So most of you know that at this point my husband and I are getting a divorce, he is very aware of the fact that I am living in the house just until I save enough money to leave (which will be soon). At times, he wants to work things out, at times he wants to have sex, but the main annoyance while living here is that he is still somewhat controlling.
I am not even interested in dating at this point, but if he finds out I went out to lunch with a co-worker, he gets all weird and starts the 20 questions game. He even got contact information of a friend and said some mean things, all in an attempt to control who I talk to (I need to write a post about this topic alone!) So I have just been dealing with it, knowing it will be soon when I will be on my own.
Today, I had to drive his car because it was in the shop and I saw a TRIGGER. You see, when he and the OW (other woman) were together, I would find bottles of energy drinks in the house. She must like those. Haven’t seen any energy drinks since, BUT found several in his car today. Along with the fact that he is constantly in the basement of our house having conversations and I proceeded to find an energy drink in the refrigerator (kind of hidden), he is seeing her again.
Now, even though I have told my husband several times it is over, I still got a little pit in my stomach, just because I feel like at this point, do you really have to continue to lie and be so sneaky?? Also, it makes me mad that he is still seeing her, but wants to control and make sure I don’t have any support in my life. Also, the constant lying to my face disgusts me.
Anyways, my initial reaction was to wait for him to come home and blast him with the news that I knew what is going on, call him a liar, and tell him if he wants to sleep around, then leave me alone and stop trying to question my every move!! I wanted to tell him I knew he has been lying and that I am so glad I am getting divorced to such a compulsive liar. And then I realized….what good is that going to do? All it will do is get me worked up, and at the end of the day, do I really care – NO. I am moving on and moving out. So what did I end up saying to my cheating husband? Nothing. I didn’t bring it up at all. I just continue my search for housing, because I know that being in the same house with a person that is constantly lying is bad energy for me.
The fact that I did not do anything represents a change in me and my attitude, it represents the fact that I am moving on, and that I have the confidence to know and choose my battles. I am finally starting to realize that I don’t have to stoop to his level – at all, unless I choose. It’s taking me a long time to get here, and I still have a long way to go, but this was definitely a day that I will look back on, and smile with pride. For those of you that just found out your partner cheated, you may not understand this post, but for those that are advanced in their recovery, you know how significant this is!
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Good advice…can’t seem to get closure the lies are killing me.
Hey, thanks for the great post. Honestly, about three months ago I started using the internet and there is so much crap out there. I appreciate that you put excellent content out that is clear and well-written. Good luck and thank you for the great tips.
Thanks to both of you, it is much appreciated!
Hi.. thanks to your post.. it helps a lot.. I just found out this morning that my husband is still cheating me.. It’s so difficult.. I don’t know what to do.. I am trying my best to have a clear mind.. maybe you can send some more advices in my email.. I would greatly appreciate it.. It helps a lot to know that there are women here who have overcome the most difficult part of their marriage life with pride.. I’d like to learn that too..
I am so sorry to hear that your husband is still cheating. I remember that day like no other, you literally feel all the emotions that you felt when you first found out, but the second time around it is even worst!! Since you just found out, the best thing for you to do is to take some time to be alone and reflect on the entire situation. Read my free ebook, it will make you feel that your not alone and give you some encouragement. It took me a while to get to the point where I am today, but if I can get to a better place, so can you. I wish you all the best, and your not alone in this.
jewels,
Thank you. I’ve read your book and it really helps a lot. I reread it when I think I need to be reminded again. Then I continue praying. I know God has a better plan for me and my family. I’d like to know where God wants to lead me. Thank you really. I knew that you’re there with me too.. It gives me hope to continue moving on.
This is great advice!