Today was a great day for me. For years, I denied myself. I denied myself of getting new clothes. I denied myself of going out with friends. I denied myself of watching TV, having fun, doing what I like doing, not what everyone else likes doing. And today, I feel I am getting to the point where I am becoming liberated. Liberated from everyone else’s viewpoint of what I should do and how I should do it. After my husband cheated, I learned something so important, and that is, the only person that is going to look out for you is you. Your husband is looking out for him, and everyone else in this world is doing the same thing, except you!! I decided that this cannot happen anymore. It is about me in 2010, and what I want to do, what I need to do, and what I can do to make me happy. I always thought I was selfish in thinking this way, now I realize that being selfish is good. It gives you love and reserves so that you can love others more fully. So when people ask me to do something I don’t want to do, I tell them no (especially my cheating husband…lol). Not to be mean, because I have to get to the point where I make decisions based on me first, not everyone else. Of course, I have a long way to go; I take each day at a time. Today, I went shopping, just for me. That rarely happens, and I always feel guilty because I have bills, kids, etc to look after. But ironically, after being selfish and shopping for me, I came home a better mother, a happier mother, because I took care of myself first. I am just breaking the tip of the iceberg in this new found me, but so far I LOVE it!! My hope is that anyone that is reading this will find themselves at this point as well. Best of luck.
Jewels!!
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
i admit i wasnt truthful, whn the abuse atarted for me and my son, i didnt know exactly what to do? of course, it sed was sorry? but, when a man calls you “CUNT,WHORE, SLUT” all the time n is f***ing that same kind of woman…makes you want to eliminate. it will occur the drawing line hads become even, oh well. and the major biutton was pushed. oh well..has sum1 has sed over n over…smile the world will smile back!
Hello kc,
You seem to be in a tough situation. Be very careful with abusive men, seriously. Cheating is one thing. Abuse can become dangerous to your health. I really hope your in a position to get some support in this situation for you and your son. I will be thinking about you. Be safe above all.
-Jewels
As i read your story I cry because mine is so similar I feel stuck I don’t know how to get out and I don’t know how to move on.
Kady,
We are in this together, we might not know each other, but spiritually, we are better knowing that our journeys are the same, and that we are not alone. And while I haven’t completely recovered, I am at a MUCH better place than when I started, and I promise, you will be as well. For me it really started when I changed my mentality from being ‘trapped’ to ‘empowered’. I started to see that I actually do have options, and those options were not even a consideration before the cheating, but now it is my reality, and you know what, that is ok with me. Start to look at the possibilities outside of the life you planned. Even though it will be different now (weather you stay or leave), different could turn out to be the best thing for you. Take Care…..
Unfortunately, we can’t stop the clock from ticking away and as we get older we seem to want more. I haven’t had sex with my wife in years but I haven’t fool around (although I have needs too).Who is it for anyone to judge if one find something he/she now want to spend time with. I can only say, ‘Be safe.” Anything he/she doesn’t know or find out, more power for you and you can make it last as long as you want.
Hello Edward,
I understand your point, but one critical thing is missing. If you have needs and haven’t had sex with your wife, then maybe you need to talk to your wife and if you can’t work it out, divorce. Even if you have an arrangement in marriage where you talk to other women, that is fine, as long as BOTH of you agree with that arrangement. For most women it’s not the sex that really messes us up, it the sex AND the constant lying to our face over and over again that is very hurtful. If your married to someone, you would expect that the both of you could have an honest conversation. I understand you haven’t had sex in years, but I don’t think that gives you a pass to cheat. Also, ‘anything she doesn’t know or find out’….the problem is most of us eventually find out, and it is totally devastating on so many levels.
I AM TRYING REAL HARD TO FIND BLESSINGS IN THIS MESS. I AM 46 MY CHEATING HUSBAND LEFT ME FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN WHEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD BEEN LIVING WITH HER FOR OVER A YEAR THE WHOLE TOWN KNEW BUT NOBOBY WANTED TO HURT ME WITH THE TRUTH BECAUSE I DID NOT DESERVE THAT KIND OF NEWS. YESTERDAY I FOUND OUT THAT HE IS MOVING INTO OUR HOME WITH HER AND NOW I AM DIEING WITH GRIEF TO THINK THAT ALL THESE YEARS I WAS WORTH NOTHING TO HIM. PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME SOMETHING
Hello Marcy,
You are in the devastation stage that most women go through after the affair. Your not going to be able to see the blessing right now because I can tell your grief is overpowering all other thoughts, and that is ok, you have just experienced a very traumatic experience, there is no other more difficult situation to address in marriage other than the death of a spouse. All of these years you were worth something, or else he would of left you a long time ago. Something kept him wanting to be married to you, and it was probably your character and your big heart. That is why you did not know, you didn’t even think of him in that manner, so don’t for a second feel bad that you did not know he was living with someone else for a year, your only crime was love and trust for your husband. The next few months will be an emotional rollercoaster for you, but almost everyone on this blog has been through it. It seems like your husband is thinking about him, and it’s time for you to make sure you think about you (as much as you can, I know it’s hard). Marcy, you will get through this and you will come out a stronger women.