Cheating Husbands - YOU ARE NOT ALONE » Uncategorized

Elin and Tiger – Same Story, Different Cast – Part I

Jewels — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 01:38:40 +0000

Elin finally broke her silence concerning the Tiger Woods affairs. One thing is for sure, the pain of an affair is universal. Yes, she has a ton of money, but I can tell through her interview that she felt the same deep wound that we all feel when we find out that our husband is not the man we thought. Elin seemed like she was in the same boat as most of us in our thinking prior to finding out. Our husband is loving, we have our arguments, but he would never cheat on me, especially cheat on me with a wh*&*. Or he would never disrespect me, involving other people, blatantly going out with other women in public, ect. New Flash – all men are capable of cheating in a disrespectful manner.

Elin talked about the embarrassment – if you affair is known, you have been there. I can say to a certain extent I am still there at times, there is still a very small part of me that harbors some embarrassment in talking with others about it, but I am getting better everyday.

Elin talks about the anger, the pain, the depression – we have all been there. At the end of the article, I smiled in knowing how universal our feelings are when our husband cheats. It’s a shame that there is not a ton of stuff out there that bonds us together through this experience because it is usually a taboo topic. I hope to change that one day, giving women somewhere to go and talk to someone who has been through the experience. The site is just the beginning.

Tomorrow (Part II) I will talk about how money did help and impact Elin in her time of recovery, because I do think having money does help the situation.

Now, I would like to speak to what money does when your husband cheats

Huffington has a good recap of the People Magazine story -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/25/elin-nordegren-breaks-sil_n_693656.html

-Jewels

Cheating Spouse – John Edwards

Jewels — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 06:58:45 +0000

Another cheating spouse story. I have watched this terrible and sad story of John and Elizabeth Edwards. I really wish that Elizabeth got out of the relationship sooner. It’s almost as if I feel she wanted so much to work things out. As women, we do this all the time. We want things to work out so much, often at the sacrifice of our own happiness. I think Elizabeth did the best she could to support John after the incident, but like most cheating spouses, he couldn’t stop lying to her. He didn’t tell her the whole story. How painful is that to support John and what he told you only to find out it is a lie?? On the today show, Elizabeth said that John is not the same person she married. I am glad she realized this. This is a pivotal point in a relationship. Once your husband cheats, you have to realize that your both going to change (yes both of you). It’s a traumatic event and you never know what type of person you are going to get when it’s all said and done. One husband can come our of the situation more loving and grateful than even, another husband can become vindictive and selfish. At a certain point and time you have to evaluate what type of person he has become (an of course evaluate the changes within yourself), and see if it’s still a good fit. It’s a hard decision, but in Elizabeth’s case, I am glad she finally sees that John is not right for her in this stage of her life. I know she has cancer and she really needs to be in a loving supporting environment, with positive energy. Even if that is alone, it’s better than being around negativity and lies. I keep telling myself that I will read her book, I got to get around doing it. If anyone has read it, let me know your thoughts!!

Impact of finding out your partner cheated – Part II

Jewels — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 03:07:46 +0000

Part I of this series dealt with the impact of finding out your partner cheated as it relates to your self esteem. Part II actually deals with you and your relationship. The second biggest impact is trust.

When your husband cheats, from the moment you find out, you question everything. Your trust as it pertains to him goes out the window. You not only question the cheating and what he tells you about it. You question everything he has ever told you. It doesn’t matter if it is weeks or months after the affair, he could tell you he is going to the store and there is a moment where you are going to think to yourself ‘is he really going to the store’. For some, that might be a split-second. For others, it might be go on in your head for a long time. In any event, the fact remains that you do not trust him, and building that trust is the hardest thing to do once you find out your husband cheated? Why is it so hard. There are ton’s of reasons, but for starters, some women can’t get over the fact that your own husband could lie to you over and over and over again. How could he lie to me so easily. Then you start thinking, is our marriage built on a lie, what other white lies did he tell? Do I even know this person. Then you start beating yourself up, I don’t even trust myself anymore.

The trust that is broken is so multidimensional, which is why it is extremely hard and time consuming to rebuild. He has to prove that he is trustworthy again. You both have to rebuild trust back into the relationship. And you have to work on rebuilding trust within yourself.

This is a major impact of finding out your partner cheated.

Jewels

This is why I have no desire to be famous….Jon and Kate, plus cheating, plus 8?

Jewels — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:26:35 +0000

Sometimes I hear people say, if only I can be like famous person x or y…..I am like…really? I feel bad for most of those stars that have no privacy. Those stars that can leave their house without 10 camera’s flashing at them. Jon and Kate plus 8 made the couple popular, the show became a hit. But things really hit the fan when the affair erupted. Can you imagine having to go on air during a time of hurt and talk. I think Kate is much more hurt than she is putting on for the camera’s. They have built everything from ground up and now because of the infidelity they are going to have a hellish year. And I don’t mind having a tough year, BUT when the whole world can see it…..man….I would not want to be her. I know she speaks quite frequently about the affair, and I am not exactly sure if that is a good thing or bad thing. Oh…one thing that really ticked me off about this whole situation. After they found out that Jon cheated, the following week all the headlines were about Kate cheating with the security guard!! Weather she did or not is not the point, the thing that frustrates me is why do men accuse you of cheating after THEY have been caught! That is such a lame and childish move….I thought to myself, that is all you have? Anyways, it appears that the kids are being used in a fashion that is coming from pain from the affair, I hope that Jon and Kate can at least be nice to each other around the kids (in due time). I guess that applies to all of us, in due time ladies, in due time. Have a great night, stay positive and stay strong ladies!! –Jewels

Link that inspired post -

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/15/jon.kate.gosselin.divorce/

An affair with myself

Jewels — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:18:43 +0000

So this weekend I feel like treating myself. As women it is usually all about everyone else, but us. We work, we cook, we clean, we love. Please take some time out this weekend to do something that makes you happy. Force yourself to forget about the fact that your husband cheating, throw it away, just for a day, for a couple of hours, and do something for you. Read your favorite book, get a babysitter and go for a walk, eat your favorite meal, even it is by yourself. You are so great, and you owe it to yourself to do this. Life is very short, and sometimes we look for permission to do things that put a smile on our face. So if your looking for permission, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU. And when you do something for you, even with all that you have going on, it makes a difference in the world. It shows everyone that you interact with that they also have that same permission. My me time will be for a couple of hours tomorrow when I attend a party, with one of my friends. For you, it might be totally different, doesn’t matter, as long as you do it. You deserve it. Have a good weekend ladies!!

My Letter to Regina (affair victim), David Letterman’s wife

Jewels — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 02:33:08 +0000

So most of you by now have heard about David Letterman cheating on his wife Regina. http://news.cnpanyu.com/2009/1006/6599.html Here is my letter to Regina….

Dear Regina……

Your husband said that you were ‘horribly hurt’ and rightfully so, I remember those days of just finding out about the affair, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, you feel like you just lost your best friend. Regina, I have been there. My husband lying to me? My husband cheating? What!! Like this must be a bad dream, I would of bet a million dollars that he would not have an affair, and there you are. Crying, hurt, feeling like no one in the world can understand you. This was the man that was all about protecting me, and then he has an affair. Your entire perception of reality is changed forever. You will question more, you are in a state where you don’t know what to do. And that is ok, for now you just grieve, and it is ok. You just lost that ‘image’ of your husband, and it is a lost only a women that has gone through an affair knows. What I will let you is that there will be better days. Don’t make any quick decisions. Get a babysitter and take some time for YOU. It is your time to heal, and whatever that means to you, your husband should respect it. Know that this was NOT YOUR FAULT. Your husband is responsible for his actions, not you. I know you can’t see it right now, but trust me when I say, out of this experience, you will be a stronger and wiser person, you will recover, and whatever decision you make, it is the right one for you.

Is the affair really bigger than me

Jewels — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:08:50 +0000

So I went to church today to support my niece singing. While I really came to support my niece, I couldn’t help hear the sermon. The preacher was talking about how too many people in life live as if it was all about ‘you’. The whole point was saying whatever your going through, try to look at it holistically, versus always looking at it from the standpoint of you, you you. I honestly can say that after my husband had an affair, it has been all about me. I haven’t really looking into how a divorce would impact the family, and I don’t want to look at it right now, too much to think about. I am really focusing on my hurt and pain of the affair. Eventually I will become less selfish, but not now!! But on a serious note, when anyone makes a serious life decision, especially if you have children, you have to take a look at how your decision will impact the whole. Just like my father told me, once you have kids, it’s not just about you. By the way, why haven’t I told my father about the affair, yet everyone else knows? But that is another issue. That being said, it may be better for you to leave, because if you stay, you are meaner, more stressed, and your anger is coming through to your kids. At the same time, you might want to stay, keep your family together, and try to work it out with your husband. The thing you have to remember is not to make a decision right away, wait until you get through your grieving period because you don’t want to make a decision out of anger. Also, remember, no matter what decision you make at the moment, that is the right decision for you. And you always have a right to change your mind. Stay strong ladies…………

Communication issue caused cheating..

Jewels — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 02:25:01 +0000

This sucks. I expect after an event like this that my husband would be warm and understanding, easy to communicate with, and most of all, humble. Instead of that, what I get is a huge communication GAP with my husband that had an affair. Let me explain. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you went into the conversation with every positive intention imaginable. You are planning to open your heart and share your feelings. Then something happens and your like WTF? I am now more angrier and frustrated than when I first started. I go to talk to my husband when I am stress or want to get something off my chest, what I leave with is being blamed, being accused of doing things, and feeling worse after the conversation than before. This is not a new item for us. My husband and I have had this issue and since it is not a major deal, i thought it was something that could easily be worked on. Boy was I wrong. In order for your husband to work on something, he has to see his fault in it, which is the problem. In some way, I think this breakdown in communication contributed to the affair. When I can’t talk to you, and I always leave more frustrated after the conversation, I get mad. I secretly start to get bitter because I feel like your my partner and I can’t even get stress relief when I talk to you, all I get is more stress. So what happens is when it’s time to go to bed and do the dirty, I am pissed off. Pissed off that you want to have sex and I can’t even have a quality conversation with you. So then I reject. I don’t do it out of revenge, it is almost subconscious. That is my theory, he still didn’t have to cheat!!

I want you back after the affair

Jewels — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:08:11 +0000

So my husband cheating in March 2009. And he claims he wants to work things out. And I am really, really tired. It is going to take a ton of effort to rebuild the trust, is it worth it? I don’t know. Relationships are already hard enough without such a complicated dynamic such as infidelity. Why does he want to work things out? Part of me feels he wants to work things out because if it doesn’t work out, I think he will feel like a failure to his family. The fear of embarrassment is a powerful emotion, people go through great lengths to protect themselves from embarrassment. So just in case he was using that as his reason to ‘work things out’, I told the family. Yes, everyone in the family knows what he did. There is much more to this story which I will share in due time but just know that this move is a very bold move and it opens up a huge can of worms, so proceed with caution. I did not tell the family until 3 months after I found out, and there was a very serious reason for me doing what I did. Anyways, look forward to hearing if anyone else thinks this is why some men want to work things out.

The pain of an affair

Jewels — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 04:56:01 +0000

I met a women yesterday that told me she found out her man was cheating. She found out right before her birthday. It has only been 10 days since it happened, and she has lost weight and trying to get her appetite back. It is so hard to eat, sleep or think straight when you find out your husband is cheating. I think what makes it so bad is that we sacrifice SO MUCH for our men. We bend over backwards to pay bills, make ends meet, and try to keep a somewhat structured lifestyle. I almost feel like today’s men want you to be perfect or else they will cheat. Fortunately, the lady that I spoke with had a great energy and high spirit. She started communicating with me out of the blue and felt comfortable enough to share something very personal. It was great for me because I could talk face to face with someone that has gone through a similar situation. It was great for her because she was able to share her story and release some of the tension. I hope she is able to realize soon that she is beautiful beyond measure, and that she did not deserve to be treated the way she was treated. There is something better for us ladies, but we have to stay strong and believe there is something better. I am not at the place right now where I am focusing on that ‘better’ part being a man, but I sure know for a fact something is coming that is much better for me. We do not go through trials like this our life for nothing, is serves as a purpose to serve others. I hope I have enough wisdom and insight to use the situations that I have been through to help others, if that is my purpose to do so. Have a great weekend everyone….till next time…..