I was reading a book today called Toddler 411 because I need some advice on controlling my 3 year old daughter. One thing that they mentioned really made me think about my cheating spouse and my past relationships.
The author stated that it is not really ideal to be raised in an environment where the parents call all the shots. The old ‘do it because I said so’ and ‘if you don’t do what I say, you get a spanking’. It’s the whole, I’m in charge, and you are not – ever, because I am the parent. Well, this author stated that the reason that it is not ideal to raise kids in that manner is that they grow up subconsciously feeling that they have no power, and commonly have low self esteem, which leads to relationships where they are taken advantage of. I thought that was very interesting, and as I reflect back on my life, i think there is some truth to it.
I had parents that made it very known that they were in charge. I have no bitterness towards them for that, it is VERY hard to raise kids and I actually think that them being tough on me helped me in many ways. What is interesting is that most of my relationships (past and present) have been pretty bad. My 2 long term relationships were Mr. Physically Abusive (yes, I would have to create another blog to explain that one) and now this relationship/marriage, called Mr. Cheating Husband.
I ask myself why? Why do I get involved with men that end up thinking it’s ok to treat me like this? I don’t know the answer to that, I accept the unacceptable for way longer than I should, and I really need to think deeply about why I do that. While it would be great to put all the blame on my parents, I will not, I am grown up now and the great thing about being grown up is that I have the power to shift my thinking. If anything it encourages me to be more mindful of how I raise my daughter in hopes that in some small, small way, I teach her not to fall into the exact same traps that I have fell into. It’s a hard balance between teaching them confidence and making sure they respect you, well, I guess I will keep reading for now. Have a great week!!
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