I think my husband’s affair is directly linked to the fact that we are on different maturity levels. We think differently about situations. He is very simple minded, he blames others for almost all situations in his life. I read that when you do that, it is a maturity thing. As you become more mature, you evaluate and reflect more. You think about how your actions contributed to your current state. Sadly, some people never get to this state; they are stuck in level 1 maturity. For me personally, I think that I am level two, but I am overboard, to the point where I always blame myself for things. I always find something that I could do better when I reflect, and he is my flaw. So when you put those two types together, things go wrong. While married, I always felt the need to make things right, or to try and change my behavior to see what impact that had on the relationship. What is ended up doing is being frustrated, angry and upset because I felt I was doing all the work and the caring in the relationship. Couldn’t talk to him about it – he was too immature. For example, I would bring up something that upset me, and instead of talking about it, he would immediately tell me how I exemplify the same behavior, or how I was in the wrong as well. It is almost like I felt I was in debate class, trying to constantly defend my point. When your maturity levels are matched, I really feel like it is easier to have a discussion, it is easier to talk about differences, because you’re on the same level. I don’t think it will make the affair easier to deal with, but I think it will make your chances of recovery a little higher. That’s all for tonight.
No related posts.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I fought, cried and tried to discuss my feelings to him and how I felt about his actions. It was frustrating because he was passive aggressive. He told everybody want they wanted to here and did exactly the opposite. OMG..it is annoying. You just don’t get anywhere with those kinds of people. When he wanted to discuss it, he would somehow blame me and make it to be that I’m the problem. No sense of ownership, or responsibility = lack of maturity.
Daisy
Yes – we have the same type of husband. He blamed everything on me. And once I figured this out, I brought it to him like I just knew he was going to have an ‘ah ha’ moment, and all he did was blame me for bringing it up lol!! I really think it is a maturity issue as well, it’s almost like he has an internal mechanism that causes him to blame everyone else for his problems. And you can seriously get wrapped up in believing it, I did for a LONG time. Now I look back and think how sad it is that he blames others for everything because when you do that, you have no control to change your life.