After your husband has an affair, trying to work on your marriage with him can be difficult, especially when it comes to sex. You can see how difficult this was for me by reading Sex after the affair, which explains what I went through when I was trying to salvage my marriage.
Today, I want to touch on an important and serious topic relating to the sexual side of an affair and its consequences for your health. I have interacted with and heard thousands of cheating stories on the site, which is what my opinion is based on. It’s unfortunate that most husbands are not more careful when committing acts of adultery.
Do cheating husbands use condoms? No. MOST MEN WHO CHEAT DO NOT USE CONDOMS.
I know it’s sad, scary, and very hurtful to read. I was furious when I came to this realization. Not only did they cheat, they also put their wives at risk for any number of STDs. Seriously, what kind of husbands are we dealing with here?! But the more I think about it, the more I realize that if your husband has the capacity to cheat, cheating without using a condom isn’t too farfetched. If they don’t care enough about how an affair will hurt you emotionally, they’re probably not thinking about how it can hurt you physically. A man that cheats probably thinks like the majority of people when it comes to STDs: they think they can tell whether the woman they want to sleep with is STD-free just by looking at her.
If you found out your husband had an affair, I would start using condoms. It may not be something he likes. In fact, he’ll probably get angry and say things like, “I am your husband,” or “I protected myself,” But remember that if he could lie to you about the affair, he could be lying about using protection.
USE A CONDOM. I cannot stress this enough. This will show your husband how serious you are about having to rebuild trust. If he is really trying to work on the marriage, he should understand the request. He should also get tested for all major STDs (note that this may involve getting more than one test, as most tests only cover a few STDs, like Chlamydia or Gonorrhea, HIV test is usually done separately.) Again, I know most men don’t want to get tested, but if they want to save their marriages, they are going to have to swallow their pride and get tested.
I have engaged with many women who are now dealing with an STD they got from their married partner. It’s not fair at all. I know you cannot do anything prior to learning about the affair, but once you know, think hard about whether to have sex or not. If you decide you still want to, remember that there is actually nothing wrong with him wearing a condom—in fact, that is the least he can do.