Comments on: My Husband Cheated – 5 Reasons Why I Now Hate Having Sex With Him http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/ After the Affair Site for wives who have been through the painful situation of a cheating husband Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:34:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-30163 Jewels Sun, 18 Sep 2011 03:44:24 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-30163 Hello Lulu, My heart goes out to you. Your husband is not realizing how painful this is for you. To have him say he wants to stay together, only to find out through a bill that he is still texting her? Sounds similar to my story, caught him, said he wanted to work things out, only for me to find out they never stopped seeing each other, horribly painful for me. Your husband might be in a mid-life crisis, but that is not an excuse to be disrespectful. I will tell you what typically happens in this case. You as the wife will not accept this blatant hurt, pain and disrespect. You will talk to a divorce lawyer and leave. Your husband will continue to play around with this lady, but once you leave, everything changes. See right now he has the best of both worlds, the fantasy women a few times a week, and the faithful housewife who keeps everything together. When you leave Lulu, your husband is going to expect this other women to step up or move in and do those things that you do, and it's not going to happen, because she is not 'housewife' material. So then your husband wakes up and realizes what he has lost, and by that time your have moved out and actually enjoying your freedom. And your right, it's sad because they don't even realize what they are doing until it's too late. Again, I don't know you and your husband, so your case might be different, but that is how is sometimes plays out. And just my opinion, but I think they are more than just going to the bar if they are spending every weekend together. I do not think he is in love with her, I think he lusts for her, meaning he is in love with the fantasy, unfortunately, he doesn't realize that is all that it is, fantasy, and reality is going to hit him sooner or later. He is almost leaving you in a position where you don't have many options, he doesn't want to talk about it, and he continues to see the girl, what does he want you to do? I know you don’t feel confident right now, once you leave, you will get it back. I think your confidence is shaken up because he is being so disrespectful and you are not use to this type of behavior. I wish you all the best in your journey. Hello Lulu,
My heart goes out to you. Your husband is not realizing how painful this is for you. To have him say he wants to stay together, only to find out through a bill that he is still texting her? Sounds similar to my story, caught him, said he wanted to work things out, only for me to find out they never stopped seeing each other, horribly painful for me. Your husband might be in a mid-life crisis, but that is not an excuse to be disrespectful. I will tell you what typically happens in this case. You as the wife will not accept this blatant hurt, pain and disrespect. You will talk to a divorce lawyer and leave. Your husband will continue to play around with this lady, but once you leave, everything changes. See right now he has the best of both worlds, the fantasy women a few times a week, and the faithful housewife who keeps everything together. When you leave Lulu, your husband is going to expect this other women to step up or move in and do those things that you do, and it’s not going to happen, because she is not ‘housewife’ material. So then your husband wakes up and realizes what he has lost, and by that time your have moved out and actually enjoying your freedom. And your right, it’s sad because they don’t even realize what they are doing until it’s too late. Again, I don’t know you and your husband, so your case might be different, but that is how is sometimes plays out. And just my opinion, but I think they are more than just going to the bar if they are spending every weekend together. I do not think he is in love with her, I think he lusts for her, meaning he is in love with the fantasy, unfortunately, he doesn’t realize that is all that it is, fantasy, and reality is going to hit him sooner or later. He is almost leaving you in a position where you don’t have many options, he doesn’t want to talk about it, and he continues to see the girl, what does he want you to do? I know you don’t feel confident right now, once you leave, you will get it back. I think your confidence is shaken up because he is being so disrespectful and you are not use to this type of behavior. I wish you all the best in your journey.

]]> By: Lulu http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-29612 Lulu Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:28:16 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-29612 In 2 weeks I will be married for 24 years. We haven't had a very good marriage for about 2 years. We both weren't kind to each other. He became grouchy. I became distant. So last year he decided that I had neglected him. That our 3 kids didn't care if he was around. So he found a new companion. That is how he worded it. A new companion. They started going out on Saturday nights. And watching football on Sunday afternoons. At first I thought he had found male friends. But I was very wrong. I found out quickly into their relationship when I looked at his cell phone. He didn't charge it in the kitchen anymore. And hid it in the bedroom at other times. Till I found the phone and found the text "are you there". Then it all hit the fan. I confronted him. He said they were just friends. But everything was very secretive. He became the master of deletion. I only would find a text at a time. But the phone bill didn't lie. 1500 text a month to her. And finally he told me he loved two people very much. Days later he said he made a decision to stay with his family. And for a couple months I was happy. I thought we were being kind to each other. Sex was happening regularly again. Then I looked at the phone bill. They hadn't stopped texting each other at all. He was not happy that I didn't like this. He said he stopped being her boyfriend. And he enjoys "talking" to her. I explain that I have a problem with him being best buddies with a woman he used to love. And he says I'm being too controlling and not letting him have friends. He has made it very clear he isn't going to stop having her as his friend. He likes her. And he hasn't stopped. At all. He said that staying at home for 8 months shows that he is trustworthy. But I told him that his heart is elsewhere. And when I said he may as well just spend time with her again he took me up on the offer. It is football season again. And they spend Saturdays at the bar watching games. And Sundays at the bar watching games. I can't live like this. I have become a person I am not proud of anymore. I am no longer confident. I don't trust him at all. Sex has stopped again. I don't ask any personal questions because he thinks I am grilling him. The kids don't like him. My kindness has become fake. Am I wrong to think this friendship is inappropriate? I understand that this is his midlife crisis. But I'm not sure I can endure till the end of his crisis. As soon as I get a job that I can support myself and the kids I'm asking him to leave. He doesn't realize what will be lost. Half our lives will be wasted. He will lose his kids. They are all teenagers and don't have any sort of relationship with him. All so he can go out to the bars and have this best friend. Am I wrong to not want to continue like this? I'm very confused and afraid of the future. In 2 weeks I will be married for 24 years. We haven’t had a very good marriage for about 2 years. We both weren’t kind to each other. He became grouchy. I became distant. So last year he decided that I had neglected him. That our 3 kids didn’t care if he was around. So he found a new companion. That is how he worded it. A new companion. They started going out on Saturday nights. And watching football on Sunday afternoons. At first I thought he had found male friends. But I was very wrong.

I found out quickly into their relationship when I looked at his cell phone. He didn’t charge it in the kitchen anymore. And hid it in the bedroom at other times. Till I found the phone and found the text “are you there”. Then it all hit the fan. I confronted him. He said they were just friends. But everything was very secretive. He became the master of deletion. I only would find a text at a time. But the phone bill didn’t lie. 1500 text a month to her. And finally he told me he loved two people very much.

Days later he said he made a decision to stay with his family. And for a couple months I was happy. I thought we were being kind to each other. Sex was happening regularly again. Then I looked at the phone bill. They hadn’t stopped texting each other at all. He was not happy that I didn’t like this. He said he stopped being her boyfriend. And he enjoys “talking” to her. I explain that I have a problem with him being best buddies with a woman he used to love. And he says I’m being too controlling and not letting him have friends. He has made it very clear he isn’t going to stop having her as his friend. He likes her. And he hasn’t stopped. At all.

He said that staying at home for 8 months shows that he is trustworthy. But I told him that his heart is elsewhere. And when I said he may as well just spend time with her again he took me up on the offer. It is football season again. And they spend Saturdays at the bar watching games. And Sundays at the bar watching games.

I can’t live like this. I have become a person I am not proud of anymore. I am no longer confident. I don’t trust him at all. Sex has stopped again. I don’t ask any personal questions because he thinks I am grilling him. The kids don’t like him. My kindness has become fake. Am I wrong to think this friendship is inappropriate?

I understand that this is his midlife crisis. But I’m not sure I can endure till the end of his crisis. As soon as I get a job that I can support myself and the kids I’m asking him to leave. He doesn’t realize what will be lost. Half our lives will be wasted. He will lose his kids. They are all teenagers and don’t have any sort of relationship with him. All so he can go out to the bars and have this best friend. Am I wrong to not want to continue like this? I’m very confused and afraid of the future.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-28395 Jewels Tue, 13 Sep 2011 21:51:58 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-28395 Hello Blackrose, Welcome to the site, you are not alone. The second time around does hurt, for me it hurt because I felt like 'he did this already, I should of known', but if you tell yourself that everyday, it's too hard on you. People say that everyone deserves a second chance, and that is what you did. Now it's time to see what you want to do. I feel like the both of you made sacrifices for your son, and if it comes out that he never loved you, that is ok, at least you know now. My story is similar, in that I had a child first and then got married, and many times asked myself if he ever really loved me in the first place. But now, I realize we do the best we can with the information we have, and maybe he thought marriage was the best thing at the time. You can still recover from this and know of a peace and joy greater than you did in this marriage, it is possible. But before you get to that point, you have to make how you feel a priority. If taking a walk outside feels good to you - do it. If talking to your husband every night makes you feel depressed - dont do it. It is not worth the negative emotion. Try letting how you feel be your guide for the next couple of weeks and see what happens, make that number 1 priority. You the number one priority, not him because you can't control him, and focusing on his actions are not going to benefit anyone. Are you in a position to get individual counseling (not pastoral, certified therapist)? I think that would be a good step in treating yourself first, doing something just for you to try and work through how you are feeling. I know you mentioned drinking, which is a way for you to suppress the pain, I get it, I really do. But sooner or later you might realize that is what it is doing, suppressing, but not getting rid of it. Once you start focusing on what feels good versus what upsets you, life will get better for you. Start to imagine what direction YOU would like to go from here (without a focus on your husband and son). The reason I say that is because you have neglected your needs for way too long, and it's time for you to start imagining what you want for yourself. There is a wonderful road ahead of you, it's just a matter of removing those clouds and dust that are preventing you from seeing your true potential. I hope things get better for you. Hello Blackrose,

Welcome to the site, you are not alone. The second time around does hurt, for me it hurt because I felt like ‘he did this already, I should of known’, but if you tell yourself that everyday, it’s too hard on you. People say that everyone deserves a second chance, and that is what you did. Now it’s time to see what you want to do. I feel like the both of you made sacrifices for your son, and if it comes out that he never loved you, that is ok, at least you know now. My story is similar, in that I had a child first and then got married, and many times asked myself if he ever really loved me in the first place. But now, I realize we do the best we can with the information we have, and maybe he thought marriage was the best thing at the time. You can still recover from this and know of a peace and joy greater than you did in this marriage, it is possible. But before you get to that point, you have to make how you feel a priority. If taking a walk outside feels good to you – do it. If talking to your husband every night makes you feel depressed – dont do it. It is not worth the negative emotion. Try letting how you feel be your guide for the next couple of weeks and see what happens, make that number 1 priority. You the number one priority, not him because you can’t control him, and focusing on his actions are not going to benefit anyone. Are you in a position to get individual counseling (not pastoral, certified therapist)? I think that would be a good step in treating yourself first, doing something just for you to try and work through how you are feeling. I know you mentioned drinking, which is a way for you to suppress the pain, I get it, I really do. But sooner or later you might realize that is what it is doing, suppressing, but not getting rid of it. Once you start focusing on what feels good versus what upsets you, life will get better for you. Start to imagine what direction YOU would like to go from here (without a focus on your husband and son). The reason I say that is because you have neglected your needs for way too long, and it’s time for you to start imagining what you want for yourself. There is a wonderful road ahead of you, it’s just a matter of removing those clouds and dust that are preventing you from seeing your true potential. I hope things get better for you.

]]> By: Blackrose http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-28176 Blackrose Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:23:53 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-28176 I have been married for 16 years in November and I have become a night drinker to deal with the reality of the affair. I got married real young after giving birth to our son. I try to do the right thing by my son and hav ebeen in hell since. I think my spouse cheated for the first year to two of our marriage and then he got out of the military and grew up, so I thought. He came clean to me when he was out of town and I forgave him and never thought about it again. Like three years ago, I interviened on a email from a girl he cheated with and it was completely inappropriate. I feel worst then I did in the beginning of our marriage. I have began to drink to deal with the fact that I am the fool in this. I tried pastorial counselling and this does not help. It kind of made it worst because it made me deal with the truth that he never loved me in the first place. I have been married for 16 years in November and I have become a night drinker to deal with the reality of the affair. I got married real young after giving birth to our son. I try to do the right thing by my son and hav ebeen in hell since. I think my spouse cheated for the first year to two of our marriage and then he got out of the military and grew up, so I thought. He came clean to me when he was out of town and I forgave him and never thought about it again. Like three years ago, I interviened on a email from a girl he cheated with and it was completely inappropriate. I feel worst then I did in the beginning of our marriage. I have began to drink to deal with the fact that I am the fool in this. I tried pastorial counselling and this does not help. It kind of made it worst because it made me deal with the truth that he never loved me in the first place.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-5004 Jewels Tue, 19 Jul 2011 05:13:52 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-5004 Thanks so much hurtingbadly for your support. I remember feeling very similar to how you feel. I was thinking, if you were messing around all this time, why did you decide to get married? I felt like everything was a lie, even life itself. The feelings you have around sex are common, sex made me feel so warm and safe. After the affair, I felt used up and dirty, like I now have a shared man, it wasn't the same at all. And because it was so bad, I felt like the 'other women' won, and that make me feel even worse!!. As far as weather or not to stay, take you time. Before he leaves take this time to observe his actions. Is he remorseful, is he still locking his phone up every chance he gets, or is he really trying to make things work. In September (or prior), I would really look into trying to see a therapist about the situation. The feelings about sex with him are not going to go away, and weather you decide to say your marriage or not, I think it would be beneficial to talk through those feelings with a professional. Lastly, thanks for your kind words about the site, it keeps me going, best of luck to you. Thanks so much hurtingbadly for your support. I remember feeling very similar to how you feel. I was thinking, if you were messing around all this time, why did you decide to get married? I felt like everything was a lie, even life itself. The feelings you have around sex are common, sex made me feel so warm and safe. After the affair, I felt used up and dirty, like I now have a shared man, it wasn’t the same at all. And because it was so bad, I felt like the ‘other women’ won, and that make me feel even worse!!.

As far as weather or not to stay, take you time. Before he leaves take this time to observe his actions. Is he remorseful, is he still locking his phone up every chance he gets, or is he really trying to make things work. In September (or prior), I would really look into trying to see a therapist about the situation. The feelings about sex with him are not going to go away, and weather you decide to say your marriage or not, I think it would be beneficial to talk through those feelings with a professional. Lastly, thanks for your kind words about the site, it keeps me going, best of luck to you.

]]> By: hurtingbadly http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-4990 hurtingbadly Mon, 18 Jul 2011 17:57:48 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-4990 I am new to the site but I cannot stop reading. I just found out that my husband cheated on me before we got married and while we were married has phone sexted her. Although we've only been married for 4 months, I feel as if I wouldn't have married him if I knew this information . My marriage feels like it was all based on lies. And the sex- I have no sexual desire for him anymore. It's not that I don't get horny or that he's bad, I just feel like I don't enjoy it anymore because there is no emotion linked to the act. I don't know whether to leave or not ( he's deploying in sept) and i can't make up my mind but thank you for your inspirational messages. It feels good to have someone else describe exactly how I'm feeling right now and that its going to be ok. I am new to the site but I cannot stop reading. I just found out that my husband cheated on me before we got married and while we were married has phone sexted her. Although we’ve only been married for 4 months, I feel as if I wouldn’t have married him if I knew this information . My marriage feels like it was all based on lies. And the sex- I have no sexual desire for him anymore. It’s not that I don’t get horny or that he’s bad, I just feel like I don’t enjoy it anymore because there is no emotion linked to the act. I don’t know whether to leave or not ( he’s deploying in sept) and i can’t make up my mind but thank you for your inspirational messages. It feels good to have someone else describe exactly how I’m feeling right now and that its going to be ok.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-4788 Jewels Mon, 11 Jul 2011 03:22:42 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-4788 Good attitude. Repeat offenders of cheating just don't get it, and I am convinced if they keep cheating, there is nothing that a wife can do or say that can magically make him stop. Like you said, not your issue. As you can see from my original post, I didn't have the confidence that you have now, but I eventually got there, it's a much better place to be. Take Care! Good attitude. Repeat offenders of cheating just don’t get it, and I am convinced if they keep cheating, there is nothing that a wife can do or say that can magically make him stop. Like you said, not your issue. As you can see from my original post, I didn’t have the confidence that you have now, but I eventually got there, it’s a much better place to be. Take Care!

]]> By: Yep me too http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-4778 Yep me too Sun, 10 Jul 2011 19:39:40 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-4778 My husband will not stop cheating , from perverted dating sites to texts on his phone , to making a new email to get womens pics on. I have 3 and 2 yo and I gave up. We have no relationship at all. I do not blame myself. I do not compare myself to other women. If he is dumb enough to lose me that is his problem. I am the best thing he has or will ever have and I know it. Just because he wants to be a horny nasty mess just proves he is stupid and has no self control. Not my issue his. I am worth more than that. My husband will not stop cheating , from perverted dating sites
to texts on his phone , to making a new email to get womens
pics on.
I have 3 and 2 yo and I gave up. We have no relationship at all.
I do not blame myself. I do not compare myself to other women.
If he is dumb enough to lose me that is his problem.
I am the best thing he has or will ever have and I know it. Just because
he wants to be a horny nasty mess just proves he is stupid and has
no self control. Not my issue his.
I am worth more than that.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-4730 Jewels Sat, 09 Jul 2011 04:59:02 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-4730 Hello, Welcome to the site. After reading the post, it seems like your husband is really giving you signs that he does not want to be married anymore. I know it hurts and I know you said you want things to work out, but when a man tells you he slept with someone because it was easier than divorcing you, he is giving you some red flags. You really should dig deep and think about why you want to stay married when he is telling you he wants out. What is driving that motivation. Are you afraid of raising your child alone (I certainly was!), are you afraid of being alone. Something is causing you great fear because he is giving you some very strong signs and you still appear to want to stay with him. I personally would recommend that you look within in the next week or two. Have your husband watch your child for a few days, and go to the bookstore, take a walk, just think. Think about why you want to stay with him. In your time alone I think some things will pop up that will really cause you to evaluate the situation. As far as telling family and friends, don't sweat it. I know secretly you might feel that way, but rarely will anyone bring it up, and if so, tell them that this is not the movies, this is real life, and in real life, major decisions in marriage take time, and that you are not going to rush into any decision, especially when there is a child involved. That should calm them down. I wish you best of luck. -Jewels Hello,
Welcome to the site. After reading the post, it seems like your husband is really giving you signs that he does not want to be married anymore. I know it hurts and I know you said you want things to work out, but when a man tells you he slept with someone because it was easier than divorcing you, he is giving you some red flags. You really should dig deep and think about why you want to stay married when he is telling you he wants out. What is driving that motivation. Are you afraid of raising your child alone (I certainly was!), are you afraid of being alone. Something is causing you great fear because he is giving you some very strong signs and you still appear to want to stay with him. I personally would recommend that you look within in the next week or two. Have your husband watch your child for a few days, and go to the bookstore, take a walk, just think. Think about why you want to stay with him. In your time alone I think some things will pop up that will really cause you to evaluate the situation. As far as telling family and friends, don’t sweat it. I know secretly you might feel that way, but rarely will anyone bring it up, and if so, tell them that this is not the movies, this is real life, and in real life, major decisions in marriage take time, and that you are not going to rush into any decision, especially when there is a child involved. That should calm them down. I wish you best of luck.

-Jewels

]]> By: Hurt http://www.acheatinghusband.com/my-husband-cheated-5-reasons-why-i-now-hate-having-sex-with-him/comment-page-1/#comment-4724 Hurt Fri, 08 Jul 2011 22:37:14 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=72#comment-4724 A month ago I found out my husband slept with someone. We have been married 3 years, together for 9.5 yrs. We have a one year old son. He was away, and this person lives states away. He lied about it at first. After I took his phone and texted her, pretending to be him, and got her reply, did he admit it. I want it to work, I can't picture being without him as I love him. We were rocky before, and I tried talking with him and he constantly reassured me we were fine, and we were just tired and busy with a new born. Before he left we got in a stupid fight. I told him we were done as an empty threat. While he was gone I texted him I was sorry and wanted him. This is when he said he thinks we should separate and slept with her. He bought a condom at a bar, took the bus ride home, then they texted each other and they met up and had sex. He said it was because he knew I couldn't get over this, and that he thought I deserved better than him. He said he wanted a divorce, as we weren't working, but couldn't. separating for a bit is not a divorce. Apaprantly sleeping with someone knowing that was the worst thing he could do to me was easier than asking for a divorce. Some days I am fine, other days it hurts so much. Has anyone gotten through this? Should I stay with him if he wanted a divorce? Do cheaters ever not cheat again? Please send me your thoughts. I unfortunately did tell his parents, my parents, and some friends, which I regret as I don't know if I can get over the "I'm the girl who stayed with a cheater" A month ago I found out my husband slept with someone. We have been married 3 years, together for 9.5 yrs. We have a one year old son. He was away, and this person lives states away. He lied about it at first. After I took his phone and texted her, pretending to be him, and got her reply, did he admit it. I want it to work, I can’t picture being without him as I love him. We were rocky before, and I tried talking with him and he constantly reassured me we were fine, and we were just tired and busy with a new born. Before he left we got in a stupid fight. I told him we were done as an empty threat. While he was gone I texted him I was sorry and wanted him. This is when he said he thinks we should separate and slept with her. He bought a condom at a bar, took the bus ride home, then they texted each other and they met up and had sex. He said it was because he knew I couldn’t get over this, and that he thought I deserved better than him. He said he wanted a divorce, as we weren’t working, but couldn’t. separating for a bit is not a divorce. Apaprantly sleeping with someone knowing that was the worst thing he could do to me was easier than asking for a divorce. Some days I am fine, other days it hurts so much. Has anyone gotten through this? Should I stay with him if he wanted a divorce? Do cheaters ever not cheat again? Please send me your thoughts.

I unfortunately did tell his parents, my parents, and some friends, which I regret as I don’t know if I can get over the “I’m the girl who stayed with a cheater”

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