I get this question almost every day from my cheating husband (Do you really want to end this?). I don’t want to be affectionate, because then I am leading him on and in his opinion ‘playing games’. I struggled for a while with this issue. It takes an effort to be mean when you live with someone, sometimes I wonder if this ‘being mean’ is more of an effort by me to protect my feelings. So what I have told myself is that it’s in his best interest for me to present myself in a consistent manner. I personally feel the best thing to do is for us to go our separate ways. And by me going back and forth, I lead him on. For example, we will have a good discussion one night, followed by an affectionate movie in the bed, and the next morning he is like ‘Man, I am so glad we are back together’. WTF??? We are not back together; it doesn’t take a movie, good conversation and some affectionate behavior to deem everything better.
After a while I realized that men and women think differently and maybe my behavior was the one that needed to be changed, so I went cold turkey on him. I am not affectionate; I only interact with him when needed. We don’t do joint activities unless necessary, and I am very cold to him. I tell myself it is better than leading him on. BUT, even after all of this, he still tries to be affectionate, I still reject him, and then he says, ‘Do you really want this to end? He makes me feel as if I am the crazy one making the choice to leave. Then again, maybe he is finally coming to terms with the fact that it really is over. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize you lost your family, and I think he is in denial. Or maybe I am still giving mixed signals? Oh well, who knows at this point??? Till next time,
Related posts:
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I get asked this too. After an argument usually, he says this marriage isnt worth saving, or he says he is putting the house on the market. I guess that means he really wants out as well. I think he is going to do it soon. He asked me the other night if he should start looking for a replacement for me. I guess that means he is getting the urge to be with another woman again, I dunno?
He doesn’t deserve you. If he is saying those type of things, it’s time to get educated, talk to a lawyer. You don’t want to be in a position where he is making plans to exit and then he leaves you high and dry. Honestly, I would stop focusing on saving the marriage, he is telling you he wants out. Start focusing on Louisa, how Louisa can her kids can live comfortably. Start thinking of your exit plan. He wouldn’t say those things to you unless he has already started to plan them – so now you have to play catch up. Best of luck.