That is certainly not an excuse for my actions but i JUST WANTED TO BE PASSIONATELY WANTED. NEVER DID I WANT TO BE WITH HIM…… NEVER. I simPly wanted to feel like I was desired, I used him to make me feel desired. I wasn’t even sexually attracted to him at ALL. At the time I did know about the one girl that he email for over a year, maybe two, he even had me talk on the phone about her moving there ( she was in real estate agent).
I want passion back, I cant live without it. I don’t mean making out everyday and sex constantly I just want him to inisiate some true love making. He said maybe to me that maybe he wasn’t in to in because we needed to get more creative to make him happy. I feel (right or wrong) that I am a sole initiaitor and the I am THE CREATIVE ONE INE IN BEDROOM. I FEEL HELPLESS!!!! I can’t think of any more ideas and he expects them to all come from me. This may be something I set up in the begining. I did things he had never done with anyone, ever. Thing he is way to shy to try but I can’t always one up it ,and I feel like that is expected of me.
I give him amazing oral sex as often as I can and it hasn’t been reciepicated in nearly 5 years. Because I have brought it up to him I feel dicusisng and if he were to do it that it would be a giant chore. Also he feels no need to satisfiy me when he can’t preform. I always make sure I take care of him when it isn’t the rare occasion that I am soooo resentful that he feels no obligation to me. We had sudo sex the other night and i was so would up that I had to chill out away from him and his first question to me was” do you was to take the vibrator”. Oh my god!!! I just wanted to die, I could not believe that he wouldn’t give an inch to satisfy obligation to satisfy me. I am a child of sexual abuse so certain things just don’t work for me. Pushing my head between his legs sends me into this horrible place and I don’t want to make him feel creepy but fuck it makes me angry and sick. How do I communicate that. I have certainly pushed hints buy nothing seems to work.

Anyway my self esteem is already shit but at this point I don’t know if we should even be together. I love him like nobody I could ever love, but i am not feeling those feelings back. Al feel from him is obligation and guilt. I am hopelessly in love but I don’t think I can keep myself alive like this anymore f he doesn’t love me I just want to leave this worly. How can i DO THIS WITHOUT RINING MY CJILDREN AND PARENTS. I truly think they are all better without me. I am nothing to most of them, at least thats what I feel.
Tank you, Mel

Jewel, you are so right, it is an Epidemic. I’m back to let you and all know what’s going on now.

I left…

That blew him away, because he honestly thought there was no way that I would leave him. He thought I loved him so much that I would sulk a bit and then accept it I guess – I’m not sure what he though. Well, not long after posting here, I left one morning to get groceries after the previous night, where the final straw broke the camels back. ME… the camel.

Instead of shopping, I went into the emergency housing agency in town. Trying to keep myself under control while asking for help, I totally lost it in the housing office. Talk about humiliating myself… but… I couldn’t get myself back under control. I’d been calling them previous to this breakdown – pleading for a place to go to. There was a waiting period they could do nothing about.

Well, that day… when I went it, I was in such a hysterical state, sobbing, unable to speak, but through desperate force, I was able to get out what I was going through. They took what they saw very serious.

Labelling it as mental, emotional and verbal abuse, they IMMEDIATELY got on the phone and called three women’s shelters and found one for me that had an opening, and they asked, would I consider going to one to get away from him? I said… YES… PLEASE… YES… I beg you get me out of there, yes yes yes!!

It took them 2 hours to get it set up. In the meantime, my husband who was stone sober the next morning … was already regretting the night before, he must have felt that he’d gone too far this time. He started texting me, calling my mobile. I ignored him. Calling me sweetheart, Luv, and other endearments, with… “Where are you? Text me back… call me – I’m worried about you.”

When they had everything set up, I had two hours to go home, gather what I would be taking and van would be there to pick me up, because I didn’t have a car. They wanted to know did I need the police, and I told them, he’s not physically violent – I would be okay.

When I returned home – he had the face of – “What have I done, I’m sorry.” Not realizing that I was leaving until he noticed that I was rushing up the stairs to bring my bags down from the attic. When I came down with three, and began taking my own computer apart, he had stood the whole time looking at me incredulous. As if he didn’t quite get it.

Long story short, I broke down and told him that I loved him, and I wanted him to be happy. That I wasn’t it – the means for him to be happy. I told him I hope that she – makes you happy, but I can’t live this way… I’m not made up this way. I’ll be back for my other things later… I wish you well.

That floored him! It was the last thing he expected me to do, actually leave him. I lived in the shelter for 6 weeks. During that time, he had to face some hard and fast facts about himself and what he did to us. His children, were all over his case – especially his daughters – because both love and respect me.

We’re back together… to trust him again was the biggest fight I’ve even endured. Do I trust him now? Nope… I have my doubts. But the good thing is… I know I can leave… I did it before, and if I have to do so again, it will be permanently. He knows this, is sure of it. During this year since… I’m almost at the point where I can take care of myself from home. I’m a writer, and my royalties are just about to the amount that if I left, I wouldn’t need a dime from him.

He’s back to the man he was before… almost. To be fair in this, I have to give his side of the story. He had his thyroid zapped… his GP was supposed to supply him with Hormone replacement and didn’t. He spent almost two years going down and changing into someone I didn’t know anymore. Will we make it? I don’t know… it’s almost the anniversary of when I left him, and I pray he’s got his stuff together, but he knows… he can tell, after what he put me through before… I’m not the same. THIS TIME… should it happen again, I won’t come undone… WE … will just be done… for good this time.

Like the other ladies, I too have had issues with the internet and my husband.

We have only been married for 4 months, but have been together for 5 years. We also have a 5 week old daughter.

I checked my husbands phone on Saturday, and discovered text messages to both men and women (several different people) talking about hook ups for last week when I was away visiting family. It didnt appear that they occured, but definately looked like there was intent. I questioned him, and of course he profusly denied ever meeting them – instead said that they instigated it! As far as I am concerned it takes two to tango! Or in some of the messages case – 3!

Then today I also checked one of his email accounts, and saw he was emailing another man about hooking up after work, with what looks to be ever night after work.

The issue I am now confronted with is that this is not the first time this has happened in our relationship – infact I have busted him 3 times before! Except now seems that bit more serious, he is putting down our sex life (or lack there of because of lengthy recovery from delivery), my house cleaning etc, to the point where I cry every night.

He has very little to do with our little girl and cracks it when she crys etc.

My question is, do you think this sort of relationship is able to be fixed – or should I just bite the bullet and end it now! I still love him, but definately can’t trust him, and dont think I ever can.

Thanks

It seems like your husband has a problem with engaging in these sexy conversations with women online. The one lady he has been talking to for 3 years is a bit much and needs special attention if you are going to make this work. You ask if you should divorce him, this is just my opinion, I always tel women to go with what you feel is the best decision for you.

The first think I will say is that you really seem to want to work things out with your husband, which is great, but your husband has to want it just as much. This is the second time you have caught him in a lie about online cheating. It is extremely hard to trust again after uncovering lies for the second time. I would see if your husband would consider going to therapy to deal with his online addiction. He has to get to the root of what is causing him to interact with women online. Even when you say when he rubs your back and you say you like it, he stops, there is something within himself that he needs to deal with. Many men cheat because they feel the need to be validated, and you can be the best wife in the world, if they don’t have the confidence within themselves (due to getting older, money ect.), they will search for it, and going online is a popular option unfortunately. Also I am almost positive that the way he talks to those girls via email is not the way he talks to you. Many men have the urge to talk dirty but don’t want to do it to their ‘wife’ so they sneak and do it with other women. I say all this to say your husband has a problem, and the only way for the marriage to survive is if he admits he has a problem, and gets the proper help to address his problem. Lastly, you mention that you are 39 and you don’t want to grow old without him. I just want you give you a little news flash – you don’t have to worry about growing old just yet, you are 39…(smile). For you personally, I feel that there is some confidence/dependency issues, I may be guessing from your style of writing, but I get the feeling like you feel helpless, and just know no matter what happens, you have options. I wish you the best!!

Your right, they all know better. The part where I see the ‘these poor men’ play out is when we actually leave – they act like the thought of us leaving if we found out never crossed their mind, which really angers me, it’s quite arrogant. But once we leave they know they lost a good thing. Anyways, good luck with the divorce!

My husband sat six feet away from me texting prostitutes in Mexico, asking them their rates, after I just made him his favorite dinner.

I am divorcing him, who needs this garbage in their lives.

I did goof and respond to the wrong comment, so I am replacing it with this comment The first thing that struck a nerve with me is that he said that you were boring in bed. How awful to hear this while you know that he is engaging in sexual fantasy conversation with other women, that is a very hurtful thing to say at this time in your marriage. Don’t listen to him, if you were bad in bed, he would of never married you!! Typically people project, so the comment he made to you is secretly how he things of himself .

It seems like now that you have experienced this 3 times, your and your done. If this is the case, it seems like your on the path to start thinking about your exit strategy and how that would look. It’s a shame that the internet has so many positive uses for society but many married men use it in this manner. Best of luck to you.

I have to leave… there’s no way for this to work. This morning, he also told me I was boring in bed, and that he wanted someone that made him feel good – but – that he would never do her, or anyone else, it’s just to thrill of the excitement.

Me, I’m still collecting all the bits and pieces of my intestines, heart and stomach and trying to fit them back together to function normal once more.