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Men Visitors
It is important to me that if you are a man visiting this site to read my message to you below.
There are a couple of things I want you to be aware of concerning this site. The first is that this is not a men-bashing site. This is a healing site primarily for women (but men are welcome to come). You might perceive it as a men-bashing site at first glance, but I encourage you to read the content. What you will find is women all over the world coming together to help support and encourage each other through their pain. Again, this has nothing to do with men bashing, and everything to do with helping wives not to feel so alone after an affair has entered the foundation of a home.
The second thing I want you to be aware of is that I am totally in tune with the fact that women cheat. I have interacted with many men who have been just as devastated as the women on the site. Although most of the stories on my site are about men cheating, it absolutely goes both ways. I am also aware that for every man that cheats, there is a woman that is willing. I get it. The reason this site focuses on a cheating husband because that just happens to be my personal experience. If you are a man reading this and decide to create a site to help other men, I would absolutely encourage you do so.
The third thing is that I am very fortunate to have some incredible men come into my presence. Men that I have met and shared the site with, and have nothing but kind and inspiring words for me to continue my work. I am grateful for those men in my life, you know who you are, and I thank all of you. Whenever a woman comes to the site and asks ‘are there any good men out there?’ I think of my friends and can confidently say YES!
I have had the pleasure of interacting with many men on the topic of cheating. I have talked to men that are thinking about cheating, men that have cheated, and men that have been cheated on. Most men that have cheated come to the site and have no idea that their wives are so impacted by infidelity. We all can learn something about this experience
Last but not least, my husband and I are divorced, and we get along, there is no drama between us. I do not blame him for the demise of the marriage, for that, we are both at fault. Some of my actions in the marriage caused my ex-husband a great deal of pain, I am aware that some of my actions hurt the marriage. At the same time, I do not accept responsibility for his act of cheating, that act is his to own. I do not define my ex-husband by his act of cheating, I define him by his ability to mature, his ability to be a great father to our kids, and his ability to grow and learn from his mistakes. I wish him well as he has his own life journey to experience. He understands as I have told him that this site is not about him, it is about helping a cause bigger than both of us, which is the silent epidemic of cheating that is wrecking havoc on families all over the world.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been searching for a site that would help me deal with the pain and “alone-ness” I’m feeling after my husband’s infidelity and deceit. I finally found it. Thank you.
Thank you for this website. I have been reading through some of it and I can definetely relate to many of you. I will be writing about my experience in my next post.
My wife has done the same thing that I read in all those other comments. The lies, the deceit and most of all the complete loss of trust. We had agreed for me to stay home from my job so that our kids had a parent instead of a daycare raising our children. It seems that she insisted on this because soon after she started cheating on me. Allowed her to “work late” or “checkout” from the family life.
Jeremy,
I am sorry to hear about this. It is so intensely frustrating to make such a big sacrifice for the family, and find out that sacrifice was being used for cheating. I remember my ex-husband had his work schedule arranged to accommodate cheating and make life more stressful on me. Pretty selfish. If you both decide to work on the marriage, it takes time and a great deal of effort, and SHE has to be willing to lead it, she has to show you she is serious, and put as much effort as she did to cheat as she did in saving the marriage, if that is the route you want to take. Overall, I wish the best for you and your family.
**Thanks Patty and Colleen for your support!
Thank you for your kind words. I see that you have written that she must be the leader for us to move ahead. What happens if she doesn’t seem interested, not wanting to share information or what actually happened?? She wants to put her head in the sand and pretend that nothing happened. I don’t think that is fair because there is not a day, an hour that goes by where I don’t think about or get upset. I find myself crying at times for no reason. Does it get better on my end as time passes by?? Extremely heartbroken and lost.
Hi Jeremy,
How long ago did this happen? The first few months are typically filled with extreme emotion, to the point where it is often hard to make good progress. She is doing exactly what my ex-husband did. He did not want to face it, did not want to talk about it or share details. Just wanted to move on. And you know what, at the end of the day, I could not force the info out of him, just as you can not force the info out of her. After a few weeks, he was a little better, but still wouldn’t share much and I was still going crazy trying to figure out if he was still cheating.
It got so bad I was starting to have health problems, couldn’t sleep, always thinking about it. But then, I started to realize something. ‘Life’ lead me to find out about the affair, without extreme thinking or effort, I found out. And ‘life’ will lead me to know if my partner is still cheating. I gave up pulling everything out. I had a conversation with my husband (this was about 2 months after I found out, still trying to figure out what was going on). I told him I am going to stop bringing it up and pulling info out. But I told him if I get any indication at any time that it’s not over or that he is cheating again, it’s over. I gave it up and literally asked the universe to show me through life what I should do next. I got my answer within a week.
Your situation might turn out completely different, typically when people do not want to share about the affair, it is because they are embarrassed and do not want to share more light on their mistake, or they are still cheating. And all the stress in the world isn’t going to give you the answer in knowing.
If she is not wanting to give info, lay low for a little bit. If you told her she needs help drive recovery effort, then she knows. Watch and observe for a couple of days, and trust that life is going to show you exactly what you need to do exactly when you need to know (don’t rush the process). Does it get better with time? Yes, as long as you do not try to force an outcome and try to learn and grow from the experience, which I have total faith that you will. Take a deep breath and try to smile today.