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My husband cheated – 5 reasons why I now hate having sex with him
Sex is a major part of a marriage. When there is infidelity in the marriage, it messes up the sex thing and really makes sex 10 times more complicated. I am at the point in my marriage right now that because my husband had an affair, I hate sex right now….here are 5 reasons why……
- Sexual Performance after the affair. My husband cheated. We had sex problems before, not, it’s like sex problems times ten. I feel like every time we sleep together, it’s like I have to perform. I am scared to say anything, even if it hurts, because subconsciously I feel like a loser that my husband went out and had an affair. So now I feel like it’s more of a performance versus love making or sex.
- Any criticism in the bed department – I literally have a nervous breakdown!! So last time we had sex, he wanted me to get on top and ride it. So needless to say, I wasn’t doing it very well, and he was getting frustrated with me. So instead of trying harder, I wanted to not continue. I proceed to cry hysterically because I felt like he was comparing me to the ‘other women’. Even though he did not mention it, I knew he was.
- I sometimes revert back to the “did she do it better syndrome?” Primarily in the sex department, I have this thing where in the back of my mind, I think, did she make him laugh harder, did she have sex better, did she, did she, did she……..the constant comparison is always done with sex.
- Sex is suppose to be an enjoyable experience. Where you can feel good, relax, and actually bring you and your husband closer together. It is suppose to bond you. For me, it doesn’t do that, it is more stress than enjoyable. I have to dig deeper to figure out why but that is the way I feel now.
- All of the issues above happened before the affair. Meaning the issues before I caught my husband cheating are still there. Sex is still an issue. And I have no clue how to fix it or it they will get fixed.
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4 Comments
Jul 24, 20109:33 PM
Oh yes, women compare themselves as well. It’s a huge hit to your self esteem sexually. And unfortunately, it’s really hard to have the thoughts above and have good sex. Now I do believe you can get back to a great sex life with your partner, but it takes a good amount of work, because of all the new emotions involved. Thanks Observer for visiting my site!!
Aug 3, 20101:32 PM
Okay your going to think I’m crazy,,but NOT..just a different take
1. I wanted him badly. So I had him…2 days after I found out. I made him make love to me…and it was GOOD! We had good passion sex prior to the affair but for whatever reason I don’t have any shame anymore & I do or have done what I want done to me …AND it is GOOD. I don’t feel like I am in competition…he better get me off !! After we were done, I let him know “sex” didn’t fix it and I still might leave your >>>!
2. Now with that being said I do have thoughts of comparison in terms of keeping him (if that is what I decide to do)….because I believe if the man is just not a straight sex hound…it takes two to welcome the 3rd. Meaning we as wives have some part in getting that man’s mind to think outside the marriage. Now stop getting pissed…..I don’t execuse my husband’s cheating. He made the choice. But my point is…I know I was bitchy…I know I dismissed him, but I never thought he would actually cross the line. And when he did/they do you ask yourself “WHY”. Be honest with your answer to yourself. So for me trying to figure out the future…I think I corrected myself & admit my part & things worked out ….when new things arise that he doesn’t….will he do it again !!! That is hard & makes the decision to stay or go…harder.
Aug 3, 201010:48 PM
Belleville Broken Hearted,
Thanks for your comment. It seems like in your relationship you had great sex prior to the cheating, which was different for me. We has some sex issues prior. I hear about women that have these great sex lives with their partner, seems like your one of them (I am happy for you!!). You also seem like a very confident person, you get yours in, and do what makes you feel good. I literally have to work at being confident everyday, and I wish more women (including myself) were more like you.
As far as the part where you say to look at yourself and see what part you had to play in the affair, you are right. I really need to write a post about this, because it is important. The reason I haven’t done that is because I tend to take that statement about my fault in the cheating and go way overboard, to the point where I excuse his cheating because I didn’t do this or that. It doesn’t help that my husband helps to tell me how it was all my fault. My thing is, I don’t make a grown man do anything, there are tons of other options other than lying and sleeping with someone else. I understand I may of been acting cranky, but when he was not on his stuff I didn’t jump in bed with another man, but then again, men think different 
.
Lastly, your point about the decision to stay or go has so much truth in it. Since he has opened the door you don’t want to work really hard in the marriage, and then the moment something changes that might change your attitude (sick family member, job problems), you feel that he might cheat again. It’s a tough choice to make, I wish you the best in your decision, let me know how things turn out.
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Comments
- Jewels on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
I agree with your last statement, if he cheated on you, they... - susan on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
I think it's archaic to suggest the "other woman"is oppresse... - Jewels on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
This is exactly who the law is for, women who knowingly slee... - Jewels on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
This is exactly who the law is for, women who knowingly slee... - KTinMN on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
Glad to hear it. "Love-ly" from Washington state, flew acros... - diamond on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
I THINK THAT LAW IS REDICULOUS. THERE IS NO WAY TO UPHOLD IT... - Jewels on Recovery from cheating :
It will get better, but you will not be able to see it at th... - Jewels on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
Nicely stated. Just to add, I think any act of cheating whe... - Lorraine Tyler on Recovery from cheating :
Hello, I just discovered my husband is cheating on me, I'... - Cheatingpartners on Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you. :
I don't subscribe to the idea that a woman goes into an affa...
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8:09 PM
Wooow, sorry for that, but is this actually how women feel ??? I hear it’s men who compare themselves sexually to affair partners not women.