Infidelity recovery for me this weekend includes cleaning, watching the kids, more cleaning, and talking with my husband. Saturday night, I was thinking really hard about the marriage, the affair, and my happiness radar. Something popped out as a major issue, and surprisingly, it wasn’t the act of my husband cheating. My issue was that my husband is not a good communicator. If I was a really good person, I would say that we do not communicate together well 
I talk to people at work, in the store, friends, family, and I can have a conversation. One thing that I have noticed is that when my husband and I talk (about anything), I somehow leave those conversations angry, frustrated, or just puzzled (about 60% of the time). And yes, it has intensified because of the affair, but in all honestly, uplifting conversation has always been a challenge for us. I just thought that we would learn each other better through time, now I am starting to realize, maybe we are so different that good quality conversation will always be a challenge, especially now that there is cheating involved, I just can’t talk to him with the same level of trust.
When I talk to my sister or close friends, I leave those conversations happier, relieved that I got something off my chest, or in a place where I feel good because I just learned something new. I almost feel as if I had a blind eye, not wanting to see the major communication gap in our marriage, pushing off as a minor issue that can be easily fixed. I guess this is why all self help gurus say ‘know thyself’ before you get into a relationship because that piece (good quality conversation), means the world to me, and I didn’t realize how much until now. Now I am at a point where I know it’s important, and I have communicated my concern to my husband.
Problem is, my husband isn’t the type to hear this type of thing. He gets defensive and starts listing my faults, when really the point of bringing it up was to have a good quality conversation, without blaming each other. But for some reason, he cannot have a conversation with me that doesn’t include blaming me for something; it’s like some weird defense mechanism. And really, I don’t want to force him to change but at the same time I know I can’t stay like this, constantly feeling the burden of blame. Why? Because I can’t be ME in this type of environment. See Post – Fighting for YOU after the Affair.
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