If your husband has cheated on you, then you are very familiar with the type of anger you feel after the affair. It is a type of anger you did not even know you possessed. The week you found out about your cheating husband, you probably engaged in some verbal and physical activity that you are not proud of (it’s ok, we all have the post-affair angry moments).
But what if you are still angry a year or two after the affair (Very common, so do not feel bad if you are in this position)?
A year after the affair, I was still living with my ex-husband. At this point, I said I was leaving, but took no action, I was still a bit overwhelmed between sadness, anger, and pain, and just did not know how to deal with all of it. I started to have some health problems. I had been to the emergency room, visited several doctors and they could not figure out what was wrong with me, all the tests came back clear. One day, the pain was so bad I had to call off work for a couple of days. And during my time off, I had some time for self-reflection, and made a realization. I was still holding tightly to the anger of the affair. I was still holding on to being mad that he was not acting the way I wanted him to after the infidelity. I was still holding on to the anger around my dream of staying together forever being shattered. I was still holding on to being mad that he was not stepping up and taking action to help the marriage. All of the was bottled up inside of me, a year later. While laying on the bed that day, I made a promised to myself to work hard to release the anger and let go of the anger. My cheating husband wasn’t stressed, but I was. My cheating husband wasn’t having severe pain, but I was.
I literally had to sit down with each of my anger emotions and mentally choose to release it. I kept telling myself I need to do this because I deserve it, and I will not continue to be mentally punished for my husband’s actions. It took me months, and it was not easy, but eventually, I did it, I released those emotions. And guess what? The severe pain stopped in due time. For me, there was a direct correlation between me releasing those anger filled emotions and my physical pain.
It is my personal opinion (I am not a doctor, just sharing my belief) that holding on to the emotion of anger over time can manifest into health problems. Your body knows when it is stressed. Again, the first couple of months after the affair, it is normal to be angry, but if it is past a year, and you still have strong emotions of anger or sadness, do not be afraid to reach out to a professional for help. Go to the doctor, look up some therapists. As women we spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Make the investment to help yourself. Your body will thank you later!!