You know, I love deep conversations, and I had a valuable one this weekend around infidelity.
I was talking to my girlfriend about relationships, and she is clearly much wiser than I am in that department. I just met her recently, so she had no clue that my husband had cheated on me. I told her that I weakened my social life for him, even though he never directly asked me to. My husband would just say little things that made me feel bad for going out. If I went to a networking event, for example, he would say, “Why did you take so long to get home?” If I had a number on my phone that he didn’t recognize, he would accuse me of cheating. Eventually, because I wanted to make him happy, I started going out less and less, until eventually I stopped going out altogether. And yet, the accusations remained.
After I told her all of this, my friend said, “Oftentimes, especially in relationships, people project what they see in themselves onto others. So if your man is constantly accusing you of cheating, he might be cheating or might be afraid that he will cheat.”
I wanted to say, “You are a genius!” because that concept made perfect sense. After I thought about what she said and talked to my sister, she told me that Halle Berry’s ex-husband cheated on her (he claims he is a sex addict; um, WTF?), and that he also accused her of cheating on him. It’s frustrating to be constantly accused of something you did not do. Now that I know he was doing that to cover up his own affair and project his insecurities onto me, I’m angry.
I wrote this post because I know many husbands accuse their wives of cheating, and I wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, and that this behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.