Comments on: Cheating Spouse: Telling Your Parents http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/ After the Affair Site for wives who have been through the painful situation of a cheating husband Sun, 05 Feb 2012 18:16:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kris http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-42816 Kris Wed, 16 Nov 2011 04:01:49 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-42816 I want to tell my mom so badly, but they live VERY far away, and I don't want them to be disappointed in me or him. They love him so much, and think that he's the best thing since sliced bread. He's been an awesome dad to my son (a teen now) from a previous marriage. My son's dad was an addict, and alcoholic, and has been MIA for many years, and I'm afraid for him to find out about this, since he finally has a man to look up to, and trust. I'm afraid that my dad would hop on a plane and come kick some butt. His parents have always had a rocky relationship, and family means EVERYTHING to his mom, she was devastated when his brother and his new wife moved to another state. I think that his dad would be hurt too, but don't know what he'd do. I don't know how his mom would react either, which way her emotional roller coaster will swing. We have 2 smaller kids, together, and am wondering if my youngest was made in hopes to try to make him love me more? He just makes me so mad sometimes. I am having such trouble with trusting him. He's a carpenter, and dose side jobs when he's home from working off shore. He cheated with one of the women that he was working for. He's cut all ties with her, but I can't help but wonder what he's doing when he gets a side job. Even when I know that it's with someone that would never cheat on her hubby, but I just wonder. And also, how do I know that he's not some other woman there with him? I hate how my mind wonders. Thanks so much Jewels for having this site to vent, and read all these other women's comments! I want to tell my mom so badly, but they live VERY far away, and I don’t want them to be disappointed in me or him. They love him so much, and think that he’s the best thing since sliced bread. He’s been an awesome dad to my son (a teen now) from a previous marriage. My son’s dad was an addict, and alcoholic, and has been MIA for many years, and I’m afraid for him to find out about this, since he finally has a man to look up to, and trust. I’m afraid that my dad would hop on a plane and come kick some butt. His parents have always had a rocky relationship, and family means EVERYTHING to his mom, she was devastated when his brother and his new wife moved to another state. I think that his dad would be hurt too, but don’t know what he’d do. I don’t know how his mom would react either, which way her emotional roller coaster will swing. We have 2 smaller kids, together, and am wondering if my youngest was made in hopes to try to make him love me more? He just makes me so mad sometimes. I am having such trouble with trusting him. He’s a carpenter, and dose side jobs when he’s home from working off shore. He cheated with one of the women that he was working for. He’s cut all ties with her, but I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing when he gets a side job. Even when I know that it’s with someone that would never cheat on her hubby, but I just wonder. And also, how do I know that he’s not some other woman there with him? I hate how my mind wonders. Thanks so much Jewels for having this site to vent, and read all these other women’s comments!

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-34911 Jewels Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:19:02 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-34911 Hello Daisy, Good for you in putting yourself first and not allowing his toxic behavior to impact you from this point forward. I know it is so tough right now, but your life will be better because of it. Hello Daisy,

Good for you in putting yourself first and not allowing his toxic behavior to impact you from this point forward. I know it is so tough right now, but your life will be better because of it.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-34910 Jewels Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:17:27 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-34910 Hello Lauren, It seems like you want the support so bad of your parents during this time, but you are afraid that it is going to stir something up within them that might impact them and you don't want to do that. I am glad that you at least confided in your sister and brother in law, I hope they are supporting you in this situation. Telling your parents is always tricky, I told my mom way before I told my dad, because I felt my dad would be more disappointed, but he wasn't. You know your parents more than anyone, so you know if they are the type that you would tell now, or when you are more confident in if you are going to stay or leave the marriage. You know if your mom is the type that likes to talk or avoid conflict. You know that this topic might be sensitive to Dad so you might want to think about how to say it. Lastly, you know if your mind if they would be unhappy if you waited a long time to tell them. Go with your feeling, what do you feel is the right thing to do, the answer will present itself, without you thinking that much. Best of luck. Hello Lauren,

It seems like you want the support so bad of your parents during this time, but you are afraid that it is going to stir something up within them that might impact them and you don’t want to do that. I am glad that you at least confided in your sister and brother in law, I hope they are supporting you in this situation. Telling your parents is always tricky, I told my mom way before I told my dad, because I felt my dad would be more disappointed, but he wasn’t. You know your parents more than anyone, so you know if they are the type that you would tell now, or when you are more confident in if you are going to stay or leave the marriage. You know if your mom is the type that likes to talk or avoid conflict. You know that this topic might be sensitive to Dad so you might want to think about how to say it. Lastly, you know if your mind if they would be unhappy if you waited a long time to tell them. Go with your feeling, what do you feel is the right thing to do, the answer will present itself, without you thinking that much. Best of luck.

]]> By: Daisy http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-34765 Daisy Tue, 27 Sep 2011 17:52:24 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-34765 ” He created this situation, not me. He is accountable for the consequences that follow. I deserve to be treated with respect, and I deserve to feel good, that is my journey”. JEWELS!!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME! You are absolutely right. I did what a good loving wife would do....forgave him and offered my help in everything that he did. BUT he didn't do his end of the bargain. He lied and disrepected me. He told me that I am giving up to easily on our relationship. Well...it should be 50/50. He is an idiot, he gave up on our relationship long time ago...when he chose not to get help for his gambling, when he chose to continue to lie and when he chose to contact these women. I am walking away guilt free....God willing my life will continue. He is toxic ...everything he touched he destroyed. If I stay I will destroy myself and it will be my fault only. ” He created this situation, not me. He is accountable for the consequences that follow. I deserve to be treated with respect, and I deserve to feel good, that is my journey”.

JEWELS!!!!! YOU’RE AWESOME!

You are absolutely right. I did what a good loving wife would do….forgave him and offered my help in everything that he did. BUT he didn’t do his end of the bargain. He lied and disrepected me. He told me that I am giving up to easily on our relationship. Well…it should be 50/50. He is an idiot, he gave up on our relationship long time ago…when he chose not to get help for his gambling, when he chose to continue to lie and when he chose to contact these women. I am walking away guilt free….God willing my life will continue. He is toxic …everything he touched he destroyed. If I stay I will destroy myself and it will be my fault only.

]]> By: Lauren http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-34716 Lauren Tue, 27 Sep 2011 15:08:38 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-34716 I have only confided in my sister and brother in law. Both my in laws are deceased, and my husband only has a social relationship with his brother. As for my parents, they are divorced after 27 years of marriage partially becasue of my mother having an affair, major communication breakdown being the main reason. My father took it so hard, and to this day still has not gotten over it, almost 20 years later. I feel guilty for not telling either one of my parents but I also can't handle bringing up infilelity with my parents either, and rehashing their problems when I am the one who needs their love and support. I have only confided in my sister and brother in law. Both my in laws are deceased, and my husband only has a social relationship with his brother. As for my parents, they are divorced after 27 years of marriage partially becasue of my mother having an affair, major communication breakdown being the main reason. My father took it so hard, and to this day still has not gotten over it, almost 20 years later. I feel guilty for not telling either one of my parents but I also can’t handle bringing up infilelity with my parents either, and rehashing their problems when I am the one who needs their love and support.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-33952 Jewels Sun, 25 Sep 2011 21:57:49 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-33952 Daisy, You don't feel awful - because then he wins. He did this. Your mom is in pain now, but trust me, in the years that follow, she is going to see Daisy come out of this with flying colors and be happier than she has ever been before, so her pain is just temporary. It's pain and crying from her disappointment in HIM - not you. I did the same thing in talking to his mom - and almost the same reaction!! She was like these girls are lying on my son, and it's just these girls. I was like no - he cheated, he is married and he participated, it's like she didn't see the fault in him, and that hurt me as well. But I am over it, so over it. I know you still love him, that is where all of the pain in coming from. I was the same way, I literally had to detach from him to prevent myself from getting sucked in. But Daisy remember, he did this. Keep repeating what I am about to write over and over until this sticks in your mind. " He created this situation, not me. He is accountable for the consequences that follow. I deserve to be treated with respect, and I deserve to feel good, that is my journey". Trust me, tell yourself that everyday for about a week and I promise you will crack a smile or at least lift your head up higher within that period of time!! You will get through this Daisy!! Daisy,

You don’t feel awful – because then he wins. He did this. Your mom is in pain now, but trust me, in the years that follow, she is going to see Daisy come out of this with flying colors and be happier than she has ever been before, so her pain is just temporary. It’s pain and crying from her disappointment in HIM – not you.

I did the same thing in talking to his mom – and almost the same reaction!! She was like these girls are lying on my son, and it’s just these girls. I was like no – he cheated, he is married and he participated, it’s like she didn’t see the fault in him, and that hurt me as well. But I am over it, so over it.

I know you still love him, that is where all of the pain in coming from. I was the same way, I literally had to detach from him to prevent myself from getting sucked in. But Daisy remember, he did this. Keep repeating what I am about to write over and over until this sticks in your mind. ” He created this situation, not me. He is accountable for the consequences that follow. I deserve to be treated with respect, and I deserve to feel good, that is my journey”. Trust me, tell yourself that everyday for about a week and I promise you will crack a smile or at least lift your head up higher within that period of time!! You will get through this Daisy!!

]]> By: Daisy http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-33276 Daisy Fri, 23 Sep 2011 20:44:00 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-33276 I feel awful. My mother is usually hard core, strong and positive....she broke down literally. Made feel worse about my situation. No mother wants her daughter to be cheated on let alone have an unhappy life. I felt so awful and ashamed.... i chose this awful person to be my husband and now he has made everyone in my family unhappy. Instead of my mom calming me down and giving me advice....I was trying to comfort her. I remember my mother and I would talk about me getting married...etc. Its like my worse nightmare come true....AND WHATS WORSE IS THAT I STILL LOVE HIM. My dad loves him like a son. So much disappointment. I'm going through the divorce right now...last night he kept texting me....was trying to make me feel sorry for him and at the same time being aggressive/upset. He thought that this time around I would say its ok, I love you and I forgive you. BUT no this time i want out. This is mental abuse, i never want to endure as long as I live...totally messed me up. The first instance of misbehaving. We confronted his mother. She was like you are creating a lie against my SON! Well if the shoe fits! Look at the evidence...she thinks she knows him well.....BUT she doesn't. From that pt on she never spoke to my mom again. I mean seriously look at what your son is doing...would you want a man doing that to your daughter? I'm not her daughter ...she could care less....honestly she will never take my side in this situation. I just want him to leave me alone and move on....I don't want anything from him...just my peace. I'm scared actually because now my parents and I are seeing his true side...whatelse is he capable of? What if he harms me or my family? i feel so awful. I feel awful. My mother is usually hard core, strong and positive….she broke down literally. Made feel worse about my situation. No mother wants her daughter to be cheated on let alone have an unhappy life. I felt so awful and ashamed…. i chose this awful person to be my husband and now he has made everyone in my family unhappy. Instead of my mom calming me down and giving me advice….I was trying to comfort her. I remember my mother and I would talk about me getting married…etc. Its like my worse nightmare come true….AND WHATS WORSE IS THAT I STILL LOVE HIM.

My dad loves him like a son. So much disappointment. I’m going through the divorce right now…last night he kept texting me….was trying to make me feel sorry for him and at the same time being aggressive/upset. He thought that this time around I would say its ok, I love you and I forgive you. BUT no this time i want out. This is mental abuse, i never want to endure as long as I live…totally messed me up.

The first instance of misbehaving. We confronted his mother. She was like you are creating a lie against my SON! Well if the shoe fits! Look at the evidence…she thinks she knows him well…..BUT she doesn’t. From that pt on she never spoke to my mom again. I mean seriously look at what your son is doing…would you want a man doing that to your daughter? I’m not her daughter …she could care less….honestly she will never take my side in this situation.

I just want him to leave me alone and move on….I don’t want anything from him…just my peace. I’m scared actually because now my parents and I are seeing his true side…whatelse is he capable of? What if he harms me or my family? i feel so awful.

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-15047 Jewels Fri, 19 Aug 2011 05:33:20 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-15047 Lisa, My husbands mom acted a little strange when I told her as well, she made it seem like he did nothing wrong, that some bad girl made him cheat. I don't think so. He was the one that was married. He made the choice to cheat, yes there are shady girls out there, but that doesn't just force our husband's into the arms of another women. Sometimes situations that lead to you not talking to certain people is a way of the universe telling you that those people are not needed in your life anyways, at least for this time period! Lisa,
My husbands mom acted a little strange when I told her as well, she made it seem like he did nothing wrong, that some bad girl made him cheat. I don’t think so. He was the one that was married. He made the choice to cheat, yes there are shady girls out there, but that doesn’t just force our husband’s into the arms of another women. Sometimes situations that lead to you not talking to certain people is a way of the universe telling you that those people are not needed in your life anyways, at least for this time period!

]]> By: Louise http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-14171 Louise Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:37:25 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-14171 Lisa I can empathize with your situation. My parents were upset and supportive for me. When I told his parents his parents defended him and tried to find fault with me and my family and told ME to respect their son in front of THEIR grandchildren. They were defending a cheating adult male and blaming me, an innocent wife and mother who has been very traumatized by finding out about my husband's multiple cheating. I now realize that cheating occurred between both his parents and I figure that they see it as normal and something a woman has to put up with. I really cannot get my head around the lack of empathy, the anger and abuse that got dished out my way when I revealed to them what their son had been doing behind my back for 5 years. It was not the sort of reaction I expected and I am stunned by it. I have had to face them since and actually apologised to them for my behaviour when telling them. Can you believe that. Talk about those two men having such control over me so as to keep me in my place. I truly hate them. Lisa I can empathize with your situation. My parents were upset and supportive for me. When I told his parents his parents defended him and tried to find fault with me and my family and told ME to respect their son in front of THEIR grandchildren. They were defending a cheating adult male and blaming me, an innocent wife and mother who has been very traumatized by finding out about my husband’s multiple cheating. I now realize that cheating occurred between both his parents and I figure that they see it as normal and something a woman has to put up with. I really cannot get my head around the lack of empathy, the anger and abuse that got dished out my way when I revealed to them what their son had been doing behind my back for 5 years. It was not the sort of reaction I expected and I am stunned by it. I have had to face them since and actually apologised to them for my behaviour when telling them. Can you believe that. Talk about those two men having such control over me so as to keep me in my place. I truly hate them.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-spouse-telling-your-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-14159 Lisa Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:18:22 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=162#comment-14159 Tell the parents was easy for me but when he told his parents they said I was a bad wife. They blamed me for everything when he was the one cheating. Unforunatley I have yet to talk to or see his family since. I don't know how someone can take sides with a cheating adult/child man! My parents will stand by me with what ever I choose to do. But they want and apology for the way he has treated me. Iam still holding my breath on that one. But in AA he has to apologize at some point to the ones he has done wrong! Tell the parents was easy for me but when he told his parents they said I was a bad wife. They blamed me for everything when he was the one cheating. Unforunatley I have yet to talk to or see his family since. I don’t know how someone can take sides with a cheating adult/child man! My parents will stand by me with what ever I choose to do. But they want and apology for the way he has treated me. Iam still holding my breath on that one. But in AA he has to apologize at some point to the ones he has done wrong!

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