Marriage Infidelity can shine a light on yourself and your relationship in ways that you can not imagine. The event often forces you to question your beliefs on family, love, and your true self. One of the reasons I was so devastated was because I felt an intense lack of control. With Google and friends, I could fix anything, but not an affair. I couldn’t control how my ex-husband acted afterwards. I thought that if my husband saw me miserable, he would hold me more, love me more, and be concerned more – but it didn’t work. He was still in the cheating fantasy land, that stage where the cheater feels justified in his actions. I felt I was fighting for the marriage and he wasn’t even in the boxing ring.
In time I realized something. I felt that I lost control and lost my husband the day he cheated, but in reality, I never had control. We can love our partners but we can not make them act a certain way. If your partner does not want to work on rebuilding the marriage, you can express your concern, but you can not make him try. If you try to force him to try you will be fighting a battle that in the end could leave you emotionally and physically drained (been there, done that). But if through ACTION your husband fights for the marriage without your intense effort, then it’s a great sign in the right direction if you choose to stay married. Each person is responsible and in control of their actions, as partners we can influence temporary change, but permanent change must come from within that individual person.