair situation. All reap what they sow. My husband and I are very much in love again. I have a great job, so does he. We have date nights! It took a lot of work, sacrifice and humiliation. He even sends me texts throughout the day to let me know he is thinking of me. We have gotten so much help even on issues that were never brought to the table before. We smile, laugh, joke, play games, have fun, have sex, make love, go out, and spend a lot of time together. We are best friends again. Although we will have many trust issues, we are definitely happy again. Satisfied! We even speak each others love language. You have to learn this and do this, it’s very important to know each others love language! Finally, I truly wish it would have been easier to fix our issues without the affair but this is what we got. And now that I am in love again, I am glad we got through it. I love my husband and he loves me, thank you GOD!

  • Gimlet February 28, 2012, 7:02 AM

    Dear Em, What a ray of light, your story came just when I needed it. I love that you try to see both sides even though you are the injured party. I hope my husband and I can learn from the lessons you shared. Best to you and Thanks

  • Splinky March 3, 2012, 11:32 PM

    I read your site and I wanted to share some of the things I learned. First I hear you want to learn, grow and move on, which is wonderful and very insightful. I had a counselor ask me, “What does she have that you don’t have?” I sat with that question for a really long time, she was younger, thinner, blond and very beautiful. What I did learn in time was that I am fine just as I am and I had a part in my marriage ending. So, I really looked at me and where did issues in our marriage before the affair create distance and leave room for an affair. One of the issues I knew about was communication. So I decided to become the best I can be and started by working on my communication skills. Today, I feel very strong in that area and have tackled many more. I realized I am fine and did not deserve this betrayal, and I had a choice of what to do next. That was 12 years ago and I have not stopped growing or searching since. It is now my life to be aware and continue to evolve into the best human being I can be. As much as I was deeply wounded and devastated at the time. I truly feel today it launched me into becoming the person I was always meant to be. I wish you much peace love and happiness.

  • Derrick Cheater March 4, 2012, 6:25 AM

    Splinky, I just read your comment and realized that most of the positive recovery stories have one thing in common , all the people in them were willing to look deeply at both themselves and their relationship with honesty. Sometimes it’s hard when your feeling hurt and betrayed, but I believe it is necessary . Weather you stay with your mate or go I’d like to think we can take from this painful time something that helps us grow to be the people we want to be. I’m at the start of this journey and some days I fall back but I am determined for the first time in many years to make myself a priority. I hope to be one of the positive outcomes I’ve seen on this site. You are all my inspiration and support. Love to you all.

  • Gimlet March 16, 2012, 5:55 PM

    The post before this was myne not Derreck Cheaters. I had asked my husband (Derreck Cheater) to read these stories to see the pain this type of betrayal causes and because there were too many different feelings and thoughts reeling in my head to be able to convey them clearly. He read some stories including myne( in Sexting and texting)and cried at the pain he gave me. He also posted on the site so when I made this post I hadn’t realized that his nickname and not myne was in the first name or nickname spot. Sorry for any confusion. We are still working on things and are trying to build trust but as you know you have good days and bad so who knows how it will all turn out but at least I will know that I tried. Best to all.

  • J in FL March 18, 2012, 11:26 PM

    I would just like to give some encouragement to all of you with a cheating partner….My ex husband cheated on me throughout my pregnancies. The most hurtful experience was during a confrontation with the most regular other woman. My 15 month old son was present and she came by my home looking for my husband and looked surprised to see me there. I opened the door and asked what she wanted and she ignored me and told my son it was nice to see him again. My husband had been having sex with her in our home, in our bed, with our children there. My reaction was…strange..I went and grabbed him out of bed and shoved him out the front door. He was half asleep and very confused. I then went and grabbed his dirty clothes and threw them out on the porch with the two of them and told her that if she wanted him she could have him but she was taking his laundry too. I then called my mom and told her what had happened. She suggested I take the time to go through his phone. I found 3 other women and called them all. One he had lent my car too when he lied and told me it was in the shop. Another he had slept with when I was in the hospital recovering from our second child’s birth (and that’s why he was late picking us up when we were discharged). The third was the one on my porch. They had all been seeing him continuously and he had told them we were only living together for the kids. The one on my porch didn’t even know I lived there. My ex told her I took off with another man and left the kids and all my stuff…which is why she looked so shocked when I answered the door.

    I stayed another three months, saved some money, and then moved out. It was the best choice I ever made. Three years later I met an amazing man that loves my kids as his own. We have a wonderful marriage and he understands my trust issues due to my ex. He is perfectly willing to be an open book to keep me comfortable. We have had three children and he tells me I am beautiful every day. He has also been cheated on, and his father left his mom for another woman. I am confident he will never put me through the same. So there is hope. I did struggle but if I had stayed I know I would be so unhappy right now. Leaving is not the right choice for everyone, but don’t stay because you are afraid of being alone or out of fear that you can’t do it because you can do it and you can do better!

  • Stephanie March 22, 2012, 12:05 AM

    It has been almost 2 years after my husband cheated on me. My husband cheated on me on our 8 year anniversary with one of his (much younger) employees while I waited for him to come home. He had been treating me terribly for months while he was having his affair… I chose not to see any of it and to be honest him cheating was the last thing on my mind, not my husband… NEVER.
    I also sacrificed who I was for him and our child. I lived for my family and trusted him to do the right thing for both of us. The woman who he cheated on me with was young and very pretty. I was overweight and never put myself first. I was devastated. I had a complete breakdown…He made it clear he no longer wanted to be with me and even said he never really wanted me, he said horrible things to me which he now claims was because of his feelings towards himself and his actions.
    I had to take a good long look at myself. I had to find myself again. I started to put myself first and love myself. I lost 80lbs and I did it strictly for me and my health. Above all I came to love me… for the first time ever.
    In the end, after much counseling my husband and I worked things out. I would like to say he is everything I have ever wanted him to be… but I still hold onto what he did. He traded in our lives together and our son’s life as he knew it, not to mention his job for a quick fleeting affair with a woman who had already broke up 2 marriages before ours (yes he knew all of this when he did it). I still hurt. I no longer think about it everyday… and that is a big step.
    In closing… I now know I can live without him. I now know I don’t need to give all I am to him. Above all.. I know I can make it. It is possible to get over an affair. Its not easy… especially when you stay. You cant be any good to your children if you are not good to yourself.

  • Eshelle March 30, 2012, 11:17 PM

    In July of 2010, my suspicions that my husband of 9 years and father of my 3 children was cheating on me, were confirmed. I was also nine months pregnant at the time. We had been having marital problems for some time and were slowly growing apart. Being pregnant leaves you feeling extremely insecure and vulnerable. I suspected that his friendship with the OW (a co-worker) was more than what he told me and the day before I was scheduled to be induced, I found a videotape that validated all of my paranoia. I confronted my husband and the OW and they both swore that this was a one time thing and they were both extremely sorry. In my heart I didn’t believe either one of them, but knew that this was a time when as much as I hated it, needed my husband’s support. I was so ashamed of his affair that I kept this secret to myself. We didn’t share this information with anyone. During the next four months, my marriage literally fell apart around me. I was depressed, couldn’t eat or sleep, was miserable to be around, and all of this was affecting my children in the worst way. In November 2010 when my husband came home late after night out with friends, I was pissed. He was drunk and I pushed all of the buttons necessary to get him to break. We ended up having the hugest fight, one that became physical. I left that night and have not been back since. I love my family; husband included, but could no longer live with a man that I did not trust. I no longer felt safe with him and did not feel that he had our family’s best intentions at heart. I suggested counseling and when he refused, I knew this marriage was truly over. Several months after we separated, I found out that his affair was not a one time thing. And then in October of 2011, the OW called me and confirmed that their relationship had just ended. I had known for months that divorce was the right thing, but knowing that their relationship was over, made me question if divorce was right for us. Maybe we could try again? Going back and forth with my feelings for two months led me to accept, I have never gotten over his affair and still do no trust him. Too much hurt has been done and our marriage will never be repaired. Our relationship, as co-parents and friends, is a different story. I love this man with all of my heart, although I am no longer “in love” with him. I also know deep down that he is a good person. I can see that even though we are apart, he now has my best intentions at heart. We may not work as husband and wife, but we will always be friends. So divorce is best for us. And as hard as that was to accept, I truly think we are making the best decision for our family.

    My heart goes out to all women who are in a similar situation. I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I don’t know that this something you can ever get over, but I do know that at some point you have to decide if it’s the right time to move on.

    I am now for the first time in my life, living on my own. My apartment is small, but it feels like home to me. And I feel like I am making the best decisions for my children. Having our own space has been like a breath of fresh air for me. Deciding to move out of my parent’s house was extremely difficult. But I knew that in order to move on, I needed to gain my own independence. I feel happier than I have in years.

  • Gimlet April 26, 2012, 8:10 AM

    Eshelle , Just read your story and am so glad for you. My husband and I are still working through things and making progress but I’m still not sure of the future. I have told myself that if things don’t work out I want to have no regrets and would hope to end up like you indepentent but still friends with my husband and able to coparent in a healthy way that will benefit our kids. Thanks for your inspiration.

  • lelwel5820 May 16, 2012, 11:38 AM

    Hi everyone, I just wanted to re-share my story with you all. I am currently 4 months since D-day, and I can honestly say for those of you who have just discovered your partner has had an affair it does get better with time. I hated hearing that when I first found out, that sentence literally made me want to smack someone in the face! Time is something none of us have control over and when I first found out I needed something right away to make me feel better, thankfully I found this website and many other great website on the internet. I also made the descion to tell me family and his along with my best friend, I couldn’t hold in my sorrow and deal with it alone. This seemed to really ease my pain. I found out through my husband that while away on a boys trip he had gotten drunk and ended up in a car with a women twice my age, although there was no actual intercourse, she did pleasure him, I also confirmed this with a call to the OW (who happened to be married herself). My husband and I have only been married since August 2011, and we were honestly happily married, we did everything right dated 4 years lived together for 3 of those years, no children out of wed-lock ect. ect…. So for this to happen to me, to us, was just unexplainable. This was my first hurdle when trying to figure out how my loving husbnd could hurt me soooo much, I took Jules advice and stopped a long time ago trying to figure out his why, because he didn’t even know why himself. I decided he did it because he feels insecure to me. I am fairly attractive, I am currently working on a BA I have a 4.0 GPA, and I work at a very busy bar on the weekends as a bartender (which he hates!). Now my husband is very succesful himself, however has never really been too confident with women, well that was until he met me, I use to always tease him that he had girlfriend confidence. When we go out if he goes to the bathroom or walks away for a few minutes I usually always have a man come over and talk to me, I have always made sure though to let them know I am taken. However, I beleive this has really gotten to my husband, and he felt in a way insecure with me, therefore I beleive when he went away on his “boys” trip and he was influenced with a little alchol and a women whom was heavily coming on to him he enjoyed getting the attention and it made him feel special. This is my reasoning for it happening. The sooner you can figure out your why, trust me the better you will feel. Now to the postive part. When I first found out as all of us are I was in complete shock, angre, rage, and sad all at the same time. We had just gotten married, He was the one who propposed marriage not me! I would have been fine just dating, I was so filled with rage I couldn’t even see. All I could think was why the hell did you marry me if this was what you were going to do, I felt like I had been tricked into marrying him like I was a prize he won and then just tossed away. I have and continue to have a lot of confidence, I was not afraid of leaving him and definatly not scared of starting over. I actually was more frightened of staying, I am a runner I don’t deal well with pain and I usually just dismiss myself from these situations. It took me about a week to even consider staying, I agreed to go with him to a therapist where a lot of crying and apologizing took place. I told myself that it was too soon to decide on anything one way or the other, so I agreed to let him come home but he had to sleep in a different room. During this time my husband did everything right, he aplogized on a daily basis, he let me yell at him without saying anything but sorry, he held me when I cried (which was basically daily at this point). But all of this didn’t matter to me because all I could think was well I wouldn’t be dealing with this if you hadn’t of done what you did. This was all in month 1, month 2 I was so busy with school and work and friends coming in from out of town that I didn’t have a lot of time to be around my husband, which I honestly think was a good thing because I actually started to miss him a little. He woul leave me notes all over the house telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me, but he always made sure not to say to much because I really wasn’t ready to hear a nice romantic card, after all I am still pissed! Month 3 stress has hit me hard I have finals, I am working extra shifts, and honeslty this was the hardest month for me, we had continued to see our therapist once a week, and now we are spending one night together, either going for a bike ride or going to dinner, my husband is still trying and now I can actually look at him without hating him every second of the day. Now here we are finishing Month 4 since d-day, I think back to when I first found out and I can still feel all that hurt, angre, and sadness. I am still sad however I am now able to cope with it, and not let it run my day. I have decided to stay in my marriage, I do love my husband and I know he loves me. This was a very hard descion for me to make, because staying with a man who has been unfaithful was something I never imagined myself doing. But thankfuly with some good conversations with my best friend, I have come to this conclusion. I absolutly have no control over what happened I cannot change it all I can do is control my future, my husband knows if this ever happens again I will be gone there will be no conversation or sorry’s I will leave! With that said if I had the slightest inclination that my husband would ever do this to me again knowing and witnessing the extreme pain it has brought me I would not be staying with him! I am in a much better place today then I was in month 1, I beleive it’s because of several diffent reasons, my husband doing all the right things, our therapy appointments, and my focus on myself and my own personal recovery, and the the most important is the time. We have slowly started to repair our marriage, its just hard really to fix something that was never really broken until the Affair, my husband is really working on himself and his confidence, and I am really just focusing on healing my heart. I just wanted to let anyone know who is dealing with the pain of just finding out about a partners affair, that it will get eaiser I promise you the passing of time does ease the pain. And please follow Jules advice on finding out your why and sticking to it, this will help you to move on quicker one way or the other. The most important advice I can give is that you really need to take time and heal yourself first, and affair is so tramatic it will run you life if you don’t take care of yourself. Go get a manicure, go for a long walk, take a bath, you really need to give yourself time to relax and deal with this pain. The sooner you figure out how to live with the pain, the sooner you can start to heal from it. I hope to have another postive update in the next few months and years to come. I know I really needed to hear postivity when I first found out, and I really hope this helps anyone whom is also going through this pain!!!!

  • Precious September 29, 2012, 2:02 PM

    The stories realy touched me so deeply because am still on the rough path in my own marriage.

  • Angel October 14, 2012, 7:50 PM

    Hi Jewels, I just wanted to give u a big thank you for creating this site. I know it will absolutely help people recovering from being cheated on. When it happened to me I wish I knew about this site because all I wanted was to find wives who decided to stay after being cheated on and the marriage worked. I also have created a page on Facebook to help people who decided to stay after infidelity.

    http://www.facebook.com/lovesforgiveness

    My Story:
    My name is Angel and my husband cheated on me 2 years ago. We were married for 6 years prior to the infidelity. I was absolutely blind in love with my husband, and never saw it coming. We have 3 children,at the time he cheated I was 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child. We always had a good relationship and never fought much. Things were great until he took a job that demanded most of his time.After a bit things started to change,he seemed distant and started treating me different. I was exhausted,taking care of the kids and in pain from the pregnancy. And of corse stressed over his being gone most of the time and treating me not so great. I talked with him and we both agreed we were stressed and our marriage was suffering,we agreed we had some issues we had to fix.

    Our son was born and things got more stressful,a month after our son was born I found out. I had caught on to some things that made me wonder and my husband seemed very disconnected,so I checked his cell phone bill and there it was. I called the number and it was a woman he dated 17 years ago, a woman who he has cheated on his prior ex with,a woman who has tried numerous times in the past to get with him while we were married,a woman who I personally told she would never get her hands on my husband and he would never cheat on me. Oh the betrayal and shame,my ego….destroyed. He admitted talking to her and texting,also he admitted meeting up with her twice. He denied that anything happened and it was just friendship,I did not believe that because I knew better. For 6 months he maintained nothing happened but I wouldnt give up and had been catching him in other lies about the situation. At this time I was 3 months pregnant with twins and I finally pulled the truth out of him. He never set out to cheat but when she presented the oppertunity he took it. He however couldnt go through with it,got up and left. Did I believe this….hell no,especially bc the woman was telling everyone they had a full blown affair,she even put up pictures of flowers on her fb that were supposedly from my husband. She would not let up and was hellbent of convincing me of this. I also found out she was good friends with ny husbands mother! Hos mother never told him she maintained a friendship with this woman,and the woman didnt tell my husband this either,it was a secret! Needless to say his mother is no longer in our life due to her refusal to stop the friendship. This woman wouldnt stop and his mother even joined in with her to try to break us up and convince me via fb it was a full blown affair.

    This caused me so much stress,I lost my twins in the 3rd month of pregnancy. All I did sense I found out was cry. I couldnt sleep or eat barely,all I did was cry. After loosing our twins I wanted to die,I almost comitted suicide.

    To make a long story a little shorter, I found out he was telling the truth,he started to cheat but couldnt go through with it. I couldnt believe it, I needed actual proof and I got it. Of corse till this day the woman tells everyone they had some whimsical romance affair. She got really horrible for a bit,driving by our home and making up ludacris lies. I thought it was the same story other guys tell their wives”oh shes crazy,shes stalking me,dont believe her” Come to find out,after he walked out on her she wouldnt leave him alone. I saw the phone bill,dozens of calls n texts everyday,he didnt respond to her. She wrote fake love letters and claimed they were from him,even after I found the proof he wasnt lying.

    Reguardless,he still cheated and my world was cracked in half. He still continued to lie about other aspects of the situation for 14 months. I couldnt understand why, his reasoning was he didnt want to hurt me anymore than he already did. They were small lies,but still lies. Also in that !4 months of lies he slowely started telling some truths,small truths but still thruths. Then he began telling some smaller lies and some bigger truths. Not about what happened but about him and his past. Till one day he told me a devistating raw truth about his past and my soul cried for him. During the 14 months of lies I researched infidelity tirelessly and began talking about it instead of being afraid of it,we went into couples therapy.

    I struggled constantly with should I go or stay,I was lost. I never asked him to leave during all this,I never even asked him to sleep on the couch. For some reason I still needed him next to me despite the pain. When I hit rock bottom and almost killed myself after loosing our twins, I realized I had no where to turn except to God. If I didnt turn to God my marriage would be over and I wouldnt be writting this. I always thought I had God but I was wrong. I let him in very slowly at first but once I realized I was gaining some sanity I ran to God as fast as I could. It was then,when he I allowed him in, my personal healing began and my marriage began healing. I studied the bible and infidelity,we continued therapy. My husband began to notice me turning around and a change in me. I started understanding so much and growing and evolving. We talked constantly about everything,I had a thirst in me to understand why everything happened and so did he. We wanted to save our marriage, it was scary but I came to the conclusion if I dont try Ill never know.

    It has been 2 years sense he cheated and we are doing absolutely amazing,staying was the best decision I ever made. I never thought a relationship could survive infidelity but I was wrong. Infact I am happy it happened and I am thankful it happened. This has changed my life forever and my husbands. My children will have a better quality of life because we have learned so much and became so much stronger. I hated that woman but now I wanna send her flowers lol. This event broke us wide open,forced us to deal with it and why it all happened. My husband is a different man,dealing with his past and demons. My husband never had a relationship with God,infact hated God most of his life but he is now persuing ministry! He finally took responsibility for his life and is growing personally every day.He is looking deep inside himself to find what is broken and dedicated himself to dealing with his issues and healing our marriage.

    I have never been happier. I am more confident than ever before. I have gained self respect,knowledge,wisdom,experience,forgiveness, and love for myself. I finally realize how wonderful I am and how valuble I am. I have found God and dedicated my life to serving him. My husband and I are discovering ourselves and each other together and we are falling in love all over again. Our bond is so much stronger than it was before. Incase your wondering…the sex…MIND BLOWING! Our intimacy has grown more than ever.

    What I want to let anyone who is reading know is that it absolutely is possible to save your marriage,but you both have to want and commit to it. My husband cried,for months,he made his life an open book, he showed me his remorse and has never given me a reason sense to not trust him. I dont know what our future holds,can I say with absolute certainty he will never be unfaithful again…no. But I can say that we have a better chance now than we did before. We are on a journey together that is more emotional,honest, and bonding than anything weve experienced before. I can say with absolute certainty that no matter what happens this journey has changed me for the better, allowed me to find God, and taught me to love in a way I never thought was possible and I will never regret it.

  • Josy November 10, 2012, 10:49 AM

    All the stories written here are so encouraging. I am going a situation right now where I am not sure whether I am going or coming. I am having a lot of up and down emotions about my husband who cheated repeatedly and promised repeatedly never to do it, while lying about everything. always hiding his cellphone. I recently caught him and chased him away, but I have been having a feeling of doubt, fear and a lot of pain and self pity. I never thought it could be possible to overcome all these feelings, but from the stories that i read here, I know that I will move on and still become the best that I can be.

  • Diane January 17, 2013, 1:14 AM

    I was married for 33 years and was faithful all those years but my husband couldn’t be and I would not see it so I drank. My husband said he loved me but was not in love with me. He blamed me for his unhappiness and I also blamed me. It has been almost three years and a divorce in process. I would email him with awful hateful things because it hurt so much. But I am over that now Thank GOD!!!! I work full time now, own my car and have a great apartment. It took a very long time but I did it. I now know that my husband did not deserve me in any way. I can’t go back to the life I had with him because the trust and everything I believed in my marriage is gone. He has lived with his mistress for over two years now and he made that choice. Just remember ladies it does get better and it does take time. We all deserve better in a marriage and I will keep looking for that perfect man who will stand by me not behind me. I now feel like I am a whole person again and make my own choices. He did not deserve me!!!!

  • Michelle January 27, 2013, 9:08 PM

    It started with a text message. I asked if he was going to answer it. He said it was late and he would look at it in the morning. This made me feel very uneasy as he always checked his phone it never left his side. We went to bed. I just lay there wondering about the text message. I waited for him to fall asleep. Then I went down stairs to check his phone I’ve never ever done this before. I locked my self in the toilet. There was a text from the ow saying that her husband knew and he had beaten her up and he was coming after him. My husband woke up and came down stairs looking for me he was banging on the door wanting his phone.
    I asked him why he wanted the phone I was shaking with anger and rage. I told him he could have his phone and that I could not see anything on there. We went back to bed and I just lay there. He held me in his arms would not let me go all night. I got up early as I had not slept a wink. My husband got up and sat in the chair he could not move he was shaking and crying. I could not think straight. I made a drink. No sooner had I drunk it I was sick. I was going to leave him. I packed some things when he was sat in the chair. He said he was sorry for how I was feeling. I had to get out the house. I went for a walk to try and work out what to do. The children were up when I got back. I tried to be as normal as I could be.
    I felt suicidal. I went to the supermarket and bought loads of packets of paracetamol and a very large bottle of vodka. I went back home and sat at the table and wrote my note. Then I done all the house work and got the children’s school uniforms ready for school the next day. My husband still sat in the chair, I was being sick again. I was going to wait until they had gone to bed then I was going to get in the car park up at my favorite place and take the tablets and the vodka. The children had gone to bed and I waited I got in the car and then I couldn’t move. I couldn’t leave my children. I loved them more than anything. I was not going to leave them. So I got out the car and went back to bed. I lay there awake all night. I got up with the children in the morning and got them off to school.

    My husband was still in bed I don’t know what made me do this but I went to his wallet and went through the receipts. I found one for a lovely hotel for 2 and restaurant receipts from 2 people and then I found a receipt for ladies clothes and underwear. I sat there shaking trying to make excuses for them. I then photocopied them found my husbands bank statements and checked them. I then hid them all in a safe place.
    I then walked upstairs and woke my husband and waited for him to wake properly. I asked him outright was he having an affair. I asked him what the receipts were. He then confessed to everything. I had to wait for my children to be out of the house before I spoke to him. I didn’t want them to hear us. My husband said that he was so sorry and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He said he kept breaking it off with her and she kept on blackmailing him that she was going to tell me everything.

    I told him he had to cut all ties with the ow. She kept on texting him asking what was going on. My husband showed me the texts. I told him he had to tell her he had made his choice. She thought that I was going to kick him out. That’s why she forced his hand. I had a phone call from my Dr asking me to come in. So I went in. I had suspected that my husband was having an affair so I went for a full sexual health check. My Dr told me that I had a virus. My husband was waiting outside the Drs for me to come out. I told him the news he was crying and was totally devastated. He phoned her and told her that it was over she became very angry with him. He also told him about the virus. She said I was making it up. We talked more and we were going to make this work if we both put in 100 % we will get through this.
    We have come along way and at times it would have been easier to give up. We have had our share of heart break. I then found a lump under my arm and had a skin cancer removed and also had miscarriage. It was not planned. The first few months went by in a daze.

    It has been over a year, and I have to say that my husband has stepped up to the mark. He has been totally transparent with everything. Answered the questions that I asked. But he with held some things to protect my feelings in the beginning. I asked for him to be totally honest with me, this was very painful but it helped to speed up our recovery in our marriage. So I could move on. I felt I had all the answers I needed and I no longer had to ask questions.

    I still get the odd bad day. But they don’t happen that often. I used to think about the affair every waking minute of the day in the beginning. I would wake in the middle of the night with shear panic. I have learnt to deal with that. I have to say that’s not happened for many months.

    I have grown and learnt so much about myself. I have learnt things about my husband that I never knew after 18 years of being together. I have taken time out to look after myself first. I could not be responsible for making my husband happy. He had to do that for himself. I could not rely on my husband to make me happy. I had to make myself happy. I joined a gym and took up running. I have lost 90lbs and I look hot. Got myself out of the house and done things for me. Walking, swimming and the gym. I ate healthy when I got my appetite back. Could hardly eat a thing in the first 3 months. But I had to force myself to eat. It did make me feel better.
    I had the courage to go and tell a friend what had happened. I needed somebody to talk to. She was a life saver. I felt like I had failed because of my husband’s actions. But over time I realized they were his actions not mine. I never fell out of love with him. He was the one that fell out of love with me. My friend never judged she just listened and help me make sense of my feelings. They changed day by day. Ranging from almost hate, love, despair, pity, anger, guilt. But I made my way through them. Little steps for me every day.

    I used to think of ways of getting my own back on the other woman. My only regret is wasting all that time and energy thinking about her. But I have come to the conclusion she must have been very unhappy to have had an affair with my husband and to cheat on her own husband. I don’t understand how another woman can risk so much for so little. Trying to break up a family and her own family. In the end most men decide to stay with their wives and work it out.

    The OW is up to her old tricks again and has found herself another man this makes me very sad. I hate to think that she is capable of doing this again. I can’t dwell on what she is doing. I just hope the other people our as strong as we have been.
    I took off my wedding ring as soon as I found out. It did not have the value it had before. This deeply upset my husband. He asked me so many times to put it back on and I just refused point blank. I told him about the vows he had taken and know they meant nothing. He was heart broken that I would not put it back on. He said I have done everything I can to make things right. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I will regret what I have done to you and our family until my last breath. He said he loved me more than ever before because of the courage I have shown and the way I have conducted myself. Also because I have found it in my heart to forgive him. He said he will never forget that I helped him so much when I was hurting so much and dealing with my own demons. Nightmares and panic attacks. I told him I would put the ring back on when I felt the time was right and I could trust him again.

    Well I have some good news, my wedding ring is back on my finger after he asked me to renew our wedding vows. We went away for a family vacation to the Caribbean and we renewed our vows in front of our children. Very low key but very romantic at sunset. He said the children had to know that marriage is so important and that you can work through the most difficult of times together. We renewed our vows on the day that we had been together for 18 years.

    I wish you all well and there can be a happy ending if you work hard together. I’m sure there will be bad days but I won’t let them get in they way of my own happiness. Life is too short to spend it being angry, bitter and twisted. Be happy and love with all your heart and forgive. But I will never forget. I’m so happy that I never took those pills. But I look at how far we have come and that makes me proud of the inner strength that I have found. I’m a good wife, mother, friend, and daughter.
    Good luck to you all. xxx

  • Gimlet January 28, 2013, 7:47 AM

    Abi, Everyones decision to stay or go is individual and you must follow your heart. If you want my oppinion I will give it. It sounds to me like your husband is truly remoresful and that is key .the fact that he is going for counseling is huge because actions are what count because as we know words without action are useless. My only question is I do wonder if he has been completely honest as wanting to kill yourself is such a strong reaction to affairs that never progressed to sex. Wheter or not he had sex is not the biggest problem it would be the honesty but that may come with time he may be afraid to tell you the truth for fear that it would be the final straw. I hope that if it is what you want that you can work things out and have a wonderful life together and if not that you move onto a fantastic future of your choosing. Best of luck to you and hang in there.

  • nadia January 30, 2013, 6:05 PM

    Angel & Michelle, our story’s have so many similarities. when it started, I was 7months pregnant with our 3rd child, we’d been married 13 years ans my husband was my best friend. We shared so many laughs and had a wonderful, happy, fulfilled life ….. Until I found out he had a girlfriend when my new daughter was just 5wks old, he told me it was a completely platonic friendship, and like a fool I believed him, cause he wouldn’t do that to me right? Wrong! My daughter has now turned 6months and 3 wks ago I found out he’s still been in touch with her and they’ve had a sexual relationship from the start. But given that my life is falling apart. Your story’s have inspired me, that there may be away forward, so thank you for Sharing, I wish you both all the luck and happiness for your futures x

  • sunshines always March 12, 2013, 10:56 AM

    Life is like a beautiful flower, it blooms! so do relationships. The truth is we all hope to live happily ever after but, what we as women must realize is marriage is life! Stuff happens, people change, they grow, and growing means different things in relation to people. My ex-husband just did not like me! After 12 years he just did not want me anymore and he told me so!! Well, I decided that I was not going to beg, I was going to leave with the children and continue with my life, and that is what I have done. He has tried to come back but I have grown and changed I am currently running a successful business and a charity for abused women. Love Yourselves and live your lives, each day is precious and your husband may just be part of your ” whole” experience in another way. I found out that he had cheated after I had left! Adultery is not the end, there is plenty of love in this world.

  • heidi March 22, 2013, 6:07 PM

    thank you for your truly inspiring stories. I was thinking sometimes that I was the only one that had such an awful story. I am glad to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I love my husband, I want my son to have his father and I didnt know how a couple could possibly get through this. I am glad to hear that positive things can come out of this and all of you are happy now. thank you so much for sharing.

  • Lucy July 16, 2013, 7:48 PM

    I married my husband when I was 19 years old. After 31 years of marriage, there had been multiple emotional affairs (maybe physical too). In addition to the affairs, my husband was an alcoholic with ADD and depression. He also was emotionally and verbally abusive.

    We have been living separately for over a year and divorced for 6 months. I can’t say why I stayed married to him for so long but there always seemed to be a reason why it was a bad time to divorce. We have 3 children and I thought for many years that I needed to stay for my children’s sake. My children are adults now and they feel very comfortable saying that they wish we had divorced years ago. I have regrets about decisions I made throughout the years but I can say now that I am a very happily divorced woman.

    My ex husband isn’t so happily divorced. Life hasn’t worked out as he had hoped it would. Within weeks of moving out of our home, he was on line looking for women. Four months later, he was living with a woman he had met on line. That lasted two months before they broke up. Towards the end of their relationship, he was diagnosed with stage four cancer. To quote him, “karma’s a bitch”.

    Although I never would wish him bad health, I have told him that it’s a shame he had loyal, loving wife that he threw away because he thought he could have a “good time” with other women. None of those women want a man who has a terminal disease. I have been tempted to ask him…”are you happy yet?”

    For all of you who think your life will be over with your marriage, you are wrong! Your life as a free thinking woman is just beginning. No more having to compromise with someone who doesn’t blink over hurting you and your children. You will find joy every day over things in your life that are simple and fulfilling.

    Did I mention that my ex husband exposed me to herpes and then his girlfriend told everyone?

    You will eventually find that your life will be much more peaceful. There will be less drama and more opportunity to have fun. With time, you will heal and be happy.

  • lynn September 11, 2013, 12:19 PM

    This is the most helpful site I have ever visited thank you all for your helpful stories.

  • Renee from Denver September 14, 2013, 1:45 PM

    I just have say WOW I have been married for 17 years with 2 children one son 9 and daughter 15. My husband is such a kind and good person I once weighed 360 pounds and never once caught him looking at other women. Well I noticed little little things at first like him wanting to use condoms in all the years of marriage he never had suggest such things! Then get this he said so he could last longer as he also mentioned his size, I just felt like something is going on right why out of the blue all of these changes. Then I started to google things that he was doing started working out building muscles that he would often flaunt !! Well all of the things I google went to him having a affair so I confront him for New Years this year he out of the blue said he was going to do a job he has his own business and I said wow where did that come from so I asked his brother who works with him and more experience and gets the jobs for them he replied we don’t have a job today so my husband woke up and said what are you asking my brother I said about the job you said you have for today that he know nothing about he replied what do you think I’m going to be with another woman I said I didn’t say that you did so needless to say he didn’t go as I caught him in a lie right. This has been eating me alive for 13 months now I feel lost and sad he will not admit to doing nothing wrong and that
    Is the hardest part of this whole situation is that he said to me is that his children come 1 st and that’s why I fell he is with me but he also states that he loves me very much and our relationship has become much more intimate and like when we 1 st meet so I love him and I am willing to forgive him if he in fact had an affair, but I also stated to him if I catch him with someone else I would leave him for lying and not being honest as I would never be able to trust him again. So am I right to say this I know there is no right or wrong but I just fell like lost I spy on his phone to check where he is at and he is always honest thus far I haven’t been able to catch him with her or maybe he did choose me I just can’t live like this and he refuses to go to any therapy or marriage counseling he says I’m crazy and I need to fix my way of thinking

  • Lilme October 2, 2013, 10:31 PM

    Original Comment posted on the site:

    Well after reading many of the posts and I am so sorry that this happened to all these women including myself. FB played a huge factor in the demise of our marriage. My ex-husband was involved in a role-play site based on a series of books written by JR Ward. In the site, they re-created very steamy scenarios taken from these books. The books are based vampires (yes, I said vampires) very absurd and are pornographic literature. At any rate my marriage is over. He didn’t want to work on it any longer. He preferred to pretend to be married on the role play site. Way To Go FB! FB policy states they don’t allow fake names but all these people use character names from these books as FB names. Countless marriages have been destroyed because of this group. Further more I would like to know why when men leave they stop being involved in their children’s lives. I didn’t receive alimony or child support. I didn’t ask for anything. Christmas has come and gone and he didn’t even send our son a card or a call nothing. Our son has his own cell phone my ex would not have had to talk to me. God bless all

    Updated Status 10/2/2013

    Well, I thought I would follow up on my last post in January 2013. The
    post was written at that time but the unfortunate circumstances that I
    wrote about began almost 3 years earlier. During that time I prayed
    for intervention. I joined support groups on line and off. I finally
    came to the realization that things were not going to get better. I
    moved on. Mostly because I realized I deserved better than all that
    lying and cheating, not to mention the emotional trauma that really
    almost did me in. Moved on I did. I began to date and eventually I did
    meet a wonderful man. He is decent and kind and shares many of my core
    values. To make a long story short, we fell in love and we are
    getting married next month. I never thought I would do that again but
    I am. I guess my message is pray, work on marriages if there is hope
    or if you’re not ready to move on. But remember you deserve better
    than this type of marriage. Free yourself of this burden and move on.
    Love God, love yourself and have faith that God will place you where
    you belong. Remember God loves you far too much to hurt you and He is
    far too wise to make a mistake. I love you and I pray for you. God bless

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