Comments on: Cheating Husbands and Married Men – 5 Reasons Why Facebook Causes Drama in Marriage http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/ After the Affair Site for wives who have been through the painful situation of a cheating husband Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:34:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-45034 Jewels Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:52:59 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-45034 <strong>Confused </strong>- That does not feel right. You caught him and he can not unfriend her? The marriage should be more important than a 'friend'. If he wants to work things out, he has go to let it go and not care what anyone thinks but you. I hope the counselor is able to help on this subject because he is too worried about her and what people will say. <strong>bewildered</strong>, So you lost your husband and your oldest friend, crushing. Those messages are truly traumatic, I hope you are in a position to get therapy, because you have been through alot. You will never be satisfied with the why he tells you. It can drive you crazy trying to figure it out, he was just selfish, and so was your oldest friend. I hope you are in a position to start your healing process, I know it's tough right now, I hope the best for you! <strong>Mrs. Wise</strong> - Thanks for the advice. I agree, friending ex's just breeds trouble. The thing is people think they can handle it, but unfortunately you do not know the other person's intentions of friending you, and thinks can turn ugly fast. I agree, if you are marriage you should have nothing to hide, including facebook accounts. Confused - That does not feel right. You caught him and he can not unfriend her? The marriage should be more important than a ‘friend’. If he wants to work things out, he has go to let it go and not care what anyone thinks but you. I hope the counselor is able to help on this subject because he is too worried about her and what people will say.

bewildered, So you lost your husband and your oldest friend, crushing. Those messages are truly traumatic, I hope you are in a position to get therapy, because you have been through alot. You will never be satisfied with the why he tells you. It can drive you crazy trying to figure it out, he was just selfish, and so was your oldest friend. I hope you are in a position to start your healing process, I know it’s tough right now, I hope the best for you!

Mrs. Wise – Thanks for the advice. I agree, friending ex’s just breeds trouble. The thing is people think they can handle it, but unfortunately you do not know the other person’s intentions of friending you, and thinks can turn ugly fast. I agree, if you are marriage you should have nothing to hide, including facebook accounts.

]]> By: Confused http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-45015 Confused Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:33:50 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-45015 I discovered my husbands affair on my own and confronted him. He finally came clean and I requested that he defriend her on facebook and he refuses saying that she will go around saying that his wife told him to do it and she would win???? What should I do? We are seeing a marriage counselor but this affair is not over. I discovered my husbands affair on my own and confronted him. He finally came clean and I requested that he defriend her on facebook and he refuses saying that she will go around saying that his wife told him to do it and she would win???? What should I do? We are seeing a marriage counselor but this affair is not over.

]]> By: Mrs Wise http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44926 Mrs Wise Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:26:54 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44926 Well, something like that happened to me, my husband had susch and so friend which i asked to remove and he did! And at the beggining of this week , i found a secret message of a girl saying let's pretend you don't know me and don't see my message .I know i found it and almost die. Then another drunk girl wishing him all the best this year, and asking him to keep in touch. What i have plenty of friends on my fb, but they see my pictures and i stated i'm married, most of my friends are from school in a foreign country, when i came from, but everybody talks to me with respect. I had found all exes and requested my friendship by i blocked them. Why because i'm marry and respect my husband and kids. So, i talked to him about this and he denied everything until i show him the e-mails because i saved them, and then he said o.k. i will delete my account and he did! This is a good way to have contact with old friends, but just like that, state that we are marry, do not accept friendship from people that we know are going to bring "TROUBLE" to our lives! Well, i already told my husband that if i find out another thing like that i don't want him in my life, because the way i respect him and love him, i deserve respect too! Blessings to all, and don't let technology destroy your lives, just enjoy life, because we never know when are we going to leave! And if you decide to keep your fb, ask your partner to have the p.w. and viceversa! Well, something like that happened to me, my husband had susch and so friend which i asked to remove and he did!
And at the beggining of this week , i found a secret message of a girl saying let’s pretend you don’t know me and don’t see my message .I know i found it and almost die. Then another drunk girl wishing him all the best this year, and asking him to keep in touch.
What i have plenty of friends on my fb, but they see my pictures and i stated i’m married, most of my friends are from school in a foreign country, when i came from, but everybody talks to me with respect.
I had found all exes and requested my friendship by i blocked them. Why because i’m marry and respect my husband and kids.
So, i talked to him about this and he denied everything until i show him the e-mails because i saved them, and then he said o.k. i will delete my account and he did!
This is a good way to have contact with old friends, but just like that, state that we are marry, do not accept friendship from people that we know are going to bring “TROUBLE” to our lives!
Well, i already told my husband that if i find out another thing like that i don’t want him in my life, because the way i respect him and love him, i deserve respect too!
Blessings to all, and don’t let technology destroy your lives, just enjoy life, because we never know when are we going to leave!
And if you decide to keep your fb, ask your partner to have the p.w. and viceversa!

]]> By: bewildered http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44922 bewildered Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:45:11 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44922 Facebook destroyed my family. I used it to contact my overseas family and old work friends (females). He (hubby)asked me to open him an account so he could play online games, one by one he also added my friends whom he also knew from years back, nothing wrong there or so I thought. I have never ever had reason to believe he would ever cheat on me, together 20 years five children succesful business and a devoted wife!!!! One night he had fallen asleep leaving his page open, I came home jumped on the PC to catch up on my messages, there was an inbox so I opened it without even thinking. We have no secrets right? we know one anothers passwords right? WRONG he had changed his some months before I later found out. This opening of the inbox was the begining of a chain of events which almost crucified me. Disgusting messages from my oldest friend talking in graphic detail what she was going to do. !!!!! and how she behaves when shes alone thinking about me?????? At first I had no idea what the hell was going on. Thinking it was my FB and this inbox was intended for me as this was my oldest friend but in twenty seconds of reading and re-reading the penny dropped. This was intended for my husband. It was his FB left open. With my heart almost beating through my chest wall I continued reading and there were several msgs to one another going back several weeks. They had been meeting up booking into motels having the most amazing -superb - never better - filthy - kinky (it was all detailed) sex which made me literally vomit. I lay on the bathroom floor sobbing for ages, the last time they had a rendezvous I had been chatting online to her that morning!!!!!! he came home that night from his 'business meeting' and we had a beautiful intimate sensual evening together!!!!!! Inside i was screaming wildly at his sick sick behaviour and her terrible disgusting deceipt. I had to do something, firstly I changed his FB password and logged out. I then messaged her and RAGED about how much I hated her and she was disgusting. I also threatened her with physical harm and that I was going to drive seven hours through the night to come and see her poor unfortunate husband and show him the msgs I had printed off. Why should I be the only one suffering. Then I cleaned out our joint bank account packed him a suitcase woke him up and threw his car keys at him. It was by now around dawn I told him to be gone by the time our children got up I told him how much I hated him and her and that he made me ill being in the same house as him. He moved into a motel with his tail between his legs and this is how we continued for three months or so. I never told a soul. I wrote a few msgs to her mainly empty threats when it was the wee small hours and I was all alone missing him desperately. During the course of our estrangement he received maybe half a dozen messages from other women we both knew - he had been slutting around all of them behind my back (at least 4 that i have proved) I answered them all as myself and told them all they werent the only ones he had strung along. I deleted and blocked them all I closed his FB and I have moved away. I have moved at least 700 KMs away leaving my home my surroundings and my job I am just so bewildered why he did this Facebook destroyed my family. I used it to contact my overseas family and old work friends (females). He (hubby)asked me to open him an account so he could play online games, one by one he also added my friends whom he also knew from years back, nothing wrong there or so I thought. I have never ever had reason to believe he would ever cheat on me, together 20 years five children succesful business and a devoted wife!!!! One night he had fallen asleep leaving his page open, I came home jumped on the PC to catch up on my messages, there was an inbox so I opened it without even thinking. We have no secrets right? we know one anothers passwords right? WRONG he had changed his some months before I later found out. This opening of the inbox was the begining of a chain of events which almost crucified me. Disgusting messages from my oldest friend talking in graphic detail what she was going to do. !!!!! and how she behaves when shes alone thinking about me?????? At first I had no idea what the hell was going on. Thinking it was my FB and this inbox was intended for me as this was my oldest friend but in twenty seconds of reading and re-reading the penny dropped. This was intended for my husband. It was his FB left open. With my heart almost beating through my chest wall I continued reading and there were several msgs to one another going back several weeks. They had been meeting up booking into motels having the most amazing -superb – never better – filthy – kinky (it was all detailed) sex which made me literally vomit. I lay on the bathroom floor sobbing for ages, the last time they had a rendezvous I had been chatting online to her that morning!!!!!! he came home that night from his ‘business meeting’ and we had a beautiful intimate sensual evening together!!!!!! Inside i was screaming wildly at his sick sick behaviour and her terrible disgusting deceipt. I had to do something, firstly I changed his FB password and logged out. I then messaged her and RAGED about how much I hated her and she was disgusting. I also threatened her with physical harm and that I was going to drive seven hours through the night to come and see her poor unfortunate husband and show him the msgs I had printed off. Why should I be the only one suffering. Then I cleaned out our joint bank account packed him a suitcase woke him up and threw his car keys at him. It was by now around dawn I told him to be gone by the time our children got up I told him how much I hated him and her and that he made me ill being in the same house as him. He moved into a motel with his tail between his legs and this is how we continued for three months or so. I never told a soul. I wrote a few msgs to her mainly empty threats when it was the wee small hours and I was all alone missing him desperately. During the course of our estrangement he received maybe half a dozen messages from other women we both knew – he had been slutting around all of them behind my back (at least 4 that i have proved) I answered them all as myself and told them all they werent the only ones he had strung along. I deleted and blocked them all I closed his FB and I have moved away. I have moved at least 700 KMs away leaving my home my surroundings and my job I am just so bewildered why he did this

]]> By: Dee59 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44828 Dee59 Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:17:26 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44828 My case seems to be the exception. I found out my husband was having a "relationship" with an ex-girlfriend through facebook. She had friended my daughter and later on me. We didn't know who she was but she claimed to have met my daughter during a trip. This past September she posted an old picture of my husband - taken while they were dating years ago - and tagged me. ?? I, of course, wondered what that was all about and went through pictures she had on her page. Low and behold, I found a very recent picture of my husband, taken in our home, posted on her page. That was my first clue. I confronted him about it and he - of course - denied knowing anything about her having a picture of him. I knew he was lying. It was a picture sent with a phone, of course he sent it to her. I let that go and continued on. Three months later she posted something on my son in law's page and that did it for me. Long story short, they had been in touch for years, almost four, exchanging photos, videos, telephone calls. He claims to have seen her only twice, which of course means he has seen her many more times. Last month when I realized the extent of the relationship and the degree of his lying, I kicked him out. He's back home now but that's another subject all together. Had she not posted the photo and tagged me, I never would have known. I'm positive she wanted me to know. Seems like she was under the foolish deliusion that he would leave me to go to her. That was never going to happen. But for her foolishnesh, Lord only knows how much longer it would have gone on. I hate how I feel, how I am behaving, and the fact that he is still here. But I would hate breaking up our marriage over a low class woman even more. So we are working on it. It is not easy and I'm not sure that it is going to work but I will do the best I can. Like I told the Counselor, if I cannot trust him this will never work and right now I do not trust him. I guess I should be grateful to FaceBook in my case. My case seems to be the exception. I found out my husband was having a “relationship” with an ex-girlfriend through facebook. She had friended my daughter and later on me. We didn’t know who she was but she claimed to have met my daughter during a trip. This past September she posted an old picture of my husband – taken while they were dating years ago – and tagged me. ?? I, of course, wondered what that was all about and went through pictures she had on her page. Low and behold, I found a very recent picture of my husband, taken in our home, posted on her page. That was my first clue. I confronted him about it and he – of course – denied knowing anything about her having a picture of him. I knew he was lying. It was a picture sent with a phone, of course he sent it to her. I let that go and continued on. Three months later she posted something on my son in law’s page and that did it for me. Long story short, they had been in touch for years, almost four, exchanging photos, videos, telephone calls. He claims to have seen her only twice, which of course means he has seen her many more times. Last month when I realized the extent of the relationship and the degree of his lying, I kicked him out. He’s back home now but that’s another subject all together. Had she not posted the photo and tagged me, I never would have known. I’m positive she wanted me to know. Seems like she was under the foolish deliusion that he would leave me to go to her. That was never going to happen. But for her foolishnesh, Lord only knows how much longer it would have gone on. I hate how I feel, how I am behaving, and the fact that he is still here. But I would hate breaking up our marriage over a low class woman even more. So we are working on it. It is not easy and I’m not sure that it is going to work but I will do the best I can. Like I told the Counselor, if I cannot trust him this will never work and right now I do not trust him.

I guess I should be grateful to FaceBook in my case.

]]> By: Hannah http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44823 Hannah Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:11:56 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44823 Oh my there are so many husbands who have been cheating on Facebook. I am currently wondering myself. There was a chick who commented on his photo that said awe your cute. so i said aint he tho? and she said i guess but personlity can change a man from hot to not in a sec. WTH she just posted your cute a month ago. Before i accessed his page and seen messages back and forth with this girl. She asked him if he wants to hang out and he says YES!!! gave her his number. I asked him what was htat about and he said it was nothing that we could all hang out. she is an old friend. so i believed him. but now im just suspicious Oh my there are so many husbands who have been cheating on Facebook. I am currently wondering myself. There was a chick who commented on his photo that said awe your cute. so i said aint he tho? and she said i guess but personlity can change a man from hot to not in a sec. WTH she just posted your cute a month ago. Before i accessed his page and seen messages back and forth with this girl. She asked him if he wants to hang out and he says YES!!! gave her his number. I asked him what was htat about and he said it was nothing that we could all hang out. she is an old friend. so i believed him. but now im just suspicious

]]> By: Jimmy http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44764 Jimmy Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:32:13 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44764 JB, Thanks for the kind words, support & prayers. I've been tested twice for PTSD, but I don't believe that is it. That area has been tested for toxins and has been found to be 24x worse than China. I did alot of running & working out outside. When I got back, I had sleeping (not nightmares) and anxiety issues. I wound up getting pneumonia twice of the next year (once in the summer), and being diagnosed with asthma & myashtenia gravis. I have no history of either in my family. The Air Force has sent me to several specialists & is currently in the process of medically retiring me. I can't complain, it could've been a lot worse, but my tolerance for crap in my life is near zero, so having my wife consistently disrespect me with the FB guys and many other day-to-day things has broken me emotionally. That's why I wound up moving out. There was no peace being around her, which made it more difficult to sleep, which made the anxiety worse as well as my tolerance so much lower. I have been to counseling & psych therapy & am getting better. I think the biggest help has been moving out and not filling trapped (she had a habit of following me around the house & not letting any argument go). Anyway, I appreciate you guys running this site. You're right, most guys just try to bury this stuff as there are no real outlets anywhere. We're supposed to be tough & just deal, admitting being hurt like this is just being a sissy (which she's called me several times). Drop me a line if there's anything I can ever help you with. Take care & thanks again, Jimmy JB,
Thanks for the kind words, support & prayers. I’ve been tested twice for PTSD, but I don’t believe that is it. That area has been tested for toxins and has been found to be 24x worse than China. I did alot of running & working out outside. When I got back, I had sleeping (not nightmares) and anxiety issues. I wound up getting pneumonia twice of the next year (once in the summer), and being diagnosed with asthma & myashtenia gravis. I have no history of either in my family. The Air Force has sent me to several specialists & is currently in the process of medically retiring me. I can’t complain, it could’ve been a lot worse, but my tolerance for crap in my life is near zero, so having my wife consistently disrespect me with the FB guys and many other day-to-day things has broken me emotionally. That’s why I wound up moving out. There was no peace being around her, which made it more difficult to sleep, which made the anxiety worse as well as my tolerance so much lower. I have been to counseling & psych therapy & am getting better. I think the biggest help has been moving out and not filling trapped (she had a habit of following me around the house & not letting any argument go).
Anyway, I appreciate you guys running this site. You’re right, most guys just try to bury this stuff as there are no real outlets anywhere. We’re supposed to be tough & just deal, admitting being hurt like this is just being a sissy (which she’s called me several times).
Drop me a line if there’s anything I can ever help you with.
Take care & thanks again,
Jimmy

]]> By: JB http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44758 JB Sun, 15 Jan 2012 16:56:03 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44758 Jimmy, First, THANK YOU for your service to our country. So many of us that are not connected to the armed forces forget that soliders like yourself risk not only your physical health in war time, but also come home with emotional and mental scares that are huge hurdles to overcome. I am truly grateful for the sacrifices that you and your family have had to make for our freedom. I am in awe of your strength and commitment to your marriage, your wife, and your boys. You are indeed a good man. We all know that marriage is never perfect, but also hope that our spouses are willing to work towards a common goal together. I admire your candid comments about your life- so many men would have a really hard time opening up to anyone- much less a group of women. Thank you! We do know that there are good guys out there, we all thought we married one- and we probably did -- they just made some really bad choices along the way. We also know that we all make mistakes- that is just part of being human. We all want marriages that are based on mutual respect and honesty. It is nice to know that there are men out there fighting for the same thing. You are right, you can't make your wife see what she has done is hurting you- only she can do that. As much as we all want our spouses to feel the pain, and realize how much it hurts-- we can't. I do hope that your wife will get the help that she needs to heal herself and discovers what she truly needs to make her feel good about herself and your life as a couple- it seems like from your comments there are many things she needs to deal with to be herself again- and she deserves that. I also hope that you are able to find the peace and support to heal from the trauma of war and are able to rebuild your marriage like you so desire. I am no expert by any means - but it seems like you may need some outside help to deal with all you guys have to overcome and sort through. I once saw a special on TV about PTSD and millitary families, I know they found help through couseling and intense group therapy- not sure what organization, but I am sure you could find out. Have you ever thought about something like that? I know you are searching and seeking help- or you wouldn't be here- and I am glad you are. Hopefully someone here will have better feedback for you than me-- But know I do care and am here to support you how ever I am able-You are not nuts, just stressed, hurt, and trying to do the right thing--affairs and all the other stuff you are having to deal with is overwhelming to say the least-- keep going forward you will survive this- You and your family are in my prayers as you continue on this journey. Peace and Blessings Jimmy,
First, THANK YOU for your service to our country. So many of us that are not connected to the armed forces forget that soliders like yourself risk not only your physical health in war time, but also come home with emotional and mental scares that are huge hurdles to overcome. I am truly grateful for the sacrifices that you and your family have had to make for our freedom.

I am in awe of your strength and commitment to your marriage, your wife, and your boys. You are indeed a good man. We all know that marriage is never perfect, but also hope that our spouses are willing to work towards a common goal together. I admire your candid comments about your life- so many men would have a really hard time opening up to anyone- much less a group of women. Thank you! We do know that there are good guys out there, we all thought we married one- and we probably did — they just made some really bad choices along the way. We also know that we all make mistakes- that is just part of being human. We all want marriages that are based on mutual respect and honesty. It is nice to know that there are men out there fighting for the same thing. You are right, you can’t make your wife see what she has done is hurting you- only she can do that. As much as we all want our spouses to feel the pain, and realize how much it hurts– we can’t. I do hope that your wife will get the help that she needs to heal herself and discovers what she truly needs to make her feel good about herself and your life as a couple- it seems like from your comments there are many things she needs to deal with to be herself again- and she deserves that. I also hope that you are able to find the peace and support to heal from the trauma of war and are able to rebuild your marriage like you so desire. I am no expert by any means – but it seems like you may need some outside help to deal with all you guys have to overcome and sort through. I once saw a special on TV about PTSD and millitary families, I know they found help through couseling and intense group therapy- not sure what organization, but I am sure you could find out. Have you ever thought about something like that? I know you are searching and seeking help- or you wouldn’t be here- and I am glad you are. Hopefully someone here will have better feedback for you than me– But know I do care and am here to support you how ever I am able-You are not nuts, just stressed, hurt, and trying to do the right thing–affairs and all the other stuff you are having to deal with is overwhelming to say the least– keep going forward you will survive this- You and your family are in my prayers as you continue on this journey. Peace and Blessings

]]> By: Jimmy http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44750 Jimmy Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:47:35 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44750 JB - Thanks. Jewels - No offense taken at all. That was the point of that part of my post. To show how stupid we get when we get hurt. All logic & maturity goes out the window. I've turned into a guy I can't stand so many times by letting my jealousy, pain, anger, loneliness and despair get the best of me. Then I get even more upset at her because if it was for her doing what she’s doing, I wouldn’t be acting this way. Of course, we are the only ones that can control our reactions & it is ALL my fault for acting that way. We don’t have control over our spouse, but we do have control over our actions & there has been MANY times I acted a fool & I always regret it. I had an emotional affair myself, a few years after her physical affair. I get it, at the time it was nice to have someone listen & care, but once I pulled myself away, I regretted it. Not just because of the time & attention it took away from my wife, but because it wasn't the man I wanted to be. It wasn't right for me to be all hurt & upset if I was going to be this piece of crap guy running getting comfort from another woman. I stopped, told my wife about it & did everything I could to make it right. This was over 12 years ago & she still throws it up in my face, I think more to justify why she keeps bringing other men into our marriage. It’s hard to do the right thing every time & I don’t. She battles Borderline Personality Disorder and most things are my fault, in her eyes, and she doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing while she's doing it. For 15 years following her affair she would tell me it was just as much my fault she cheated on me as it was hers & even when she told my sons about it, she hid behind, “I thought it was over between your dad & I”, even though we both agreed she’d come back to me in California & we’d go to counseling. I guess she found her own personnel counselor, just like she has on FB. One of the biggest things that hurts me the most is she is such a different person around everyone else. She’s very controlling and hard to be around with me, but is the fun loving; easy going 17 year old she used to be around her boyfriends, friends and family. She tells me how much she loves to have sex, but it's like pulling teeth for us to be together. Her family knows her flip-flopping & had to deal with all of her affair crap back home when she came back out to me. But people around us just see this awesome sweet wife, mom & woman. It’s just a huge façade & very tiresome. I’ve been back from Baghdad going on 3 years. I’ve had a lot of health issues and anxiety related problems, but she refuses to ease up & help me deal with them. She’s there every time I mess up to point it out & lets me know all my fault, but rarely admits her own. This FB thing is just another huge issue in a line of 100s. I do love her very much, I love my boys with all my life & wish things were different between my wife & I, but I can’t make her see how the things she does hurts me, our marriage & our family. Please don’t get me wrong, she has a lot of great qualities. When she’s good, she’s great and is a wonderful mother, but without respect in the marriage & without mutually agreed on boundaries, any marriage will stumble & eventually fail. Thank you all for your acceptance of me on this sight. It is nice to get a woman’s perspective on things as well as reassuring that I’m not nuts. If anyone would like a man's perspective on things, let me know. I understand the pain, furstration & loneliness, but I promise, we're all not that bad. -Jimmy JB – Thanks.
Jewels – No offense taken at all. That was the point of that part of my post. To show how stupid we get when we get hurt. All logic & maturity goes out the window. I’ve turned into a guy I can’t stand so many times by letting my jealousy, pain, anger, loneliness and despair get the best of me. Then I get even more upset at her because if it was for her doing what she’s doing, I wouldn’t be acting this way. Of course, we are the only ones that can control our reactions & it is ALL my fault for acting that way. We don’t have control over our spouse, but we do have control over our actions & there has been MANY times I acted a fool & I always regret it. I had an emotional affair myself, a few years after her physical affair. I get it, at the time it was nice to have someone listen & care, but once I pulled myself away, I regretted it. Not just because of the time & attention it took away from my wife, but because it wasn’t the man I wanted to be. It wasn’t right for me to be all hurt & upset if I was going to be this piece of crap guy running getting comfort from another woman. I stopped, told my wife about it & did everything I could to make it right. This was over 12 years ago & she still throws it up in my face, I think more to justify why she keeps bringing other men into our marriage. It’s hard to do the right thing every time & I don’t. She battles Borderline Personality Disorder and most things are my fault, in her eyes, and she doesn’t see anything wrong with what she’s doing while she’s doing it. For 15 years following her affair she would tell me it was just as much my fault she cheated on me as it was hers & even when she told my sons about it, she hid behind, “I thought it was over between your dad & I”, even though we both agreed she’d come back to me in California & we’d go to counseling. I guess she found her own personnel counselor, just like she has on FB.
One of the biggest things that hurts me the most is she is such a different person around everyone else. She’s very controlling and hard to be around with me, but is the fun loving; easy going 17 year old she used to be around her boyfriends, friends and family. She tells me how much she loves to have sex, but it’s like pulling teeth for us to be together. Her family knows her flip-flopping & had to deal with all of her affair crap back home when she came back out to me. But people around us just see this awesome sweet wife, mom & woman. It’s just a huge façade & very tiresome. I’ve been back from Baghdad going on 3 years. I’ve had a lot of health issues and anxiety related problems, but she refuses to ease up & help me deal with them. She’s there every time I mess up to point it out & lets me know all my fault, but rarely admits her own. This FB thing is just another huge issue in a line of 100s.
I do love her very much, I love my boys with all my life & wish things were different between my wife & I, but I can’t make her see how the things she does hurts me, our marriage & our family. Please don’t get me wrong, she has a lot of great qualities. When she’s good, she’s great and is a wonderful mother, but without respect in the marriage & without mutually agreed on boundaries, any marriage will stumble & eventually fail.
Thank you all for your acceptance of me on this sight. It is nice to get a woman’s perspective on things as well as reassuring that I’m not nuts. If anyone would like a man’s perspective on things, let me know. I understand the pain, furstration & loneliness, but I promise, we’re all not that bad.

-Jimmy

]]> By: Jewels http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-44745 Jewels Sat, 14 Jan 2012 22:13:35 +0000 http://www.acheatinghusband.com/?p=157#comment-44745 Hello Jimmy, I know some men get the impression it's a man-hater site. Just realize like yourself that when you see those comments, they are coming from women who are in deep pain. Anger is an expression of pain. I enjoy it when men come to the site. I would like more men to come to the site because hearing your perspective is wonderful and can give us insight into our own healing. Plus, like JB says, men have come to the site with their pain, and every time one does, it gives hope to hundreds of women that 'wow' there are good men, men get cheated on and hurt as well. I just created the site for women because I am one. I wish there was a site like this for men - I have talked to many men that have been cheated on, the pain is universal. I am glad you shared your story. <strong>JB</strong> wrote such a wonderful response, I will not touch it as far as you personal situation. I did literally felt the pain as you wrote how she was liking and flirting on another man's FB page in front of family - yikes. And I hope your not offended by this, but I did chuckle when you wrote about how you would friend the hottest girls and write comments just to get back at her - I thought...oh boy. The greatest part about your story is your honesty and openness, willing to share your own faults, take care! Hello Jimmy,

I know some men get the impression it’s a man-hater site. Just realize like yourself that when you see those comments, they are coming from women who are in deep pain. Anger is an expression of pain. I enjoy it when men come to the site. I would like more men to come to the site because hearing your perspective is wonderful and can give us insight into our own healing. Plus, like JB says, men have come to the site with their pain, and every time one does, it gives hope to hundreds of women that ‘wow’ there are good men, men get cheated on and hurt as well. I just created the site for women because I am one. I wish there was a site like this for men – I have talked to many men that have been cheated on, the pain is universal. I am glad you shared your story. JB wrote such a wonderful response, I will not touch it as far as you personal situation. I did literally felt the pain as you wrote how she was liking and flirting on another man’s FB page in front of family – yikes. And I hope your not offended by this, but I did chuckle when you wrote about how you would friend the hottest girls and write comments just to get back at her – I thought…oh boy. The greatest part about your story is your honesty and openness, willing to share your own faults, take care!

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