The statistic that stood out stated that the majority of affairs are ones that are with ‘friends’.

I think as humans we think that we can control ourselves around ‘friends’ of the opposite sex, but the statistics are showing that we can’t. There is an ongoing debate around this. Some people feel when your married you should not have close ‘friends’ of the opposite sex. Some feel that by making such a statement (no friends of the opposite sex), it calls for a controlling marriage.

The cheating with a friend plays consistently every time. Here is how is goes.

Man falls in love and marries women (wife). Husband and wife live together and it is not what hubby expected. Husband starts to either increase existing friendships with other women or creates new ones. Man thinks he can control himself. Husband has argument with wife, calls ‘friend’. ‘Friend’ sides with husband. Husband likes ‘friend’ even more. Another argument with wife, more (visits, phone calls, texts, or online chats) from friend. Husband starts to fantasize about ‘friend’. Husband or ‘friend’ makes an advance, and the rest is his story.

Before my husband cheated, we agreed not to have any close friends of the opposite sex. I kept my end of the deal, but when the relationship hit a rough patch, he didn’t keep his end of the deal.

I am really torn with this debate over marriage and friends of the opposite sex. Part of me thinks that when your married, you really should not have ‘friends’ from the opposite sex because the minute you hit a marriage problem, by talking to your ‘friend’ (who happens to be a single women 10 years younger) your literally planting the seeds because this is how most affairs start.

At the same time, I don’t agree that married couples should not engage at all and have ‘friends’. I think I am torn because I deep down don’t believe in having close friends of the opposite sex, but I think that same ideal came back to bite me. The reason I say that is when I found out my husband cheating, I had no ‘friend’ to talk with. Over the course of time that we have been married, I sort of isolated myself, and I regret that.

I do think there is a balance that works, lucky for me after this experience I plan to be single for a while so I will have plenty of time to find the balance that works for me. Enjoy and take care!!

Link with the statistics: Cheating Statistics

1. A ‘tell-tell’ sign of the affair – relived. I give you a personal example. My husband changed his hours at work while he was having the affair. Not sure if he initiated the work hour change or his job, but nevertheless he worked different hours, which helped him be with her more. He went back to his normal schedule, but then told me the job said he had to change it again. That is when the trigger started. I got a pit in my stomach because it took me back to that place when I found out of the affair. Even though we are separated, that triggered my emotions because I associated his schedule as a ‘tell-tell’ sign of the affair.

2. Weddings/love stories/love songs – big triggers. They sometimes can remind you of the love that you and your husband had prior to the affair, or remind you of the love you no longer have.

3. Your husband – your cheating husband can be a trigger. When you get into an argument, that could be a trigger because you will associate the pain of the argument with the pain of the affair.

4. Other people asking you about the relationship. When friends say ‘How are you and your husband doing?’ It could remind you of the affair and trigger some emotions.

5. Kids (if you have them). Sometimes kids say things that just break your heart. They might (might not) know that your husband cheated, but they might say something like ‘I really love our family and spending time together’. That really hurts and causing you to think about the future and the thought of not being a family anymore, which produces an emotional trigger.

After the affair, triggers will happen from time to time. Understand and treat them as just a trigger. Don’t let it take over your day or your life. Give yourself a set amount of time to feel it, and then release it. Till next time ladies!!!

I know the people that read my post are at different stages in their recovery. Some are fresh with pains so deep they wonder how they are going to get out of bed tomorrow. Some have lived in misery for a while and wonder when things will start to look positive again. And some are in a stage of recovery where they are in a calm and positive place. No matter what your situation is, or where you are in your recovery journey, the fact of the matter is, YOU CAN RECOVER.

When I talk in terms of recovery, please note that I am talking about your own personal recovery. There are tons of books and information on how to rebuild your marriage – and I encourage you to seek out that information if you decide to work on your marriage. In my opinion, your personal recovery is the most important recovery out of the two.

Your personal recovery stems from the fact that when your husband cheats, it rocks your world – mentally. It shakes you to your core, your image, your life, your soul is changed forever. And in order to recover successfully, there are a series of steps that you must take. Step one is making sure that you have the confidence to believe that you (personally) can recovery from this experience a better person. You have to believe it is possible.

If your at a place where you can’t see it yet, don’t worry, I have confidence in you that you will get to this place. We owe it to ourselves to get to this place. Why? Because your husband cheating should not define you as a women. In order for this not to happen, you must have faith that you can recover.

Take Care Ladies,
Jewels

It’s time to call online cheating, online dating, online sex, and all the things related to women and the internet The New Epidemic. In this new age, the internet is making it way too easy for our husbands to make advances toward women via the internet – and the women that they are interacting with are ruining families all across the world. It starts off all innocent, and the next thing you know your husband is meeting some hooker after work that he met online!!

Every day 100 women find out their husband was cheating online. OK. I JUST MADE THAT UP. But even though I have no facts to back it up, I think it is actually more than 100 a day .

We are dealing with the online cheating aspect that our previous generation never had to deal with. It’s not like you can call mom up and get advice about how your husband proactively reached out to someone on getahottie.com.

Because these issues are coming up with the current generation of women and wives, we are going to have to stick together and support each other. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do know that while I love the internet, I also know the internet made it easy for him to reach out to women, which he did. And you want to know a little secret??? I was the one who got him into the internet!! Oh baby, the internet is so cool, you can find out about jobs, get the latest news, connect with friends, let me show you, blah, blah, blah. How was I suppose to know that he was going to use my computer training to train himself on how to connect with other women. The nerve!! Maybe next time around I will live way out on a farm with no TV, Computers or Cell Phones, that way I know I got him (until he meets the neighbor next door)…..just kidding!! Sometimes we have to laugh and make light of our situation, it really does help with the pain sometimes. Good night ladies!!

Good night ladies – stay strong!!

Hope everyone has been doing well. I wanted to touch on the topic of revenge. When we face a cheating husband, you feel very justified to hurt him and get him back for what he did. It’s human nature to have that little voice in your ear saying ‘You will pay for this!’. But I am here to tell you to quite that voice. Revenge is not the way to handle this situation.

Revenge actually takes a good amount of effort and time. Your already have to deal with the grief of finding out, the stress of deciding what to do next, the pain of a broken heart, and the day to day life happenings. Adding on revenge is really too much – seriously.

I will tell you something your probably won’t like – your husband will never express or show the amount of pain and misery this has caused in the same manner that you would. So sometimes in revenge you are setting yourself up for a disappointing reaction from your husband – just a thought.

To be honest with you, revenge focuses too much on your husband and his actions, and doesn’t focus on you as the individual. If I ruled the world, I wish all women in this situation focus inward as much as they focus on the marriage, because cheating rocks you to your core, and it is important to deal with that. As I deal with it myself, I feel more empowered and free. Good Night Ladies – Till next time!!

I actually took my ring off to show that I can be confident and proud with or without the ring. I almost think that my husband was using the fact that I wore my ring as a sign that everything is ok. Now mind you ladies, I have a husband that is pretty insensitive and slightly on the controlling side. So I did this as a way to show him that I don’t need a ring to feel safe. I am proud, sexy, and beautiful with or without it. A ring or marriage does not define me as a person. And we all have a choice, just like I chose not to cheat, I chose to wear the ring out of respect of our marriage, and I am choosing not to wear it.

I am in no way, shape or form advising you to do the same. You have to realize I am at a point in my recovery where I am very confident (don’t get me wrong, I still struggle) in my decisions and I have a game plan moving forward. I chose to take the ring off because I was using it as a crutch and as a symbol of my confidence and ability to be a great wife. I don’t need that anymore, I know I am a great person, wife, and mother with or without it. I hope you feel the same way as well. Good night ladies!!

At the end of the day, we have to love and raise our kids, no matter what is going on. It is an unselfish love that a mother knows well. And I know there are tons of moms who experienced their husband cheating, and put their own feelings aside in front of the kids in order to put a smile on their face – for all the women who do that – thank you and Happy Mother’s Day!! If no one said that they appreciate you – I DO!!

-Jewels