Comments on: Should I Stay or Leave My Cheating Husband??

By: Jewels

Jewels — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 07:42:58 +0000

carring his burden,

welcome to the site, the predicament that we are put in is awful. It really is and I understand your pain and anger with getting this dumped on you, it’s an incredible burden. Just remember whatever you decide to do, that HE cheated, and whatever you decide will be a result of his actions, not your decision. Take your time in deciding, do some self-reflection first to try to understand what you are feeling. Take care, virtual hugs to you.

By: LisaP

LisaP — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:09:59 +0000

carring his burden, Damn girl you nailed it on the head. They only think of themselves and their penis! Never the consequences of their actions. We are strong than we think and you can get threw this even if it to divorce him. The answer you seek will come to you when your not expecting it. Not sure how long its been for you but I went through this for almost 6months the first time and now 5yrs of trying to put it all back together. The last 6 months was his last affair all online but he wants to stay married as I do too some days but not all days. This question I put to myself daily is it would have been better for me if he just died than feel this hurt daily.

By: carring his burden

carring his burden — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 20:16:48 +0000

I sit hear sobbing, a copmlete and utter emotional mess. How is it this burden has been passed onto me – the decision to alter the course of my children’s futures. He knew cheating was my bottom line, yet chose to cross it. Because he has said he wants to work on our marriage, he threw the ball in my court and heaped the burden on my shoulders! This man is an utter coward! Only a coward would so passively aggressively put the decision in someone else’s hands!
This is such BS! He wounds me beyond beleif and I’m left holding everything – the pain, the shattered dreams, the pieces of my soul that will never be whole again, the trauma of divorce for my kids and myself, choosing between self-respect and humility for my family! What kind of man does this! This is not a partner, this person is more like a terrorist! I can’t believe that people don’t think past their own damn sexual gratification to the infinite consiquenses of their actions.
I stand here holding this pile of sorrow. I didn’t choose to pick all this crap up, it was dumped on my head and as a motherly instinct I caught
it

By: JB

JB — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 13:39:49 +0000

Gracie, I am so sorry that you are having to live through this. LisaP is right he has to cut all ties-you will never be able to move forward in your relationship if the OW is always on the sidelines. The sad part about it all is that while he thinks she is a “free spirit” what she really is –is a fantasy (all affairs are) The life he sees or thinks he sees with her has no kids, no bills, no stress– NO REALITY. It happens to them all- my husband included- the affair wasn’t nearly as wonderful when he was faced with loosing it all. Just remember to put YOU first no matter what he does, if he isn’t willing to cut ties with the OW, get the help he needs to find out why he did this in the first place, and willing to commit to working on the marriage with you – then you are better off without him. Honestly, you are worth so much more than she is- never forget that- I will pray that he finds reality in the mess he has created before it is too late. Stay focused on YOU and what gives you peace in handling all your emotions-lean on the women here to stay sane and stable during the process– let him figure it out for himself-you can’t make him see it or do it- you can’t force him to work on the marriage or himself no matter how hard you try– so in the mean time focus on moving forward for yourself- see the attorney- set yourself up financially to stand on your own two feet (I saw the stock broker and had my husband sign over everything to me only 2 days after discovery), do what YOU need right now, find yourself again- not mom or wife — but Gracie– the woman– She is so important and worthy of being happy– get her to where she needs to be mentally, physically and emotionally. I promise when he sees that you aren’t focusing on him, or trying to get him back, but you are stronger and more self-confident than he ever imagined– he will think twice about his choices. Hang in there- I will be thinking about you. Peace and Blessings

By: LisaP

LisaP — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:57:57 +0000

Gracie, Your husband has to cut all ties with the OW for you two to work this out. If he can not do that then there is no chance for recovery. He has disrespected you right to your face by answer the phone after you told him not to.
Go ahead with the lawyer appt to see what you options are. It doesn’t hurt and that way you have something to fall back on. If he thinks your life is stressfull now just he waits tell all the legal stuff starts happening then he will be stressed.
Your not stupid for wanting to try again, we all have tried but both parties have to try not just you. Hang in there you can get through this.

By: Gracie

Gracie — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 02:29:08 +0000

In July of last year my husband of 12 years and 3 children (6,4,2) began to act off. He began hiding his phone, not wanting to have sex anymore, just turned cold to our relationship. I looked at the phone records and he had spent 12 hours on the phone to one particular number. I confronted him and he said yes it was a woman, but they were just friends from work and he had helped her 0ut with a bad situation so they had talked alot. Since I had always trusted him I told him that he needed to stop talking to her and it would be okay.
Well it didn’t stop, and he began to lie about it. I found out in September that he had created a separate e-mail/messenger account just to talk to her so I would not find out about it. Again I confronted him and he said he would end it, he was so sorry, she was just a good friend and again since I had trusted him for 12 years I let it go. Things got worse though and I kept seeing her number on the phone bill, he changed his passwords to his accounts, he was texting all the time, basically had checked out of our family. I set up an appointment to see a couples therapist and the night before we went he got a call from her at 3 in the morning. I told him not to answer it if our relationship meant anything to him, but of course he did. I listened to some of their conversation without him knowing and heard things that made me think twice. I confronted him afterwards and he said he really liked her and wasn’t sure what he wanted. He still went to the therapist with me and admitted to an emotional affair with her. He told me that he was just trying to escape from the stress of our life together. Of course it is stressful, we have three small children, bills, work, etc! He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do.
This went on and on and on. He started to go on trips to be with his friends. On one such trip I called the hotel he was staying at and asked for her room and he answered the phone. He made up all sorts of stories about her not actually being there, she had just booked the room then had to cancel – still don’t know the truth about this one, but I asked him that night if he was in love with her and he said he was. The fighting went on, him telling me he was no longer in love with me, he was just staying with me for the kids and me telling him that was not enough that he had to make a decision. Chirstmas was the worst ever, I don’t even really remember it and that is so sad when three little kids were so excited about it. I was lucky my parents were here as a buffer so the kids were able to have fun with them.
It finally began to crumble after Christmas, I just kept at him one night and he told me he had slept with some other woman 4 years ago. I pretty much went insane and kicked him. He left and called her from his car, then came back home, but no apologies. The next day he told me he had lied about this because he was just angry at me for bugging him. He has stuck to this being a lie.
Two days ago he finally admitted to his affair with this friend at work. I was so angry and betrayed. He was apologetic at first but after a while of talking about it said he wasn’t actually sorry and that he loved her and was glad to have met her, she was the free-spirit that I wasn’t. Well, if I wasn’t a mom with three kids who is alone at least half of every month because of his job maybe I would be a free spirit too! I had already had an appointment with a lawyer to discuss legal separation and when I started writing the draft he changed his tune a little. He wanted to try to work things out, but I told him that in order for us to work this out he had to stop it with her. He said he couldn’t do that, he was in love with her, but he didn’t want to lose the kids. To make this overly long story short, we had planned to separate for a little to give him time to work through this. He promised while he was still under my roof he would not talk to her. Last night she called and he talked with her for an hour. I was so angry at him. He left for work today, but told me he was really sorry for what he did, that he would try to be a better person. He said he was not ready to recommit to our relationship yet, but was willing to go to couples counseling to see what would happen. I just don’t know, am I being stupid to try, he is a great Dad, and was a great husband until this. Do I give him the chance or just give him up?

By: Jewels

Jewels — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 06:41:40 +0000

Thanks Yvette for your kinds words, I appreciate it!!

By: Yvette

Yvette — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:39:48 +0000

Wow… Everytime i read ur articles i seem to feel a lil better, knowing that im NOT in this alone, Unfortunately. But u take the words right out if my mouth! U r such a stronger woman than i am! Just want to say thk u very much for doing what u do!

By: Jewels

Jewels — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 06:18:47 +0000

So well stated Bebe, I agree with you 100%%!!

By: Jewels

Jewels — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 06:14:45 +0000

Hello Jazzy,

That story is similar to mine in some ways, I asked my husband to break it off with he and he couldn’t call her and do it in front of me (heartbreaking). I felt like he was more interested in protecting her than me, and I had a 2 year old at the time and one on the way, it was devastating, words don’t do it justice. And he blamed me as well because I would nag and he said I rejected him as a man. The problem with your husband is that he is caught up in the fantasy world that this woman is giving him (it’s not love it’s lust) and he hasn’t accepted responsibility for his actions, not good combo’s. My husband eventually came around and understood what he has done, but by the time that happened, it was too late, I was too hurt, too emotionally torn, I had nothing left to give the marriage. I think you have to look within yourself and think about next steps. You can not change him, but you can change your actions and cause an impact in him. For instance, once I made the decision to leave, he was no longer an important thought to me. I only talked to him when I had to. I made food for myself and the kids, I watched TV by myself. The focus was off of him and eventually he was like what’s going on? We talked, and even though I ended up leaving, we had some good discussions. If he is anything like my husband he will eventually regret what he did, might not ever tell you, but he will.