Many people cheat. Few put in the time and effort it takes to recover. I have noticed some significant trends among those marriages that are able to survive infidelity versus those that do not make it. In this 3 part blog post, I am going to tackle some of the considerations that should take place to determine if you should work on your marriage.
The first question you should ask yourself is
1. Is my cheating husband taking responsibility for his actions involving the affair?
Often you will find a cheating husband will make up in his mind that he deserves to cheat. And usually the reason he feels he deserves to cheat has to do with the wife. He might feel that the wife nags too much, doesn’t have sex enough, or that she is not appreciative. After the cheater is caught, they have to decide if they will continue to blame the wife or accept full responsibility for their actions.
This is important factor to evaluate because if your husband can stand up and own his infidelity, versus blaming saying the wife ‘drove him to cheat’, you have a better chance of recovering from the affair.
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to convince a cheater that they are wrong for cheating. Each person in the marriage has to be accountable for his/her actions. I made mistakes in the marriage, and while I would love to say ‘my ex-husband’ drove me to act a certain way, but honestly I have to be the owner of my actions.
So if your spouse is truly committed to working things out, he will admit that he was wrong for cheating versus blaming you for the affair. If he is consistently blaming you for the affair, then he will consistently depend of you for all aspects of recovery, which makes married life very difficult.